What’s the Cause for the Increased Satisfaction?
I am feeling more satisfied today,
rather than expressing the despair and
dryness. Krishna is very kind to me.
On rising at 1:00 A.M., I was able
to say select prayers for over half an hour.
That certainly helped my consciousness,
noticing how the acaryas also call
upon the Lord to ask for mercy. I was
having trouble identifying with the prayer,
“My dear Lord Krishna, please have mercy
on this sinner,” thinking that I couldn’t
identify with the word “mercy” or the fact
that I was a “sinner.” But I see by reading
prayers by Bhaktivinoda Thakura and others
that they are asking for the Lord’s mercy. Also
I think my satisfaction this morning comes
just from the fact that I was being submissive
in receiving great prayers by others and not trying
to lord it over so much by my own writing. I
don’t mean to say all writing is like that, but still,
it was beneficial to just go as a tiny living entity
and recite prayers.
Japa Transforming into Prayer
Then my chanting was not so bad and
I was actually able to improve on that prayer,
“My dear Lord Krishna, please have mercy,”
which I interjected with the japa
remembering that the acaryas
actually use this expression.
I would walk
back and forth
in the room and then
just get down on my knees
and put my head to the floor and say,
“My dear Lord Krishna,
please have mercy
on this sinner.
Please have mercy.
Thank You for Your mercy”—
and try to do it, and enter
a deeper state of meaning it.
And even if I couldn’t mean it
I still said it. Even though I know
I looked foolish—certainly to others
and to myself—I did it. And when
I couldn’t say that prayer, I said
another prayer. You should always pray.
Asakrt means not just for a few minutes,
but always. So this was nice, and
Prabhupada expounded on it and said that
the Hare Krishna mantra is also a prayer.
A prayer invokes good fortune and petitions
the Lord, so the Hare Krishna mantra
says, O Krishna, O Rama, O energy of the
Lord Hara, please engage me in Your service.
We can go on and on praying like that
and reach perfection anywhere in the world
and with whatever we are doing.
(_Entering the Life of Prayer_)