Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace.
I listened to the mantras closely.
I practiced “just hear,” the method
where you attentively chant and hear
with no other meditation.
There are higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is Krishna Himself, and who absorbs himself
in the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare state of japa.
I could not attain that state, but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I turned
to writing in my Japa Report.
I began my second set at a moderate pace.
Although I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly, with attention, and
with concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning ahead
what to write in my next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Name.
So my chanting was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
(I like to repeat the lines
about the power of the maha-mantra.
I use them as affirmations.
They give me confidence
that I am making progress,
even when I am committing mistakes.)
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
I began my third set at a medium pace.
It is efficient and calming
chanting at this pace
in the early morning sanctity
of my bhajana-kutir. So far I
felt no presence of head pressure,
and I was grateful for that.
To avoid merely mechanical chanting
I cultivated thoughtfulness and devotional feelings.
For thoughtfulness, I adhered to “just hear.”
This enabled me to concentrate
on separating the mantras
without slurring, mixing or missing them.
For feeling, I glanced at Radha-Govinda briefly
and imbibed Their sweetness. I acknowledged
that Radha-Krishna are the heart of the
Hare Krishna mantra, composed exclusively
of Their Names and uttered as a prayer
for engagement in Their service.
I finished my twelfth round
with minutes to spare.
After three sets at a moderate pace
I had fallen behind by the clock,
so on the fourth set I switched to
emphasizing speed as a priority over quality.
But I did not rush recklessly. I held on
to the bead until the mantra was finished
before moving on to the next bead.
I could not go inward
to a prayerful attitude.
I began to develop pressure
in my forehead. It increased and
I paused to take two headache pills.
I completed my sixteenth round
with minutes to spare on the overall quota.
I considered it a decent session
despite the lack of prayer and the
occurrence of a headache. I was alert
and wide awake the whole time.
Although I could not enter
a prayerful attitude, I chanted all
my rounds with accurate enunciation
and attention.
Although it was external,
it was conscientious in its own way.
At least I follow the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.