SDG Maharaja Health Update
“Satsvarupa Maharaja’s lower right abdomen pain got worse this week, so we got a special visit to his Primary Care Provider. The pain has been an intermittent saga over this past year, but no specialist or test has come up with anything conclusive. The PCP came up with a possible real diagnosis that should be combined with a CAT scan. We should have an authorization to proceed from the insurance company soon. The PCP noted some slight calcification on a tendon in the area of the pain from an old X-ray. This may have increased and grown inflamed over time, which will show up on the scan. When this spot was pushed in, the pain coincided with the troubled area involved. This problem is not uncommon in senior citizens, and the calcification can be the dissolved by injections from an orthopedic surgeon. (to be continued)..”
Hare Krsna,
Baladeva
If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at [email protected] or [email protected] and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.
I was speaking about spontaneity, but when I chant, I can see I’m not a spontaneous lover of Krsna. I ground out two extra rounds with Prabhupada’s japa tape and imagined that I could be doing other things instead. To keep going I told myself, “What if this is the last evening of your life?” That didn’t hit me so hard, but it was enough to hold on to the rounds.
Please, Lord, please. I can only become truly Krsna conscious if You give me Your mercy. I can read endlessly but still not get Your mercy. You have to actually give it to me. There is nothing I can do to attain it. Please let me chant, and let me pray while I chant.
******
I do pray alone in japa and desire to see the world become Krsna conscious, but I have a problem—and I doubt it’s only my problem. That is, I need to see the qualitative spreading of Krsna consciousness. Preaching doesn’t mean just cheap taking up of Krsna consciousness for awhile and then stopping. ISKCON—can it accommodate people who come to the institution for shelter and guidance? We see both ISKCON’s so-called and real faults and doubt its capacity to actually care for millions of people. This adds to our doubts in the mission. If I, as one member, concentrate on improving myself and
Welcome Home to the One Big Book of Your Life telling of this attempt, I see that as one aspect of Krsna conscious preaching. It’s not opposed to other types of preaching. Āpani ācari prabhu jīvere śikhāya
******
You could write japa with pen—Hare Krsna mantras all over the page. No one would criticize that or make you stop chanting. Do you think you owe a debt to the Beat poets?
No, I owe a debt only to Govinda. That is truth.
******
Intense temple president of Boston temple, intensely afraid of thugs and teenage ruffians, intense in mouthing japa: Hare Krsna Hare Krsna,
ah, you were intense but
don’t fade, do not go gentle into that good night. If to be intense I have to get angry, then no.
And intensity in pain provokes stress.
But what about the gopis? Yes, they were intense. I fall short. I say, “Take it easy.”
******
From a list of 100 sources of stress:
(50) Vigorous japa (I know one becomes free of stress by chanting Hare Krsna, but when it’s vigorous it seems to cause headaches).
******
One hundred ways I fake it:
******
Hare Krsna, O Hare Krsna, I’m happy to begin that first round by candlelight. Joy, you could say, that I am able to perform this most direct yajna to contact God. Surrender to Him by saying His names quickly as Srila Prabhupada also says them on the japa tape.
******
Japa time, sacred
inattentive mind I ask you
please attend to the holy names.
Time for chanting well spent I’m a fool
bad habits but
even I can be saved.
O holy name
sprinkle
Your mercy upon me….
pp. 57-63
My dear Satsvarupa,
Please accept my blessings. I am in due receipt of your letter dated June 23, 1968, and I have noted the contents. I am very much pleased to hear your good success in the park on Sunday. This is very much encouraging to me, to hear so many people are hearing the philosophy and chanting, and also taking nice prasadam as well. Yes, it is very good, and you please continue this sort of program! This system should be followed, and you will be successful. In New York also Hansadutta is following this system, holding Kirtan at Central Park every day, and he is collecting in the same way. All together he is collecting fifty to seventy dollars a day by contribution and by selling Back to Godhead. This is actually our successful propaganda.
We want to distribute our literature and books as well as our prasadam and inject our Hare Krsna medicine within the ear. So, reading of the literature and hearing the chanting is the medicine, and prasadam is the diet. So, if the diet and medicine are properly administered, the disease of Maya will be cured. But the physician must always be healthy. Preachers must be of highly elevated character, following strictly the rules and regulations and chanting regularly in the temple. There may be so many odds in the progressive march of Krsna Consciousness, but if we pin our faith in Krsna, everything will come out successful in due course.Yes, Krsna didn’t like that place, for $350, so you could not acquire it.
Please convey my blessings to Jadurany, Madhavi Lata, and Devananda. You are all good souls; please work together combinedly for spreading Krsna Consciousness there in that city.
Hoping you are well.Your ever well-wisher,
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami
In his previous letter to me, Prabhupada encouraged me not to be disappointed. He predicted success would come. By the time I received this letter, success had arrived—in the form of Krsna’s revelation to us about the opportunity of chanting in the parks. As I had written Prabhupada in my previous letter, things were difficult in Boston, and our preaching activities didn’t seem to be progressing. But now, by his grace, a new chapter was beginning: “I am very much pleased to hear of your good success in the park on Sunday. This is very encouraging to me to hear so many people are hearing the philosophy and chanting, and also taking nice prasadam as well. Yes, it is very good, and you please continue with this sort of program!”
The program was to go to the Boston Common and chant Hare Krsna for several hours. At first, we did not know what to expect. Five of us went, stood in one place on the grass, and began kirtana. Within a few minutes, hundreds of people had gathered around us. In those days many young hippies wandered through the Common. Many of them even used to live and sleep there. On Sunday all sorts of middle-class people, young rowdies, and other Bostonians would gather in the Common. Few had seen anything like Hare Krsna chanting; it aroused a lot of interest. In general, the people were low class, and there were always some hecklers. Few took us seriously.
Once in a while there were incidents. Hippies threw bottles at us, and once the Hell’s Angels disrupted our kirtana. But on the whole, we were able to go on chanting hour after hour. After a while, we developed the idea that one or two devotees could circulate among the crowd and ask for donations while the others chanted. This proved successful. The whole experience was purifying for the devotees, and we would go back to our little temple feeling thoroughly satisfied and ecstatic. Devotees in other cities had simultaneously begun the same program. We had started it as a once-a-week program; then daily parties began going to places like Harvard Square.
Prabhupada’s tone was especially exclamatory. Naturally we responded by understanding that public kirtana must be our main program. Prabhupada was directly pushing us to preach in public places. Now we could understand that this was the right formula; this was what we should have been doing. If there had been any hesitancy on our part, upon receiving this letter we gave it up and committed ourselves to the order of the spiritual master.
At the same time Prabhupada pushed us forward to meet people and share kirtana with them, he also stressed that the “position” of the preacher himself must always be healthy. Prabhupada therefore stresses that the preacher should both publicly preach and strictly follow the rules and regulations (“chanting regularly in the temple”). By this time, we knew, to some degree, what Prabhupada referred to when he said, “There may be so many odds in the progressive march of Krsna Consciousness.” But with Srila Prabhupada behind us, we too were eager to “pin our faith in Krsna,” and in following his instruction we trusted that everything would come out successfully.
pp. 89-92
Lecture today—Krsna Janmastami is approaching and I’ve selected some verses for classes I’ll be giving leading up to that event. To prepare ourselves I want to first address doubts that nondevotees or even neophyte devotees may have about the existence and pastimes of Krsna. SP openly discusses these and argues against them in his Tenth Canto purports in this section and throughout Bhagavad-gita also. Lord Krsna is also fully aware of the agnostics and He criticizes them in Bhagavad-gita 9.11. He says avajananti maṁ muḍha . . .
With “heavy heart” I observe in myself a lack of taste for reading the same books over and over, although Srila Prabhupada indicates a spontaneous devotee is satisfied to do it his whole life. One reads in this way obviously with a different mentality than the old book addict who goes through hundreds of volumes.
When I am in a receptive mood I go deeper and see that it’s not the same old thing. It’s worth fighting to reach this stage. A reading retreat may help. Find ways to daily experience that breakthrough then you can share it and assert it with devotees. Years ago I cultivated a kind of spiritual dilettante’s interest, “Lectio divina” gathering passages from books about it. But what it boils down to is finding your own way to spend prime time regularly with Prabhupada’s books. And that inevitably means chipping below those first surface layers of atheistic doubt, and then down below that, the layers of bored indifference, sleepiness, and so on. It’s similar to the fight for quality japa.
Because this is so valuable it can be worked on also in retreat settings. Those times are not wasted and you shouldn’t feel guilt about it. And then your writing will improve.
In my drawing, doodling, I’m facing the fact that I feel great resistance to drawing the form and the pastimes of the Supreme Lord. It requires too much effort whereas I like to just doodle and let my hand move freely. Besides I know that Krsna’s form is the topmost truth, and I just feel unworthy to do it. I’m not willing to work in a serious child-like way to make the drawing the best I can do. Because even though I may be a crude artist, if I’m going to attempt Krsna it seems like I should work hard at it. But for me drawing is a more relaxing pastime. Therefore this is a dilemma for me and I hope to get some breakthrough on it. Perhaps in an art retreat I’ll have more physical energy and mental concentration so I can draw Krsna’s forms even in a crude way.
My life is now concentrated on the headache pain. I already recorded how on August 24th I had to take four pills which I did to get through lecturing schedule here. The next day I cancelled the lectures and got by with only one pill. But then Monday, yesterday, I took four pills, although I had no obligations to be with devotees. I wanted to do letter answering but couldn’t even do japa, and the right eye pain continued despite the taking of pills.
On August 27th I wrote in my medical log, “Looks like I’m headed for another ‘worst week ever,’ even though in a peaceful situation. I had right eye pain all night and it’s still here in the morning.”
So what began on August 26th is continuing today. It’s already well over twenty-four hours and still going strong. The honeymoon period is long over when I thought these pills could stop headaches. Now the headache just keeps going.
Life becomes somewhat mechanical. I do the Prabhupada puja but can’t concentrate on it, and just hope I don’t make any big mistakes. I can’t answer letters or write in any extended way, or take a walk or talk or hardly think much. I’m not so stoical or transcendental to this sort of thing.
As for writing, if my health would improve I have an idea of what I would like to do after Janmastami. I would like to mostly do a reading retreat for a couple of weeks, and my writing would accompany that in a free-writing way. But until Janmastami I would like to finish out this Basic Sketch Book in an honorable way, with interest. But it’s limping like a wounded soldier toward the end. I keep waiting for it to just clear up like bad weather.
pp. 227-30
I pray to serve Lord Krsna with the offering of my words in writing. I’m especially intent on this in the writing session. Its appearance is loose and indulgent, but I have faith that it has an inner purpose that redeems it. Just as you grope, in spontaneous writing, to find some coherence and even poetry, by the time you finish the sentence, you grope to render the sentence into a sincere offering to Lord Krsna. It’s an attempt to go beyond merely flowery words.
I just read a verse in the Fifth Canto, Chapter Three, text 6. The priests at the sacrifice of King Nabhi have seen the appearance of Lord Visnu at their yajna. They say to Him, “O Supreme Lord, You are full in every respect. You are certainly very satisfied when Your devotees offer You prayers with faltering voices and in ecstasy bring You tulasi leaves . . .” So another meaning for “faltering voice” could be that I falter to express devotional service. I don’t want to be a crazy man whose words are meaningless. But I am “crazy” by the fact I’m not yet a pure devotee. All this is rationalization. But I mean it sincerely also.
Besides this, merely flowery words cannot be pleasing to the Lord. In the purport, Prabhupada writes, “The Supreme Lord can be pleased only by devotional service; therefore it is said here that the Lord is surely satisfied by devotion and nothing else.”
Srila Prabhupada writes, “You may construct a gorgeous temple and spend thousands of dollars, but such a temple is not required by the Lord. The Lord has many millions of temples for His residence, and He does not need our attempt. He does not require opulent activity at all. Such engagement is meant for our benefit.”
Today I gave the Srimad-Bhagavatam class and also had lunch, then sat and talked for an hour and a half with Krsnaksetra Prabhu and Astharatha Prabhu. We discussed their newly published book for Deity worship in ISKCON, and I learned different things from them. Krsnaksetra Prabhu said actually these Deity worship rules, as written by Sanatana Gosvami in Hari-bhakti-vilasa are mostly for householders. Sannyasis don’t have to follow all the rules.
“Although we may be engaged in the Lord’s devotional service in the temple, material conditions are so tough and inevitable that we may forget the Lord at the time of death due to a diseased condition or mental derangement. Therefore we should pray to the Lord to be able to remember His lotus feet without fail at the time of death, when we are in such a precarious condition” (Bhag. 5.3.12, purport).
Apply this also to your writing. Ante narayana smrtih. You don’t want to just dig up some awkward memory at the time of death. I suppose your hope is now that by digging them up, you’re getting rid of them once and for all. Get rid of old attachments. Turning to Krsna in blessed forgetfulness of that past. “We therefore pray unto You, O Lord, for You are very affectionate to Your devotees. Please help us remember You and utter Your holy names, attributes and activities, which can dispel all the reactions of our sinful lives.” (SB 5.3.12)
My conviction is that when I write whatever comes to mind, I go along for a while without thinking of Krsna—then I become aware of it, and when I turn to Krsna at that time and write something like, “Lord Krsna is the Supreme, I want to be His devotee,” it’s a sincere expression. It’s an act of sheer will to turn to Krsna. And so my supposition is that such writing which allows for unfortunate things to come to mind yet turns to Krsna—is more valuable than if I program myself ahead to just write something always perfect. And I hope that Krsna sees it that way always.
Many devotee friends, and even my personal doctor, do not seem to comprehend the crippled condition of my left foot. It all began in 1964 when I was 24 years old. Under the influence of LSD, I jumped out of a third-floor window and broke both my heels. I was in casts for six weeks, and when I came out my right foot was healed, but my left foot and ankle were deformed and painful. I was able to walk and even dance, but as the decades passed, my condition gradually worsened. I could no longer take the long morning walks I so much loved. By the beginning of the 21st century I was limping at every step, and my ankle and shin were obviously misshapen. I went to a foot surgeon and asked him if he could splice two of my bones together. He asked me where I had heard of this practice, and I answered vaguely, “From various sources.” The doctor was renowned in his field, and I underwent the operation. He said I might expect an 80% improvement in my foot. There was a long recovery period. I had to wear a black boot and stay in bed for weeks. When I came out of the boot, I felt no relief. I complained to the doctor, and he said he would perform a second operation where he would take out the metal pieces he had inserted in my heel in the first operation. He did this, but there was no improvement. Months went by, and I had several more appointments with him. Then one day he told me there would be no more appointments; he had done all he could for me. I was now on my own. I was disappointed that his treatments hadn’t helped me.
After this, I had a physical therapist visit me a few times to teach me exercises to build up the strength in my legs, which had been weakened by so much sedentary life. I am still doing the exercises and they have helped, but I still cannot walk any significant distance. I go outside every other day with Baladeva beside me, and I push a four-wheeled walker. I walk slowly for a few yards and stop and rest. Then I walk some more and rest again. I continue this for 15 minutes, and that is all I can do. I have no prospects for more improvement beyond this.
That’s why I become impatient and feel misunderstood when I’m pushed. “When are you going to Vrndavana and Mayapur dhama in India?” Can’t they see I’m unable to even walk across the street? Rama Raya sympathized with me. He said, “You don’t have to go. You’ve gone many, many times to Vrndavana and Mayapur.” The last time I went was 2009. Since then, I’ve heard that there has been tremendous expansion in building and an influx of many devotee residents from many countries–in particular, Russia and China. What was once a deserted field, Ramana-reti, or the “enchanted sands” where Krsna and the cowherd boys played, is now filled with buildings, including a “Russian house” right near the ancient Krsna-Balarama tree. The monkey population has increased considerably, and they are more aggressive. Of course, the secret spiritual heart of Vrndavana is still present and available to submissive and determined devotees. I am like one of those persons who Maya keeps away by a mayic covering because they are not really sincere. That is why I keep my ashram as “viraha bhavan” – separation from Vrndavana. We have many arca-vigrahas downstairs and upstairs to keep the place like a mandir or bhajana kutir. Rama Raya said, “Where you are, that is Vrndavana.” I sit in my chair like a sentinel and keep a darsana of Radha-Govinda, Lord Caitanya and Srila Prabhupada. Downstairs, the first plates of the offering are made to the large Gaura-Nitai and then brought up for the Deities here. It is service in separation, but isn’t that the highest form of bhakti?
*****
I can’t travel, and I don’t need to as long as I am rendering active service and trying to share it with others.
*****
What is Viraha Bhavan? Baladeva challenged me to expand on it. “Take it up a notch – the inner nature.” It’s me chanting all sixteen rounds of japa, starting first thing in the morning (no later than 2:30 A.M.) Sesa Prabhu said it was unusual that I got so much out of darsana of the arca-vigraha. He read my poems to Radha-Govinda and was impressed by one where I wrote, “While gazing at You, I am ready to move on to my next life.” I deliberately and thoughtfully say my Gayatri mantras. After saying them in Sanskrit, I repeat them in English. For the confidential sannyasa mantra, I say, “I offer my respects to gopi bhava.” Then I add in my mind, “Bhanu Swami says this specifically refers to Srimati Radharani.” Sometimes my mind wanders to mundane thoughts. I interrupt them and repeatedly say, “Please forgive my offenses.” I’ll try more to raise the notches in the Journal and go purely inward.
Jadurani was complaining about me to Prabhupada, and he said, “Forgive and forget, or how can we live?” And another time he came when it was raining, and it was a broken window. He was upset at the broken window and said, “Why is this?” I told him that there were tough kids who broke windows. Another incident is he called me in his room on a rainy day, and he asked me why there was water in the paint can in the yard. I told him that it wasn’t paint, it was rain that had filled the paint can. Then he said, “All right,” accepting what I said, “but just be careful.”
During his 1969 visit, upstairs, he’s giving a lecture, and he says, “Saradiya, are you still fighting with your husband?” and she turns all red.
Usually, the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is grab my japa beads and start chanting, often under my breath. On a good day I chant about fourteen rounds, and then I stop. I want to get writing as soon as possible. But I feel bad when I stop chanting early. I tell myself that I’ll finish my rounds later in the day.
I turn to the writing, either memoir (in the past) or journaling. I try to make both of them turn into spiritual, in a spiritual direction. I think I have finished going into the Catholic books and Catholic saints. I don’t regret that I did it, but I believe I’ve done it enough. I want to stay in Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇava territory. Best if it’s Kṛṣṇa conscious.
So, there you have it: memoir and diary or journal. In the journal I tell something in the past, and when I write in the present, I tell something that’s just happening now. (I don’t know if this is exactly what Mark Twain did, but it’s what I am doing.) In addition to journaling and writing in the present, I want to spend some time in free-writing. Free-writing can start off anywhere and wind up anywhere.
*****
Written by A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, published November and December 1958 in Gaudiya Patrika Vol. X, Nos. 9 and 10; translation from Bengali by Dasaratha-suta dasa
I am sitting alone in the
transcendental abode of Sri Vṛndavana-dhama.
While in this mood of contemplation,
many realizations have been coming to me.
Although I have my wife and sons,
daughters, grandsons, everyone,
they all consider me to be a total failure in life
simply because I have no money.
O Śrī Kṛṣṇa! You have shown me
the naked form of material nature.
By the power of Your mercy on me today,
I have become disgusted with it all.
[You have stated in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (10.88.8)]:
“I gradually take away all the wealth
of those to whom I show My favor.”
How can I comprehend
such mercy of the all-merciful Lord?
Seeing that I am penniless,
everyone has now abandoned me—
my own family, my other relatives,
and even my so-called friends.
This situation is indeed miserable,
but it simply amuses me. I sit alone and laugh.
In this mundane material world,
who are my loved ones?
Where have my affectionate
father and mother gone now?
And where are all my elders and other relatives,
who were my own folk?
Who will give me news of them now,
I ask you—tell me who?
All that is left of this so-called family
is a list of names.
The froth upon the seawater
arises one moment and disappears the next;
the play of māyā’s worldly illusion
is exactly like that.
No one is actually mother or father,
a family member or relative.
Everyone is just like the froth on the seawater,
existing only for a moment.
Just as the froth on the seawater
dissolves again into the sea,
the body made of five material elements
merges again with these elements after it dies.
How many fleeting forms does the
embodied soul take in this manner?
His so-called family members are only related
to this temporal external body.
O brothers! All of us are actually relatives,
but only on the platform of the pure spirit soul.
These eternal relationships are not tinged
with the temporary delusions of māyā.
The Supreme Lord is Himself
the ultimate Soul of everyone.
In their eternal relation to Him,
all souls in the universe are equal.
O brothers! All the millions of spirit souls
are your personal relatives.
In their true relationship with Kṛṣṇa,
they all co-exist in complete harmony.
“Forgetting Kṛṣṇa, the living entity desires
personal enjoyment separate from Him.” [Cc. Madhya 20.117]
Thus the spirit soul enters the temporary material world
and falls into the powerful clutches of māyā.
pp. 49-52
Looking for M. so I could discuss today’s disciple’s meeting but he’s not around. Search my mind for topics that I care about. Find I don’t care much for analytical discussions, Sankhya, Vedanta, even steps of bhakti. I could get into it, I guess, if I did it in my own way. But they expect you…Then I hit on the topic of truthfulness. I do care about that. Tell how I go about my own search for truth.
It’s naked to do so. They may see it as mere psychology rather than hari-katha. But I see it as crucial self-realization and immediately a way to have hari-katha.
Give it to me.
Authentic self.
Yeah…See if they have Summer Marathon here and also Every
Day, Just Write, Volume Two.
Now, let’s do a little song in the meantime. And tomorrow’s SB class is about Devayani naked in the well and Yayati reaches down and takes her hand – so, she considers it a “marriage” arranged by God. Could I talk about how providence works, the will of God? But again, I don’t know or care? Admit my doubts? Admit I struggle? No, that you can’t say.
No pen but this one
quiet down you can
never be as good as he
God gave him (Mozart)
they say, the best rhythm
and blues and refined
bounce esoteric
for snobs
he loved the violin and
women and God – but I
must talk now of the
subject at hand
Devayani’s hand freckled.
Yayati’s grip reaching down
Dev: “Will you marry me O
hero?” He didn’t like
it on external consideration
as she was a brahmana but
liked her as a beauty so,
“Yeah,” he said
“I will.”
That’s a long stormy show how
he got cursed and all
Calm down and get your only
tan
it will come out
this hole
like an Arno river
until your old
Yamuna flow comes
in arthritic grip
you will talk of Hari when
you grow mature and now
envious
and protective –
long live ISKCON!
For that reason I’ll
talk today my venture
into truth
satyam satyam
param satyam Krsna
is true
and I search it.
Hare Krsna, please remind
us of Govardhana, Radha-
kunda, Bahulavana, Radha-
Gopinatha,
travel back and desire
please go where you can
pump out best songs to
your master and please
remember me to your dad
and mam
Prabhupada
keep me
and revive me
in your studentship
like I used to be –
or in a new way
vital to share with
others true when I
say I depend on
him totally, and need no
other guru, love.
You know this life of lining up lectures and telling of it. I thought I’d speak really personal to disciples this afternoon but changed my mind. I recalled a case of a Godbrother who did that – talked about himself instead of a Bhagavad-gita class – and how it was seen as a shocking poor performance. So, I’ll stick with sambandha, abhidheya, prayojana. It’s our duty. I can put personal touches in. I do want to read and hear about Krsna, know Him in the way He’s canvassing to be known and serve Him and reach the goal.
Hot, headachy. After the talk. One asked me does a spiritual master withhold his heart during a Srimad-Bhagavatam class? I said he might and there might be good reason for it, such as jnana-tinged people in the audience.
I know you’re still headachy but give us a last song
today, could you?
Joy to the song in the stars
I don’t know what
frivolous sports are
for you –
wasps are buzzing in
dropping “like flies” –
he brings in the reference on
providence
Devayani picked out
of the well me put
into the Navy so I
could come out walk
down Second Avenue
just in time
Stack the books…
he moves a long étoile
means what… “He’s
just a French softy,” –
can’t take the noisy,
dangerous autostrada
exploding stuff debris
ten thousand feet high black
smoke columns seen all
the way to hell…
the new island
I’m on the old trail,
put red pill and went on talking
sweating, telling
them why a guru may
not reveal his heart –
he has none
he’s afraid, cheater
“Don’t cast cheap pearls,”
embarrassed
Govinda, Sukadeva
didn’t either.
And so, we rushed to the end signaling personal doom or good ending, just reward,
don’t judge the stern ones as too stern
or blame those who
relaxed
after the book marathon
I’m whistling in the meadow
“It’s too hot in this room,”
arms stuck to the desk. Beep
I want mercy to give
out asked Italian food but
got plain old ISKCON
meal from Poland
those men lost their joy to come and see
a guru and can you blame
them…
when he tries in a
corrupt society hereby pray
God is sweet
cowherd
Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s best
hari-nama.
pp. 121-25
You are underway got to make
a date with my Supreme Lord
there’s no one else as great as
He
anything great (vibhuti) comes
empowered by Him.
No mistakes it’s all right/you’ll be
better if you forget trying to make it
good.
Find an open series you’ll like
I’m for you in that way so sweet
and sad alone perverted
mellows of the spiritual world
you got to get
Krsna, I didn’t know was wasting
away now I know better art
serves God not the opposite way
muse means maybe nothing
except Supersoul
you’d like to write best
for your Lord.
Hurry back from a walk
to this
get on a track
tell me how to be for me
and Thee – and art too.
Be on top Be a little way
just tell us what’s happening and I’ll
be satisfied with that
just tell us what
Krsna Krsna Krsna sky and moon
and blossoms full a cold
summer morn dark and blowy
You enter it and that’s all.
Butting head lambs and their
mother looks savage stuff not
harmless if you bonked your
forehead against that big fat
lamb.
Lord Krsna is on top on
top He’s in Goloka whorl of
lotus all here is His energy
and yet
He comes into it in person
too.
He’ll give you the best if you ask
for it instead of drainage
I want that best service to Him
I hope it comes through me
blossoming, Lord Krsna, the
birth of each tune
Hare Krsna mantras entered/not taste
is better than me seeking
without God.
Well, it was raining like hell
on me and I was all right
dry toes in boots and walking
in rain gear, umbrella
round and around the
house.
Chanting on beads in wettening
bead bag, chanting Hare Krsna Hare Krsna
you know the rest,
in my head maha-mantra
“This is good for me.”
I knew it was – saw on
hill big gray cloud half
down the hill like a fat
tornado darker than the
sky – what a sight.
This boy was out in it
he’s rain besoaked
foot tune Hari Hari I
can’t claim much attention or
anything…
So, goodbye to half asleep
blues a walk like that sets
a man apart
awake wind blowing on you
and you look at neighbors and
think I won’t do ill.
You back into the house it
was late, pants slick wet
boot shiny
you went upstairs to here
hear this master
it’s an old record I was
reviewing on the walk the
comedy lines in Duffy’s Tavern
and how I’d like Bala to hear
it it’s his style of looking
at life spoof, biff,
word jugglery – the way
of jokes.
I saw a floating thing in
a big puddle. Now I’m
in candlelight, lights out
fiction on. Two me entered
and gave me the Nobel Prize for
1998 I said oh boy this
will please my master for sure
now Krsna is on lit ensconced.
Then two men tried to harm
me but I outwrestled them
Rain beats so hard I
open the window and saw the Pope
fly be he said, “We’ll do
all we can to help ISKCON.”
You have some little part in a dance.
Watching films of you in crowd of devotees
around Srila Prabhupada thirty years ago, so intense,
adoring, competitive…now I
watch it with detachment,
restrain fault-finding…/but I don’t take part now/
I wouldn’t want to go back to then
who am I? Who are we? What is true?
Soundless movie track, men who have since left him, grown old, died, babies now young men mostly chose to leave him/beautiful young mothers, now where? Bare arms who cares for it now? Was it worth striving for honor and place? Look at them…if I had known back then to stay alone…but you had to push forward so your guru would recognize you.
I think of him differently now. Not as seen
in those images.
pp. 70-73
Thoughts:
Progresso is an odd title. It was just to get a start.
Blooped devotees tell us how not to bloop. Be careful not to neglect your rounds, etc. The definite one reason they fall down? Hard to say, and even if you heard it, it wouldn’t necessarily prevent your own falldown. Sometimes these things are fated, it seems—part of the general misuse of free will.
Brahma prays for protection, and Prabhupada comments: “Unless one is sufficiently protected by the Lord, he may fall down from his spiritual position. Therefore one has to pray constantly to the Lord for protection and the blessing to carry out one’s duty.” (Bhag. 3.9.24, purport)
The duty of a writer is honesty, and it’s not wrong to find joy in that. But stick to Krsna consciousness.
Another point: don’t look for sensational forms of advancement or to become a bliss-tasting nectar hound. Just do something to please Lord Krsna and Srila Prabhupada. I’m trying to go deeper into what that means. It can’t stay an outer show and it can’t be forced on you by someone else. Surrender at the core of self and engage the whole self in His service.
It’s easier to write what I don’t want (neti neti)—all sorts of sense gratification and imaginary pleasures, a yacht on the Riviera, etc., summed up by na dhanam na janam na sundarim. This I can say positively: I don’t want to forget Krsna. Remember Him always.
So Brahma prays too.
Hickory dickory dock…
The time has come, the walrus said,
to speak of many things…
Come to reason, come to sastra, come to serious service.
Srila Prabhupada, lecturing at a Ratha-yatra at Washington Square Park in 1976. He was not in good health, but he went out anyway and sustained our bliss. We were serious to do what he requested. As he spoke, a fanatical, so-called Christian started yelling. Someone pushed him into the shallow pond. Srila Prabhupada ended his talk requesting that “soberly and with calm head” you please consider Krsna consciousness. Nice request for all of us even today.
There is a stack of aging, heavy sweets in the second drawer in this room. Devotees have been sending them from Belfast, and I have been stacking them in that drawer. They’re not the best thing for me. If I eat them, I’ll get indigestion. We old-timers can’t get away with much in eating. Doesn’t matter how little you weigh, it’s still easy to overeat. So which is better, all day queasy or five minutes of tongue happiness? Come on, man, show some discretion.
The sweets I never ate and other righteous acts: a drama in five parts, starring . . . Raghunatha dasa Gosvami tasted hari-nama and radha-bhava, not white sugar or even honey on his tongue. I think I’ll give the maha sweets to Praghosa when he comes by this morning, and throw the old halava into the woods. Maybe the fox I saw last night will eat it and become liberated. I saw him sitting in the backyard at the edge of the forest scratching his head with rear paw just like a tame dog. O fox of the woods! You were so sleek and wild.
I’m alone and feeling restrained. To be unrestrained in love of God and sadhana practices is one of my goals. Please. I beg. I must remember Krsna even when I’m alone and certainly while writing. I want to save my heart for Govinda.
What is the charm in short lines
when they bloom like flowers in
a vase? Are they an offering of
perpetual devotion?
I’m trying, but these flowers
wilt although the flowers in
Goloka bloom eternal.
My flowers are watered with
my work and sweat and attempt
to remain comprehensible
in three parts (beginning, middle, and
end), and to try on my own
to say Krsna is lovely
Krsna is God
Krsna is best.
Out of harm’s way I write this on rising, asking dispensation, “Get rid of the sweets stash.” I don’t know if this little theme can carry me for the rest of the day, but if you take it in the broader sense, it means to get rid of all sense grat, restrain your senses. And “stash” means what you’ve hidden in your heart—those things you plan to enjoy in secret all for yourself, your private cache of vice and indulgence. Simplicity means to take what is offered and to depend on Krsna. That’s progress.
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.