I woke at 11:00 P.M.
and couldn’t get back to sleep.
I rang my cowbell at 12:30 A.M.
and woke up Baladeva early.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I kept my eyes open and
looked at Radha-Govinda.
I began my japa at a
moderate pace. I practiced
“just hear,” the method
where you just chant and hear
with no other meditation.
There are higher
stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in its own right.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is nondifferent than Krishna Himself,
and absorbs himself in the
transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare stage of japa.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare.
I then turned to writing
in my Japa Report.
I began the second set
at a moderate pace.
Although I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly,
with attention and concern
to pronounce the Names properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in the next Japa Report,
therefore I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Name,
so my chanting was faulty.
But the Maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
I met my quota after eight rounds
with a few minutes to spare.
I began the third set
emphasizing speed over quality,
but I was alert and wide awake.
I was attentive in an external way,
but I did not enter a prayerful state.
I tried avoiding merely mechanical chanting
by cultivating thoughtfulness
and devotional feelings.
For thoughtfulness, I adhered to
“just hear.” This enabled me
to keep the mantras separately,
but I didn’t concentrate on the meanings.
For feelings, I looked at Radha-Govinda
and imbibed Their sweetness, but
I couldn’t sustain looking at Them.
I finished my twelfth round
with minutes to spare on the quota.
The fourth set was
all speed and mechanical,
because I was behind
on my rounds. I held on
to the bead until the mantra
was finished before
moving on to the next bead,
but it was more mechanical
than prayerful. I didn’t call
out to Krishna for His blessings,
even though it is not possible
for me to do good japa
on my own endeavor.
I completed the twelfth round
with a few minutes to spare on my quota.
I continued in the same way
through the fourth set.
I completed the sixteenth round
with minutes to spare on the overall quota.
I considered it a half-decent session.
There was too much emphasis on speed
and mechanical inattention
to rate the session as “decent.”
I did not experience any
physical pain for the whole time.
At least I follow the process
of carrying out a
prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order
of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.