10:40 A.M.
Some slight improvement in late morning japa, which is usually a poor time. Involuntarily, I imagined that I was trapped inside a transparent covering. I wanted to be cut free from this. I called for help and the maha-mantra was the means to cut me out from the covered trap. I also recalled writing to a godbrother years ago and asking him his suggestions for poor japa. He replied that he found good results from chanting slokas before beginning the Hare Krishna mantra. I thought, “Yes, and also one can chant verses which specifically ask forgiveness for offenses to the holy name, as recommended in Srila Prabhupada’s purports.” And the willingness, despite repeated failures in the past—willingness to say these prayers rather than think it is useless—this is a sign of hope. To give up asking for forgiveness is like committing sins on the strength of chanting.I also found myself praying, “O God, O God, it is for You that I am praying when I say the mantras.” We may repeat these instructions again and again, but there is no way to turn them from theory into practice until a person does it for him or herself. No one can force you or do it for you. Even the most expert spiritual master cannot make it happen for you if you don’t take up his instructions. Even Lord Krishna who is coming to us in His most accessible form will not enter your heart, although He desires to do so, unless you call, “O God, please come. Please come into my heart and into my hearing of Your names.”(_Begging for the Nectar of the Holy Name_)