“The weekend was uneventful for Satsvarupa Maharaja. Then on Monday and Tuesday, his old friend, Jayadvaita Swami, came. He tolerated this new adventure very well, without any extra headaches or confusion. Wednesday Krsna-bhajana (his editor) came to work directly with him and get the writing rolling again after a dry period. The plan is that he will stay two weeks, trying to finish up another book to be available for the summer festival (July 5th). They have been doing two sessions a day without any sign of a crash yet.
There also seems to be some gain on another front. He has been getting two professional massages “at home” for three weeks, and Satsvarupa Maharaja seems to be feeling some encouraging progress after yesterday’s session. He was visibly in better shape, and not in so much pain afterward (which has been the norm)—“No pain, no gain.” These sessions are very good for circulation, and yesterday he was definitely more upbeat. Pain is there, but so is progress.”
Hare Krsna,
Baladeva
If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at [email protected] or [email protected] and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.
Dreams are a lingering, a delaying. You oversleep because of them. They are an attachment to this world. It may be some foolish activity or even horrible detention—but whatever it is, it keeps you asleep. This gives you a glimpse of the fact that due to attachments, you linger in this world of birth and death. They have to be rooted out.
Simultaneously, you want to become more absorbed in the activities of Radha and Krishna. This cannot happen by your own endeavor. Mercy has to descend before the spiritual participation becomes the root of your being, and for the other connections to wither and fall away.
Devotees who preach against all opposition, with faith in the guru’s order, gain his blessings. They get lifted out. I think of them, and I hope I am doing something to attract his mercy. Otherwise, I know I can’t develop a spiritual mind and body just by reading books and chanting.
******
O best of mantras, You withhold Yourself from me in Your inner form. I am an outer person when it comes to chanting. I seek the inner form of truth.
******
By rising early, we may pray and deliberate. Is the body fit today? Can I welcome the opportunities? We ask for grace and protection.. . . “One can neither see, hear, understand nor perceive the Supreme Lord, Krsna, by the material senses. But if one is engaged in loving transcendental service to the Lord from the beginning, then one can see the Lord by revelation” (Bg. 11.4, purport).
******
Everyone is dear to Krishna. If we follow Arjuna’s path, we too can attain perfection. “Don’t hesitate, don’t worry,” Krishna says. “Give up all religious activities and surrender to Me.”
“Do it today,” as the advertisers say. “Don’t delay.” You chant His holy names, but it takes more than putting a dollar in the mail. Do it today, all day, all night, all day tomorrow. Be prepared to go on chanting and praying for many lifetimes. Pray for the greed; prove your sincerity. Don’t think, “I’ve done enough. Krishna should fully reveal Himself to me and take me out of this world to safety in the supreme abode.” That thinking is tinged with salvationism. Krishna can purify it. We need to show Him we simply want to serve His devotees, either in this world or in the spiritual world.
******
We don’t eat the right things and then we complain of indigestion. Foolish humans. We can love people despite their weaknesses, but our own weaknesses detain us. We say we want devotion to God, but we act in a way to prevent it from happening as fully as possible right now. We act as if it’s not urgent, as if it is something that can be tended to later. It’s a fact, we say, that we can practice God consciousness later, when we have more time. More time? That last stage is filled with disease and bewilderment and death.
******
I, Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, hereby declare myself in need of Sri Krsna’s profound grace. I ask Him to help me. What do I need? I need contrition. I am afraid to become too emotional, and yet . . . Why am I not sorry that I haven’t attained Your attention more? Why don’t You reveal Yourself to me so that I care for You? Your name, just a drop of its essence, would flood me with awareness of You. I would crave the chanting day and night.
******
The path of devotional service is direct. In this age, we can’t do anything very difficult. Therefore, I am grateful for the holy names. I am afraid of time and maya and the world. I turn to You. But I am sorry I am not a better devotee.
******
I go on waiting and hoping. “Because I am trying my best to follow the routine principles of devotional service, I am sure that I will go back to Godhead, back to home . . . one should continue to hope against hope that some way or other he will be able to approach the lotus feet of the Supreme Lord” NOD, p. 137).
******
In India, I hear truck horns instead of Krishna’s flute. But I hear about His flute, especially early in the morning when I am fresh. I am not indifferent to my material situation. I prefer indoors because there is a fan and no flies.
******
We are still without electricity. No loudspeakers! I can hear tremendous choruses of birds—and nothing else. If a bell rings or someone chants, it is only with the power of their own voice. Amplification needs electricity. This is what Vrndavana was like hundreds of years ago. But I am here now, groggy after my early rising, and aware of my dullness after thirteen mechanically chanted rounds. I did ask at several points why this had to be so.
******
Well said, good friend and great sadhu, Prabodhananda Sarasvati. Why talk of other things? Why ever forget Vrndavana? Even these rolling choruses of bird calls and chirping and peacock’s “kee-gaw” are part of Vrndavana. And the trees dripping in the rain. Who can complain about dark morning monsoon clouds in Vrndavana? Not me. But the symptoms of inattentive japa mean I have a hard heart filled with unredeemed aparadhas. I say I live with it. Others are worse than I am, I say. I look for encouragement in that fact and find it. Then I shake that off and turn to the sadhu:
“Srimati Radhika’s forest is the perfect atonement of sins, the ultimate shelter from offenses to great souls, the crest jewel of all principles of religion, and the crest jewel of all goals of life” (Vrndavana-mahimamrta, Sataka 4.88).
******
Note: it is Radhika’s forest, and that is what makes it so glorious. Just by living here … it doesn’t mean you can misbehave here, but you can admit, “I am helpless to overcome my bad habits in prayer. I feel no love. Please, I don’t like this condition.”
pp. 447-48
I could have functioned much better in the woods if I hadn’t been so afraid. The actual work was practical—how to maintain a food supply and physical shelter, and how to reciprocate with Gurudeva. But when I became distracted by fear, I couldn’t concentrate on my work.
While writing this, I’ve just looked up the word “fear” in the Bhagavad-gita As It Is. If I share some of it with you, it will help me to express myself. Prabhupada states, “Bhagavad-gita is a transcendental literature which one should read very carefully. It is capable of saving one from all fear.” When he discusses the fact that the Kurus were afraid on hearing the sound of the conches blown by the Pandavas, Prabhupada comments, “One who takes shelter of the Supreme Lord has nothing to fear, even in the midst of the greatest calamity.” There is also an item listed in the index as “fear: freedom from, as requisite for love.” This means that a Krsna conscious person has to actually be free of fear, as well as lust and anger, in order to advance in transcendental life. Krsna finally promises that if one surrenders to Him, He will deliver us from sinful reaction: “Do not fear.” Hearing these statements by the Supreme Personality of Godhead, I can conclude that my fear was a combination of being in the bodily concept of life and of not remembering Krsna.
When we entered the cabin, one of the first things I saw there became another major cause of my fear. There was a photo on the wall and some books, and as soon as we entered I went right up to them to see what they were. I am like that. Even if I enter a place with a very serious purpose, I have to check out the titles of any books or magazines and look at any pictures or any graffiti on the walls. So in this cabin there was a photo nailed to the wall. It showed a tall creature walking on two legs in the woods; its face was like a mask or like a werewolf with big teeth. One picture showed him coming forward and the other picture showed him walking away. The caption said, “Pictures hurriedly snapped of an object thought to be a Sasquatch near our cabin at Nahanni Butte, April 1967.” Another picture showed footprints in the snow and said, “Alleged Sasquatch tracks.” That was all I needed: my imagination filled in the rest. It all happened in about ten seconds, and I don’t think Gurudeva even noticed. Although we had immediate urgent duties, most of which fell on me to carry out, such as building our first fire and looking for food, I still managed to find a few minutes in which to pick up another book in the cabin and glance through it. It was a Guide to the Wildlife of British Columbia. It featured photos and descriptions of moose, wolves, coyotes, cougars, and bears. On the first page I turned to I read, “WARNING: black bears frequent the area and ARE NOT TAME OR FRIENDLY. A disappointed bear or sow with cubs can quickly kill a human when annoyed or alarmed.” The grizzly bear is beautiful in a sense, because of his natural power, but to even think of meeting up with him gave me the jitters. The same with the wolf. And yet we were in their backyard.
I made a big mess in the cabin trying to cook, and only a few of my preparations came out edible. I never cooked before, except to help a little and watch others. My so-called “capati dough” was all sticky, and when I tried to roll it, it stuck to the rolling pin (a jar) and to my hands. I managed to pound one into shape and put it over the heat, but although I burned the outsides (and also my fingers), the insides of the capatis were raw. So I gave up on it and turned to other things. This was in full view of Gurudeva, who was lying on the bunk and enduring the pains of his injuries. A few times he sat up and told me something about how to cook. He also smiled as if he were amused.
pp. 69-75
As with the chanting of Hare Krsna mantra, so with personal prayer, there is no hard and fast rule. Anytime in the day, even without a book or memorized slokas, one can think, “Krsna, here I am and I finally thought of You. This work I’m doing is for You. It’s not a mindless labor. But I’m limited in what I can do.” The “passionate” person should also try to sometimes practice more thorough prayer, using sastra.
Yes, therefore we define prayer as the quality of a state of consciousness or action—when it is done with wholehearted devotion to God. There is prayerful reading and praying by singing the holy names or bhajanas of the Vaisnava acaryas.
The morning program in the temple is all prayer, if you participate in it with attention. For example, the song we sing to Prabhupada, “Sri-guru-carana-padma,” is praise of the spiritual master, “My only wish is to have my consciousness purified by the words emanating from his lotus mouth.” And it ends with words of appeal, “Please give me the shade of your lotus feet. Your fame is spread all over the three worlds. I take shelter of your lotus feet.”
Preaching is prayer, and it is intensified when we pray to the Lord who is in the heart of both myself and the people to whom I am trying to give Krsna consciousness—”Please Lord, let them accept it.” Work that a devotee does in an office or factory is also prayer, provided he works for Visnu. Krsna says in Bhagavad-gita, “Whatever you do, do it for Me.” This “do it for Me” means to make a conscious act of prayer, a sacrifice. Prayer includes Deity worship, sweeping, washing, and cooking. It is not stereotype, as if only a person with folded hands kneeling on the floor and looking up at the sky is praying.
If we could only notice it, we are almost always praying naturally, or at least we are close to prayer. We simply have to become aware of our helplessness and direct and purify our inner thoughts into personal thoughts of the Supreme and His pure devotees.
We know what Krsna thinks because He tells us in His own words in the scriptures. He says, “If one offers Me with love and devotion. . . I will accept it” (Bg. 9.26). He also ‘ says, “Always think of Me, become My devotee, worship Me and offer your homage unto Me. Thus you will come to Me with-out fail. I promise you this because you are My very dear friend.” (Bg. 18.65)
That means we go to Krsna not only at the time of death, but whenever we become fully and favorable absorbed in Him. Lord Krsna is not far away or difficult to reach. “To show them special mercy, I, dwelling in their hearts, destroy with the shining lamp of knowledge the darkness born of ignorance.” (Bg. 10.11)
Prabhupada says that if we go one step forward towards Krsna, He comes a hundred steps forward to meet us.
We shouldn’t doubt that He hears our prayers, and we should hear His response, in the sastras, from His own Self, as caitya-guru in our hearts, and from the words of the bona fide gurus and sadhus.
pp. 32-35
In the morning
after heavenly porridge,
we go out the door,
down the street
flying with the maha-mantra
through dual atmosphere
of sad and glad,
trying to forget all that nonsense
and just fight for
reaching Krsna.
Soaring with the maha-mantra
into all that sad-glad material
blue sky and flags
and karmis hurrying to work.
Visnu! guide me, protect me,
keep me assured to expect
Mercy in You.
How do I keep my mind on You?
With mace and conchshell and
lotus and disc,
You, Great, Kind, Unattached Ruler of
Universal Good,
let me turn within to You—
soul of me, turn to Visnu!
let me dwell in Him,
and the rest can go on and on.
The sighing faces at work,
the demigod bosses,
bowing to the temporal Office…
it can go on and me with it,
but give me strength
to bear for you
acts in Your Name,
and since I’m unconcerned,
it can go on to end.
I say I want to
get out
to where
You are
just to be at Your Feet—
but what do I do? Why
don’t I answer every question
with Visnu? Why do I flinch
when they ask me why I’m flowering
just by the thought of You
—You the Indweller in all of us—
even the office boys who think
existence is a kind of joke which
they control.
Visnu-in-me!
Enable me
to turn a braver face to You
and then to talk out everywhere
for You and say:
“everyone should turn to
Godhead and yearn for that.”
Empower me, try me
with the courage
to do much more
so that at least
I can begin
at the foot of Love.
Back to Godhead, Vol. 1 #11 (April, 1967)
Dear Lord, as I begin this day,
assure me that Your energy is in
Your Name. I ask no boon but to
be allowed to do everything for
You, and transform the mundane
into actual service acceptable
to Your mercy in your inconceivable
Power
Back to Godhead, Vol. 1 #9 (March 1, 1967)
When we were chanting
Hare Krsna
and the light of the sky
was going in and out
My pleasure was so
great I was afraid
lest I be swept to Indra’s heaven
and there given a chariot ride
down the length of the rainbow.
Whereas here on earth,
standing on Houston Street,
I can chant
the holy name of Krsna and
He is with me
(kindly dancing on my tongue),
Who is the Source of Everything.
******
When we go chanting
Hare Krsna
outdoors,
under the blue sky,
with drums and cymbals
through the streets,
who can measure
the essence of that?
From a cloud hung a
waterspout, the sun
was going in and out,
buildings, faces, and
cars, people
seemed the same
stopping to look at us
in awe.
“We are unbustable,” said
Acyutananda—
he meant when
we chant
Hare Krsna
we are unbustable and made 100% pure
by virtue of the holy name
of Krsna.
Back to Godhead, Vol. 1 #6 (January 20, 1967)
In the few minutes before 9 A.M. the office karmis are rushing to each other for idle talk. Pray that you will have no business with anyone who will divert you from those thoughts that lead like arrows back to home, back to Godhead. The work begins, and hopefully the chant is in everything and everything is in the chant.
Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare.
Karma-yoga is not only a matter of the paycheck going to Krsna and not for the sense gratification of the worker. It has to be done favorably. (The Lord doesn’t need your karma-yoga at the office; your joy in the morning doesn’t sustain Him, nor do you cause the planets to float in space. But your faith and devotion please Him: “My devotee is dear to Me” (Bg. 12.14). You must establish a moment-to-moment link with the Supreme. Therefore, the practice of penances in mind, speech and body is prescribed, and we shall see why. (To be continued)
Back to Godhead, Vol. 1 #9 (March 1, 1967)
pp. 134-36
I am writing to You after finishing my sixteen rounds. You are the gigantic Maha-Visnu and the thumb-sized Paramatma.
You are the opulent King of Dvaraka with 16,108 wives and 16,108 palaces and 161,080 sons. And You are the unmarried cowherd boy of Vraja who sports with other men’s wives and plays Your flutes, which charm all moving and nonmoving living entities. In that cowherd boy form, You are my ista-devata, my worshipable form of God. I praise You and I worship You. You are also my ista-devata (favorite form of God) in the syllables of the maha-mantra, Hare Krsna Hare Krsna … When I pray to You and talk to You or about You, You become real to me. I must keep active in my consciousness of You, or You will fade from my existence.
Actually, You cannot fade from my existence because You maintain me, but I mean subjectively You fade from me unless I am actually performing devotional service in one of the nine forms of bhakti-yoga. I have to be chanting or hearing or remembering You, or worshiping Your lotus feet or offering prayers to you (a great favorite of mine) or being Your servant or Your friend or offering everything to You.
I am mostly always engaged in Your conscious service in some way, but unfortunately, sometimes I do something not connected to You. I’m writing to You now to connect with You and to pray that I may always connect with You. I don’t want to give my attraction to something non-Krsna. When I watch a TV sports event or a commercial, I am astray; I am not pleasing You. I need to be more disciplined not to do these things. Yet I do them. I’m not even ashamed of this. I think, “Oh well, I can take a little vacation from my Krsna consciousness. I have finished writing my daily journal and my prescribed japa rounds. I don’t have to always be reading a Krsna conscious book or preaching.” This is not good. It is not the highest standard of life. I’m writing to You for help. Please make me inclined to be one hundred percent engaged in thought of You. I can remove maya with Your blessings and with my own determination.
Rupa Gosvami has informed us that we can utilize material things in Your service. It is called yukta-vairagya, and it is the highest form of renunciation. In fact, if we don’t use material things in Your service, if we reject them, thinking they are maya, we are on a lesser standard of renunciation. So I don’t have to think Krsna consciousness is very restricted and that you can’t do many things. You can do many things and dovetail them in Your service. Thus, I am writing prose improvisations, and I write poems about japa. And I write descriptions of the beach in the early morning. But some of my activities are not dovetailed, and this I have to correct. I have to be more strict. This is a prayer asking You to help me to be more strict in my consciousness, in my mental and physical activities. I want to be like Maharaja Ambarisa and use all my activities in Your service. I don’t want to be so loose. If You see that I am serious about this, You will give me a taste for full-time Krsna conscious activities. You will give me the intelligence how to use my time wholly in Your service. You will give me the fortitude to avoid frivolous activities.
I know I have a long way to go to achieve this goal, but it is important that I strive to improve. I’m going to try to do better. I don’t think I can eliminate frivolous activities one hundred percent right away, but I can take steps in the right direction. Even if they are baby steps, they will accumulate, and I will make progress. I hereby promise to try to become a more serious devotee, a sadhaka, and please You with my life. Please help me.
pp. 205-8
This is my fictional man. He can walk and talk, but it’s too early for that. Let’s leave him now. He has a BTG and the Hare Krsna mantra, and I don’t have much more time to spend on him right now. Would you like to send him away to day camp? Give him a little of your love? Yes, I mean you, dear reader. Do you like my gingerbread man? He could dance for you if you like. He can tell his own stories or live his own life. It’s up to you. He’s in God’s creation, in the marginal energy. He’s a figment of a man’s imagining. Let him chant Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/ Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare.
Anyway, I have to get on with my day, so I’m going to leave him simmering on the back burner for now. His name is Bhakta Bob.
Bhakta Bob—why do I think of Fergus, who doesn’t work at a bookstore and who wears Wellington boots instead of wooden clogs, when I think of my fictional man? Do I want Fergus to come into this story? That’s how it is when you write fiction: one choice doesn’t close out the others.
He is chanting the Hare Krsna mantra when a co-worker comes up and quotes a Smithwicks billboard slogan: “Will you go for a pint, Bob?” He talks like Fergus, “No thanks,” and he thinks of saying, “I’ll just chant Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/ Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare during my break.” Maybe he even says it.
Meanwhile, it’s raining outside. The weather is changeable in Ireland. The sky is always filling up with dark clouds and then pouring rain. Occasionally, the sun comes out. (It’s not like in Italy, where the author is sitting and writing this story.)
Bob is not the only one in this story, but it’s no small thing for someone else to enter because once they do, I’m not inclined to throw them out. I don’t have the workman-like mentality to write pages of notes and then invent characters while tossing out the ones that don’t fit. One writer says that before he writes a story, his characters have to fill out job applications and he has to know everything about them. Presumably, some of them don’t get hired.
This story has a different premise. We can’t omit girls, but I’m a sannyasi, so it’s not going to be a “girl meets boy” story. That would violate the code I follow. If you hear mundane stories about men and women, it agitates your mind. The result is that you remain attached to these topics—either hearing of other’s affairs or wanting to pursue your own in real life. (I use the phrase “real life” tongue-in-cheek.) Then you have to be born again in a material body to act out your karma.
“Oh, ha, ha, we don’t believe in karma, so it’s okay to hear stories of men and women. Besides, if there’s karma, that’s okay with us, blah, blah.” If you think like that, then this story is for you, although you may not like it.
Anyway, there’s a girl working in the bookstore who was already serious about Krsna consciousness before she knew Bob. Her name is Pegeen. She received a book in front of the post office from Prabhupada dasa. (When I said “real life” comes out tongue-in-cheek, I don’t mean I don’t believe it’s real. I mean it’s not the only reality and we shouldn’t forget that. We are not these bodies. We are pure spirit souls. In this lifetime, I may be born an American. In the next life, I may be born Chinese. However, the life of a devotee like Prabhupada dasa is real because he is performing eternal devotional service. Lord Krsna says in Bhagavad-gita that even a little devotional service never suffers loss or diminution and can save one at the time of death. But what the nondevotee so desperately identifies with as real life is a subject for tongue-in-cheek, or even pity. What he takes as the all-in-all is actually a will-o-the- wisp.)
pp. 6-9
Faith beyond argument does not negate the process of intellectual explanation or dialogue, but it admits that the absolute truth is ultimately beyond all logic. As stated in the scriptures, “Things that are inconceivable cannot be ascertained by logic.” Logic should take us to the point of understanding that we have to go beyond human reasoning in order to know the source of everything and the nature of spiritual reality.
Faith is not only for simple-minded people who cannot think. Even those who argue against religious faith trust in the process of rational thought, or faith in the evidence of the senses or in scientific theories. We should never be embarrassed by the fact that we accept mysteries of higher knowledge on the basis of faith. Srila Prabhupada always explained rationally why we should have faith in the perfect Vedic teachings rather than in imperfect speculation. Prabhupada calls this “trust in something sublime.” And so faith is very important in the discharge of devotional service.
Those who are not faithful in this devotional service cannot attain Me, 0 conqueror of enemies. Therefore they return to the path of birth and death in this material world.
Purport
The faithless cannot accomplish this process of devotional service. Faith is created by association with devotees. Unfortunate people, even after hearing all the evidence of Vedic literature from great personalities, still have no faith in God. They are hesitant and cannot stay fixed in the devotional service of the Lord.
—Bg. 9.3
We should be confident in the process of hearing from Krsna, and be satisfied to know that everything cannot be decided by intellectual debates.
A powerful argument for faith that has always helped me is the existence of great spiritual teachers all over the world, at all times. Lord Krsna, the Visnu incarnations, Lord Buddha, and Jesus Christ all taught on behalf of the same mission.
It is not a fact that the Lord appears only on Indian soil. He can manifest Himself anywhere and everywhere, and whenever He desires to appear. In each and every incarnation, He speaks as much about religion as can be understood by the particular people under the particular circumstances. But the mission is the same—to lead people to God consciousness and obedience to the principles of religion.
—Bg. 4.7, purport
We should have faith and patience. If we cannot understand something right away, we should wait until it becomes more clear to us. The philosophy is not proven defective just because we do not grasp it all at once. We will know when we are qualified.
Prayer is an important recourse for meeting every obstacle in Krsna consciousness. So if a devotee has doubts about the philosophy, he can pray to Krsna to please protect him. Prahlada Maharaja prays,
“O my Lord [Nrsimhadeva] please appear in our hearts and drive away our ignorance so that by Your mercy we may become fearless in the struggle for existence in this material world.”
(Bhag. 5.18.8)
By reciting sastric prayers or by conversing honestly with Krsna and Prabhupada, we will become assured of their reality in our lives and the doubts will not plague us.
Another good response to doubts is to simply go on with regular performance of duties in Krsna consciousness. We commit acts of faith whenever we perform Deity worship or chant Hare Krsna. By performing these activities we trust in the process. This is called sraddha. Prabhupada states, “In the Caitanya-caritamrta it is said that faith is the complete conviction that simply by serving the Supreme Lord, Sri Krsna, one can achieve all perfection.” (Bg. 9.3, purport) Performance of duty is another response to doubt which goes beyond the dialogue of debate. Take to the soothing balm of devotional service and let it work.
An important response to doubts is to seek the association of strong devotees. When I first attended the storefront at 26 Second Avenue, I would have many questions and doubts. Prabhupada would answer them in his lectures, but then new ones would come to me. But I began to notice that my doubts were answered just by seeing Prabhupada enter the storefront. In the time it took him to walk from the door to his dais, I could feel the doubts being answered. This is the effect of association with a pure devotee.
pp. 141-44
Sound of ladies sweeping the earth with their hand brooms. I like the sound, the gentle stroking of Bhumi.
They say sunshine is not the same as it was in past ages, and even the rainfall has become poisoned. This is not a place to be reborn. Our attempt at health repair is a temporary effort, so that in the last stretch of my life I may hold out better before the inevitable dwindling and death. Prabhupada answered a Nature Curist by saying that there is no health because there is death. We should enquire into the Absolute Truth for absolute health. Make the best use of the bad bargain, Srila Prabhupada said.
Just a little rain falling,
gentle rain, even here.
I just saw a Ganesa worshiper—a simple man in a gamcha reporting to Ganesa.
Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati and Srila Prabhupada traveled here? Their followers still preach in Madras.
Papayas. A simple veg. We can increase the amount if you want, he says. I say it’s up to you. We are here to jump through the hoops, as they like, to get our money’s worth. We need at least the faith to sit in the tub or lie with a mud pack on our tummies, hoping it’s doing good and trying not to counteract it with a bad attitude.
Slow this afternoon, then busy again. Children and crows.
******
Yesterday a large bird—
a hawk? —sitting on the windmill
blade. He had a white
head like an eagle, and brown
plumage. I pointed him out
to Madhu: “Do notice
Krsna in all things.”
******
The Gosvamis of Vrndavana have analyzed AUM as follows: “A” means Krsna, “U” means Radha, and “M” means the jivas. I was sorry to see that newspapers now mention those syllables as part of a criminal cult in Japan and elsewhere. At least they’re saying AUM, but not with devotion. Kali-yuga madness.
Will I be set somewhere in my old age and talk more to people, or will I always be solitary and writing? People would like to be with me, but then I’ll have to hear so many materially-tinged problems and maintain some asrama where nonsense goes on. It may be better to continue wandering.
“At any moment the body can die,” Srila Prabhupada said. That’s what I mean. My heart jumps when someone knocks on the door. It’s a precursor to sudden death, even though it’s just someone bringing the juice I paid for.
******
Please forgive us for being
in a health center and not
running the Bronx preaching center.
Please excuse us for writing of
devas and brooms and juice
and such because that’s
where we are.
This gold-tipped pen
speaks the truth of
its limited vision.
It says, “I’d like to
ride a Vaisnava roll—
just give us some time
in Vrndavana.”
******
Prabhupada, I seem so rushed when I care for you. Your altar cloth—my saffron sannyasa pieces—are stained. I’ll have to put a new one down for you. You seem comfortable. Are you? I know I’m not paying you enough attention, and I give you your massage at 8:30 instead of 11:00 because I’m always expecting yet another interruption. Not only that, I’m weak. It’s become hard to pay dandavats at your feet, to say the prayers nicely, and to chase the mosquitoes while I sing “Gurvastakam.” You are kind and I hope you are accepting my devotion, even if poorly offered.
******
Flowers fall and I gather
them for you, Srila Prabhupada.
This session will end with
a knock at the door—
another
surprise ending.
(Written while glancing over
my shoulder …)
pp. 12-18
Answered the last batch of mail, but I wasn’t up to any early morning writing or reading in Srila Prabhupada’s books. Think as you travel, how you may shape this June book or let it flow in a shape provided by time and events. We are not the doers. Material energy works, or Krsna works in the case of His devotees. You may also do something. You may pray for mercy and guidance. Especially as you get swallowed up in the mouth of the whale (time, death, where do we go next?).
Write and be alive in Krsna consciousness one way or another today.
We’re going on that Concorde flight. That’s because we purchased round-trip British Airways tickets in Bombay and since they wouldn’t sign our tickets from NYC to Dublin over to Aer Lingus, they gave us the royal treatment, so-called: Concorde to London and from there, Aer Lingus to Dublin. Embarrassing to ride in our khadi cloth and beggars’ demeanor in such a high-speed luxury airship? I don’t think so. Just accept it and don’t mind what others may think.
Today is the last day of May (said the counter lady to the people next to us).
“It’s hard to believe,” the elderly woman replied.
You will be in England and then Ireland … you have a chance to write there. Pray to Krsna even if it hurts. Ask Him to help you advance in spiritual life. See your lack of advancement.
The British Airways man cannot print out our boarding passes from London to Dublin. He said, “You’ll have to check again in London.” But Madhu is pressing him to do it, to find a way, to make the machine work.
Onboard. They say it’s only some three hours plus. I expect to feel a difference in take-off. It’s much like any jet interior, but seats are only two across. Porthole windows are smaller. Concorde magazine twice uses the word “discrete” (their spelling) to describe the interior decoration in the cabin and the quality of services in the waiting lounge. I like discreet.
Last look at the World Trade building.
“When will you return?” asked Hari-Kirtana, who drove us to the airport. (Twice the speed of sound! Altitude: 57,000 feet.)
“Next spring.”
In the unlikely event …
The Queen of England rode in one of these things at least three times.
He demonstrates the life jackets just in case …
Flying at 1,360 mph, I’d like to use the restroom, but the aisles are blocked with food service. M. is filling out documents for my entry into Ireland and my application for residence there. I may have to show them when passing through immigration in London. The application says I’m a “religious writer” and Manu dasa, “Director of ISKCON Dublin,” is inviting me to go there to reside and pursue my religious writing career. I am single. I am known as both Satsvarupa dasa Goswami and as Stephen Guarino. We are applying for a one-year residency. If I don’t get it, I don’t care. I could always return to the U.S. and live in someone’s house or apartment and write there. But Madhu has his new van, and we think it’s better for independence to wander around the E.E.C. countries.
Anyway, I hope it goes well. Real question is what to write. I don’t think I can write all of June just on this theme that I want to reside in Ireland, etc. But that’s an interesting starter.
M. is talking to two ladies in the row behind us. Piercing hard laughter. He’s telling them religion is the same. He writes to his mother about prayer. Now, she says that a few years ago she lost a child in an accident. Since then, she has been inquiring why it happened; no one has been able to give her an answer. I can’t hear it all, but Madhu starts out, “As to why it happened …”
I hope he’ll turn back here soon and complete my residency form. British Airways has handed us a most silly gift, a chrome bottle opener with “Concorde” written on it.
My head is hurting again.
pp. 17-20
To Amritsar’s Vedanta Sammelan
you went with nine disciples to demonstrate Hari Nama.
When the train stopped at Kurukshetra station,
you stood up, saying,
“They say this is a mythical place.”
But you proved Kurukshetra does exist,
by arriving there at sunset.
At the Sammelan they gave you a small room.
It was very cold at night, and the devotees huddled
for mangala-arati in your candle-lit room.
Attending at least six engagements a day,
you showed your prowess,
accepting prasadam and speaking at each place,
without break from morning till night.
On a side trip, you visited Ram-tirtha Sarovara
and stood at the edge of the lake.
From your lotus mouth
your disciples heard
how Sita had been banished by Rama
and how finally she had entered the earth.
At Indore’s Gita Jayanti Mahotsava
you argued with a man who said,
“We do not subscribe wholly
that Sri Krishna is the sole God.
There is a power behind Him.”
“What kind of Gita Jayanti is this?” you asked.
“The Gita declares Krishna is the highest truth.”
At Indore you also swung your karatalas
near the face of a man harassing your devotees
while they danced and held kirtan on stage.
And in Indore you began your lectures
on the life story of Ajamila.
In Surat you showed your devotees
a glimpse of the spiritual world;
the streets were lined with all the residents,
chanting and praising the Hare Krishna Movement.
A simple kirtan by 20 of your disciples
became a major parade, a city-wide holiday,
as your followers were repeatedly worshiped
with aratis and offerings of spiced milk and prasadam.
Thousands gathered wherever you went
and would not go away till they saw you.
And in the mornings you spoke
on the life of Ajamila.
At Allahabad Kumbha-Mela
your devotees were bewildered
by the practices of ascetics and naked yogis,
by the huge crowds and crude conditions,
until you arrived, answering their prayers,
explaining the Mela’s real meaning:
a chance to preach.
You led your followers
on a walking kirtan throughout the camps,
bringing joyful bhakti to the seekers of liberation.
Thousands came to see the Radha-Krishna Deities
and to accept prasadam at your ISKCON tent.
And in the mornings you spoke on Ajamila.
You were invited to Benares for a parade
commemorating Lord Chaitanya’s visit there,
but it seemed you were being used
only to draw a crowd.
Although they had you ride in a silver chariot
drawn by a pair of white horses.
you remained grave and silent.
There was no occasion for you to lecture.
In Gorakhpur you took a break
from your rapid, tiring travels
and set up a regular ISKCON temple
in the ranch house lent by Hanuman Poddar.
You installed the Deities of Radha-Madhava
and one morning broke into ecstatic tears
while explaining the meaning of
Jaya Radha Madhava Kunja Bihari.
It is not so easy to hold a pandal.
When Prabhupada first introduced the idea
to his followers in Bombay,
they didn’t want to say no,
but they wondered:
Where could they collect so much money?
How could they erect such a big tent?
Where would they get so much food?
And how would they be able to cook it?
Prabhupada smiled and said,
“If you are going to hunt,
go after the rhinoceros.”
A pandal is a triumph in preaching.
The helium balloon hovering over the city . . .
And in the newspaper
a beautiful picture of the Founder-Acharya,
superimposed over a globe,
and the words, “Bhagwat Dharma Discourses . . .”
A pandal is anxiety,
a chance to work hard
and surrender to Krishna.
A pandal is a marriage of two disciples on stage—
a boy from Sweden and a girl
(with a red sari and a nose ring)
from Australia.
A pandal is a particular event,
and it is also a symbol
of a great endeavor
to convince people
by cultural presentation—
a mass festival.
Ratha-yatra or any big preaching is similar,
and Prabhupada wanted it.
“Don’t be satisfied that you have understood.
This knowledge should be distributed.”
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.