“The orthopedic surgeon diagnosed Satsvarupa Maharaja’s hip pain as coming from the sacroiliac joint. Fortunately there was an opening today for an ultrasound-guided shot of cortisone right into the joint. Now it is just a waiting game to see if it will work for him. Everyone reacts differently, but the results will be known within a week. To him it has become severe—interrupting sleep, and not being comfortable in any position. Still the writing goes on, and at the end of the day, that is Satsvarupa Maharaja’s barometer for how things are going.
Hare Krsna,
Baladeva”
A person chants the name of God that he is attracted to, but Krsna is most powerful. A thousand “Visnus” equal one “Rama,” and three “Ramas” equal one “Krsna.” The Hare Krsna maha-mantra is the greatest mantra. It’s made up of the names of Radha and Krsna. It is quoted in the Upanisads, and Bhaktivinoda Thakura and Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura chanted it and advised their followers to chant it. Srila Prabhupada brought it out of India and spread it all over the world. He recommended it as the great mantra for deliverance. He gave his disciples diksa initiation with the order that they chant at least sixteen rounds on 108 beads daily.
******
As late as 1977 Prabhupada recalled that I used to bring him a fresh mango every day. He reminisced about 1966 and said, “Those were happy days.” For me, they were the happiest days of my life. One of the best times to chant was in the morning with Prabhupada. After kirtana he used to say, “Chant one round.” We did it together. He usually finished before we did, and then we all trailed off, even if we hadn’t finished the round.
******
“A person who chants japa and offers prayers to Madhusudana, Lord Sri Krsna, becomes free of all sins and returns to the spiritual world. I am a japa chanter. I do not chant at the perfect stage (suddha-nama), but I am very fortunate. I chant sixteen rounds a day and try to avoid offenses. I am bathed in Krsna’s mercy, hari-nama. It is the best way to approach Radha and Krsna and ask for seva.
******
I like to chant my japa alone, or at most with one or two buddies. Some places practice japa in a packed room with many devotees. At 26 2nd Ave., Prahbupada used to chant a round with all the devotees. But I believe Raghunatha dasa Gosvami and Haridasa Thakura practiced solitary bhajana. It is nice chanting alone with the Lord in intimacy. You hear your own sound vibration clearly, without mingling with others. It lends itself to good practice by the nature of its concentration. There are no hard and fast rules to chanting the holy names. Either with others or alone is allowable. I am just stating a particular preference.
******
I pray to keep attentive and to make my chanting more holy. It is sometimes difficult to meet Nama Prabhu at a deeper level. I’m counting the rounds. But I tried my best and did not falter in the basic execution. I’ll be able to chant twelve rounds before 5:00 A.M. That’s a decent pace. I am thinking of Prabhupada’s translation of Siksastakam: “It increases the ocean of transcendental bliss, and it enables us to fully taste the nectar for which we are always anxious.” I’m not in the ocean of transcendental bliss, but I am anxious for the taste of the nectar. I am praying to Krsna for effort and steadiness. I am calling to Him in my desperation. Please, Lord, let me keep steady and improve. Don’t let me slip.
A routine day, struggling to stay with Nama Prabhu, begging my mind to stay alert and fixed. I stay at a decent level and do not submerge beneath the water of consciousness. But I wish I was better, fresher in the realm of the Hare Krsna mantra.
******
A little faith will help us. We are in a great, dangerous position. We don’t know it because we are sleeping. Sometimes the person is killed while he is sleeping. It requires a third person to come and wake you and warn you. Hearing the Vedic mantra is required. The most important mantra is the maha-mantra.
******
The greatest welfare is to chant loudly so that others can wake up. If we hear the Hare Krsna mantra, it will cleanse the mirror of the heart. In the heart there is such a stock of impressions from different lives. Experience of material things is a dirty covering. There is the potency to hear and have the covering removed.
******
We should take help of the spiritual master. Lord Caitanya has given us this easy process. There is no loss if we chant. There are no hard and fast rules in the chanting. The gain is very great. If the mirror is covered with dust, you cannot see your face. Similarly, the heart is covered. If we try to clean, Krsna will help. Krsna is so nice as Paramatma, caitya-guru. He is always ready to help. He sends His representative from without. A little faith is required. There must be inclination.
******
3:30 A.M. Before beginning japa, I heard a tape of Dravida reading Bhagavad-gita As It Is. He read the verse that one should approach a spiritual master and inquire from him submissively. The self-realized soul can impart knowledge unto you because he has seen the truth. Prabhupada says one has to pass the test of the spiritual master. One cannot just ask absurd inquiries but must accompany his questions with submissive service. The spiritual master has to come in disciplic succession and not manufacture teachings. This is a good verse to begin chanting japa because the third offense is to disobey the order of the spiritual master.
******
I do not chant the Hare Krsna mantra perfectly, but it is always beneficial. Now if I can just say it with pure intention to serve and please Krsna! Mechanical chanting is not good enough. It has to be done with love. And that is what I am praying for.
******
You want to be on the side of good and free of maya. Some taints remain until you are perfectly pure. By hearing and chanting, which are pious acts, Krsna in the heart works to cleanse out the remaining dirt. Prabhupada once said, “When you are seventy-five percent pure, you can go back to Godhead.” He said that immediately after saying you had to be a hundred percent pure. Krsna decides.
******
I like chanting the maha-mantra. I’m familiar enough with the words “Hare,” “Krsna,” and “Rama.” They please me as they pass through my mind and lips. I’ve been doing it so long it’s become a love and a deep attachment. I could never switch to another kind of prayer of another religion, or even another mantra in the Vedic religion. This is it for me. I began in 1966, and I’ll continue it until the end. Prabhupada was so expert as to cement it to my being, and the mantra itself has the potency that once you chant it, you never want to stop. I’m like Gopa-kumara, who, no matter where he went, chanted his Gopal mantra, because it brought him more satisfaction than anything else, even when he was in the heavenly planets or Vaikuntha. He was always restless unless he was chanting his diksa mantra. The Hare Krsna mantra stays with you so that you chant it even in the dentist’s office or in the car after you’ve chanted your minimum prescribed rounds.
pp. 61-63
So welcome back to a storyland, I haven’t been here in a month. I remember being alone like this by the Tuscarora Creek and hearing masses of trees in the wind. I don’t remember such heat, unrelieved blue sky. I never before owned a white Renault van. I don’t own one now, not officially. But I’m the reason it’s traveling.
A salamander flicks its tongue. He’s dry on the hot stone wall. Mosquitoes have not found me here. Today sleep at midday?
Now we are expecting that I should be Krsna conscious. What does that mean in terms of this writing? It means when you read it back we won’t be worried that you are misleading us. No one should become a spiritual master or a father or mother or king or storywriter, unless he can free his people from birth and death. That is your responsibility. If you take people’s eyes and ears—attention—for a while, you have to lead them, as Lord Rsabhadeva led His sons, to the ultimate conclusion. That is, we advise you to engage yourself a hundred percent in devotional service to Lord Krsna, under the guidance of a bona fide spiritual master.
A story puts the message in a context where it’s easier to take or is effective in a special way. The writer says, “I won’t mislead you.” When I speak of summer heat or whatever, you can know I won’t mislead you. I have not left out Krsna consciousness, and I will never leave it out. It is always central and nothing can change that. The heat may remind us to mention India, memories of Gita Nagari, mere mention of . . . years gone by when we are all bound in the obligation to work not only for this lifetime but the next. We both understand all these.
I read a statement where Srila Prabhupada said it was advisable to read Srimad-Bhagavatam 24 hours a day, if possible. This is what I wanted, I told myself, and underlined the passage in pencil. Lord Caitanya said kirtaniyah sada harih, and that could be taken as always reading Krsna’s glories and teachings, or chanting Hare Krsna mantra, or moving through a variety of Kona conscious activities, never ceasing to remember Lord Krsna, to serve Kona in the context of Srila Prabhupada’s order. If the world could do this.
Today I sat on the edge of the bathtub and Madhu shaved my head. I mentioned I saw an ad for a book by Bhakti-Tirtha Swami. And I began to tell of my close friendship with him years ago. I was a sannyasi when he joined the movement. He traveled with me. I sent a letter to Srila Prabhupada recommending Bhakta John Favors and Srila Prabhupada wrote back his name is now Ghanasyama. I told him, how our close relationship changed. Ghanasyama looked up to me as a spiritual mentor. But when I observed him performing austere penances I said it was too much. GS wrote in his diary that I ought to look to improve in my own renunciation rather than criticize his as too extreme. Our relationship broke. After telling this story to him I felt apprehension. It had come out of me so honestly, like a confession, especially the part where I told I was like GS’s guru and how I was sorry it had changed. Why fear to have spoken honestly? Because maybe one day Madhu will also feel that change toward me. But he is my disciple, whereas Ghanasyama was initiated by Srila Prabhupada. Still if you grow up, you grow up, if you change, you change. I also saw that for a long time I’ve had a need to be looked up to and respected at least by a few people. It’s probably a natural urge, especially as you grow older. I thought of Godbrothers who also have this urge; it’s like a spiritual fatherhood without having to beget through a wife. The urge to be supported in many ways by followers. But it’s possible that they may all grow up and feel differently about you, not want to print your books anymore. In his advanced age, Srila Prabhupada had the opposite experience: he gave up his ungrateful wife and children, and Lord Ksnna gave him hundreds and then thousands of children. Srila Prabhupada said this was happiness in Krsna consciousness. It was with great responsibility that Srila Prabhupada took charge of all his disciples. I can’t match that but I think he wants me to help others in Krsna consciousness. I should do it and rest assured that Lord Krsna will take care of me just as lie takes care of everyone. Eko bahunam yo vididhati kaman.
If I have to cook for myself, if I have to earn money somehow, if I do not have a servant, if no one wants to oblige me by printing my words, I’d have to accept all that and no doubt see the silver lining in it. For now, why uselessly worry “what will happen?” Tell your stories, your stories which are Krsna conscious.
As I said, it’s hot out here on the patio. I hear locusts. A fly has discovered my white knee. A warm breeze. People in this area of the country mostly stay inside behind closed doors at this time and I’ll go there now. I came out to talk with you and restart the story process. I’d like to leave many little volumes of stories for people to pick up and read in Krsna consciousness. The readers don’t have to be my disciples. I don’t have to be guru. I can witness life, that’s all.
p. 5
I was rescued by Srila Prabhupada when I was twenty-six years old. Under his influence, and by the discipline of chanting Hare Krsna, I was able to give up the sinful activities I was immersed in. Still, I continued to carry the impression of years of demoniac habits, not only from this lifetime but from previous lives. Therefore, as I try to express myself in Krsna consciousness today, some demoniac traces —aparadhas and anarthas, offenses and unwanted bad habits—still block my attempt to taste the nectar of the holy name and to serve Krsna selflessly.
When I write, I become aware of the battle between demon and devotee, between skepticism and faith, between hardheartedness and love. Therefore, the Lord’s advice to the demigods on how to overcome the demons intrigues me. Krsna advised them not to be angry, but to agree to whatever the demons proposed. He said He would be with them. They had to be aware that when they began to churn,
A poison known as kalakuta will be generated from the ocean of milk, but you should not fear it. And when various products are churned from the ocean, you should not be greedy for them or anxious to obtain them, nor should you be angry.
Purport: It appears that by the churning process many things would be generated from the ocean of milk, including poison, valuable gems, nectar and many beautiful women. The demigods were advised, however, not to be greedy for the gems or beautiful women, but to wait patiently for the nectar. (Bhag. 8.6.25)
My purpose in writing is to produce the nectar of krsna-katha, krsna-upadesa. I may become entranced from time to time with the vividness of the images that come to mind or the power of expression, but the Lord advises that I don’t become attached to any of these things. I shouldn’t try to cash in on the results of the free-writing process, but keep going. In my case, when the nectar does come, it’s not for me anyway. It’s something that I will offer to Krsna. I will take His remnants, and may it make me a better servant of the Lord.
When I start writing and powerful things appear, part of me may want to go with their energies. I don’t go with the energy in order to become a great writer or to revel in powerful imagery or because I think I’ve discovered some great universal secret; I trust that I know what to reject and what to accept, what is favorable for Krsna consciousness and what is unfavorable, and I trust that Krsna will protect me. I also accept that this is Krsna’s plan for me that I work in this way.
p. 1
Last night I dreamt I was carrying thirteen million dollars sewn into my clothes. It was stolen money, and I was carrying it for ISKCON. I was to turn it over to ISKCON authorities as soon as possible. I’d never steal in waking life. Does such a dream mean I’ve stolen in the past? Have I stolen something in this life in the name of loyalty to the institution? We must be loyal to Prabhupada, but we also have to be scrupulously honest and responsible. In the dream, stealing was approved. Is that how James Joyce’s words can be applied? This is what he said:
I will tell you what I will do and what I will not do. I will not serve that in which I no longer believe whether it calls itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: And I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use—silence, exile and cunning.” (A Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man)
Srila Prabhupada told me not to sign a check to be handed to Mr. Payne unless I was satisfied. Don’t go with the crowd if you are not convinced that the crowd is going in the right direction., Don’t do it even when someone says, “This is what Srila Prabhupada wants.” Don’t share the mistake.
But to oppose error or misdirection and to preserve integrity, an artist permits himself only “arms of cunning, exile, and silence.” What does he mean? Jokingly, a brother said, “Are you still going to live as you have been doing—in cunning, exile, and silence?”
These are first thoughts on today’s walk. I respond¬ed to my alarm clock at midnight and crawled out of my blue tent.
“What! You’re living in a blue tent?!”
Sure, because Richard Hugo says, “You owe reality nothing and the truth about your feelings everything.” Therefore, my tent is blue.
Pada-yatra is an art form a
kiwi fruit
pulled from the waiter’s pocket on a ferry. They were cold—straight from the fridge, and they were a gift.
We gave him a book. He said, “I read a lot.” He had never been to a temple, although he had already read Bhagavad-gita (couldn’t pronounce it though), Sri Isopanisad, and Path of Perfection. He already had a few concepts. Keeps quotes from the books posted above the cash register.
Now the walk. Start with your motives instead of your left foot. How deep can you go?
It’s 3:10 and I had better get walking. It’s my duty to reach a certain point by the end of today. The maha-mantra resounds on this pada-yatra. The people hear it whether they like it or not and it helps them. When people pray for daily bread or pious politicians pose with Bhagavad-gitas held to their breast, they are blessed. Something is better than nothing.
But real devotion is different. It is expressed in faith and conviction in scripture. We accept the scripture as truth because we cannot know what is beyond our senses. There is no room for doubt or interpretation. We just take it as it is, as our transparent, via medium guru has taught us in disciplic succession. If the material scientists don’t accept the scriptures, we reject the scientists. Devotion means freedom from doubt. It’s not that Krsna left Bhagavad-gita in a rough or unclear form so that scholars could later prove themselves more intelligent than He by giving it new meanings.
pp. 65-67
He recovered and ate bhat kichari,
while the Jaladuta plied through smoother waters—
Suez, Mediterranean, south of Italy, Gibraltar,
then out upon a broad, peaceful ocean.
“If the Atlantic would have shown
its usual face, perhaps I would have died.
But Lord Krishna has taken charge of the ship.”
Thirty days crossing,
and his only solace was Chaitanya-charitamrta.
He thought of the unfriendly risks,
so far from Their Lordships Radha-Damodar.
Vrndavana life was natural and sublime,
at home with Krishna devotion.
If life at sea was alien,
what of the new land and the task ahead?
He confided to his friend, Sri Krishna,
a page of Bengali script
announcing a bold vision:
His spiritual master’s desire
will prompt the whole world to chant.
Alone, and coming closer
to the unknown, he foresaw
that the mercy of Lord Chaitanya would conquer.
As the boat entered Boston Harbor,
no one suspected
the extent of the change to come.
But history was changing—
from no pure devotee in the West,
to one.
His awe heightening before the task,
he drew closer to Krishna’s grace:
“Why have You brought me here?”
How could Captain Pandia know,
as he took his saintly passenger
on a short walk through Boston?
Only Krishna could hear
as Prabhupada spoke with hope and helplessness:
“I am Your puppet.
Make me dance, make me dance.”
With early morning mist lifting,
he saw the dead-spirited city,
the dirty streets and buildings,
the victims of Kali-yuga going to work.
And he grew anxious.
How could he even talk with them?
How could he change them.
turn them from sense-delights
and show them the vanity and defeat
of hope dependent on a myth?
How would they be able to hear?
Only the expert mystic, Krishna,
could change them.
Prabhupada prayed for the Lord’s mercy:
“I wish that You may deliver them.”
Boston was heavy,
but Bhagwatam the heaviest.
Bhakti science could work anywhere,
its transcendental sound penetrating the deaf ear,
cutting the stone heart,
smothering the fire of lust,
and cleansing the filthiest place.
These people who ate meat,
who indulged in sex like dogs,
could rise to human behavior.
Those who were desperate
could at last find shelter.
If they could hear,
the knots of their hearts and all misgivings
would be cut to pieces;
Prabhupada had come to give them that chance.
They could stop the chain of karma,
if Krishna would bless His pure devotee’s words.
Feeling himself tiny, an “insignificant beggar,”
Prabhupada prayed for the Lord’s mercy:
“I wish that You may deliver them.”
He had no other desire.
pp. 73-75
In Vrndavana he would take a walk every morning on Chatikara Road (now Bhaktivedanta Swami Marg) and walk in the direction toward New Delhi. He would be accompanied by ten to twenty devotees, and he would speak philosophy freely. When he returned to the temple, he would sit on the vyasasana and receive guru-puja and then give a morning Srimad-Bhagavatam lecture. The kirtana hall is an open space, and it gets cold in the winter. He would mostly stay indoors for the rest of the day. He would talk with devotees and give them service instructions. He would push Surabhi to get the temple construction done faster. Surabhi would explain about a shortage of cement or some other reason for the delay, but Prabhupada would stay on his case. When the temple was finished he said, “Everyone praises Surabhi for such a nice job he has done but I just criticize. Because that is my position, as spiritual master.” Once when he arrived at New Delhi airport he got into the car with Guru das and the first words he uttered were “see-ment.” It was hard getting enough cement in India, and Prabhupada wanted as much as he could get as soon as he could get it.
In Bhubaneswar in January 1977 he stayed in a small tent-cottage which had no full wall. The walls didn’t go up to the ceiling, but there was a small space, and connected to this room was another shack where his secretary stayed. One night we saw a big rat walking on the beam between the two shacks. In the early morning we heard Prabhupada dictating the beginning of the Tenth Canto. He began with a short summary of all the chapters in the Tenth Canto. It was a thrill to be witnessing the historical beginning of the Tenth Canto. On the walk we told him we had heard him beginning the Tenth Canto. “Oh,” he said with surprise, “you heard me?” “Yes, Prabhupada, we heard you, and you mentioned that Krishna was dancing with the gopis, but He left the rasa dance to seek Radharani.”
At Tirupati we got up before 1:00 A.M. and went to the temple of Balaji for a special early darshan. We were all able to go to the front of the line. Prabhupada chanted govindam adi-purusam tam aham bhajami as he approached the Deity. Then he left his cane on the railing in front of the Deities, and I had to go back and get it. On the train from Bhubaneswar to Calcutta we were disturbed by the loud voices in the compartment ahead of us. They were loud and drunk. They called each other by their names—Mr. Bhattacharya and Mr. Chakravarti—which Srila Prabhupada said were aristocratic brahmana names, but now they had fallen.
You bargained with a rickshaw walla for the price from the temple to Loi Bazaar. You asked for two rupees, but he wanted three. You refused to pay his price and started walking ahead on foot. You walked for about a hundred feet and then the walla drove up in front of you and said he would take your price. One time on a walk you stopped a man carrying vegetables in a basket on his head. You bargained with him and bought the whole basketful. It was delightful watching you deal with him in a down-home way.
On a walk you went all the way to the Yamuna with the devotees in Vrndavana. You told the men to go in bathing, but you would just stay on the shore and touch it with your head. You sat on the shore watching, and then you hesitated and decided to go in yourself in your gamcha. You went in and the devotees held your hands. You dunked yourself under the water, and everyone was thrilled. In Jagannatha Puri you did something similar. We were staying at a beach hotel. You went down to the ocean front and stood in the water. You let the devotees splash water on you, and it was like an abhiseka of the Deity. They sang govindam adi-purusam and splashed water on your face and body. At one point you grabbed a mouthful of water from the ocean and spit it out, and Gurukripa Maharaja was fast enough to catch it.
Toward the end of your life you retired from writing the Srimad-Bhagavatam. You lay in your bed in your last days. But then you said you wanted to continue writing, and Jayadvaita Maharaja and Pradyumna knelt at your side and read you the Sanskrit and the English and you dictated purports to the Thirteenth Chapter of the Tenth Canto. You did it in a voice that could barely be heard, but Jayadvaita Maharaja caught it on the microphone, placed by your lips. In one of your purports you made a joke and compared four-headed Brahma to “four-headed scientists.”
Your pastimes in India are so numerous they cannot be captured by Ananta Sesa reciting them for thousands of years from his thousands of mouths.
pp. 24-26
Yesterday I was invited to travel by jeep out to the Vraja-mandala parikrama. Fifty or so devotees have been walking all month around Vrndavana. Yesterday they were at Brahmanda ghata, the place where Krsna ate dirt. I was prepared to read and lecture. Anyone can speak by faithfully selecting passages and interesting points from Prabhupada’s purports and then elaborating on them by applying relevant lessons from ISKCON life.
It was nice speaking krsna-lila to the devotees on the Vraja mandala parikrama. Later we sat parked at a train crossing, waiting for the train to pass while our senses and minds were bombarded by the noisy traffic. A sign on the road: “Be kind to birds and animals. -Notice their pains.” I noticed a skinny female dog being harassed by eight puppies. They demanded her milk, and eventually she couldn’t refuse them. In another village, I saw a dog with a bone sticking out of its mouth.
The ancient locomotive finally chugged by. Backward India. But only here can we find the dust of Vraja. I ate some dirt from the same place where Krsna ate dirt. Then I drank a few drops of Yamuna water.
“OM” sign on a bus. Water chestnuts for sale. We pass a roadside chapel with orange Hanuman inside.
With the parikrama devotees, we discussed the riches available in Vrndavana. Some verses declare that there are jewels to be found everywhere, and that the associates of Krsna live in great palaces. “In a temple of jewels in Vrndavana, underneath a desire tree, Sri Sri Radha-Govinda, served by Their most confidential associates, sit upon an effulgent throne.” Devotee gave different views of what this means. Vrndavana is usually simple and rural, but it can manifest any opulence desired by the Lord and His devotees for Their pastimes. But there is also an inner meaning—the true wealth of Vraja is not gold or marble, but the pure affection exchanged between Krsna and His devotees. We look for flashes of that opulence as we traverse the land of Vraja.
I knew that I was supposed to walk yesterday morning. I wondered whether I would be able to make it barefoot. The most important thing is to be humble as we walk on the same earth Radha and Krsna walked on. This earth is more fortunate than we are.
Today, my disciples and I walked around Vrndavana together. Someone photographed us walking in the cold, dark A.M. As the sky grew lighter, we stopped and read from KRSNA book about Krsna praising Vrndavana. Later we stopped again to read of the gopis’ praise of Krsna’s flute. It had begun warm up, but my feet tingled with cold, electric energy and the pinches from the pebbles. This earth is not so hard. It has been trod upon by millions of people before us.
“Did you ever go on parikrama with Srila Prabhupada?” a disciple asked me.
“No, but I took some walks with him in Vrndavana.” It such a rare opportunity, to be with Srila Prabhupada in Vrndavana. I
We continued to stop and read and speak little purports.
I told them we should regularly make stops in our rush through life to read KRSNA book. I told them the gopis were not full of malice toward Krsna’s flute, but they admired the flute’s ability to please Krsna. The gopis simply wanted to please Krsna.
Krsna, let me walk with no headache or ankle collapse. I told them Lokanatha Maharaja invited me to go on Vraja Mandala parikrama in future years; he said I don’t have to walk, they will “carry” me.
“Oh, do it,” my disciples said.
“I’ll cook for you on Vraja Mandala parikrama.”
“I’ll type.”
“And I’ll write,” I said, “although many have already written diaries on parikrama.”
“But not like your diary.”
It is a great responsibility to guide these disciples, and it is wonderful to see how happy they were to walk in our spiritual family relationship. I thought of how Prabhupada nourished me like this. Now it is my turn to nourish others.
When we got back to the Guesthouse I could hear the twenty-four-hour kirtana from my room. The lead singer was a Westerner, singing like a cowboy crooner. I could also hear women’s voices in the chorus, repeating the maha-mantra over and over again.
The sky is clear today. The air carries a pleasant November chill. The sparrows chirp and the parrots screech. Vrndavana is such a nice place. You can feel its specialness. All of this is possible because Srila Prabhupada left Vrndavana to bring Vrndavana to us, and to bring us here.
A disciple reminded me that one time while walking on a California beach, Srila Prabhupada said that the sound of the crashing surf was the beating of the gopis’ hearts in separation from Krsna. Wherever Prabhupada is, that is Vrndavana.
pp. 60-62
At dusk the two left the shelter of the house and made tracks across the snow. They darted into the open spaces only when they were sure there were no cats, rats, or other predators lurking about. By instinct they quickly uncovered a nest of meadow jumping mice, whom they knew were hibernators.
“Hare Krsna,” said Chota. “How are you?”
“Can’t you see we are hibernating? Don’t bother us,” said one of the meadow clan, stretching his body and squinting his eyes in the darkness.
“We just want to tell you something that will help you. It will help you to be less fearful. Just spare a minute and let us share with you some spiritual knowledge.”
“No,” said the meadow mouse , “just go away. If you want to be kind to us, leave us alone.”
“All right,” said Chota reluctantly. “Hare Krsna.”
The meadow mouse turned back to his group but stopped to ask, “What’s that you said?”
“It’s called a mantra,” said Chota. “It can protect you from snakes and birds.”
“Hmm,” the meadow mouse said. “Hare Krsna,” and he returned to sleep.
They next visited a nest of oldfield mice. When the mice understood that the visitors had no malicious intentions, they received them well and offered them some food in the form of insects. But the preachers refused it, explaining that they were vegetarians.
“Vegetarians? Why is that?” One question led to another, and soon the preachers found themselves explaining Krsna consciousness. The oldfields didn’t seem to understand spiritual teachings, but they remained sociable and even sang the Hare Krsna mantra with their visitors, finding it a pleasant way to spend a cold evening underground.
When they left the oldfield community after several hours, Yamala and Chota were jubilant. They had forgotten their wounds and wanted to go visiting nest-to-nest without stopping to eat or sleep.
Their other visits were not as productive, but they were at least received by the deer mice, who talked fearfully about their predators—skunks, foxes, weasels, hawks, owls, and snakes. Even if the field mice couldn’t understand much of what the preachers were saying, they seemed to respect the calm and confident attitude of their visitors, and they sensed their nonviolent intentions. In each of these places, the preachers made sure to chant and give an explanation of the mantra. They left each nest with hopes that maybe someone would remember, perhaps at a time of danger, or at the time of death. Most of the mouse species lived only for a few years, so the preachers tried to emphasize the urgent need to understand the purpose of life and how to be spared from rebirth in lower species.
In the rafters of the garage, the preachers came upon some albino mice. As Chota began to explain his mission, one of the white creatures became quite interested.
“Some of my brothers,” he said, “used to be pets of humans. One of them even returned to live with us. So I have heard different things, but never this. You learned this from the humans?”
“Yes,” said Chota, “but this is not human culture. Spiritual culture is for all living beings. All living creatures are equal as spirit souls. The difference is in the bodies. Bodies are just like coverings of the real self.”
“What do you mean?” the albino asked. “How can a creature be different from his body? All I know is the instincts of a mouse, whereas the cat, our enemy, knows the instincts of a cat. So how can you say we are the same?”
“What you are describing,” said Chota, “is material consciousness. And that’s all most creatures know. But there is higher knowledge. Certain advanced human beings have received this knowledge, but it can be understood by any creature because we are all spirit soul within. Only in ignorance do we live out a life just thinking of mating, sleeping, eating, and defending. When we die without any other knowledge, the purpose of life is defeated.”
Another albino who had overheard the talk moved closer with friendly curiosity. He said, “But how can this help us in a practical way?”
The discussion with the albinos continued all morning. Several of them seemed quite impressed with the philosophy spoken by Chota, and with the preachers themselves. The albinos were sorry to see their friends go, and before they parted they made promises to try and meet again sometime. The albinos agreed to practice the chanting.
“If you simply practice the chanting every day, even a little bit,” said Chota, “your consciousness will change from material to spiritual, and you will feel so many other good benefits.”
“Thank you very much for visiting us. I think this is a very important day in our lives,” said the albino leader, and he personally escorted the preachers to the exit of their hidden nest.
Tired as they were, Yamala and Chota scampered with joy across the roof beams, into the house, in between the walls, and back to the closet, eager to report their results to Nimai.
pp. 41-45
Chanting, chanting, my friends
chanting in this house. One sits on a pillow
on the cold floor chanting loudly, the
other paces, chanting, before last embers.
I go outside in the small yard
to chant. Against the hedges,
I peer through them, then turn and
walk to the white wall,
and turn and chant mechanical mantras.
And my mind! I’ll get there yet
by His grace.
I wish I could get beneath the
veneer of “Hare Krsna.” With
its cultish or institutional buzz word
connotations. But even unappreciated,
misunderstood, “Hare Krsna” is absolute.
In journalists’ usage it stands out
as a diamond, even in an essay
on fashion where a male
model wore a skirt and shaved his head
and they said, “Mr. Greer looked
like a Hare Krsna monk.”
My daydreams slip through my hands like
mercury. I wish I were a stalwart Vaisnava
in the upper stages of bhakti, budding
toward bhava, strong and sturdy,
an upright teacher of Parampara
completely aloof from sex and honor,
always preaching, not thinking of myself.
Sri Krsna would come to me in dreams and
speak and I would feel compassion for fallen
souls and do whatever He wants.
If I met myself and gave advice,
I’d say to love and go on serving, chanting better.
I am in France just off the highway
writing this declaration,
this poem, this note—
be a man, brave,
true, gentle, and modest.
What do I mean? Start off in the
direction given by Prabhupada.
Read his books carefully and
when you’re tired and can’t pay
attention, do something else that befits
his follower. I won’t berate myself. I
might as well
do the best I can on this path
I have chosen, or which has been
given to me. I am a writer. I want
to be alone. This aloneness has
sought me out. Even in Vrndavana
I wanted to go alone.
Now I’m alone in my van
with my friend. Krsna has given
me this solitude. Will I take it
and use it for Hrsikesa?
Am I nervous because there are no
night watchmen, no big walls, no large
community to protect me? I must be on
guard against maya and I pray to Krsna for
protection.
When I am alone to write,
I want to be free and relaxed and
personal—I’ve sought solitude for this—
but I want to preach and speak in
parampara. I have to sort this out:
how to write, what to say.
Make it student’s notes on Bhagavatam?
Allow “anything” in? Well, of course
not anything, but you know what
I mean.
I am in France, just off the highway, writing this
alone, to Krsna. I am nervous. I have no
shelter but You. Please give me Your shelter
and entrance into Your name and
my spiritual master’s purports.
The rest will follow naturally.
Happy. Tired. Back from the walk.
Started collecting rocks. The first one
was red, redder than a Govardhana sila but
I put it back and thought, “A Vaisnava can’t
collect rocks because he worships Silas.” Later
a brown-white-gray mottled and fractured stone
caught my attention and I decided to keep it
and remember Krsna.
The second one I chose—or did it choose me?—
out of thousands strewn on the beach as I
walked looking at rocks instead of sky where
the jet trails and blue converge
on the earth (I forget who I am as I
drink in fresh air, my eyes clear,
tired but happy) was a
white pebble with holes in it like
a pierced earlobe.
On the beach this fair morning I
also read aloud from Srimad-Bhagavatam and
practiced like a forum orator.
“This is the way Prabhupada engages us,”
I said. “We can know that Krsna is helping us
to come to Him.” I caught my
breath and drove my points
home excitedly. A devotee can’t know
how much he is benefited by the Lord.
The more he serves, the more the Lord
encourages him. I read it and felt good.
One of these days I could make a
quantum leap. One
fair morning, even with
cold fingers, sitting on a
pebble-piled beach.
Madhu suggested we get a
little house in the country, a home base.
Newlyweds think like that. They walk past
a fresh running stream and say yes, we shall build
a little home like Yeats’ house “of wattles made.”
It’s illusion because time steals all
time and we’re left with no life.
Pink lengthwise strips of clouds.
A little rain on me.
My voice says, “Listen, Krsna is really the
center of existence and of your life.”
I get a new idea for a seminar and record it
into the Dictaphone. Two machines, one in
each pocket, a walking stick,
a bead bag, a rolled-up umbrella,
and my book bag—more than I can
handle all at once. My ankle aches.
It will be a writing class. I will
introduce the intellectual level
of a Gita verse, then ask them
to write ten minutes what
they feel, ask them to pray in writing.
While they write, I will also.
I will read their pieces later in my room.
It could be a good seminar
even if I don’t learn to pray right now.
But what about Krsna? What about me?
Walking, didn’t I seek Him and pray, “Please
reveal Yourself to Your suppliant”?
No, I just chanted Hare Krsna and
“Jaya Prabhupada!” and kept walking.
pp. 113-15
I am coming back from another walk at Gita Nagari with some leaves, but there are not so many good choices of leaves as before. I am trying to get more into realizing that I don’t demand anything of Lord Krsna and Prabhupada in my prayer. I just ask that they allow me to speak to them and pray to them with connection. I ask that they grant me the faith to do this along with dutiful activities so that I can serve with more love. I am praying to admit my wrongs and to see them for what they are. I want to admit my need to pray and glorify Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and to remember Him and His unique position as taught in Krsna consciousness. I ask for faith, but I do not demand it. I am pleased with whatever Krsna does. I want to know more how to act in His service. That’s what I should be praying for.
Sunny afternoon on a Sunday. The purpose of speaking mostly to myself is for encouragement, but also, sometimes I have to face defects. It occurred to me that I have the defect of seeking material peace and a little hypochondria, oversensitivity to physical pain. Although my desires for solitude have a spiritually positive aspect to them, there are also the negative aspects of desiring isolation, not going into solitude out of compassion for others or for contemplating God. I want to be alone to get away from people. These are my weaknesses.
One way I am countering this is to balance the inward, introspective life with taking part in community activities and counseling and preaching and living in the temples. Also, I try to purify whatever solitude I take so that it is a solitude in which I think and pray for others as well as to prepare myself to be with others.
Walking at noon, October 31. It is perfectly still, sunny and cool, peaceful in this forest atmosphere, but I had a headache all night and still have one; so I found myself, of course, not able to pray as well. This occurs to me as a real deficiency that I should try to overcome. Find some space within where you can pray and not be affected, not meditating just on physical pain. This headache is a tiny thing: what about the pain when you have to leave the body? Does that mean you are not going to pray? The prayer may be a little different. It may be like a limp rather than a vigorous walk, but you have to keep praying, talking to Krsna in nice ways and not just about your pains (“Oh Krsna, this hurts, oh Krsna, that hurts”).
You did it this morning—you remembered that Krsna is the source of all the material and spiritual worlds and everything is connected to Him. If we serve Him directly, everything will be taken care of in bhakti-yoga. The demigods are satisfied, humanity is served in the best way, and our self-realization is achieved. Krsna is so great that He is simultaneously one with everything, and everything is Krsna. He still has His own individual personality as Visnu and as Krsna. So bhakti-yoga is the complete act, just as watering the root is the complete act for nourishing the tree. In this way, one can transcend his material, so-called pains by thinking of Krsna.
Prayer doesn’t have to mean, “Okay Krsna, here is the bottom line, here is what I want,” but just to glorify the Lord and then say, “Please accept me. Please let me keep talking to You and speaking to You and speaking what I have heard. Please let this message be realized by me or, if I have to remain just a parrot, then let me squawk or sing nicely what I have heard in disciplic succession and defeat all doubters and atheists, including those who dwell within myself. Let the lionlike Lord Caitanya, by His roar, be in my heart and chase away the elephantine vices and doubts. Hare Krsna.” After all, prayer is basically glorification, and petition can be included in that. You glorify and glorify and then you say, “And therefore, my Lord, please accept me as dust at Your lotus feet by the mercy of my spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada.” If prayer is largely glorification, then let me pray to the Lord.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.