Dear Sky


Dear Sky

March 19

Dear builder of dreams,

This is interdepartmental mail. It doesn’t require U.S. postage, and yet I don’t know where exactly to send it. Since there’s always a person in charge, there must be someone who builds my dreams.
So I’m writing to you, unconscious dream-building self.

Last night I had a dream about the artist’s life. I was the lead character, and I was doing some kind of graphic artwork. Then the scene changed, and I was a literary artist and suffering because I had no means of livelihood. I was misunderstood, but remained dedicated, obscure, talented, and faithful.
There was nothing in the dream overtly Krishna conscious. When I awoke I was sorry I didn’t have the sense to chant Hare Krishna. Then I thought to direct a letter to you, my dreaming self. Why can’t you chant Hare Krishna?

Since you are a hidden, unconscious self, I don’t expect you to reply, but I want to make a sincere request for Krishna conscious dreams. Perhaps you’re not able to comply. Perhaps you need input from an even deeper level and, after all, you’re just doing your job like anyone else. You produce dreams according to the sensory input you’re given.

Dream-self, I think that you are a deep person. I don’t know who else would need to give you input.
We’re all just fragmented voices speaking impurely because the pure spirit soul has not been uncovered. This is especially obvious in the dreams which are almost entirely devoid of direct Krishna consciousness. Therefore, I am making this request. I understand you prefer subtle suggestions, so I won’t order you.

I spend such a large amount of every twenty-four hours sleeping. It would be better if the dream episodes could be devotional, with sincere prayers, chanting, and service to Radha and Krishna rendered with body, mind, and words. This is my suggestion: please give me Krishna conscious dreams.

March 20

Dear Srila Prabhupada,

Please accept my humble obeisances at your lotus feet. All glories to you.

I’m writing this sitting on the back porch of a house just outside the wall of the temple. In about fifteen minutes, I’ll go to the packed kirtana hall and deliver a Gaura-purnima lecture. I have one of my headaches and have had to lie down all day, but I wanted to write to you before I went inside.

I wrote in my diary today that I don’t know Lord Caitanya or Rupa Gosvami or Radha-Krishna, but I do know you, Srila Prabhupada. Of course, I don’t actually know you—you are beyond me—but you know what I mean. You know me. There is a difference in my experience of you and my experience of the Lord and His associates.

By your grace, I’m beginning to know them also, but it’s such a fight against maya, Srila Prabhupada. Cynicism and skepticism are always ready to creep back in unless we’re watchful.
Prabhupada, my mind is so uncontrolled. Devotees often ask me how to control the mind. I tell them what Krishna says—just bring the uncontrolled mind under the control of the higher self. I do that, but it’s embarrassing when we still think of sadhu-ninda. I don’t know if I’ll ever be free of it, but by your grace, Srila Prabhupada, I’ll be a fighter in your footsteps and will always bring the mind back under the control of my higher self.

Please save me from any sojourn, even for a moment, in sadhu-ninda and guru-aparadha.
Prabhupada, by your grace I will be able to speak about Lord Caitanya today. I’ve chosen a song by Narottama dasa Thakura, and I’m going to read parts of your purport on it and comment on that. I’ll feel safe with your vani. You say that Lord Caitanya’s movement is easy. You also say it’s pleasing because it’s just chanting and dancing and taking prasadam. The guests here in Trinidad will be in that mood. They’re a simple crew, and they’ll be sweaty and gathered together. This “dancing white elephant” of yours from North America will tell them this good news. They’ll be happy to hear it. Just chant, dance, and take prasadam.

You also say that if we chant Lord Caitanya’s names, we can gain love of God. And this love is permanent, not like the lust of the material world.

At the conclusion of your purport, you translate Narottama dasa Thakura’s line that anyone who chants the name Gauranga is a dear associate. So I’ll emphasize that whatever position of life one is in, if they chant Hare Krishna, crying out sincerely to the Lord, they become clear devotees of the Lord.

So I’ve got a nice Gaura-purnima lecture lined up by your grace. I have no gaura-bhakti, no krsna-bhakti and no shakti, just a headache and the usual attachments and pettiness. But by your grace, I’m sure it will be an acceptable lecture. Then I’ll come back and honor prasadam and try to take rest so that this pain goes away overnight.

I look forward to having good energy tomorrow to bring the mind under the control of my higher self. And to avoid offenses. Everything depends on you, Prabhupada, and I’m fortunate that I can depend on such an unquestionably pure, strong devotee. You are the one who will carry me through. I just have to follow you. Let me grow, Prabhupada, on my own, in my love for Radha and Krsna, and let me take all relevant instructions from the six Gosvamis. But let me always do so as your menial servant.

Wherever you are today, Prabhupada, please accept my humble obeisances, and my desire to be able to think more clearly, deeply, and purely. I wish to be able to help others because I myself am connected to Krishna and Radha. Then you will be proud of me. And then we can meet again and I can serve you in a liberated condition with no hangups.

All glories to you, Frabhupada, and your work in all the three worlds.