Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I kept my eyes open
and began japa.
I didn’t dare to stare
for long darsana, but I
took glances at Radha-Govinda.
I practiced “just hear” –
Prabhupada’s beginning instruction
where you just chant and hear
with attention and no other meditation.
It is the practice I am capable of
and satisfied to do. There are
higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Names
are nondifferent from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself in
the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare stage of japa.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I turned
to writing in my Japa Report.
On the second set
I began at a brisk pace.
I still held on to the bead
until the mantra was finished
before moving on to the next bead.
Although I was chanting silently
in my mind, I heard the Names
clearly, with attention and concern
to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in the next Japa Report
and so I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Names,
and my japa was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
On the third set I saw that
I was falling behind, so I went speedy.
My chanting was external,
and I was unable to
enter into an internal
prayerful state. I didn’t attempt
cultivating thoughtfulness
by adhering to “just hear,”
or devotional feelings by
looking at Radha-Govinda
and imbibing Their sweetness.
I didn’t call out to Krishna
for His blessings, although
I can’t do good japa by
my own endeavor.
I failed to finish the twelfth round
within the scheduled time quota.
The fourth set was all speed
with neglect of quality.
I didn’t know whether
I would meet my overall quota
at the end of sixteen rounds.
But I pushed on,
attempting to finish
within the allotted time.
I actually completed my sixteen rounds
with a few minutes to spare
on the overall quota.
I did not consider it a good session.
There was too much emphasis
on meeting the quota by speeding,
and the japa was mechanical
without inward prayer.
I did not experience physical pain,
but I was tired
and had to push myself
to keep up the speed.
It was kind of a “forced” japa session.
At least I follow the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.