The alarm clocks went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
Baladeva administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace,
peeking at Radha-Govinda.
I practiced “just hear,”
the method where you chant and hear
with no other meditation.
I am capable of this
and comfortable doing it.
There are higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is non-different from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself in
the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare state of japa.
I could not attain that rare state,
but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I
turned to writing in my Japa Report.
I began the second set at a moderate pace.
Baladeva’s vocal chanting from the other room
was encouraging and supportive
to my mental japa. Although
I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly, with attention
and concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in my next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Name.
So my japa was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to the actual goal –
attainment of love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
(I like to repeat the lines about the power
of the maha-mantra. I use them
as affirmations. They give me
confidence that I am making progress,
even while making mistakes.)
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
I began my third set at a moderate pace.
It was evolving as a decent session,
clearly enunciating at a medium rate.
I looked at the Deities intermittently,
not with a steady gaze lest I incur
eyestrain. So far, I experienced no
strain, and I was grateful for that.
To avoid mere mechanical chanting,
I cultivated thoughtfulness and devotional feeling.
For thoughtfulness, I adhered to “just hear.”
This enabled me to keep the mantras separate,
without mixing or missing them.
For feeling, I looked at Radha-Govinda
and imbibed Their sweetness.
I acknowledged that Radha-Krishna are
the heart of the Hare Krishna mantra,
composed exclusively of Their Names
and uttered as a prayer for engagement
in Their service.
I finished my twelfth round
with minutes to spare.
After three sets at a moderate pace
I noticed that I was behind by the clock,
so I switched to a brisk pace on the fourth set.
I emphasized speed over quality.
There was no question of entering
an inward state or a prayerful attitude.
I couldn’t look at the Deities, for They
appeared blurry. I focused on the
red beads passing quickly through
my hands, but I didn’t rush recklessly.
I held on to the bead until
the mantra was finished,
before moving on to the next bead.
I didn’t merge the mantras.
I raced to the finish line.
I completed my sixteenth round
with just one minute to spare on
the overall, timed quota.
I considered it a decent session.
I was alert and wide awake the whole time.
I felt no head pain.
I didn’t enter the life of prayer,
but enunciated all my rounds
with fixed, external attention.
I follow the process where one does
a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.