THE RISKS OF ALL-DAY READING AND WRITING
I dream, either awake or asleep, of a life in which I spend full time reading and writing and going within myself. Last night’s dream was radical—about the adventures of a whole community hiding underground. Do I really want that? Is it even healthy? Isn’t an hour or so of reading in the morning the normal course, with the balance of the day spent in active service? Lately, my days have been limited to whatever little I can eke out between bouts of pains.
Recently I read a statement by the Chairman of the GBC, who said that we should take a risk and try to win Krishna’s recognition. What should we risk? He said that as we preach with vigor, we risk falling into the mode of passion. He also said that Krishna would protect us as we try to serve Him. If I were to try for all-day reading and writing, the risk would most likely be the danger of falling into the mode of goodness. I call it a danger because it’s possible to fall into treasuring solitude, peace, and private study over actual bhakti. I agree with the GBC Chairman: Krishna will protect me as I try to serve Him.
Lord Caitanya briefly describes all the states of sambhoga and viraha between Krishna and the gopis. He divides vipralambha into four: purva-raga, mana, pravasa, and prema-vaicittya. Sometimes I remember their meanings, and sometimes I don’t. I never live in those states, being an unqualified disciple, so all I can do is read and appreciate whatever the Lord gives in the Vaisnava sastras and whatever Srila Prabhupada gives in his purports.
(_Cc. Asraya, A Diary While Attempting to Read
_Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta__)