I woke with a headache at 11:30 P.M.
and took a pill.
Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I kept my eyes open
and began japa at a brisk pace.
I practiced “just hear,”
the method where you
attentively chant and hear
with no other meditation.
There are higher standards of perfection in japa
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself
and who absorbs himself in
the transcendental sound vibration
is achieving a rare stage of japa.
I reached my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare.
Then I turned to writing in my Japa Report.

I began the second set at a brisk pace.
Although I was chanting silently in my mind,
I heard the Names clearly, attentively
and with concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in the next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Names,
so my chanting was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
I held on to the bead until
I finished each mantra before
moving on to the next bead.
I completed eight rounds
with minutes to spare.

The third set was focused
on speed with priority over quality.
But I held onto the bead
until the mantra was finished
before moving to the next bead.
But my chanting didn’t enter
an inward, prayerful mood.
It was attentive to the Names,
but external and mechanical.
I did not cultivate
thoughtfulness by adhering
to a careful “just hear,”
or practice devotional feeling
by looking at Radha-Govinda
and imbibing Their sweetness.
Nor did I call out to
Krishna for His blessings, although
it is not possible for me to do
good japa on my own endeavor.
I completed my twelfth round
with minutes to spare on the quota.

The fourth set was all speed.
I did not rush recklessly,
but I was mostly focused on
counting the numbers.
I completed my sixteenth round
with minutes to spare.

I considered it a half-decent session
with no handicap from headache.
The last two sets
emphasized speed with
priority over quality.
At least I follow the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order
of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.