I woke up at 10:00 P.M.
with a headache and had to take
pills and sleeping pills.
Baladeva’s alarm clock went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed. He was jolly
and administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace.
I practiced “just hear,” the method
where you attentively chant and hear
with no other meditation.
There are higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself in
the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare state of japa.
I could not attain that rare state,
but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I
turned to writing in my Japa Report.
I began my second set at a moderate pace.
Although I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly, with attention,
and concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning ahead
what to write in my next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Name.
So my chanting was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation – and attains the real goal –
bringing one closer to love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
(I like to repeat the lines
about the power of the maha-mantra.
I use them as affirmations.
They give me confidence
that I am making progress,
even when I make mistakes.)
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
I began my third set at a moderate pace.
I was feeling good,
doing japa peacefully
in the early hours
in the sanctity of
my bhajana-kutir.
Baladeva’s vocal chanting
from the other room was an
added inspiration. So
far, I had no sensation
of head pain, and I was
grateful for that.
I avoided merely mechanical chanting by
cultivating thoughtfulness and devotional feelings.
For thoughtfulness, I practiced “just hear.”
This enabled me to separate the mantras
with no mixing or missing them.
For feeling, I glanced at Radha-Govinda
for the first time and imbibed
Their sweetness. I acknowledged that
Radha-Krishna are the heart of the
Hare Krishna mantra, composed
exclusively of Their Names and uttered
as a prayer to be engaged in Their service.
I finished my twelfth round
with minutes to spare.
After three sets at a moderate pace
I had fallen behind. I switched to
a brisk pace, emphasizing speed
as a priority over quality.
But I did not rush recklessly. I held on
to the bead until I finished the mantra
before moving on to the next bead.
I could not enter
an inner attitude of prayer,
but maintained an efficient
external pronunciation.
I called out to Krishna for His blessings
because it is not possible for me
to do good japa on my own endeavor.
I completed my sixteenth round
with minutes to spare on the overall quota.
I considered it a decent session.
I was alert and wide awake the whole time.
I experienced no sensation of head pain.
I could not enter an
attitude of prayer to Krishna,
but this was balanced
by conscientious enunciation
of all my mantras in the session.
I was not much disturbed by distractions
and steadily practiced “just hear” throughout.
I pronounced all my mantras clearly.
At least I follow the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.