Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I applied my precautionary measures
and began japa.
I kept my eyes open and,
while I could not sustain
a long darsana, I glanced at
the arca-vigraha from time to time.
I practiced “just hear.”
This is the method where
you just chant and hear
with no other meditation.
I am capable of doing it,
and it satisfies me. There are
higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who realizes that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself in
the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare stage of japa.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I
turned to writing in my Japa Report.
Although I began the second set
silently in the mind, I heard
the Names clearly, attentively,
and with concern to pronounce
the words properly,
but I was distracted by planning
what to write in the next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Name.
So my chanting was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so
merciful and powerful that it
vanquishes sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
(I like to repeatedly recite
the lines about the power
of the maha-mantra and
use them as affirmations.
They give me confidence
that I am making
progress, even while
making mistakes.)
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
On the third set
I emphasized speed over quality,
but I didn’t rush recklessly.
I held on to the bead until
the mantra was finished
before moving on to
the next bead. I was alert
and completely awake.
I was outwardly attentive,
but I did not enter
an inward, prayerful state.
I did not call out to Krishna
for His blessings, but it
is not possible for me to do
good japa on my own endeavor.
I finished my twelfth round
with minutes to spare.
On the fourth set,
I went even faster.
I was behind on the count
and was apprehensive
that I wouldn’t meet
my overall quota.
My mantras tended
to be mechanical,
without inward thought.
I did not cultivate thoughtfulness
by adhering to “just hear.”
And I didn’t take darsana
of Radha-Govinda and
acknowledge that They
were the heart of the
Hare Krishna mantra,
or utter Their Names
as a prayer to be engaged
in Their service.
I considered it a half-decent session.
There was too much speeding
and merely-external attention
to rate the session as “decent.”
For the entire session
I felt no physical pain,
and I was very thankful for that.
At least I follow the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order
of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.