Recently I was approached by two devotee families about getting blessings for the marriage of their children. In this case I have high regard for the young couple, who I’ve known individually for many, many years. But, in general, over the years, there have been many disappointments for me in this area. Prabhupada started marrying devotees as a sannyasi for the preaching in the West, since the boys and girls mingled freely and weren’t married. But ultimately he was disappointed with so many couples breaking up that he decided not to be involved anymore. So in my case now I am torn between my history of matchmaking and the present situation, which looks ideal. I don’t wish to be involved any further in giving blessings to one party or another because in many cases the situation is too fragile.
The devotees joined together to prepare an Ekadasi lunch. Baladeva mixed together a sour cream dip for the tiny golden potatoes. Atindra broke up cauliflower into florets to be baked with sharp cheddar cheese on them. Krsna dasi wanted yams, so we put in a couple of ruby yams, since the oven was on anyway for the cauliflower. Baladeva made a sabji he had seen Damodara Rati make, a Gujarati-style sabji with bitter greens called rapini. So that will be a colorful lunch with green and red and yellow and white. So it seems like another Ekadasi feast. We heard this morning in the Caitanya-caritamrta how Lord Caitanya as a boy begged His mother for one promise. She said, “Of course, whatever You want.” He said, “Please follow Ekadasi,” because it was the tradition that only widows would follow Ekadasi, but married women wouldn’t. So since His mother was married, she wouldn’t have been following Ekadasi.
The local devotees in Stuyvesant Falls have started a Saturday program modeled after a Sunday feast. They have kirtana, then Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu speaks, then more kirtana and then a feast. It’s a sign that local devotees are getting it together to associate more on a regular basis. They have just started, but they intend to hold it regularly every Saturday and attract more devotees. As soon as there are more devotees here, we can participate too. At the present time there’s only Krsna dasi, Baladeva and Atindra to help me function. Next week Manohara, Lal Krishna and Shyama will be here. So some of us can definitely go to the Saturday program.
Putin made a speech in which he openly admitted that the Russian army isn’t doing well in the war against Ukraine. He said he will call up thousands of citizens and put them into the army and send them to Ukraine. He said that if necessary, he will use nuclear weapons. The West has responded to this statement and said that if he uses nuclear weapons, it will be catastrophic. Many Russian citizens, hearing his speech, are fleeing the country to avoid being drafted into the army. The columnists say that Putin, who has great power over the Russians, is finding that his power is eroding. Hopefully he won’t draft any devotees into the army.
We were visited by Muktavandya and Akash for lunch. Muktavandya brought many good flowers, such as roses, carnations and lilies. We will use these flowers by putting some of them in vases and put them on the altar downstairs. Krsna dasi will also make rose garlands for Gaura-Nitai. There are enough flowers to decorate the altar opulently for a week or ten days. When Mukta comes he has to take the flowers out of the shipping boxes and chop the ends so that they can soak up water and refresh themselves. Then he has to put them in buckets of water and place the buckets in the “flower room” in back. The flower room is set up with an air conditioner to keep them as cool as possible. After the long drive here, Mukta has to prepare the flowers in these ways so they can maximize their longevity. He also brings maha-sweets from the Deities in Boston. Today he brought sandesa prasadam.
Akash, who often visits here, accompanied Muktavandya. He’s been living in the temple and going to school. For this next semester he’s finding it difficult to do his school duties and live in the temple, so he’s moving out. He said he’d like to come here on his Christmas break, and that’s been arranged—he’s got a week’s timeslot. Recently Akash carried many of my books to India, where Daivisakti invited me to send them and put them in Prabhupada’s library. Akash successfully carried out the mission, and the books reached Krishna-Balaram temple. He said any other service we have, he’d like to do it. Today Akash went with Baladeva to pick up a vehicle that was being repaired, and then he came back and cleaned the temple. He said he liked to do that, and it was one of his services in Boston.
Dhanvantari, and then Rasesvari, visited us from Houston. They are both processing their grief over the departure of their father, Trinidad Baladeva, who passed away a year ago. They came to associate with their mother Krsna dasi, who spent a lot of time with them. Part of the Trinidadian Hindu culture is that they are tightly bonded families. Rasesvari is my disciple, and I had an open talk with her about her life. She confided in me.
The visit of her children was a solace to Krsna dasi, who was Trinidad Bala’s wife. Krsna dasi is fully engaged in being the pujari of all our Deities in the ashram, and this distracts her mind from grieving. Baladeva and I give her what support we can.
The nurse from Fidelis Care (a Catholic-based provider of medical insurance) made her annual visit. The last time she visited, she was in person. But this time the meeting was on Zoom. Baladeva told her that she had come in the time I usually take a nap, so he asked her to deal with me quickly and then he would take over the major portion of the meeting. She complied with this. Her visit was to see how I was doing and to make sure I still qualified for the insurance. She tested me with some very basic questions. She asked me what was the date of my birth and what was the address of the house I lived in. (Last time she was here, she asked me who was president, and I couldn’t remember.) She gave me three words: “dog,” “table” and “apple.” Then later in our interview, she asked me to repeat them, which I did successfully. She asked me to write a sentence. I wrote, “I am okay, except I cannot walk.” She made no comment on my sentence. She asked me to spell “apple” and then spell it backwards. I could not spell it backwards. She touched her head in several places and asked me to do the same, which I did. She dealt with me for fifteen minutes and then said I could go and take rest, and Charles (Baladeva) could handle the rest of the interview. She talked with Baladeva for an hour and a quarter.
With Charles she had a whole list of questions. She had asked me if I had had any falls, and I said no. But Charles corrected her and said I had one. He knows more about me than I know myself. She asked him whether I had had my vaccinations and when. Her questions about what medicines I took, what dosages, how many times a day, etc. took half an hour. Charles (Baladeva) was able to give the right answers. She was friendly but professional, and wanted to get the job done. Fortunately, we won’t see her for a year.
In our out-loud reading group, we are reading Caitanya-caritamrta for the second time. The Zoom allows me to see the fifteen participants one at a time while they are reading a section. The master of ceremonies calls on different devotees, where they read for about five minutes, and then he calls on another devotee. It goes smoothly. The morning session lasts an hour, and the session at noon lasts an hour and a half. We are now on Chapter Eight of Adi-lila, “The Author Receives the Order of Krsna and Guru.” The devotees participating are amazed at how quickly we are going through the books, while reading the verses and all of Prabhupada’s purports. While they’re reading, their face is seen on the computer. When the reading is done, I ask to see the pictures of all the participants, then I address them one by one and sometimes say a few words to them. It is very intimate seva, thanks to the Zoom, which we are using in Krsna’s service. It has become a very important part of my own sadhana, and is like that for the participants too. We bond by seeing each other twice daily and hearing from Srila Prabhupada.
Hari dasa is one of my oldest disciples, whom I initiated in Guyana, where he is from. Now he is in America and is developing preaching at Schenectady, New York. He likes to come visit me at Viraha Bhavan and do service. He does anything menial with a good attitude. He also does important service by dressing our large Gaura-Nitai. He cleans the altar and paraphernalia and temple room thoroughly. Instead of taking lunch with us, he goes upstairs and gives my room a deep cleaning. He also cooks and washes dishes. Yesterday he came, did some cleaning and stayed overnight. Today he came with his sister to pick up Paramatma and drop him on the bus to New York. So we probably won’t see him until next week.
I encourage him in his Schenectady preaching. He has developed a community of devotees there, mostly from Guyana and Trinidad. Since he’s come they’ve purchased an old Elks Lodge and made it into a temple. They are slowly building it so they can accommodate a larger congregation. He is very respectful toward me, and I like him. I look forward to when he can visit.
My disciple Upendra dasa lives in Boise, Idaho, along with his wife, Panchali, and their twenty-three year old daughter, Radhika. Upendra dasa is retired. His main devotional service is to write letters to prison inmates as part of the ISKCON Prison Ministry. The first thing he does when he gets up in the morning is to spend a couple of hours writing letters. He also sends books into the prison, to special persons who have responded to his letters and like to read Krsna conscious books. Several persons have written back to him, saying how they appreciate his letters and how they are becoming Krsna consciousness. He feels it is a service suitable for him, because he is not outgoing for meeting people and preaching to them. I have approved of his service and encouraged him. He also appears daily on Zoom for our out-loud reading program, both in the morning and at 1:00 PM, when he takes turns reading with the other devotees. His daughter wants to take initiation from Radhanath Maharaja, and I’m trying to help her arrange contact with him. Upendra’s wife, Panchali devi dasi, makes all the garlands for the temple in Boise. Upendra helps out in making the garlands. I’ve talked to Radhika for over ten years on the phone. She’s gone through school during that time and become a pharmacist. She is a very good devotee, chants her rounds, and is now taking the disciple’s exam in preparation for initiation. Upendra has visited me here in Stuyvesant Falls a couple of times and done nice service. He is a welcome guest.
This is the last day of Paramatma’s two weeks of service here at Viraha Bhavan as my menial servant. I have encouraged him in this service, reminding him how Isvara Puri served his spiritual master Madhavendra Puri by doing menial service, and when his spiritual master was ill and couldn’t move, Isvara Puri served his bodily needs, cleaning up his stool, etc. For this service Madhavendra Puri was very pleased with Isvara Puri, and he gave him his blessings. So I urged him that within this two weeks he should take his menial service seriously, helping me in my old age and invalid condition. He has done it nicely, and I will talk with him and thank him, but tell him that he should now go back to his prabhu-datta-desa, which is Guyana, Suriname and places in South America. He is inspired by words that Prabhupada said at the end of his life. Giriraja Maharaja asked Prabhupada how would ISKCON survive after his disappearance? Would it be by chanting and hearing? Giriraja Maharaja made other suggestions, but Prabhupada uttered the words, “By intelligence and organization.” Paramatma likes this instruction very much. He writes papers and gives them to the devotees about the importance of being organized, protecting properties, keeping standards, etc. He is into management and is on committees with other members in South America. He has connections with the GBC. He himself is a GBC for areas in South America. So that is his forte, not being a menial servant, which he graciously did for his spiritual master. He is very commendable for working for the goals that Srila Prabhupada put forward rather than stand in the background and just complain, as many devotees do. He wants to see things be done pukka.
His job he does at home, with Zoom and telephone. He manages a team of ninety people for Blue Cross/Blue Shield Medical. While he’s here as a servant, he takes time out to speak to his team.
Atindra’s wife, Lalita Kisori, has visited often with him. We developed a good relationship, and I would have initiated her if I could. I recommended she take initiation from Radhanath Maharaja, and he accepted her without putting her through his intense pre-initiation system. She is now attached to him and recently visited him in Italy and cried tears when she saw him.
Atindra volunteers to do this servant service. He doesn’t need to be asked. When he hears there’s a lack on our staff, he just voluntarily fills in. Because I didn’t know how to operate the Ipad, he did it for me so I could listen to a Prabhupada lecture. In general we look forward to his weekly visit to solve the different tech problems that inevitably show up. He is a soft-spoken gentleman and has become part of the family here.
I received a letter from Jayanta saying he wants to come to Viraha Bhavan on October 8th and bring with him Hari Vilasa, the vice president of the Brooklyn temple, and Pradyumna (Panditji), who was Prabhupada’s Sanskrit editor. I was sorry to cancel them on October 8th and hope they can reschedule and come soon. I cannot travel, so I like receiving guests. When they come they will do most of the talking and entertain me. That takes the burden off me as the host to “keep the show rolling.”
Abhaya dasi is a disciple of mine in Ireland. Since I left Ireland, never to go back, she’s one of the few disciples of mine who writes to me, and I write her back. She spent six years of schooling to become a veterinarian. She said that most of her clients want her to put down their sick pets. She did this for a time, but then felt bad in her conscience, thinking it was a breach of ethics, killing animals at a client’s request. She gave up her whole career and means of support. She joined the society of devotees, but has a tendency where she likes to be alone. She has spent a lot of time writing. She wrote about her trips to India, and now she is writing other things, about herself and
Krsna consciousness. She asked me if she could write a portrait of myself, starting with when I was a teenager in 1956. At first I agreed, but on second thought I told her not to do it because I didn’t think she could really know me from those days. Besides, a Vaisnava should not talk about his former life. She has sent me her writings about her visits to India. When she was there, she treated the animals in Vrndavana, tending to sick animals and repairing them. She found this rewarding. She continues writing, and I encourage her.
She is married and has children she is attached to. When I was in Wicklow, I made a Visionary Garden in my backyard. I made creatures out of wood and dressed them in clothes and raincoats because of the frequent rain in Ireland. I collected many things, including a sign that said, “Beware of Dog,” and a bus stop that a devotee picked up in downtown Dublin. I was very pleased by my Visionary Garden and kept adding to it. Abhay’s son Janmastami made a video of my Visionary Garden. I asked her if she could send it to me. Janmastami had it merged in his possessions, but he found it and sent me the video. I watched it with the devotees here and thought it was an excellent thing.
There is a boathouse in Northern Ireland which Abhaya owns, and she likes to go there and meditate and write in solitude.
I like her very much and will continue to correspond with her.
pp.541-556
“1) Look! During the Dipavali festival Krsna’s mother worships Govardhana Hill, the splendid gopis happily sing, and Krsna, His graceful hand artistically decorated with turmeric, calls the cows with a voice like thunder and makes them jump and play.
2) With the cows in front and Queen Yasoda and the gopis in the rear, the vrajajanas, headed by the Vraja King, circumambulate the hill. O friend, look!
3) Krsna, the moon of Vraja also circumambulates, joking with His friends, and on various pretexts glancing at Sri Radha.
4) If the youthful Divine Couple, who are as fragrant as beautiful sumanah flowers and the life of the entire world, will not sprinkle me with the nectar of Their mercy, then, O my friend, I ask that you be merciful to me. Bless me that I may live my entire life at this sacred Radha-kunda.
5) How many sufferings do I endure by not seeing Rupa, Sanatana, Sri Gaurangacandra, Lalita, Visakha, and Sri Sri Radha-Mukunda, whose transcendental limbs are made of the nectar pastimes of charming joking words? O forehead, I think you will break apart in this pain.
6) Like a very thirsty cakori bird gazing at a nectar cloud in the sky, near the hill hiding Radha places Her restless eyes on the smiling circle of Lord Giridhari’s face.
7) Lord Giridhari, the hairs of His body erect in ecstasy, desires to paint pictures on Sri Radha’s full breasts, which are more beautiful than a pair of beautiful curved waterpots. When will I be allowed to place the aromatic pigments in His hand?
8) ‘Who is this goddess, the vine of Her arm resting on Krsna’s shoulder and the hairs of Her body upright in ecstasy as She gazes at the beauty of this forest near a hill?’
9) ‘Beautiful friend, know that this girl trembling in a flood of spiritual love is Sri Radhika. Who else could it be?’
10) He was my life and soul. Again and again he kindly splashed me with the fragrant waters of the shoreless ocean of limitless love. Now misfortune forces me to become swallowed by the forest fires of material calamities. I have no shelter. Except for him, of whom can I take shelter?
[ Note: In this and the following verses Srila Raghunatha dasa Gosvami speaks of Srila Rupa Gosvami.]
11) Now that I no longer have the sustainer of my life, the land of Vraja has become empty and desolate, Govardhana Hill has become like a great python, and Radha-kunda has become like the gaping mouth of a ferocious tiger.
12) It is not the fault of my body that it does not immediately fall down and die. By deep logical analysis I have concluded that the creator Brahma must have constructed my body from the strongest thunderbolts. How else could it be able to bear the weight of all this pain?
13) Chanting the glories of Sri Sri Radha-Krsna, with love remembering Their charming lotus feet, and eating the fruit and yogurt of Vraja, may I eternally live in the forest at the base of the best of hills by the beautiful lake that belongs to the queen of Vrndavana.
14) O Lord, please allow me to pass my days living on yogurt and buttermilk under the king of hills. Permit me again and again to call out, ‘O Radha! O Krsna!’”
pp.4-5
“O Srila Prabhupada, who left this world, but who taught us how to survive and how to join with him and Krsna in the eternal spiritual world, please protect me;
“O Prabhupada, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous acaryas and made all new;
“O Prabhupada, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Krsna, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports;
“O Prabhupada, whose thousands of spiritual sons and daughters sometimes leave your house yet continue to remember you wherever they are. Please teach us to be compassionate and to be a devotee;
“O Prabhupada, whose sincere followers do not serve the Lord out of force or for fame but who are convinced and satisfied by the name, fame, form, and teachings of Govinda; 0 Prabhupada, whose followers know that Krsna cannot be seen by these material eyes or by blunt senses or even by the most powerful mind’s scrutiny, and certainly He cannot be known by scientific investigation;
“O Prabhupada, please help us understand, as you do, and be faithful, as you are, to the descending process of sabda-brahma;
“O Prabhupada, who dressed always in saffron, who wrote affectionate letters to his disciples signed ‘Your ever well-wisher,’ who wrote to his leaders, ‘Never be a moment without thinking how to improve ISKCON,’ who encouraged each department of workers without discouraging another, who gave all of his life’s energy for spreading Krsna consciousness, who was empowered with success never achieved by previous acaryas, and who opened the door for the entire world to appreciate Gaudiya Vaisnavism as the eternal teachings of topmost love of God, we pray to always retain utmost respect for you and your teachings.”
***
pp.6-7
“O Prabhupada, whose upraised arms caused hundreds of devotees to jump and dance, whose feet walked over the countless enemies against worldwide sankirtana;
“O Prabhupada, who sat submissively for his massage yet directed his disciples like a general, “Once a temple is opened it can never be closed, somehow stick on”;
“O Prabhupada, who has rejoined the nitya-lila of Lord Krsna, who has left us behind to test our sincerity, but who stays in his murti accepting our obeisances, please allow us to focus on you and serve you always;
“O Prabhupada, may we purify our words and thoughts by composing prayers to you, may we please your Lord Krsna by serving His servant, may we obtain direction and courage from Supersoul how to distribute your books, may we live to see harmony and revival among your disciples, may we remember your instructions not to fear demons but to trust in Krsna, may we read your books because you wrote them for our benefit, and by reading them may we conquer all atheistic doubts and come to the clear stage wherein Lord Krsna reveals Himself;
“O Prabhupada, Krsna is on the cover of all your books and on every page and purport, and Krsna is always in your thoughts;
“O Prabhupada, your International Society for Krishna Consciousness is a house built for the entire world, and Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, is the Lord of your house;
“O Prabhupada, you are our link to the six Gosvamis and to Lord Krsna and to Radha-Krsna. We are lost without you.”
***
pp.8-9
“O Prabhupada, O lord, whose praises will always be sung by worthy devotees; O lord, who walked Manhattan’s streets and who brought Radha-Krsna to the West;
“O lord of the devotees, whose lectures are now preserved and listened to carefully as the best standard of Krsna conscious public speech; O Prabhupada, whose words can be appreciated only by those who will hear the truth of Krsna in parampara;
“O Prabhupada, whose words bring transcendental light into any darkness within the material world;
“O Prabhupada, whose disappearance from the world continues year after year, forcing his followers to find him in his vani and to consult among themselves and to listen to the Lord in the heart;
“O Prabhupada, who jumped and danced and sang with ecstasy at an old age when most men are sitting down nursing their rheumatism, and who walked and skipped and leaped for hours at London Ratha-yatra, sometimes turning to look up at Lord Jagannatha;
“O Prabhupada, who always led his disciples in whatever austerity he asked them to perform, who sold his books on the street and at universities and bookstores and who sold Back to Godhead by sitting down to talk with the tea stall customers; O Prabhupada, who traveled wherever there was an opportunity to spread Krsna consciousness—into Africa, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Caracas, Tokyo, Gainesville, Portland, Allahabad, Hyderabad, Los Angeles, and the Kumbha-mela . . .”
“O Prabhupada, who faced the hippies and acidheads and speed freaks, and tamed them by answering their questions and by demonstrating peace and fearlessness, who tolerated the Bowery bums and showed concern always for all beings, who was like a lily in the water, neither scorched by the hot sun of passion nor wetted by the lake of material desires;
“O Prabhupada, who cut an apple into many slices and distributed it with his own hand in New York City, who with his hand took deft portions from a big mound of halava and distributed it to dozens of young urchins after kirtanas in Bombay, who honored prasadam alone, eating at a low table from a silver plate, accepting whatever his disciples offered;
“O Prabhupada, may our remembrance of you fructify into good deeds on your behalf, or what good is our life? May we dance to your kirtana tunes, may we play the karatalas as you taught us, may we recognize that we are always fools before our spiritual master, yet may we act as intelligent representatives in the science of God as taught in the Bhagavad-gita As It Is, and may our love repose always in you.”
pp.172-73
“Devotees sometimes ask me if I was ever afraid of Srila Prabhupada. I usually reply, ‘Yes.’ I say that it’s healthy to be afraid of displeasing the spiritual master. Sometimes I would be afraid that Prabhupada’s secretaries and representatives might misrepresent him. Or I would be afraid that Prabhupada would ask me to do something that would be very hard for me. These are anarthas that have to be overcome—by trusting in the loving relationship with Prabhupada, and by accepting, without fear, the position of servitude.
“Sometimes I would also be afraid that my mind and senses were seeing Prabhupada in an unfavorable light. For example, one year in India, Prabhupada called his GBC men for an impromptu meeting in his room in Vrndavana. The room was darkened, and Prabhupada was in a stern mood. He was unhappy that so many of his manuscripts had been collecting and yet the books weren’t being published. This was a prelude to what later became his order to publish seventeen books in two months. When I entered the room, at first I thought he was saying that he wanted to write but he had no time. I suggested that he might go from India to Hawaii be¬cause that was always a good place for him to write. Brahmananda turned to me and said, ‘That’s not the point. Prabhupada is saying what’s the use of going to Hawaii or doing any writing unless these books get published?’
“Prabhupada turned from one person to another asking why the books weren’t being published. I felt uneasy, partly because I was unaccustomed to living in India, and also I felt pressure from the other devotees. These were simply my own problems. But at the time, I felt bewildered to see Prabhupada angry, even though I realized that there was nothing wrong with the commander-in-chief calling in his officers and telling them that they had failed to carry out his instructions. The commander trusts that he doesn’t have to always speak to his captains with the most delicate forms of expression—he can tell them honestly what’s on his mind, and they will be loyal to respond. They don’t mind getting some sauce.
“But I was fearful that I had had an unappreciative moment. It was partly due to a lack of real surrender to Prabhupada, but also bewilderment by the mind and the material nature. It can happen, but I don’t want to excuse myself too easily. One wants to perpetually worship the lotus feet of the spiritual master, and so it’s disturbing when anything comes up to interrupt it. It’s a fight to attain real devotion.”
pp.308-9
“It was interesting to see how Prabhupada responded to mass worship, either at the airport, or in the temple or at a festival. He liked it. Seeing many devotees surrounding him meant that the preaching was alive and that the Krsna consciousness movement was vital. It meant that Krsna was being glorified. It meant that kirtana was being conducted with great enthusiasm and that Prabhupada would be able to speak to many people about Krsna. On occasions like that, Prabhupada could think, ‘I am fulfilling my Guru Maharaja’s order. Look at all these devotees who have changed from hippies into happies!’
“An envious person would misunderstand and think. ‘Oh, this man is being worshiped and that’s what he likes.’ But Prabhupada was surcharged with a different emotion. He rose to these occasions and became very blissful with waves of Krsna consciousness. It was a far cry from the days when no one cared for him. He also saw it as suitable that Krsna’s representative was well received.
“The servant’s role would then change radically from being the sole companion of Prabhupada sitting in the Singapore airport to suddenly being a menial who had to fight to keep up with Prabhupada and who had to make many arrangements to see that things went smoothly. The servant had to collect the gifts that Prabhupada was given, and carry them in a big heap, and try to get in the car with him. Both modes of service—alone and in mass worship—were bliss, but they were quite different. I was not able to make the changes so gracefully, but Prabhupada moved smoothly from one thing to another with uninterrupted, unmotivated service to Lord Krsna.”
***
pp.436-37
“Prabhupada meditation transcends time and place, although it can happen in any time and place. He can be with you even in a hot cubbyhole in a cheap hotel. And when he does come to you, your place becomes transcendental.
“Rupa Gosvami has stated that everything can be used in the service of Krsna. Even the botheration of travel can provoke a fond meditation. For example, as soon as we came into this hotel room, I took a shower. It occurred to me that I should give a cool bath to the Deities with whom I travel—Srila Prabhupada, Lord Jagannatha, Baladeva, Subhadra and Laksmi-Nrsimha. And so I did, starting with Srila Prabhupada. It was a pleasure to give them a cool wipe down and to bathe the deities. In similar ways, we can always dovetail our ongoing situation with Prabhupada meditation of one sort or another. In the case of Deity worship, the Lord and the pure devotee accompany you in Their personal forms and make you think, ‘How can I serve Him now? What can I do to please Him?’
“What about memories? Do you have any memories now of Prabhupada? Did any occur today? Or even if they did not occur, can you enter your memories now?
“Trying again . . . I think of Prabhupada in his worship room at 26 Second Avenue. We would go in there, especially before the kirtanas in the temple, and do whatever Swamiji did as he sat before the little coffee table. On hot nights in New York, some of us also started wearing no shirts, and so our arms were bare. We watched Swamiji carefully and tried to put on tilaka in approximately the same places on our own bodies.
“Give respect to the memories of Swamiji. Just hold them in your mind, worship his lotus feet. You do not have to be a radio broadcaster telling everyone about it. It is a moment of remembrance for your own benefit. Appreciate that you were there; worship the minutes and hours. Prabhupada, I loved you, I do love you. I appreciate the Krsna consciousness that you have brought. I want to be carried out of this material world; please save me. Please let me remember that I am your menial sisya who types for you, who learns from you, who practices Vaisnavism under your direction.”
pp.64-65
“As I continued to reflect upon my visit, I remembered more references to Prabhupada that my Godbrother made, but that I tended to overlook. So how shall we decide who is the best devotee of Prabhupada? We should not claim that we are the best or try to create a list of the ‘best 100 devotees.’
“Then is there no way to judge? Surely all of Prabhupada’s followers are not on an equal status. Aren’t some fallen? Aren’t some better because they are giving their whole life to Prabhupada by working in his temples? There is a difference among devotees, and some are doing more pleasing service than others. However, the ‘Who’s Who’ list is known only to Prabhupada and to Krsna. Those who may not be doing well now can revive, and those who seem to be doing well may fall down.
“Pride is one of the causes of falldown. Therefore, it is not wrong or artificial to see all of Prabhupada’s followers as servitors of the pure devotee. Their lives were touched by him, and they have the potential to serve him eternally.
“There is no ‘all is one,’ but when we meet a prabhupadanuga, we should encourage him in his devotion to Prabhupada. I want to honor those who are shouldering responsibility in ISKCON temples. Such devotees are following Prabhupada’s mandate to keep his movement alive. Those who have moved outside the temples should be encouraged that they are not lesser persons, and that they have a responsibility to set a good example. Prabhupada said, “Your love for me will be tested by how you cooperate with one another,” and this has to be applied in many ways. A power to enforce this cooperation does not come automatically with a formal position of leadership in ISKCON. It has to be elicited in each devotee’s heart by love and trust. We may remind each other of our obligations, but humbly, and not by assuming ‘I am fulfilling Prabhupada’s will, and, therefore, you should cooperate with me.’”
***
pp.88-89
“ . . . The Swami was like our spiritual coach, and we were his team. The coach accepts his boys as they are, but he trains them. They come to him as juvenile delinquents, but as they work out on the basketball court, they become something better. Similarly, Swamiji let us work out our unruly feelings without inhibition, as he brought us together in the maha-mantra.
“After the game is over, the boys are shiny with sweat, drinking Cokes in the locker room, joking adolescents. The coach allows it, but he is in control. We too were sweating and excited after the kirtana performance. We were wild, and Prabhupada allowed it. He let Gargamuni say, ‘Swamiji, I was in so much ecstasy I thought I would cry!’ He watched as Umapati cracked a joke to Hayagriva, but then spoke things that quieted us. We listened to him and relaxed.
“We never expected Swamiji to act like a hippie-guru. He never spoke our jargon, and yet he was hip in his own way. He was totally present with us, and we gave ourselves to him.
“The coach-and-team analogy gets left far behind when we study the heart of our relationship with Prabhupada. He was taking us to the eternal spiritual world, telling us of the pastimes of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Swamiji revealed the Vedas to us, and told us how to center our lives around them. All we had to do was listen submissively. He was cleaning our hearts in a way that was not perceivable to us, and yet he was perceivable, healthy and strong, our vibrant spiritual master.”
***
pp.194-95
“Who can calculate the value of faithfully hearing Prabhupada speak these things? The tape recordings of his lectures are a special dimension, different from the books, but similar. It is the transcendental sound unedited. We can also hear the devotees appreciation and even their silence.
“In that ’77 lecture, Prabhupada said that, in the West, there is no scientific spiritual knowledge, only attachment to material things. Prabhupada said, “Do not mind,” meaning that we should not take offense if he criticized our Western civiliza-tion. He said it was a civilization of the gross material elements with no knowledge of the higher self. Then Prabhupada said, “Perhaps for the first time, they are getting this information in the West.” He said it slowly, with feeling for the momentousness of his words to sink in, not just the words but the facts behind them. When he said it, the devotees exclaimed, ‘Jai!’
“Although there is God consciousness in Western countries and a kind of pure love of God in some of the Christian saints, the basic science which is given in Bhagavad-gita is unique. As Prabhupada has pointed out, people in the modern age demand scientific understanding. They want explanations for the material world and its relationship to the spiritual world. Bhagavad-gita gives this. So there was Prabhupada proclaiming himself as a witness to the spreading of Vedic science into the Western world. Scholars can note this as a historical fact, but it took Prabhupada to proclaim that this moment of history was happening.
“A few years previously, in another Mayapura gathering before an international audience of devotees, Prabhupada announced another fulfillment of a prophecy. He said that Bhaktivinoda Thakura’s prophecy had been fulfilled; now Bengalis and Europeans and Americans have come together to chant jaya sacinandana and Hare Krsna.
“It is certainly a treat to hear Prabhupada proclaim a moment in history. After those lectures, we talked among ourselves and said how wonderful it was. Unfortunately, we were also swept along in the tide of trivial events, and some of these things were forgotten. We forgot to appreciate that we lived through that history and that we are meant to carry it out further. It is not that Prabhupada said, “For the first time in the West, they are getting spiritual knowledge,” and we were just supposed to see it as some isolated incident that had already taken place. We have to continue to work.
“Prabhupada gave a wonderful finale to this same lecture in 1977. Just as Prahlada Maharaja was blessed by the touch of Lord Nrsimhadeva, so today we can have the same facility. How? Is Lord Nrsimhadeva here? Prabhupada said He was here as nama-rupa-avatara: Krsna is present in His name. Pacing his words slowly and with the right emphasis, Prabhupada said, ‘We should stick to the chanting of Hare Krsna. Do it with full faith and know that this is Krsna in His sound vibration. When we chant, we are touching Krsna with our tongues. So always go on chanting Hare Krsna and be with Krsna in this way. Thank you very much.’ These words were met with another big cheer form the assembled devotees.”
pp.345-46
“Prabhupada was receiving two panditas who were wearing big turbans. In Hindi he asked them, ‘Who is God?’
“One of the panditas replied, ‘Oh Swamiji, how can you ask a question like that. You just can’t ask it so abruptly, “Who is God?” He is so many things.’
“Prabhupada replied in a heavy tone, ‘You say He is so many things but you tell me one thing that He is.’
“That pandita had nothing to say. Then Prabhupada turned to the other pandita and asked, “Who is God?” The pandita responded by saying that it was a very big topic that cannot be discussed.
“Then Prabhupada called in a gurukula boy named Lila-smaranam. Prabhupada often called this boy forward to give him a sweet, so Lila-smaranam went up to Prabhupada and stuck out his right hand. Prabhupada took a piece of burfi out of a bowl on his desk, but before giving it to the boy he asked, ‘Who is God?’ According to Atma-tattva, Lila-smaranam was thinking, ‘Who is this God who is coming between me and the burfi?’ But Prabhupada wouldn’t give the burfi until the boy gave the answer. Reluctantly, Lila-smaranam answered, ‘Krsna.’
“Prabhupada gave him the burfi, then reached into the bowl and took out another one. Lila-smaranam immediately stuck out his left hand. Prabhupada asked, ‘Who is Krsna?’
“Lila-smaranam replied, ‘Krsna is God.’ Prabhupada then turned to the panditas and said, ‘Just see, even a child can tell you who is God.’
“‘Swamiji,’ one of the panditas said, ‘the boy says Krsna is God, but he doesn’t realize it.’
“Prabhupada rose to the occasion and in a voice filled with transcendental anger said, ‘Even God does not know He is God.’”
pp.47-48
“The IWR editorial goes on to say that Prabhupada was socially aware as evidence by his earlier writing in Back to Godhead, where he mentioned Churchill and George Bernard Shaw, etc. But I think Srila Prabhupada was not so much interested in them or in social change. His point was that Krsna consciousness would solve all the problems. People think this is not practical, but it is, if they will only take to it.
“The editorial goes on to say that we shouldn’t be afraid to contact the nondevotees and their world and answer the many issues such as abortion, animal rights, nationalism, war, etc. I don’t disagree with this, but maybe I am just in a different mood. If they want to preach with more social awareness, by researching the problems and presenting them in a non-dogmatic way, fine. It’s that old issue—if you have a particular angle on how to serve and preach, then go ahead and do it, but don’t make a trip on me and say that we all have to do it your way or that that’s the only thing, the best thing. And in your enthusiasm for your project, which may be the need for social awareness in our preaching, don’t put down preaching which may not be so socially aware. The writer says,
“‘Devotees are not meant to live in ivory chambers, shrinking back from the world, and devoting themselves solely to attainment of otherworldly salvation. We have to show the public that we can benefit their lives . . . if someone asks, “What’s in it for me?” we’d better have plausible answers.’
“But actually, our philosophy is otherworldly. We are preaching of salvation in Krsna consciousness. We are primarily concerned that people chant the holy names. We have to convince them to take this up. I felt a little hurt by that description of the devotees ‘shrinking away.’ Maybe some members of ISKCON ought to shrink away from the world . Let them get deeply involved in Srimad-Bhagavatam and the pastimes of Krsna in the spiritual world. Let them send us messages from that world. We have enough of this world. ‘The world is too much with us/getting and spending waste our powers . . .’ The IWR writer says that now in the Centennial year (again), We might ask ourselves exactly what does the Krsna consciousness movement have to offer?’ It has the chanting of the holy names. It has the science of bhakti, the all-attractive form and pastimes of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, it has the hope of leaving the cycle of birth and death and taking back with us all souls, going to Krsnaloka. Yes, and it has answers to social ills, you are right. IWR writer, you are right. And so am I.”
pp.172-73
“You must be expert in all departments. I can do anything (in ISKCON). You should be expert in all parts if required. We can sew Krsna’s shoes if required, or decorate. Whatever service is required you must do. Not that, ‘I am this, I can’t do that.’ Expert doing anything. Everyone is Krsna’s servant. In the material world there is discrimination (not here).
“Just to push my Krsna conscious activities on I did anything. A sannyasi marrying disciples. (He is a stubborn devotee. To push on he can do whatever is required.) Not to give up rules and regulations, but first is service to Krsna. Do whatever has to be done. Niyamagraha. Marriages have produced good effects. Anyone should be expert in any capacity, but generally sannyasis are purely engaged in preaching work without any botheration.
“Sannyasi preaching should not be checked. Settle up party feeling.”
pp.166-67
“I am writing to You with a prayer. Please forgive me for my wrongs. To me, this means I must be forgiving to others who may have wronged me or just be forgiving in general to anyone I contact. If I am forgiving, You will be more inclined to forgive me. I have no reason to hold back forgiveness to others. Forgiveness is the jewel of the brahmanas and Vaisnavas.
“We may certainly be wronged and ill-treated by others. Our tendency is to get back at them or at least maintain resentment for them. But I should forgo this and find it within myself to forgive them. That softens my heart, makes me a better devotee. I don’t lose when I forgive; I gain. Just bury the hatchet. Let it pass. Don’t strike back. These maxims are easier said than done. It is hard to at least not maintain a quiet (poisonous) enmity within myself toward someone I consider an adversary.
“Not forgiving comes close to the offense of offending Vaisnavas. They may not have wronged me, but we envy them. Envy equals not forgiving. I may see a fault in a devotee and dwell on it, hold it against him. This is not forgiving him or her. We all have some faults; no one is perfect. So I should overlook the fault in others. One way to check faultfinding is to consider my own faults. Why should I find faults in others when I have so many in myself? As I forgive myself, I should forgive others. Much of this is done in the privacy of one’s own mind, although it can become so bad that we speak against others or even try to harm them or their reputation. I should be offenseless, inoffensive. The more I am so, the kinder You will look upon me and forgive my faults.
“And I do ask You to forgive me. I do not mean to act against You or Your devotees. I do so blindly, foolishly. Please see my good intentions and forgive me for my wrongs. It may be presumptuous or cheap begging to ask forgiveness, but I cannot help but do it. I so much want to be seen kindly in Your eyes and allowed entrance into Your pastimes. But I have done wrongs. Unless You forgive me, I have no hope. I will try my best to be forgiving of others and remain petitioning You for forgiveness upon myself.”
pp.149-50
“Dramatic presentations capture the imagination. When we sit in an audience and watch a drama we suspend our disbelief and imagine that the story is actually taking place. We are frightened at the appearance of Ravana when he screams ‘I am Ravana!’ and forcibly kidnaps Sita before our eyes, and we are later thrilled and satisfied when Ramacandra kills Ravana with His bow and arrow. If the actors are actually skillful and convincing, we can experience spiritual emotions in a transcendental production of a skit from the Ramayana or Mahabharata or a play by Rupa Gosvami. The twelve rasas of spiritual exchange can be tasted and an audience may even feel emotions of tears, hair standing on end, etc., as in the bodily transformations experienced by devotees in advanced states of bhava.
“Lord Caitanya and His associates used to play dramas before qualified audiences at Srivasa Thakura’s house in Navadvipa. Lord Caitanya sometimes played the goddess of fortune and amazed all the participants. When Srila Prabhupada was young, he played Advaita Acarya in a play put on by a famous Bengali director. The director agreed to work with the young actors only if they rehearsed so hard that their audiences would break into tears. The play was successful, and people broke into tears as Srila Prabhupada spoke the words of Advaita Acarya in a play taken from sastras.
“This picture shows a scene at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens in the 1960s. Indira Dasi played Krsna, another girl played Radha, and the boys and girls came out with Prabhupada for an afternoon in the beautiful park. They rode by subway. Prabhupada gathered the devotees around him and spoke to them about Krsna. He placed his garland around ‘Krsna’s’ neck. But the rumor is that confidentially Prabhupada said he didn’t like it, despite their enthusiasm. He thought it was tainted with a bit of prakrta-sahajiyaism. The pastimes of Radha and Krsna are too private for devotees to dress up as the Divine Couple and act out Their pastimes. They never did it again.
“Prabhupada was so lenient that he did not punish them on the spot or call the affair off. He let it run and let them have their fun. But he later informed them of the seriousness of Radha-Krsna lila. In India, especially in Vrndavana, there are many ‘rasa-lilas’ or dances of mostly boys dressed as Radha and Krsna and big audiences attend them and enjoy a pageant of what actually takes place in the spiritual world between Govinda and Vrsabhanu’s daughter and all the gopis when they dance in their dance of love. But Prabhupada forbade his disciples from attending the ‘rasa-lilas’ in Vrndavana. So why should he hold his own in Brooklyn? The devotees were embarrassed and repentant when they found out Prabhupada’s actual attitude, but he easily forgave them for their neophyte attempt.”
pp.75-76
“#46
“Dear Prabhupada, I’m in Normandy,
France, in a campground
wanting to think of you,
wanting to be with you . . .
The Archives said they had hundreds of
pictures of me with you so I asked
for all of them, paid a pretty price.
Now what shall I do with them?
Look at me instead of you?
Look at us both?
Of course I was just a hanger-on
in some of the pictures, just a
peripheral figure in your lila.
Don’t knock it.
I was there and serving.
Srila Prabhupada walks with his cane and still
knocks the heads of the
atheist scientists and I am ready
to preach on his behalf in
America and Europe.
Write for you now, my dear
master. It’s been fifty years since
the Allies invaded Normandy.
And soon a hundred years
since your appearance in this world.
What are these little milestones?
Five thousand years since the start of Kali,
unaccountable millennia and Krsna
is ever-fresh with His parisad
in Goloka Vrndavana, my guru among them
When can I go and join?
When will I give up the
false ego and
serve for his pleasure only?”
“Read Bhagavad-gita and prayed to be able to enter the meanings. Thought, “Should I read TLC instead?” But this is good, Bhagavad-gita As It Is. It’s personal, Krsna Himself instructing. That makes it special. And Prabhupada makes it more personal, explaining that you should chant the Hare Krsna mantra and achieve Krsna in Goloka as described in the eighth chapter verses and purports.
“O Lord, let this pen run smooth and speak what I have to speak. Krsna Krsna Krsna.
“There is no teaching like this. Lately I am not attracted to read Christian descriptions. God seems so far away to them. He’s never Krsna as taught by Lord Caitanya. So, I should not be afraid or feel guilty to study God consciousness without the Bible or Christ-centric teachers. May they be peaceful and devout to their istha-devata, Jesus Christ. May he be pleased with me.
“Neither could I accept worship of the Deity of Lord Nrsimha as proposed to me the day before yesterday. I worship my guru and the Panca-tattva in Their picture and the picture of Radha-Krsna. All glories…
“You are writing for solace against loneliness, isolation, fears, passing moods.
“You felt some anger or resentment when he gave you the wrong pill out of his desire to save money. But don’t cause anyone pain. Don’t bring up objections. What am I doing? Trying to spare myself pain. Trying to be cured.
“Hare Krsna Hare Krsna. There’s no way…
“Let words come, a List:
“Filing cabinets, drawers, jokes, a disciple who turns to Christ and away from Krsna, someone says someone else threatened him with a gun, waiting for another fax, for this day to come to its end. The fact that time flows and can’t be stopped, not this day or hour is symbolic and factual evidence that we will all die. But the Gita teaches us that the soul will live on. Scientists say no. “After death, Swamiji, there is no more life.” And he was a big professor, Kotovski.
“Don’t care for them. Accept the authority of Krsna. “Many lives both you and I have had; I remember them, Arjuna, but you do not.”
“I will continue to live after the body dies. Turn to these truths.
“To the ultimate.
“On Friday you meet for lunch with R.S. and his wife. Auld Lang Syne. Play the tune by Guy Lombardo and the Royal Canadians, “Should old acquaintances be forgotten and never brought to mind?” And I’ll have topics although they say lunch topics shouldn’t be heavy. Here’s a spoof on them:
“What does he think of the essay, “Where the Rkvik People are Right.” J.S. wants us to discuss issues facing them, including possibilities that no ISKCON guru is qualified. What do you want to ask R.S. to comment on?
“Are you playing a game as if you are his student? Do you ask out of curiosity in a disarming way? You are not on his level of philosophizing. So, no harm in taking advantage of his friendliness to ask some questions which you do ponder.
“Or what about a disciple turning to Christ?
“Or arguments about the origin of the soul?
“Or are these dodges from talking about yourself? Say I was a pimpled scarf, a word with no names or wounds. I took some allopathic pills and it stopped the impending headache and that’s why we are able to meet now.
“I said bear, a baby bear, a Smoky State Trooper, a slang dictionary, forget it and leave it behind. It’s less than sixty degrees and so, I stayed indoors. It’s also dripping with rain. Monday and a neighbor man is not at work but staying at home today in his backyard, working now with a wheelbarrow. This house needs a repair to the front door, the cellar, the lawn and many places…
“We leave – mendicants who don’t have to repair their house. Suggestion: when you get old, don’t travel so much. Stay in one place.
“But sir, I have a van to live in.
Oh, but that’s too tiny a space for a human to live in.
But for now
vita-raga-bhaya-krodha.
“I’ll mosey along the trail, cactus to the left…Old comedy routines I saw on T.V., masses laughed and I laughed along with them, my upbringing in humor and songs of Tin Pan Alley. But I’m not that body, drifter, your body does grow old. You will take a new life in a new body. Just as the clothes wear out and you get new clothes, so the soul has a body and when it grows old (or gets ripped apart, burns up suddenly, etc.) the soul takes on the dress of a new body. The self-realized (dhirah) person is not disturbed by this.
“Drink a little water.
Depend on your thumb.
Oh, I can’t call out but
send my signal, Lord.
“I read: He is the smallest of the smallest, He’s the oldest, knows all, is always a person. Sarvabhauma Bhattacarya said that Brahman is impersonal and so, Lord Caitanya says that’s nonsense. The direct meaning of the scripture is that the Absolute Truth is a person, the Supreme Person. He has qualities but not like you and I. He has no origin because He’s God. If He required an origin, He wouldn’t be God.
“Do you have any theological
topic for your friend?
Do you have a wiener to roast
a pickle to boast?
I have an ace card
a kite with rags on it,
delicate wooden ribs –
I have a poem I wrote in
Delhi and would like to
start a new one.
“You have permission to glorify Krsna and purify your mental condition. Do it by chanting and writing in your own words what the sastra teaches.
“Persian carpets for sale. What you see from the car or van window. For sale. Hamburgers. Pada-yatra America. Parasurama dasa the leader. The Manor campaign. Preach to young people to go out and sell CD’s and prasadam and books and make as much money as possible.
“A. in Poland writes that he doesn’t get as enthusiastic as he used to when he hears the sankirtana scores, or to join in a raucous kirtana. Things aren’t the same. He grows older. Ought to get married like his Polish Godbrother.
“Present GNP books as good for all. Buy them in sets. We are a valid ISKCON entity.
“Ki jaya.
“Thanks for improving our image.
“(½ hour, Monday morning late, rain still dripping, Stroudsburg, May 6, 1996)”
Writing Sessions at Castlegregory, Ireland, 1993Start slowly, start fastly, offer your obeisances to your spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. You just drew his picture with your pencils. He appears carved out of wood…
Last Days of the YearI found I had hit a stride in my search for theme in writing, then began to feel the structure limiting me. After all, I had given myself precious time to write full-time; I wanted to enter the experience as fully as possible. For me, this means free-writing—writing sessions with no predetermined shape, theme, or topic…
aily CompositionsThis volume is comprised of three parts: prose meditations, free-writes, and poems each of which will be discussed in turn. As an introduction, a brief essay by the author, On Genre, has also been included to provide contextual coordinates for the writing which follows…
Meditations & PoemsA comprehensive retrospective of poetic achievement and prose meditations, using a new trajectory described as “free-writing”. This volume will offer to readers an experience of the creativity versatility which is a hallmark of this author’s writing.
KaleidoscopeStream of consciousness poetry that moves with the shifting shapes and colors characteristic of a kaleidoscope itself around the themes of authenticity. This is a book will transport you to the far reaches of the author’s heart and soul in daring ways and will move you to experience your own inner kaleidoscope.
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A narrative poem. challenging and profound, about the journey of an itinerant monk who pursues new means of self-Seeking New Landexpression.The reader is invited to discover his or her own spiritual pilgrimage within these pages as the author pushes every literary boundary to boldly create something wholly new and inspiring.