“This week was the regular two-headaches-a-day for Satsvarupa Maharaja. On the other hand, he has had increasing hip pain, which culminated in a same-day visit to the doctor. Satsvarupa Maharaja had a cortisone shot in both hips thirteen months ago for arthritis, and the effect seems to have worn off suddenly several weeks ago. So he got a shot and will have another next week. During the exam the doctor became alarmed at the extent of his edema (swelling of the feet and legs), so he was prescribed a water pill to reduce the swelling. The doctor’s guess was a mild congestive heart, but that can’t be confirmed until a visit to the cardiologist next week after an echocardiogram.
“Hari Hari,
Baladeva”
It occurred to me that I go to Krsna every day when I chant my japa, and that I can prepare in the same ways Akrura prepared. But I also remember that Prabhupada taught us not to approach Krsna directly; we should go through our spiritual master.
A devotee must know how to render service unto Krsna and thus be recognized by Him. In the Caitanya-caritamrta it is therefore explained that one should serve both the spiritual master and Krsna simultaneously and in that way make progress in Krsna consciousness. Service rendered to Krsna under the direction of the spiritual master is bona fide service because the spiritual master is the manifested representative of Krsna
—Krsna, Vol. 2, p. 13
******
While Prabhupada was resting, we chant japa to catch up on our day’s quota. My mind is prayerful as I chant, but my mind is also roaming about as usual. At least most of my thoughts had to do with serving Prabhupada. “Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna—do you have fresh milk for the evening? Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare—is the heater working in his room in case the central heating isn’t sufficient? Hare Rama Hare Rama—did you say that Baladeva dasa is flying into Dublin? Does he know how to get here? Rama Rama Hare Hare—how and when will I arrange for Srila Prabhupada to speak to the devotees and guests in the evening? What do I most want to say to him? Don’t forget to praise the spiritual master when you are in his presence!”
******
Even when he is here my rounds are not attentive. If he could teach us, by magic or blessing, how to read his books once and for all . . . Should I ask about svarupa-siddhi and rasa? No, it’s premature. The origin of the living entity? He already told us. How may I serve you? Keep it focused on that. Maybe ask a question you asked many years ago about taste. Also ask about memories of the spiritual master, if you have time. You have to wait for the opportunity. Don’t intrude on him. Still, a list of questions is not impertinent. He will appreciate it if you are efficient.
******
He invites us all to his room for a round of japa. This is a lesson we have been trying to learn for our whole lives; we have five minutes left. But it’s not possible. We are too eager. He sees me just as eager as the younger students, free from pretension, begging him to teach me the ABCs again. He laughs. “You cannot conquer Krsna,” he says. We’re being too demanding. I gesture to the devotees to calm down. Srila Prabhupada will reveal things to us in due time.
******
Chanting japa is a contribution to the world. Don’t fall asleep at the switch. When you do fall asleep during a time when you should be awake, prod yourself back into alertness. Just accept who you are and go with it. No use denying.
Finally, there will be death for everyone here. Who will look at all the faces of all the people? Who can provide for them? That one is Krsna. If I can turn to Him, I’m accomplishing and making a solid contribution. Even a person in apparent obscurity can help in that way.
******
I wake in the night and Krsna intimates to me that I can chant Hare Krsna in the way I have always claimed I wanted to chant. But I will have to make sacrifices. Am I prepared to do it? Yes, I say. I sit up and begin chanting on my wonderful japa beads, renounced and fixed on the holy name. This experience becomes a permanent change in life.
******
Dressed in a long, nicely pressed kurta, he walks down the many steps of a stone ghat. In his right hand he fingers his japa-mala, in his left the cane steadies his steps. Neatly folded over his shoulder is a wool cadar. We follow close behind.
Sometimes the sun floods his room in Vrndavana, although usually it is cool and dark. His desk is covered with flower garlands. He wears a white sweater with a big collar. It’s winter in Vrndavana. He sits with head raised and looks askance at the photographer as if to say, “What, still another picture?” We took the picture, Prabhupada, because we want to be with you and remember you always.
******
So what is real in my relationship with my spiritual master? My japa beads are one link. My awareness of many of Prabhupada’s statements is another. I have accumulated biographical data and know where many things occur in his books. These links will stay with me even beyond death. The inhabitants of Vrndavana pray,
“By the will of the supreme authority and according to the results of our own work, we may take our birth anywhere. It doesn’t matter where we are born, but our only prayer is that we may simply be engaged in Krsna consciousness” (KRSNA, Vol. 2, p. 79).
******
“I have nothing new to declare . . . ” Srila Prabhupada says. “Chant Hare Krsna.” It is the same mantra he introduced to us in 1966. It hasn’t changed. “It is Lord Caitanya’s desire.
******
Uddhava then glorifies Balarama and Krsna. He says that one can go back to Godhead by remembering Krsna in pure mind “even for a moment” at the time of one’s death.
Prabhupada comments:
This is the result of Krsna conscious practice. If we practice Krsna consciousness in this present body while we are in a healthy condition and in good mind, simply by chanting the holy maha-mantra, Hare Krsna, we will have every possibility of fixing our mind upon Krsna at the time of death. . . . Therefore, to remain always absorbed in Krsna consciousness was the standard of the inhabitants of Vrndavana.
pp. 17-20, 42-44
I don’t write all day long. When I follow my schedule, I have two private reading sessions a day. Nowadays, I read Bhagavad-gita in the early morning (12-1 a.m.) and Bhagavatam at 9 a.m. I take notes during both sessions, compressed summaries and some occasional remarks. Over the last few days, I’ve added an afternoon reading session which I’m calling “random reading.” I allow myself to choose any book by Prabhupada and then read from anything that attracts me—a verse here, a purport there—moving forward or backwards in the volume. I take notes too, but of a random nature.
It works best when the afternoons are uneventful. I can simply sit with the Bhagavatam and try to gain access. “Everything is here,” Srila Prabhupada said, referring to the Bhagavad-gita, “and when one is well established in the teachings of Bhagavad-gita, he can take up the study of Srimad-Bhagavatam for further enlightenment in self-realization.”
“This ship is the message of Lord Sri Krsna in the shape of Bhagavad-gita or the Srimad-Bhagavatam.”
Madhu thinks Krsna conscious fiction could enthrall Krsna conscious readers. Well and good. I’m sure someone will write some in the future. Reading Conrad makes me realize that a fiction writer has to dig up passions, his and others’. Even to tell the story I mentioned, I would have to show how the neophyte devotee is tempted (by a woman? By intoxication?). I might even have to relive it a little the way Conrad relives his experience in the life of his characters. Not only does he relive it, but he induces his reader to live it with him. I prefer to be more peaceful. I mentioned how last night thinking about writing fiction agitated my mind. It was because I knew if I had to tell such a story, I would have to enter a more passionate world. Why would I want to do that? Why make believe I am in maya? For a higher purpose? To tell a story? To express vicarious fears? Why play with fire?
I would like to tell you how I try to write not for performance, but nakedly. That involves writing what comes. I have worked at this form of writing considerably in recent years. If you want to sell me fiction writing as an occupation, you should know what you’re up against. I have tried fiction, but I prefer to write with deliberate non-attention to an audience’s demands. I even wrote a longish book filled with strong writing. I called it Forgetting the Audience. It was filled with strong writing precisely because I didn’t pander to an audience. I wrote it with an open heart by the sea.
Such writing is not necessarily selfish or egotistical simply because it focuses on my own life. I accept my life as God has given it to me. I accept it as my lot to work with and explore, to find my sense of surrender to Krsna. It is the stage upon which I act out my efforts to become a devotee. I can’t do that by creating interesting characters, but by living, confessing, singing, praying, even complaining and sometimes being a bore.
I’m finished with the Conrad book. How he must have worked at it! “The horror! The horror!” Kurtz’s last words. It’s not my duty to repeat the rest of the story. Reading it grips you as much as any well produced movie. It changes your view of life. You experience the classic emotions—you feel the tragedy, the horror. When the show is over, though, you have to go back into the streets of your own life, adjust to the natural light out there, to the air, and get back into your mortal groove. In my case, it means getting back into the groove of my Krsna conscious activities, including this writing.
It would be great to pull such emotions out of people, but to offer them a devotional conclusion. It would be great preaching. Each of us can only do his best. Conrad did his, according to his limited understanding and the power of his association. Although he met many unusual people during his life at sea, he never met a genuine guru. I did. Since it’s my duty to serve him, I keep asking myself how I can do that best. Is writing fiction the answer?
Kurtz was a great sinner. Marlowe mentions that Kurtz was fighting for his soul in his last moments, but you can’t save your soul only by seeing the horror of your sin. You have to call out to God as Ajamila did (“Narayana!”), as Gandhi did (“He Rama!”), and as I hope to do.
pp. 87-91
Saintly persons bestow their mercy upon all beings, even those with no good qualities, just as the moon does not withhold his rays even from the house of an outcaste.
Nature is generous. By examining the analogy, our consciousness can be expanded. The moon is so broadminded that it shines even on the house of a candala. When we consider extreme measures by which untouchables are excluded from the caste system, the power of this analogy becomes even more striking. Although humankind may exclude sinful and lowborn persons from participation in social amenities, the moon makes no distinction. Srila Prabhupada also pointed out how the sun is not affected by any contamination it may contact. Rather, when the sun shines on a puddle of urine, the place becomes purified.
Although this sloka does not mention transcendental mercy, we can adapt it for our own uses and bring it to the spiritual plane. Srila Prabhupada gave a similar example. He said the rain falls everywhere in the most liberal manner. “Rain is not meant only for the land. It is meant for the sea also. Similarly, any God conscious movement is not meant for a particular country or section. Bhagavad-gita or Srimad-Bhagavatam is not meant for the Hindus or for the Indians. It is meant for everyone.”
The example of the rain is given in the Tenth Canto of Srimad-Bhagavatam, in the chapter “Description of Autumn”:
The distribution of rain by clouds is so sumptuous that it is compared to the distribution of wealth by a great, munificent person. The cloud’s downpour is so sufficient that the rains fall even on rocks and hills and on the oceans and seas where there is no need for water. It is like a charitable person who opens his treasury for distribution and who does not discriminate whether the charity is needed or not. He gives in charity open-handed.
Lord Caitanya’s mercy in the form of sankirtana is the perfect application of this verse on generosity. In the Caitanya-caritamrta, Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami states, “Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu has freely given this love of Krsna everywhere and anywhere, even to the most fallen, such as Jagai and Madhai. What, then, to speak of those who are already pious and elevated.”
“Not considering who asked for it and who did not, nor who was fit and who was unfit to receive it, Caitanya Mahaprabhu distributed the fruit of devotional service.”
Srila Prabhupada’s purport:
This is the sum and substance of Lord Caitanya’s sarikirtana movement. There is no distinction made between those who are fit and those who are not fit to hear or take part in the sarikirtana movement. It should therefore be preached without discrimination. The only purpose of the preachers of the sankirtana movement must be to go on. preaching without restriction. That is the way in which Sri Caitanya Maha¬prabhu introduced this sankirtana movement to the world.
Giving mercy to the fallen does not mean that they remain fallen after receiving that mercy. Srila Prabhupada happily declared this to be true by his own experience. He said the Westerners looked morose and dirty, but became clean, effulgent, and happy by taking to Krsna consciousness. He compared them to peacocks who begin to dance during the autumn season.
This verse is pertinent to book distributors in pointing out that they shouldn’t be close-minded or prejudiced in who they approach, but should approach everyone indiscriminately. Often, devotees discover that they are more successful with a particular class of people than with others. If they approach only that class, they are actually avoiding the majority of people, almost as if they consider only one kind of people fit to receive a book. This is a cliché approach to book distribution, and these clichés are smashed every day by preachers who keep in their hearts the truth about Lord Caitanya’s movement: He wanted His mercy distributed as generously as the moonlight, which shines on everyone equally.
When we are generous, Prabhupada and Lord Caitanya are pleased with us.
“The transcendental gardener, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, distributed handful after handful of fruits in all directions, and when the poor hungry people ate the fruit, the gardener smiled with great pleasure.”‘
This mercy can be extended, not only to the fallen human beings, but to other species.
“Of course, animals and other lower species are not capable of understanding this movement, but if even a small number of living beings take it seriously, by their chanting loudly, all living entities, including even trees, animals and other lower species, will be benefited.”‘
pp. 187-89
As we walk around Vraja-mandala we notice that there are many places where the dana (tax collecting) pastimes took place. Krsna and the gopis never tire of confronting one another in this way. The gopis don’t really have to sell their milk products, but they go out to meet Krsna. Krsna gets word that they’ll be coming by one narrow path or another, so He and His friends go and block their way. I like to think of their endless delight in doing what appears to be the same thing again and again. We are on such a trivial level in our pleasure-seeking that we think the same thing gets worn out and dull. That’s because we never get satisfaction from anything we do. We’re always trying to go deeper, so we think novelty can substitute for real pleasure. If we could actually find something deeply satisfying, we would be pleased to repeat it. Moreover, we would see that this wonderful thing we love has many varieties and facets. If it’s actually spiritual, then it’s infinite and ever-changing. Therefore, Krsna is called nava-yauvanam, the ever-fresh hero.
How do we get there? Can we just jump to the higher platform? No, it’s not so easy. Hear with faith and simplicity the Vraja pastimes of the Lord and His most beloved devotees. To hear rightly, we have to hear with simplicity. We don’t try to analyze things with material logic. In this way, we can repeatedly derive joy from the same pastimes, just as Krsna and the gopis do in their tax-collecting lila.
Krsna says, “Hold on, where are you going? You have to pay a tax here to the king.”
The gopis pretend outrage and reply, “What are you talking about? We come through here every day and we have never paid any tax. Stop bothering us.”
Krsna says, “You’ve been getting away with it, but now you have to pay the tax. And you have also been picking flowers in My kingdom. We will have to decide what you have in your possession that you can offer in payment.”
The gopis reply that Vrndavana actually belongs to Srimati Radharani, and the idea that Krsna is the king’s representative is ludicrous. They tell Him to stop harassing them and to leave chaste girls alone as they prosecute their religious duties. And so it goes.
And so it goes on and on, with a degree of ecstasy we cannot even guess at from our material point of view. When we repeat events in this world, we chew the already-chewed. When Krsna and the gopis enact the dana-keli pastime, it is always new and immerses them in a limitless ocean of expanding pleasure (anandambudhi-vardhanam).
What is there to see here? It’s another place in rural Uttar Pradesh. Some stones, a dirt path perhaps, a broken-down mandira. No modern signs explaining things in three languages. We have to come here with our guide, if we are fortunate to have one.
In this place, Krsna submitted Himself to Srimati Radharani. These things are not even discussed in the Vedas. Similarly, we don’t read of them in the Upanisads—God becoming subordinate to His devotees. But Krsna is bhakta-vatsala; He is inclined to His devotees. It is His greatest pleasure to subordinate Himself to his mother, His friends, and His gopis. Out of all His devotees, Srimati Radharani is the best, so when He surrenders to Her, it is with exclusive wholeheartedness.
Most people are satisfied to hear that God exists at all. They like to think of Him as the all-mighty order-giver. And they like to submit to His will. Although Krsna doesn’t force us, He does want us to submit to Him. Therefore, we offer Him our obeisances and beg Him for forgiveness and the mercy of devotional service. That is raja-vidya, perfect knowledge. But there is more. Krsna prefers to be the devotee of His devotees. That is the meaning of Vilasa Garh, where Sri Krsna bowed at Srimati Radharani’s feet.
pp. 85-88
I quoted a line from William Carlos Williams that said, “When I say ‘I’ it also means ‘you’, dear reader.” I try to write honestly my own truth, yet isn’t it true that many of my complaints, self-advice, aspirations, and prayers also apply to other devotees? I feel the responsibility to imbibe Prabhupada’s teachings in my heart and intelligence and to live my understanding of them as is best suited to my nature. We all have this great, personal responsibility. That’s how it is.
******
(Finished one notebook, last of the ones I brought from Europe. Now beginning “Essar Quality Slip Pad.” As I write the dogs are howling like a pack of coyotes.)
O heaven on earth,
life of devotional practices,
I do love being shut up in
a private room to read and
write and reach my own conclusions
on how I should practice bhakti
when the sun comes up
over the world.
******
This morning we passed a point of no return. M. caught a hint that I might want to leave here sooner than we had planned. It’s so noisy here, and I find that disturbing. We decided that any Nature Cure Clinic would be noisy because India is noisy. If we went to a hotel and practiced Nature Cure, that would be too expensive. To stop the therapies early and go to an ISKCON temple or a friend’s house …
No, I think we will stay, although I’m doubtful whether it will cure my headaches, and if not, whether it’s worth spending so much time here.
******
Two new Indian patients replaced the fat magnate. One has a protruding belly, and the other wears spiffy white socks and tennis shoes. Both wear Western shorts and shirts. We all go through the morning aum and asanas together. Then they go to the exercise machines, and the doctor sees me. He says the heating treatments (steam bath, sauna) may be agitating the headaches, so he proposes only cold treatments. I suspect he’s guessing, but I go along with it and shake my head from side to side in agreement. I ask him again to please try to keep the ladies from eating their lunch under my window. Then he writes on a paper a list of today’s therapies.
Consultation over. I walk back to the room and the routine continues, cleaning lady comes and puts water on the floor, and now I’m ready for Prabhupada puja.
In sun in mundane
spot crows caw
I say Prabhupada
and Krsna and Hare Krsna,
my watch,
eyeglasses,
notebook, pen
want to sing his praises.
May Krsna be praised!
******
Leaves on ground. I’m sitting in the spot where Shekar told me to wait to complete the mud bath. He’s ten minutes late. I was late before, according to his estimation. He wanted me ready at 8:45. Crows caw in palm trees and factory workers jabber.
Discuss Bhagavatam? Krsnadasa Kaviraja often quotes the Bhagavatam in the Caitanya-caritamrta. He just quoted the “steel-framed heart” verse from the Second Canto. If you chant Hare Krsna and feel no ecstasy, your heart must be made of iron. That is because you have committed so many offenses to the holy names. If we chant Gaura-Nitai’s mantra first, we will not commit offense. That is, worship Guru-Gauranga first to qualify for Radha-Krsna worship.
I suppose the mud bath is necessary, although I don’t know that for sure. At this clinic, they say it’s good for the constitution. It’s as natural as sunshine and water, air and fresh food. You know the line: “It’s better than allopathic drugs.”
Sri Krsna Caitanya.
When young people (or any people) josh and laugh and mock in a language I don’t know, I don’t like it. If it’s devotee friends and I know they’re not offending anyone, then I don’t mind. Otherwise, I consider it rude.
Shekar still hasn’t come. I’m in an awkward situation now. I could just go back to my room, or I could go and look for him, but the factory workers are laughing just a few yards away, and I’m busy trying to deflect it.
Where is Shekar with the mud?
Where am I?
Krsna Krsna Krsna he.
pp. 108-115
Sharon Olds wrote to her father after his death,
“Dear Dad, I saw your double today
through the curtain to First Class.”
I never see anyone who reminds me of Prabhupada
except maybe his own disciples in saffron.
Maybe an elderly sadhu in a Vrndavana lane,
but that’s just external.
I don’t expect to see him walking in the world.
Sharon Olds writes, “Isn’t it something
the way I can’t get over you, this
long, deep unearned desire .. .
I guess I’m saying I hate you, too . . . ”
They say her book, The Father,
“goes into areas of feeling and experience
rarely entered in poetry.”
I don’t ever hate you
even if some demons in me
would want me to feel that way.
You are my light
my way out of the cycle of birth and death.
I’ve been reading about the hellish planets,
how miserable it is to take birth
to have to learn again, and how very rare it is
to get out of this cycle. But you are my way.
It’s easy following the feet of the pure devotee.
I have no doubt you are
a qualified spiritual master.
I am very lucky.
I do love you.
I just want you to accept me as I am
but I can’t take away your right.
So we go together toward my death,
me praying to always revere you and
follow you to new revelations.
I’ve got the photos ready to travel,
3 x 5 color prints.
The one on top shows me holding
a red, tassled umbrella over you
in the blue sky of Mayapur morning.
It looks like the rain has stopped.
Ravindra-svarupa is carrying a small video camera
Jayapataka Swami is looking out to lands
you might want him to buy.
I can tell this picture is 1974
because of your bamboo walking cane.
I’m concentrating to hold the umbrella
steady and just right over your head.
I’m wearing a Prabhupada T-shirt
which I usually don’t wear.
You are striding, quickly,
your mouth turned down,
not speaking to us.
We all gather around you
because you are a pure devotee of Krsna.
You have brought us to Lord Caitanya’s land.
Another photo I picked even though
I’m not much visible in it.
I like the look on your face.
Handsome profile, you looking up
at an old castle in France,
I can guess by the surroundings.
You traveled there by car,
your cadar is wrinkled and dhoti too.
You hold a small bouquet of roses.
You look up appreciating some architecture
with an innocent gaze, studying it,
eyes shining, refined look.
Even in such a candid, small moment
I see you are a pure devotee of the Lord,
engaged in His service. Maybe this castle
could be used as a place of worship
by your children
and Radha and Krsna installed here.
I’ve got the photos to go through.
But before looking at that facsimile,
think of him within yourself.
He’s a writer,
he’s a sound that comes over the tape recorder.
More than that:
years of affectionate dealings,
he always led us as a spiritual master should.
“A spiritual master is expert in giving special
instructions to each of his disciples,
and if the disciples execute the order of
the spiritual master, that is the way of his perfection.”
(Bhag. 4.8.71, purport)
A garish print with too much sepia in abut
it’s history: our sannyasa initiation of 1972 Srila
Prabhupada on the vyasasana,
looking like the murtis look now.
We four sannyasis all have grains
in our right hands
to throw into the fire.
New sannyasi clothes.
Prabhupada I can’t find what I want
from these pictures. Please protect me.
You have always kept us expertly
and now I want nothing else.
“The spiritual master is the external manifestation of
the caitya-guru, or the spiritual master sitting
in everyone’s heart.” (Bhag. 4.8.44, purport)
Bhag. 4.8.71, purport)
Srila Prabhupada, do I think I can
automatically tune into you?
We ISKCON-ites do it all the time.
We end our phone calls,
“All glories to Srila Prabhupada.”
“Jaya Prabhupada” can be used to mean
“Thank you for the loan of ten bucks”
or it can mean “I don’t think much of you.”
Ways to be with him: stand and move before
his murti during daily guru-puja,
play a tape of his lecture,
give money for the causes he recommended,
chant Hare Krsna with him in mind
and especially be a preacher.
“If you want to please me . . . “
It’s something you do anew each day.
You go to him and ask, “Please be
my spiritual master.” Prabhupada agrees,
you learn from him. You do some service.
Each day is like the first time.
I vaguely remember the time he
saved lunch for me and put the plate on the
floor and I bowed before him.
My recall of the night he initiated me
is dim.
But today is fresh. I will refrain from harsh
words and wishy-washy conclusions.
I will find him and
accept him as my spiritual master,
His Divine Grace
A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada.
Prabhupada is teaching the world
what it has forgotten. That is, God.
He wrote the purports but people
don’t read them.
He challenged but they didn’t take it.
He walked the beach, in the park, and they could
have come too but were too busy.
Prabhupada made what he taught sound simple—
the body is the outer covering,
there’s a subtle body within that,
and the spirit soul is the real mover.
The supreme soul is Krsna.
Prabhupada had a lot to say against the Mayavadis
to people who didn’t think it was relevant.
They thought Prabhupada was abstract
whereas the problems of the world
are real and multifarious.
But he rejected that and said
the one common disease is material identification
and we all suffer from it.
Just chant Hare Krsna and be cured.
But they laughed. He knew they laughed.
He was disgusted with them
but didn’t give up on them.
A relatively few came to him,
his boys and girls.
On them he lavished affection
gave knowledge to stand strong
and he chastised them too
but that was also instruction, a sharp word
to wake you up to the responsibility
of being Krsna’s representative
in this world.
Prabhupada left his books
and his followers, and he has gone.
We still can’t understand it.
We are only trying to understand
“I’m not this body. Krsna’s God.”
How can we expect to know
where the pure devotee lives now?
Don’t bother about it he said,
it will come in due course. Just
try to serve Krsna. Tell everyone you meet
to please surrender to God.
Prabhupada has left us
plenty to do
to get back to him.
pp. 224-227
The Journal is an act of discovering yourself. Last night I discussed that I want to lecture “on chanting Hare Krishna” for my Gaura Purnima lecture. Siksastakam tells the glories of the holy name. It cleanses the mirror of the mind and is the life of transcendental knowledge. It increases the ocean of bliss and gives us the taste for what we are anxious. You have invested all Your energies in Your holy name. There are no hard and fast rules for chanting. You are offering esoteric knowledge of chanting, but I am so unfortunate that I commit offenses to chanting, and therefore I cannot taste the nectar.
I’ve decided to lecture on the ten offenses on Gaura Purnima, but first I’ll give a big introduction. I’ll say in order to know Lord Caitanya you have to know Lord Krishna. For that you have to study the Vedas. The Vedas are non-sectarian. They accept the authority of the Bible, the Koran and Lord Buddha. Different avataras appear. The Vedas are like the unabridged dictionary. Mention different books in the Vedas. Say Bhagavad-gita is widely accepted as the jewel of spiritual wisdom. Krishna is the speaker. He teaches the path of karma, jnana, yoga and bhakti. In each case He says the goal is to reach Him. In Srimad-Bhagavatam also, Krishna is established as the original person, the source of Lord Vishnu. Once we accept Lord Krishna, it is easy to know Lord Caitanya. In the Eleventh Canto it is stated in the Age of Kali, Krishna will appear, but He will not be blackish. He will be always chanting Hare Krishna, and He will appear with His associates. And in the authorized biography of Lord Caitanya, Caitanya-caritamrita, it is described that Krishna appeared five hundred years ago in a disguised form as a pure devotee of Krishna, but His confidential associates knew Him to be Krishna Himself. He appeared to teach the dharma of the age, the congregational chanting of the names of God. He taught that the Age of Kali is so detrimental spiritually that no other practice like meditation, study of Vedanta or yoga could by itself liberate a person from birth or death. But in this bad age, God has made a special dispensation: simply by chanting His names without offense one can attain love of God. Lord Caitanya took part in long, ecstatic kirtanas in which He manifested all the symptoms of ecstasy. Simply by seeing Him people became transformed into devotees of Krishna. Lord Caitanya wrote only eight verses called the Siksastakam, about chanting. And He commissioned His followers, the Six Gosvamis of Vrindavana, to write books on the science of bhakti. In Siksastakam He writes, “One should chant the holy name of God in a humble state of mind…” He also writes, “O my Lord, You have made Yourself completely available in Your holy names, and there are no hard and fast rules in chanting. You have invested Your full potency in Your holy names, but unfortunate as I am, I commit offenses in chanting, and therefore I do not taste the nectar.” In the scriptures it is described that there are offenses in chanting and that one should guard against them or he will not get the fruit of the chanting.
Then I’ll go through the ten offenses. I’ll add inattention in chanting and say how important this is. We can chant in kirtana and privately on beads in japa. So Lord Caitanya practiced both forms, and we are very happy to honor Him on His Appearance Day.
I’m writing down the lecture on a legal pad, and I’ll try to memorize it. It will be a good introductory talk on Lord Caitanya’s mission. I won’t even mention the confidential reasons for His advent and the mad, ecstatic demonstrations in the Gambhira.
I just finished my poem. The website isn’t functioning properly right now due to technical difficulties. It will shortly be corrected. I’ll write out some more of my lecture today, then I’ll be free to write something else in the journal tonight. I’m interested in Saci taking over the manuscript of Volume Two of the autobiography. He has to clean the manuscript, then turn it over to one of his proofreaders.
I spoke this morning with the Visiting Sannyasi about putting his poetry in this story I’m writing. I got permission to use as much poetry as I like. That means I’ll select some things. I won’t change his words, but edit the poems in the sense of selecting what lines I think are appropriate for my purposes. So from here on in this narrative you will see his poem lines appearing.
It’s a pain—long hours rattling in the back
of the Renault, sunshine of Cote d’Azur
and I’m helpless.
Write what words come and they
don’t come from the pure place
What to speak of words direct from krsna-loka,
mine don’t even come
from a clearwater place on the earth.
You know those water bottle people?
I’ve drunk bottles in a dozen countries; they
all advertise the same: “Our water filters
through volcanic ash . . . comes from the
Atlantic Ocean skies . . . deep in the
unspoiled wilderness . . . a Coral island, etc.”
Well my words come down through
stacks of 45 RPM records
dropping one after another on the phonograph,
Allen Freed’s top hits, Fats Domino,
Cardinals, Drifters, rhythm and blues . . .
My layers include Eisenhower as President
(we didn’t own a T.V. but watched it
through the display window of the T.V. store . . . )
Korean War, Dad and the firehouse ….
Wadded tissues, peed on snow, girls,
and drinking liquor and beer on Staten Island …
Holy moly! said Captain Marvel.
Shazaam and nitrogen glycerin to you.
“Hey Stevie, the Dole Company is looking for you.
They want to put fruit in a can.”
Down it filters, but …
there is a way to scrape it all and just
throw it out. I am not a follower
of Prabhupada for nothing.
That was all maya, a dream.
Do you remember your dreams of forty years ago?
Of course not. So why remember the
waking dreams? Why even try for it?
There’s no need. You can gradually let them go.
But will Krsna sustain me?
The life of Bhagavatam?
Yes, believe it. Great sages walk on
this ground, bathe in rivers.
You can enter one river and
come up in another two thousand miles away.
You can have a lot of fun and satisfying
your sense in the service of the Lord.
But don’t expect to bring with you your
old record collection, bed of childhood and adolescence,
father’s smelly cigar butts, picture of naked woman
you found in his drawer
or mother’s statue of
Christ the Little King or your dog or
sister, yeah good-bye to her cynical wit
always cutting me down . . .
You can enter this solid ground where
you met Srila Prabhupada and became his sisya.
It’s not Indian or even New Yorker,
but sankirtana of Lord Caitanya,
historically true and transcendental.
Just do it if you will,
come to me pure, go to Spain
pure words filtered down through
better than volcanic ash, layers of pure sky
and pure winds . . . from Vaikuntha.
Through your broken speech,
babyish, repeating what you’ve heard:
Krsna is God,
Radha is God’s
maha-mantra is God
guru is Prabhupada is God’s
I am his eternal servant
going to Spain to preach bhagavata-dharma.
How many poems is it okay to write?
Is it like eating, don’t overdo?
After all there are criteria and you have
to brush down your sikha—whaddya mean
you can’t tie it in a knot, what’s it made
of, fine gossamer gold, are you
Rumpelstiltskin?
Really now,
your master didn’t josh like this,
why do you?
Oh he had fun too. But when he
looked at us he thought what a sad lot
these Americans speculating, and on a street
he saw them kissing . . .
‘Get married,’ he said.
What do you mean about poems?
They ought to come in from a lilac bush
in someone’s front yard. It’s early enough
in the morning, you don’t have to ask,
dew all over them and no one is awake
and you won’t take so much. I just happened
to be carrying a pair of scissors—snip-snip,
bring these home in your mind in a shopping bag
arrange in a vase before the murti
of your spiritual master. The form is essential and
therefore Narada advised Dhruva,
Don’t only chant but worship
His form.
Do you mean poems are—
in poems can we—
dance and blow a twisted horn as in
sankrtana pictures—Blaooow!
Chant seriously and calm and collected.
No it’s working even when all you
can think it is something other than the words
of maha-mantra and
“Now I’m on the twelfth round.” Still,
you know and you believe.
Srila Prabhupada said when you eat it’s not
that with the first morsel you feel
strong and satisfied. Go on eating.
Seems like I’ve been doin’ it a
long time but it’s been a long,
long time that I’ve been away due
to misuse of independence.
All these things can be discussed in an
authorized way, yes your own way too,
in a poem. So don’t gag on it or
spit it up or refuse to accept and give . . .
Speak, speak nice and plain, Hare Krsna .
pp. 57-60
“Being different” in every respect may be invigorating for some devotees, but not all. Prabhupada said that there were many realistic obstacles. This means that sometimes we have to compromise. We cannot demand of ourselves or of other devotees that we always act with the utmost aggression against the opposing forces of materialism. We also have to learn to live in peace alongside the nondevotees.
Some devotees feel it is too heavy and too demanding for them to wear Vaisnava dress in public. Those who always wear dhotis or saris should not preach that unless one appears in public in devotee dress, with shaved head or sari, etc., then one is in mays. Better to speak in a positive way of the good effect of Vaisnava dress—that people who see us will think Hare Krsna and gain in spiritual benefit—but if a devotee is too shy to do it, we should not make him feel guilty or bad. Grhasthas especially have to integrate more with the ordinary society and maintain an identity as “normal” persons. We ought to encourage each other not to be overwhelmed by the nondevotee world, to maintain our chanting, hearing and serving, but this has to be done according to individual capacity.
Somehow or other we have to preserve our integrity as Vaisnavas. The devotees are like ambassadors from the spiritual world who represent Krsna in a foreign country of the earth. Yet even ambassadors have to blend in certain ways within the foreign culture in which they are living. A devotee has to pay his bills like everyone else, and it is not forbidden for a devotee to vote in local or national elections. We are forced to participate in national emergencies. But in most cases there is a Krsna conscious way to respond to these various cultural demands.
People are also curious to see how the devotee acts in the world. Prabhupada was pleased when some of his devotees in Australia rescued people from a burning office building. We take it as good publicity when devotees do something which is commendable even to the nondevotees, and there is certainly nothing wrong with getting some good “PR” for Krsna’s cause. Only when the devotees are actually adored can there be peace in the world:
When will that day come when a temple will be established in every house in every corner of the world?
When will the high court judge be a Gaudiya Vaisnava with tilaka beautifully decorating his forehead?
When will a Vaisnava winning votes be elected president of the land and preaching be spread everywhere?
–Srila Prabhupada’s “Vyasa-puja homage of 1961,” quoted in 8rila Prabhupada-lilamrta, Vol. 1, p. 250
A devotee does not hate the world or see it as false. He sees it as Krsna’s energy. The Isopanisad mantra states, “One who always sees all living entities as spiritual sparks, in quality one with the Lord, becomes a true knower of things. What, then, can be illusion or anxiety for him?” (Sri Isopanisad, Mantra 7)
A devotee is confident that he has a right to perform his duties in the world as much as any nondevotee does. In Vedic culture sadhus were given free access wherever they went because people knew that they should be respected and received as messengers of the Supreme Lord. Srila Prabhupada used to chide the attitude of immigration officials who questioned him as he entered countries on his preaching mission. Prabhupada reasoned, “They call the country Australia, but it is actually Krsna’s country. A devotee sees every place as belonging to Krsna, and so he should be allowed to go freely and speak there.”
If we exaggerate our opposition to the world, then we will fall prey to the definitions given of dangerous cults. According to sociologists, one characteristic of an undesirable cult is that the members feel strong paranoia toward the rest of the world. This was one of the main insanities of the Jim Jones cult; they thought the outside world was coming to attack them, and so the cult members committed group suicide. The devotee of Krsna does not hate or fear the world. He preserves his integrity, keeps a respectful distance toward the sinful ways of his brothers and sisters, and yet he is part of human society and feels compassion for everyone.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.