I had a headache at 12:30 A.M.
and took a pill.
Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace.
I practiced “just hear,” the method
where you attentively chant and hear
with no other meditation.
I am capable of this
and feel comfortable doing it.
There are higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself
in the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare state of japa.
I could not attain that rare state,
but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I
turned to writing in my Japa Report.
I began my second set
at a moderate pace.
Although I was chanting silently
in my mind, I heard the Names
clearly, with attention and concern
to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write next in my Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Name,
so my chanting was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
I was hit by drowsiness
and this made me go slower.
I saw this was going to
have an effect on the
entire session, and I would
continue to fall behind.
I failed to meet my quota after
after eight rounds and
had no minutes to spare.
I began the third set by first
taking a drink
of “Vitamin C Blast.” I forced
myself to become undrowsy and
emphasized speed as a priority
over quality. I tried to avoid
merely mechanical chanting
by cultivating thoughtfulness
and devotional feeling. For
thoughtfulness, I adhered to
“just hear.” This enabled
me to keep the mantras separate
without mixing or missing them.
For feeling, I looked at
Radha-Govinda (for the first time
in the session) and briefly
imbibed Their sweetness.
I acknowledged that Radha-Krishna
were the heart of the Hare Krishna
mantra, composed exclusively
of Their Names and uttered as a
prayer to be engaged in Their service.
I finished the twelfth round
behind by the clock.
So far I felt no eyestrain or headache,
but I was cautious.
On the fourth set I knew
I was way behind by the clock
and I probably wouldn’t
meet my overall quota.
So I went fast.
There was little prayerful
attitude, and I chanted mechanically.
I had to stop chanting before
I completed sixteen rounds.
I had about one more
round to go, and I promised
to do it later in the day.
I considered it not a decent session
because I didn’t complete
my sixteen rounds. While I
chanted the fourth set there was
too much emphasis on speed,
and it was mechanical. In the
course of the session, I developed
some head pressure.