Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace.
I practiced “just hear,”
the method where you
attentively chant and hear
with no other meditation.
I am capable of doing this,
and comfortable with it.
There are higher stages of perfection
in japa, but “just hear” is elevated in
itself. Anyone who understands that
the Name is non-different from
Krishna Himself, and who absorbs himself
in the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare state of japa.
I could not attain that rare state,
but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I
turned to writing in my Japa Report.
I began the second set at a moderate pace.
Although I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly, with attention and
concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning what to write
in the next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Names,
so my japa was faulty. But the mercy
and power of the maha-mantra
vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
(I like to repeat the lines
about the power of the maha-mantra.
I use them as affirmations.
They give me confidence
that I am making progress,
even though I am chanting with mistakes.)
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
After two sets at a moderate pace
I had fallen behind, so on the third set
I switched to speed having
priority over quality.
I still held on to the bead
until the mantra was finished
before moving on to the next bead,
but I did not turn to internal
prayerful japa. I did not try
to avoid mechanical chanting
by cultivating thoughtfulness
or devotional feelings. I did not look
to Radha-Govinda to imbibe Their sweetness,
or to acknowledge that Radha-Krishna
are the heart of the Hare Krishna mantra.
I kept up my attentive enunciation,
but it was external, not internal prayer.
Despite my speeding pace, I finished
my twelfth round behind on the quota.
On the fourth set I heard Baladeva’s
vocal chanting from the other room
and thought I was going as fast as he,
but he had the advantage of hearing
all his mantras aurally. I would
have liked to do that, but I fear
out-loud chanting will bring on
head pressure. So far, I had felt
no eyestrain or headache. I
called out to Krishna for His
blessings, because it is not
possible for me to do good japa
on my own endeavor.
I completed sixteen rounds
with minutes to spare.
I considered it a half-decent session,
because on the last two sets I did
too much speeding with no inward
attitude of prayer. I was alert
and wide awake the whole time.
I felt no headache during the
entire session, but my chanting was
more mechanical than thoughtful.
At least I follow the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.