At 11:30 P.M.
Baladeva had a dream
that I was ringing
my cowbell, so he
rang his cowbell
to wake me up.
After that
I couldn’t get back
to sleep. At 12:45
I turned on my light and rang my bell.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
He gave me extra headache medicine
as a “pre-emptive strike” protection
before I began my japa.
I started chanting with all my precautionary measures:
eyes closed, silently and slow.
I practiced “just hear.”
This is just a suitable method
for me, and one I am capable of.
You simply chant and hear with
no other meditation.
It is recommended by Srila Prabhupada.
There are higher states of perfection
in japa, but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself
in the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare quality of japa.
I developed no twinge in my right eye.
I met my quota after four rounds
with ample minutes to spare.
After this, as a change
of pace and an attempt to
eliminate tension, I paused my
japa and wrote down my
experience of the first four rounds.
I began the second set in the same way.
Although I was chanting silently in my mind,
I was hearing the holy names clearly, with attention
and concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning what to write
in my Japa Report. This
habit is unstoppable. I merely restrict it
and tolerate it. Nevertheless,
I am committing aparadha:
inattention to the holy names.
But the mercy and the power of the maha-mantra
vanquishes sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing. (When I say
I “heard” the Names while
chanting silently, I mean
that the mantras resounded in my mind
as good as vocal chanting. Similarly,
when I recite the lines about
the power of the maha-mantra,
it gives me confidence that
despite my inadequacies,
I am making progress by
the Absolute nature of the Name.
Therefore I repeat them daily as affirmations.)
I continued to be free of
twinge in the right eye.
I met my quota after eight rounds
with ample minutes to spare.
After this, I again paused
in japa and turned to writing
in my Japa Report of my experience
in the second set of rounds.
I like to think that the
change of pace was giving
me relief from the tension of
constant chanting. Because of
writing, I began and ended
my third set late.
I began my fourth set by
increasing to a moderate pace
in order to make up for lost time.
But I thought better of it
and slowed down to ease the tension.
I called out to Krishna for His blessings
because it is not possible for me
to do good japa on my own endeavor.
I try to avoid mechanical chanting
by cultivating thoughtfulness
and devotional feeling.
For thoughtfulness,
I adhered to “just hear.”
Although I could not enter
deeper, inward states, I
heard each mantra with external attention.
For feeling, I acknowledged that Radha-Krishna
are the heart of the Hare Krishna mantra,
composed exclusively of Their names
and uttered as a prayer for engagement in Their service.
I completed my sixteenth round and
met my overall quota with three minutes to spare.
I considered it a decent session
without handicap.
I was very relieved
that I developed no heavy headache or
migraine the whole time.