6:30 P.M.
I am trying to complete this book. I can’t sum up and conclude because my japa is still a work-in-progress. Put a sign up like you see in some stores: “Pardon our appearance. Renovation is underway to provide you better service. Construction is expected to be completed on . . . ”
Things I can’t sum up:
1. Why I don’t feel remorse at my lack of devotion in chanting.
2. Why I don’t have attraction and relish for the holy names and what to do about it.
3. Why, when I chant, I cannot connect the mantras to Krishna’s lila-smaranam and what to do about it.
4. Why I cannot serve Srila Prabhupada better and thus receive his blessings.
5. Which of the namaparadhas is holding me back and what to do about it.
6. What about the fact that after this vrata, my chanting is likely to slip down again to a neglected status?(_Begging for the Nectar of the Holy Name_)
JAPA POEM
I try to sum up my writing and chanting
for the japa retreat.
I ask myself
why I don’t have remorse
at my lack of devotion in chanting.
What to do about my
lack of attention
to the holy names, etc. . . .
I fear that when
the japa vrata is finished
my chanting will
slip down to a neglected state.