Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I started my japa at a brisk pace
(because I forgot
to complete yesterday’s
unfinished rounds). But I
did not go at a rushed pace.
I held on to the bead
until the mantra was finished
before moving on to the next bead.
I practiced “just hear,” the method
where you attentively chant and hear
with no other meditation. Although
there are higher stages of perfection
in japa, “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself in
the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare stage of japa.
Because I had to make up for
yesterday’s rounds, I finished very far behind
with no minutes to spare on the quota.
Then I turned to writing in the Japa Report.
I began my second set at a brisk pace (I
was still behind on the rounds from yesterday.)
But still, I did not rush recklessly.
Although I chanted silently in the mind
I heard the names clearly, attentively and
with concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in the next Japa Report.
I was chanting with aparadha:
inattention to the Name,
so my japa was faulty.
But the mercy and the power
of the maha-mantra
vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing. (I like to recite
the lines about the power
of the maha-mantra. I use them
as affirmations. They
give me confidence that
I am making progress,
even when I make mistakes.)
In this way I completed
the second and third sets,
finishing my twelfth round
still behind on the quota
with no minutes to spare.
On the fourth set I emphasized speed
as a priority over quality. I kept
alert and awake, but I couldn’t enter
an inward state of prayer.
I called out to Krishna for
His blessings, because it is not
possible for me to do good japa
on my own endeavor.
I completed the sixteenth round
with no minutes to spare on the overall quota.
At least I follow the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.
I considered it a barely decent session
because my emphasis was on
speeding to catch up with my quotas.
I felt no pain in my eyes or head.
I was externally attentive and awake,
but I didn’t enter the life of prayer.