I awoke at 11:00 P.M.
with a headache and took medication,
but couldn’t get back to sleep.
The alarm clocks went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
Baladeva administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace,
looking at Radha-Govinda.
I was happy to be starting
my rounds in the sanctity
of my bhajana-kutir.
I practiced “just hear,”
the method where you chant and hear
with no other meditation.
I am capable of this
and comfortable doing it. There are
higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that
the Name is Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself in
the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare state of japa.
I could not attain that rare state,
but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I
turned to writing in my Japa Report.
I began the second set at a moderate pace.
Baladeva’s steady vocal chanting in the other room
was encouraging and supportive.
Although I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly, with attention
and concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in the next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Name.
So my japa was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to the actual goal –
attainment of love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
I continued the darsana, but with caution,
lest I provoke eyestrain.
I was not drowsy, but it
was a strain to keep awake
because of my lack of sleep;
I was not relaxed.
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
I began my third set at a moderate pace.
I drank a cup of Vitamin C Blast
to keep alert. It helped.
Baladeva’s constant vocal chanting provoked
me to pay attention to my mental japa.
To avoid mere mechanical chanting,
I cultivated thoughtfulness and devotional feeling.
For thoughtfulness, I adhered to “just hear.”
This enabled me to keep the mantras separate,
without mixing or missing them.
For feeling, I glanced at Radha-Govinda
and imbibed Their sweetness.
I acknowledged that Radha-Krishna were
the heart of the Hare Krishna mantra,
composed exclusively of Their Names
and uttered as a prayer for engagement
in Their service.
It was evolving into a decent session.
So far I had no head pain,
and I was grateful for that.
I finished my twelfth round
with minutes to spare.
After three sets at a moderate pace
I switched to brisk on the fourth set.
In an attempt to meet
my overall quota on time, I emphasized
speed as a priority over quality.
I watched the beads move quickly
through my hand. But I didn’t
rush recklessly. I held on to the bead
until the mantra was finished
before moving on to the next bead.
I was going too fast to adopt
an inward mood or
prayerful attitude.
I called out to Krishna
for His blessings, because
it is not possible for me to do
good japa on my own endeavor.
I completed my sixteenth round
with minutes to spare on the overall quota.
I also finished writing the last
of my Japa Report without being late.
I considered it a decent session.
I overcame the strain of drowsiness
and was alert and wide awake
the whole time. I felt no sensation
of head pain. I was not able to
attain a prayerful state, but
I chanted all my rounds
with careful attention.
I followed the practice of doing
a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.