Raghunatha dasa Gosvami seems to say that unless we take to the higher taste, we cannot save ourselves. He has already ruled out attaining material happiness in the heavenly planets, or merging into Brahman, or going to Vaikuntha as a servitor of Narayana. That leaves either pure service in Vraja, or falldown into lust, anger, or hypocrisy.
Bhaktivinoda Thakura outlines the deceit of a renunciate: he thinks he is better than others, he collects donations and uses them for sense gratification far in excess of the needs of a sannyasi, he associates with women in the name of preaching, he is overly attached to dress and position, “and thus neglects the main purpose of spiritual life, which is to develop attachment for Krishna.” (Manah-siksa, p. 26). These bad habits are compared to bathing in donkey urine. The mind is thus polluting both himself and the spirit soul.
I have no alternative. I must be a decent sannyasi. But I cannot do it unless I take the recommendation given here. Why do I hesitate? Do I still harbor doubts? But it’s getting too late for that. It’s all procrastination and timidity.
It’s easy enough in writing to bash oneself as to why we are not lovers of Radha and Krishna. It supplies an immediate satisfaction that we have traced out the cause of all ills—our “minds” or our “uncontrolled senses.” But sometimes the bashing may be inaccurate and just thoughtless or foolish. One wants to take the blame, and of course not blame Krishna or guru, but things have to be analyzed more carefully before we write our ills off so easily and often glibly. Thoughtless self-denigration may be another trick of the lower self to leave us unenthusiastic to work toward the improvement we are actually capable of.
We can see this caution being exercised by the acaryas. They don’t spend so much time tearing us down as guiding us step by step. We should also learn to guide ourselves by encouragement as well as self-criticism. Often, when we criticize ourselves so much, we don’t really believe it anyway. It becomes a literary flourish, a show of humility, a quick escape from the point. My above statement about “procrastination and timidity” seems to be an example of this sloppy self-berating.
(Begging for the Nectar of the Holy Name)
JAPA POEM
I analyze self-denigration
and say it’s easy
to bash yourself without
actually improving.
The acaryas guide us
with encouragement,
as well as pointing out
our faults. Sloppy
self-berating will not help.