“Taking advantage of the presence of his chief editor, Krsna-bhajana, Satsvarupa Maharaja was doing two writing sessions a day. The writing went well, but at the cost of extra headaches and fatigue. Tuesday he went to the joint doctor still complaining of pain in the lower right abdomen. After reading the MRI and doing an ultrasound scan, he observed a torn muscle in that area which could lead to the problem. He injected the tear with cortisone and said the results may take up to a week to manifest fully.
Hare Krsna,
Baladeva
If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at [email protected] or [email protected] and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.
This week is dedicated to chanting japa. Prabhupada gave us japa as the most important instruction. Sixteen rounds. Why do more? Because we tend to neglect it. For offensive chanting, it’s recommended that you chant more. Nirantara—without stopping. Kirtaniya sada-hari. Satatam kirtayanto mam. I’ll be doing that today. Chanting eight and a half hours if Krsna allows me.
******
This week, this day, dedicate to chant and hear the chant. Walk around the house and sit here and there, chanting, make a sound you can hear, go on chanting—Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna. What is the nature of Hare Krsna? To whom is it addressed? Who told you to chant? Why do you chant? How does this fulfill the purpose of life?
******
Do you pray when you chant? Can you please try to do it? Lord Caitanya gives you a simple task; not too much penance. It’s not a foreboding thing to utter His names. You can do it at your ease in this secluded “mark cottage” on the Scottish coast, with friends. Gain conviction to spread the chanting. The results of this vrata you could speak to others, but I’m not sure in what form. Sri-krsna-caitanya prabhu nityananda sri-advaita . . . All glories to the Lord of the universe.
******
I will sit myself in a chair and before candlelight finger the beads. I know the mind will go its own way. Not much I can do about that, but go on chanting and bring it back under control of the higher self, name, holy name.
******
It’s like a choo-choo train,
the holy name
uttered by me
to set me free
from maya’s grip.
It’s like nothing you can say,
frees you from the fray,
I am the way and the life
as Jesus said.
So chant Krsna’s name
and don’t do it for fame.
Got to go and chant now
no other way. Tell yourself, be good
chant in your hood,
the Hare Krsna monk
go to the bank and deposit
this greatest asset.
(Or beg for it—pure chanting)
Mind, mind, you plan your games,
what gain in that?
I ask you to cooperate
and allow the names
to gently fill my being,
and heart and head
Instead, dear mind, you
dwell on rot and trivia
and distraction.
Choo-choo train goes
through those stations, stops
only for authorized
passengers and purposes,
we go, we go
we go on chanting, content
in purpose
while trying harder to
please the Lord
with our senses
fingering the beads and
uttering the names,
best sonnet,
best purpose,
Haribol,
please chant
******
Thirty-two rounds done. But quite slow, almost nine minutes per round. And not with devotion, just getting them done. It used to be getting sixteen done, now it’s sixty-four, but same feeling.
Cottage with amenities. Now you just need to conduct yourself through the day-long vrata to chant and chant. All else gets put aside. M. said, “I didn’t think this (only chanting) is not what I should be doing, but I really thought this is definitely what I should be doing.” A week devoted to full japa increase. Hare Krsna Hare Krsna.
I chant slow rounds, mostly because of the little breath intake I make between each mantra. And also I don’t rush it. So going faster may help concentration. Hear and chant. There is no dramatic breakthrough. The offensive chanter cannot taste the nectar of the Lord’s holy name.
******
But the sastra tells us even inattentive chanting removes miseries. Even if mishaps come, by chanting you don’t suffer; you savor the Lord’s nearness and protection, you enter the spiritual realm of no anxiety. There are so many secrets to the holy name and you can’t uncover them all.
******
Memories of old pre-Krsna conscious days in this life and figments of daydreams pop up as I chant along. Don’t have to give them so much time or credence or put them into writing. Come back to now chanting. You don’t have to wrench yourself away from a memory of your father’s good (or wrong) intentions to you. But if it’s illicit sex—that I want to depart from quickly.
******
Flow in direction back to mantras. Learn a device of returning to chanting.
I haven’t yet begun to invest my thinking and feeling in it in any prayerful way. Hare Krsna Hare Krsna.
The Lord, the Lord
the Lord is in His names.
I submit to thee, holy name demands—to live with this simple act of chanting and chanting Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare.
******
I am experienced with the sastra’s statement that lack of taste is caused by offenses. And so I must be counting them, and even sixty-four rounds a day, if one’s chanting is infested with the ten offenses, then despite one’s endeavor to chant for many lifetimes, he will not get the result . . . krsna-prema.
pp. 227-30
In the second verse of Manasa-siksa, Raghunatha dasa Gosvami advises his mind to give up the pious and impious directions in the scriptures and to accept the ultimate conclusion as service to Radha and Krsna in Vrndavana. He also asks his mind to worship Lord Caitanya as nondifferent than Krsna and worship his spiritual master as the intimate representative of Lord Mukunda.
In his commentary to this verse, Bhaktivinoda Thakura says that these propositions pose some problems. An ordinary religionist wants to know how he can possibly give up both pious and impious activities. The answer is that there are other activities, the transcendental activities of Krsna consciousness.
The other problem is, “If we worship Radha and Krsna exclusively, then how are we going to worship Lord Caitanya? And how should we see the spiritual master?” Bhaktivinoda Thakura informs us that we cannot worship Lord Caitanya separately from Krsna. Neither can we approach Lord Krsna and Radharani unless we do so through the intimate worship of Lord Caitanya. (This reminds me that in my efforts to chant Hare Krsna in the rasika mood, I should never forget the path of Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Lord Nityananda. They are the givers of mercy by which we can chant Hare Krsna.)
Prabhupada has given us the Panca-tattva mantra. I say this mantra at the end of each round while offering obeisances. He also gave us the Caitanya-caritamrta, which is full of rasa. Lord Caitanya is actually the source of all rasa. He is nondifferent from Krsna—except that He is even more than Krsna: He is Krsna in the mood of Srimati Radharani.
So as Lord Caitanya chanted and tasted mellows, I may worship Him and enrich my own chanting.
For me, it is the same problem of connecting the dutiful and sometimes frustrating business of chanting japa on beads to the pleasing, sweet pastimes which I hear about in the sastras. Raghunatha dasa Gosvami has reminded me never to neglect Lord Caitanya’s lila in my approach to Radha and Krsna’s and if I follow that instruction, I will have more facility to see the connection between chanting and lila. Lord Caitanya came to teach the holy name and many of His activities and instructions involved the potency of the holy name, as in His Siksastakam and His regular activities in Navadvipa and Jagannatha Puri.
Bhaktivinoda Thakura writes,
“Without first remembering and worshiping the spiritual master and Lord Gauranga, one cannot render pure loving devotional service to the Divine Couple Sri-Sri Radha and Krsna. Deviation from this process will curb all spiritual advancement. If one attempts to worship Lord Caitanya separately and independently, one is unable to understand how He is nondifferent from Lord Krsna. When knowledge of the Lord’s fundamental oneness becomes firm, however, remembrance of Lord Caitanya is inseparably interwoven into the texture of worship of Sri Krsna” (Manasa-siksa, Verse 2, p. 9).
Bhaktivinoda Thakura also writes, “The spiritual master is a loving confidante and maidservant of Srimati Radharani” (Manah-siksa, p. 9). This is Srila Prabhupada’s identity also. Therefore, I may think of Prabhupada in the 1966 kirtanas, or leading us on harinama at Tompkins Square Park, or leading us every morning to “chant one round” on beads—handing us our red wooden beads with the blessings to chant at least sixteen rounds a day. I may think of Srila Prabhupada like this, but now Bhaktivinoda Thakura is telling me that I have to understand more about Prabhupada’s inner identity.
What can I know? I simply hear with reverence and with faith, and I aspire to understand everything about my beloved spiritual master. All glories to the esoteric teachings of the kind Gaudiya Vaisnava acaryas who are always leading us on to further and further understandings of Krsna consciousness. How foolish I have been to think that any mysticism or pleasure was lacking in this process so that I thought I had to grope elsewhere or supplement it. I simply hope it’s not too late, and that I have time to learn how to chant Hare Krsna with full contemplation on its esoteric meanings. But even in my present sorry condition, the compassionate acaryas know my mind and state, and they have also spoken about it as if they too experience the beginner’s condition. Bhaktivinoda Thakura sings,
“O Lord Hari, as a result of my offenses, my heart has become as hard as a thunderbolt and feels no change at the chanting of Your holy name. O Lord, feeling hopeless, I loudly sing Your name and in great distress and unhappiness I call out to You again and again” (Gitavali, “Siksastakam,” Song 6, verse 1, p. 138).
pp. 98-102
M. brought back some typing paper from his shopping in Kenmare. It was wrapped in the front page of yesterday’s newspaper. The Irish government is seeking a rainbow alliance. Front page photo of Prime Minister Major with Santa Claus. I told M. that I was more interested in Krsna’s politics in KRSNA book—killing of Salva and Dantavakra. M. did not respond. Then I asked if he agreed. He smiled and said, “Yes, but gradually.” He said Christmas in Ireland is “total”.
Fog wet over window. When I went out at 3 P.M. to walk in the meadow, I noticed a faint trail in the grass around the perimeter of the meadow. It’s from my daily walks there. Then I saw Dennis’ tractor coming down from the hills, his dog trailing. I kept on circulating and didn’t look in his direction.
M. out shopping again today. When I am alone, I think differently. I can’t imagine what it would be like to actually live in a house by yourself. I will probably never do it. I’d certainly be occupied a lot more with cooking and cleaning than prayer, but my silence would be pure, the solitude quiet and intense. I already live in my own world.
Theophan lived in two rooms. I think they were part of the monastery, not like Karen Karper who lived alone in the woods, although she had two friends living nearby.
Death row, the prison—Akhmatova writes,
of former Stalinist days. Haid days and
Yamaraja days. I have not seen death?
Death has passed me by because I
am a devotee and a member of the GBC?
These cows will die. Two weeks until Christmas.
I can’t see out the window,
it’s streaked with rain, but the calves
are frisky.
I read that Vasudeva took Krsna to Gokula and exchanged Him for the girl just born to Yasoda. That’s what it says. Then he returned and the baby girl started to cry. Kamsa said, “This is the cruel death, but I will go and kill it before it gets me.” Devaki knew that she and Krsna were safe, but she piteously pleaded for Yasoda’s child. Kamsa grabbed the infant and tried to smash her on the stone floor, but Mayadevi slipped from his grasp and flew up into the sky. There, she admonished him in her eight-armed form. She could have killed him on the spot, but she knew Krsna would do it later.
There is a photo of a bearded man on the front page of the newspaper encircling my paper supply. He’s a person in the spotlight.
Lord Krsna killed Salva. Put that in your newspaper. Salva had a mysterious airplane that could remain invisible, then appear as many airplanes at once. Pradyumna fought furiously, but was eventually smote on the breast by Dyuman, falling unconscious. His charioteer took himoff the battlefield. ‘“O eunuch, O coward,’ they will say of me,” Pradyumna said to the charioteer. “No, I did no wrong,” the charioteer said. “It is my duty to protect you.”
So Pradyumna washed his mouth and hands, took up new weapons, and re-entered the fray. His appearance on the battlefield was like the sun driving away the clouds. He drove back the opposition and killed many of the enemies. Salva, however, was reserved for Krsna.
Salva played many tricks by his mystic art. He told Krsna, “Now Your father has been kidnapped. I have Your father and will cut off his head. You cannot stop me.” He then cut off the head of a man resembling Vasudeva, then disappeared. Krsna appeared bewildered, but then recovered and realized that Balarama was guarding Dvaraka. No harm could come to anyone while Balarama was in charge. Finally, He cut off Salva’s head after He downed his airplane. Then Dantavakra rushed forward on foot in an uncontrollable fury with his club lifted high. One by one, the Lord dismantled His enemies and their friends.
If we think of Krsna, we can go to Him. Prabhupada wrote, “You should not try to bring Krsna into this world. That is a very difficult proposal.” To achieve that, Vasudeva and Devaki in their former lives had to perform 12,000 years of tapasya and eat only leaves that fell from trees. It is much easier to go to where Krsna is in the spiritual world.
pp. 313-21
Those who are in the modes of passion and ignorance worship the forefathers, other living beings and the demigods who are in charge of cosmic activities, for they are urged by a desire to be materially benefited with women, wealth, power and progeny.
Srila Prabhupada straightens us out. He allows no nonsense in the name of devotional service. Someone may want to eat as much as possible and sanction that desire because “It’s krsna-prasadam,” but Prabhupada stops that: “We should never desire to increase the depth of material enjoyment. Material enjoyment should be accepted only up to the point of the bare necessities of life and not more or less than that. To accept more material enjoyment means to bind oneself more and more to the miseries of material existence.”
We’ll feel immediate material happiness, but ultimately that happiness will become our greatest enemy. It will cheat us of our ability to renounce the world and to go back to Godhead. Therefore, we have to learn to be balanced. Prabhupada liked to see his disciples happy, and that also meant that they could enjoy sumptuous prasadam—”but not too much.” Don’t eat more than you can easily digest. Don’t become fat. Don’t become too skinny either. Don’t become sexually agitated. Be healthy and strong and serve Krsna. Don’t be lazy or idle, but work hard for Krsna.
We shouldn’t be looking through the Krsna conscious rules for a license to enjoy sense pleasure. If you need a little more than the minimum, become a responsible grhastha and regulate your sense gratification. If you are a brahmacari or a sannyasi, however, then sense control is especially appropriate. Lord Caitanya’s advice to Raghunatha dasa Gosvami may be too severe to be taken literally, and in fact Prabhupada specifically said not to imitate Raghunatha because we will lose whatever gains we have made. We can follow the spirit though. Don’t increase the enjoying propensity. Don’t eat luxurious foods, don’t dress in fine clothes, control the tongue, belly, and genitals, don’t mix with women or men who enjoy women. Always chant Hare Krsna and remember Krsna.
All this is similar to why we speak against demigod worship. Demigod worship centers on increasing sense enjoyment. That’s what the worshiper prays for and what the demigods bestow. The Bhagavad-gita states that those who worship the demigods have their intelligence stolen by material desires. Better to serve the Supreme Lord and His pure devotees and accept whatever comes as Krsna’s mercy.
Women, wealth, power, and aristocratic birth—I don’t feel particularly hampered by these things, but maybe I am. As a sannyasi and guru, I have access to wealth—”Here, Guruji, I heard you needed money to print your latest book,” “I heard you needed a new van,” “Here is guru-daksina so you can travel around the world and deliver the fallen souls.” Isn’t this dangerous?
And power. Just to be able to get whatever I want on a daily basis. All I have to do is ask and someone will arrange it. I could feel my power. I could humble a politician or a doctor (if he’s a Hindu, of course. In the West, we are the ones who have to be humble). I could think of myself as powerful in this religious movement. Isn’t this dangerous?
It’s natural to ask myself whether I’m guilty of these excesses. It’s also natural to try to find the balance between real renunciation and false renunciation. We can’t spend our lives doubting our motives or assuming we are cheaters.
I have been feeling undernourished and weak. Most devotees, when they see our Nature Cure meals, think we are not getting enough grains or bulk. We tell them they are ignorant of hygenic laws because they continue to eat past the first belch. The author of Practical Nature Cure coined the phrase, “Dietetic righteousness.” He means it in a favorable sense, but it could also become a source of pride.
Then why are we weak? Perhaps we need to eat more regularly as Prabhupada did—rice, dal, capatis, and sabji. And a sweet is not forbidden. If in order to digest all that in my old and weak system I require an Ayurvedic churna or two, no harm. These are not the symptoms of deepening sense gratification.
The point of this discussion is that it’s a mistake to decry demigod worship, claim we are Vaisnavas, and then retain material desires. We will miss the real benefit of worshiping Visnu and then we won’t be able to please Him.
In his purport, Prabhupada puts this statement in italics: “One should work hard and worship the Supreme Lord by the fruits of one’s hard labor for existence, and that should be the motto of life.” We may be surprised by such a down-to-earth motto. Work. Use the rewards of your work to please God.
Don’t drop out to go live in a cave, but live in the world for Krsna. Forget about demigod worship and lighten your sense gratification.
pp. 30-33
“Most important is how the man in Krsna consciousness speaks; for speech is the most important quality of any man.” (Bg. 2.54, purport)
Lord Krsna says that among the feminine qualities, He is fine speech (Bg. 10.34). He can speak perfectly on any occasion, whether to enemies, sages, juniors, or elders. Someone with a vague conception of God may think that He doesn’t speak at all, or that He utters only somber judgments in stuffy, ecclesiastical language. The Supreme Lord, however, is flexible, and capable of both strength and delicacy in speech.
Srila Rupa Gosvami states, “A person who can speak sweetly even with his enemy just to pacify him is called a pleasing talker.” (NOD, Chap. 21, p. 161) Krsna spoke nicely to His enemy, Kaliya, after subduing him: “My dear King of the snakes, although I have given you so much pain, please do not be dissatisfied with Me.”
Lord Krsna also spoke pleasing words when He gave a firm but gentle reminder to Brahma that he had made a mistake in granting boons to Hiranyakasipu.
“The Personality of Godhead replied: ‘My dear Lord Brahma, O great lord born from the lotus flower, just as it is dangerous to feed milk to a snake, so it is dangerous to give benedictions to demons.” (Bhag. 7.10.30)
After the Lord’s devotee, Bali Maharaja, became victorious despite Sukracarya’s curse, Lord Visnu questioned Sukracarya in a humble but decisive manner:
“O best of the brahmanas, Sukracarya, please describe the fault or discrepancy in your disciple Bali Maharaja, who engaged in performing sacrifices. This fault will be nullified when judged in the presence of qualified brahmanas.” (Bhag. 8.23.14)
The quality of fine speech in Krsna indicates that He is highly cultured, sensitive, and always a person. He is the greatest and the smallest. To less developed spiritualists, He may appear as a bright light or as something symbolic or impersonal, but beyond His unlimited grandeur is a person who speaks reasonably and with gravity. He also speaks lightheartedly with His devotees. He is capable of speaking directly or indirectly, according to what is appropriate for a particular pastime.
Lord Krsna will speak to us according to our relationship with Him. Few of us will be so fortunate as to immediately talk with Krsna from our present position. Even Lord Brahma has to meditate on the shore of the milk ocean and hear from Ksirodakasayi Visnu within his heart. At the beginning of the cosmic manifestation, Brahma heard only two syllables pronounced from the sky: “ta-pa,” practice austerity. When Krsna became pleased with him, He shook hands with Brahma, smiled slightly, and said: “I wish you good luck. O Brahma, you may ask from Me . . . all that you may desire.” (Bhag. 2.9.21)
Lord Krsna’s instructions to Brahma are immortal and worthy of meditation.
“Brahma, it is I, the Personality of Godhead, who was existing before the creation, when there was nothing but Myself. Nor was there the material nature, the cause of this creation. That which you see now is also I, the Personality of Godhead . . . ” (Bhag. 2.9.33)
Srila Prabhupada states that many theologians talk about God, but unless we realize the Supreme Person and are able to talk with Him, we are not advanced in God consciousness. God talks, but not with rascals, because they demand, “If God comes before me and talks to me, only then will I believe.” God talks, but only with His trusted servants.
Lord Krsna’s speeches have been preserved in the sastra and that is as good as hearing from Him directly, provided we give the sastras submissive, aural reception.
“Now hear, O son of Prtha . . . I shall now declare unto you in full this knowledge .. . Because you are My very dear friend, I am speaking to you My supreme instruction . . .” (Bg. 7.1-2, 18.64)
A doubter may say, “Krsna was speaking to Arjuna, not to me, and neither was I there when they spoke.” But Krsna spoke the Bhagavad-gita through Arjuna, to all souls, for all time. “And I declare that he who studies this sacred conversation of ours worships Me by his intelligence.” (Bg. 18.70) Krsna speaks and His devotees speak back to Him as loving servants. Whoever listens to these talks becomes liberated.
Let us go on hearing the Lord and His pure devotees speaking. By serving the pure devotees in full surrender, and expressing our sincere prayers to them, we too can become qualified, in some future birth, to talk with Krsna and thrill at every moment when we hear His words.
pp. 15-19
I went to hear the sannyasi speak to his disciples last night. lie spoke on japa. They smiled when he said that japa would be his topic because they all want to improve. One asked, “You wrote in your book about a japa breakthrough. What is that?” He said, “You keep banging against a wall and finally you break through, but not by your own endeavor. Krsna’s mercy descends.”
They all chanted a round together. Japa is funny because you can’t read people’s minds while they chant, so all you can observe is the outer appearance, like the tip of an iceberg.
Who knows the evil
that lurks in the hearts of men?
The Shadow knows.
The sannyasi said, “Let’s think positive and think good about whatever little beginner’s progress we have made.” He listed the things to feel good about: 1. You chant sixteen rounds a day; 2. You have discovered the open secret of early morning japa; 3. you stay awake and alert; 4. you begin to control your mind; 5. even if you can’t control your mind or be alert, you are chanting and you’re sure that Krsna will appreciate your attempt—the effort you make without the reward of higher taste.
The sannyasi said he usually tells audiences that the first step in chanting reform is to notice you are inattentive and to feel regret. But he thinks now that regret is too advanced a stage for us to really know at the present moment. It will come, probably mixed in with tears of joy, when that stage arrives naturally. “Oh, when will the day come when by chanting Hare Krsna mantra, tears will flow from my eyes?” He read to them from Begging For the Nectar of the Holy Name, and finally they chanted another round—again the faces not revealing the inner thoughts, but you can be sure there was plenty of distraction and some sincerity to be cheerful about.
This week has reached Wednesday, which is Ekadasi. There is an article on Ekadasi in the BTG magazine that just arrived. It was nice and encouraging in that cheerful mood of optimismo. The writer suggested that you should think a day in advance what you will do on Ekadasi.
“Who is in charge of this story?”
The author is. Why do you ask? Also, the author doesn’t want to be a big dictator. He’s trying to be a humble scribe and let the events flow. He’s trying to find out what the events are.
“Okay, but what’s the story?”
Who are you who is asking?
“I’m a story investigator from the Bureau of Responsible Authors, Editors, and Schoolteachers. I am the tradition headed by great story-writers.”
Oh. Well, Sir, there’s nobody here except us devotees. What you say, Sir, that is all right. We will try to follow your recommendation, but we are not attempting to publish anything or compete. We figure we have a right to write.
“Yeah, well, don’t think that I’m like the Nazi Gestapo. I’m just trying to help you upgrade your efforts. A story has to have a plot and characters. It all follows from some basic conflict.”
Yes, Sir, what you say, that is all right.
“For example, Chekov says that if in your opening sentence you describe a shotgun hanging over the fireplace, that shotgun has to be fired before the story is over. Edgar Allen Poe and Henry James made every single element in a story work to contribute to the whole. You see? It has to be a work of art. Not shoddy. And use symbols like in Death in Venice, by Thomas Mann.
I mean to say, this isn’t even a story. For your story standards, you need ambitious characters and an upright author. As you can see, these are just young people mostly, and we are interested in chanting Hare Krsna. You need people who are into sex and love affairs and who are capable of violence and all that.
“You are just trying to avoid me,” said the investigator. “Don’t think you are exempt. But I’ll take you at your word. It’s a pity, though. You could write a story if you were serious enough to work it out under our tutelage. We could send representatives to teach you. But you have to be willing to rewrite everything at least ten or twenty times.”
Well, I don’t think I have time or inclination for that. I also don’t like to put characters into conflict. I want to offer them respect. Our writing is mostly just a front to praise Krsna and the pro-ess of bhakti.
“I see.” The investigator took out his notebook and wrote, “Fatally parochial” next to the name Satsvarupa dasa. Then he tried to shield what he wrote, but I saw it, “Author appears to be a slouch.”
I gave him a prasadam cookie and he left. Whew.
pp. 35-38
A person in Vrndavana bows down. He is proud, foolish, but he worships the dhama and the holy name. His writing is bhajana. A bird like the whippoorwill . . . Now I will quit writing, h? says, but no, go on.
I am a little nuts and this isn’t a perfect pen. “In Vrndavana, in Vrndavana.” I keep saying it like a magic formula. I keep begging. But what do I want? I think I will be satisfied if I can write a pleasing, flowing record of my experiences.
Commendable, commendable.
I am not being sarcastic, but why not go deeper?
The writing should be the byproduct of my prayer.
Okay, okay.
And you ought to know by now that writing is your dharma, so stop criticizing yourself for it. You may desire to go deeper, but writing isn’t exactly a “byproduct.” It is your head on the earth, and all parts of your body in dandavats.
My prayers to Vrndavana are for simple things like, “Please, let me chant with attention and love in the morning. Or let me feel unworthy that I cannot do it—but not in a neurotic way. Let me cry. Let me improve. Teach me how to chant.”
Yes, Lord, I would like to write sweet love songs to You, but I am not qualified. So what does a guy do who wants to write in Vrndavana, who has come to Vrndavana just to write? He can write Prabhupada’s biography and purports to the “Prayers of King Kulasekhara,” and he can do this—the simple days and nights in a house of old bricks and cement in Raman Reti. It is the best situation I have ever had in Vrndavana, and I thank You for it.
I am just stressing and digging a little here to look for more. My wish-blessing: may you continue to hear in good consciousness. May Prabhupada’s words penetrate your thick skull and your dry heart.
O Vrndavana-dhama, I need to quiet down.
Certainly the trees will see you come and go from Vrndavana. They don’t write books trying to average a hundred pages a week, and they don’t make photocopies so it doesn’t get lost.
If we don’t have lights by this evening, we will still get by.
“Although I am very wretched and fallen, I still yearn to attain the wonderful state that even Laksmi, Siva, and all the demigods cannot attain. Because I have offended you I cannot attain even a single drop of your transcendental nectar. I do not make even the slightest attempt to renounce the objects of sense gratification, which make one forget the path of religion. I am filled with bewilderment, grief, fear, and shame. O Vrndavana, please protect me”(Vrndavana-mahimamrta, Sataka 6.3).
How do I relate to this verse? I lack the intensity to feel myself wretched and fallen or to be filled with shame. But when he says, “I have offended Vrndavana,” I think, “That is why I cannot attain the nectar for which I am anxious.” And when he says, “I don’t make even the slightest effort to renounce sense gratification,” I think, “What does he mean? Does he mean illicit sense gratification, heavy stuff like the karmis do? I have renounced all that, smoking, drinking, going out for entertainment. But if he means the regulated sense gratification, which is allowable, then it is true: I make no effort to reduce it. I am attached to my bodily comfort.” Then if I am guilty of aparadha and sense gratification, why don’t I admit it and feel low and ashamed? I don’t know why.
Vrndavana is rural and religious, even today. More dhoti than pants. When you see a young man in a gold-and-black-striped shirt, gray pants, and sandals, it looks out of place. Your eyes are used to the old dhotis and informal religious garb of mendicants or poor people—Indian cowherd garb.
If I lived here all the time, I wouldn’t try so hard. I would settle for a regular, long-term service. I would read calmly. But I have other places I need to go. I have to preach in the West and guide disciples. So I am here like any Western-based devotee, soaking up the nectar. I want to go back with something to share. This is my slide show.
pp. 22-26
Get up, friends, disciples!
Get up, you who are in the clutches of bad dreams!
Get away from the atheists.
(Do not say you cannot.)
Rise from the bones; rise from the flesh.
Assert the spirit soul.
You can.
You must.
In predawn, eternal love awaits —
if you will rise. If you don’t,
how much you will regret it!
“He called, but I did not get up!”
The next demand is to chant.
But first where is your shoe?
Grab it and beat the mind a hundred times,
then speak and hear
(tongue and ear)
the Hare Krsna japa —
Oh, if the mind would listen to God’s Name!
The dodging, bucking, swerving mind.
Try again to return to the Names.
Then join with others
as a cheer goes up
before the opening doors.
Brightshining are the multiforms of God:
Mother Hara and graceful Krsna,
triumphant, upraised Gaura-Nitai,
smiling, sturdy Jagannathas.
Bow and rise.
Here is the yearned-for:
His lotus feet.
I am not dead,
hand me the cymbals.
I’ll sing the first line alone,
then drum and karatalas join.
We’re swaying, building rhythm,
until everyone is dancing.
Enthusiasm flows,
a river of love of God.
It is hard to make it
in spiritual life,
but singing and dancing
are easy. Full of wavering
thoughts, we admit,
“It’s hard, but it’s worth it.”
We’re not always in the blissful light.
We sink in the non-eternal,
but when we chant and dance,
contaminations run
like filth washed off
in the swift, flowing river.
Best of all is the life of Krsna,
and lives of great bhaktas,
and each devotee has his own.
And there are stories behind each window,
lives that never woke up.
Also the life of the soul
told analytically
is a general tale of woe,
how they ride samsara’s wheel.
There is also the epic of the universe
which takes place in the winking of Lord Visnu’s eye.
But except for Vyasa’s mature narration
and the story of how we came,
all in this world is temporal,
all unreal.
To wake up the lost, sleeping souls
is the story of the preacher —
adventurous, true accounts of the guru.
Let us hear and remember them;
And make our own come true.
He starts finding fault with the fallible devotees,
his scorn reaching all the way to Krsna.
Material desires, once thin,
fatten like bedbugs in spring.
“Let me try again,” he thinks,
“to wander the fields of enjoyment.”
For a while he retains Krsna conscious words,
“You would say I am in maya.”
But when he bloops as good as dead,
he awakens into a nightmare
as when a soul leaves human life
to take the body of a snake.
He has come back again
into the age of disasters,
into species of pain:
“It doesn’t matter.
We’ll forget.”
He stops before the mirror
and thinks he sees himself.
After two days of rain, suddenly the sun came out,
and I hurried to the backyard,
onto the green, shining grass,
to silently recite my gayatri mantra.
As I held my brahmana thread
and began to repeat, “om bhur bhuvah ….”
a low-flying cloud
covered the sun, and it was darkness again.
But then a sliver of silver light
exactly like a new moon
showed through the cloud and seemed to move
quickly across the sky,
pushed by the brisk May wind.
For a moment I thought it was the moon,
but as the cloud uncovered,
that silver crescent lost its shape
and it blazed like the heater of the universe.
From my tiny patch on earth, I could perceive
how the sun was filling everything with light,
and without it all was darkness.
As in a natural lab, these simple facts
were shown to me.
Suddenly I wished I could see
so simply and scientifically Lord Krsna,
just as I had seen the sun —
But did He not appear?
Did I not see the hand and eye of God
as clouds and sun passed close overhead?
And the rain is also Krsna’s,
and the green, covering forests.
But my pleasant vision of the sun had turned
to somber meditations: death, the temporal,
human greed, and forgetfulness of God.
These also passed into my thoughts,
like clouds over sun
and sun through clouds.
om bhur bhuvah .. .
aim gurave namah.
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.