Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
He administered my wake-up rituals,
including a pre-emptive strike
of headache medicines
before I began chanting.
I used the walker to go into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I took all the precautionary measures
and started my japa.
I immediately connected.
My chanting was alert, attentive,
and conducted with concern to
pronounce the words properly.
I practiced “just hear,” focusing on
chanting and hearing the Names
with no other meditation.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself
and absorbs himself
in the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare stage of japa.
I felt satisfied with the process,
knowing I was capable of doing it.
I met the quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare.
I turned to writing
in my Japa Report for a
change of pace and relief
from constant chanting.
I remembered that I went in 1977
to visit Prabhupada when
he was at a crisis in his health
but still able to talk and take
questions from all the GBC.
We wanted to clear up questions
about how things would be conducted
after his disappearance. He decided to live
a while longer. After this initial meeting
I was able to make it two more times,
including the darsana
at the end of his life
at the time of his departure
when he had only two days to live.
I took part in quiet kirtanas around his bed
and massages under his mosquito net.
These gave me great solace.
Some of the devotees at Berkeley
resented my using the funds for
my extra visits. But most of them
wished me well as I was the GBC
for Berkeley and represented them.
I thought of this during the Japa Report.
I began the second set chanting
moderately quickly in my mind.
I was pleased to be doing japa
in the sanctified atmosphere
of my bhajana-kutir.
Although I was chanting silently
in my mind, I heard the Names clearly,
attentively, and with concern to
pronounce the words properly.
I became distracted by planning
what to write in my Japa Report
and so I committed aparadha:
inattention to the holy name.
Therefore my japa was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so
merciful and powerful that it
vanquishes sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
I began the next set vocally.
I still felt no pain in my right eye.
I tried to avoid mechanical chanting
by cultivating thoughtfulness
and devotional feelings. For
thoughtfulness I adhered to
“just hear” and was able to be alert
to the individual mantras.
For feelings I thought of the sweetness
of Radha-Govinda. I acknowledged that
Radha and Krishna are the heart
of the Hare Krishna mantra.
I finished my twelfth round
with a few minutes to spare.
I turned again to writing in my Japa Report.
Then I began the fourth set switching
from moderate to speedy and
from vocal to silent –
to make up for lost time.
I considered it a half-decent session.
I had no eye strain
and was alert and wide awake
the whole time.
I met all my quotas on time.
At least I followed the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.