I woke at 10:00 P.M.
with a headache and took medicine.
I went back to bed and
slept until midnight
and then could sleep no more.
The alarm clocks went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and the cowbells followed.
Baladeva administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace
while looking at the Deities.
I aspired to continue this,
but not beyond my capacity
where it could cause a strain.
I practiced “just hear,”
the method where you attentively
chant and hear with no other meditation.
I am capable of this
and comfortable doing it.
There are higher stages of perfection
in japa, but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself
in the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare state of japa.
I could not attain that rare state,
but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare.
Then I turned to writing
in my Japa Report.

I began my second set at a medium pace.
I didn’t maintain a steady darsana,
but looked at the Deities intermittently.
To my eyes They appeared
a little blurry. I heard
Baladeva’s vocal chanting
from the other room, but it was
at a low volume. I prefer
when he chants louder.
Then he inspires me and
“covers my back” in my
silent ecstasy. I was going
to ask him to chant louder,
but thought that maybe he’s
tired or just in a quiet mood,
so I let it go.
Although I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly, with attention
and concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in my next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Names.
So my japa was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to the actual goal –
attaining love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
(I like to repeat the lines
about the power of the maha-mantra.
I use them as affirmations.
They give me confidence that I am making progress,
even when I am making mistakes.)
I met my quota after eight rounds
with time to spare.

I began my third set at a moderate pace.
So far I felt no head pain
and was grateful for that.
I tried to avoid mere mechanical chanting
by cultivating thoughtfulness and
devotional feelings. For thoughtfulness
I adhered to “just hear.”
This enabled me to keep the mantras separately
without mixing or missing them. For feeling
I glanced at Radha-Govinda and imbibed
Their sweetness. I acknowledged
that Radha-Krishna are the heart of the
maha-mantra, composed exclusively of
Their Names and uttered as a prayer
to be engaged in Their service.
I noticed that I was falling behind
by the clock and switched to a swift pace,
emphasizing speed as a priority over quality.
I felt a tension in my eyes,
as if a wave of drowsiness were
going to appear, but I fought against it.
I finished my twelfth round
with minutes to spare.

I began my fourth set continuing
the speedy pace. I watched
the beads pass quickly through my hand,
but I didn’t rush recklessly. I held
on to the bead until the mantra
was finished before moving on to
the next bead. My chanting was not
internal, but externally attentive.
I called out to Krishna for His blessings
because I cannot do good japa
on my own endeavor. I continued
to fight off drowsiness,
successfully, but with a strain.
I didn’t keep up darsana,
but kept my eyes on the beads.
I completed my sixteenth round
with a few minutes to spare
on the overall quota.

I considered it a decent session.
I met all my quotas and chanted
all my rounds attentively.
I didn’t enter the life of prayer,
but practiced “just hear”
with clear enunciation.
I had no headache during the session
or during the writing of the Japa Report.
I followed the process
of doing a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.