Much activity in preparation for tomorrow’s celebration of Govardhana-puja. Krsna dasi is spearheading a traditional festival with all the preparations that are mentioned in the KRSNA book. They will be offered to Govardhana Hill tomorrow. Today many milk sweets are being prepared, and people are focusing on making our halava hill look authentic, with rocks and cows and snakes and Radha-kunda, etc. We are just preparing for a small festival for ten or twelve people because it’s flu/COVID season—we don’t want the house too packed.
***
In my Govardhana talk I spoke from memory events narrated in the KRSNA book. This year I have found a new light to add to the talk I give every year. The story begins with Krsna and His friends seeing Nanda Maharaja and the other elder cowherd men preparing for a big sacrifice. Krsna is omniscient, so He knows they are preparing a sacrifice for Indra. But with great honor, etiquette and humility, He questions Nanda Maharaja: “Dear Father, what is this big sacrifice you are performing? Who is it for? And what is its purpose? I am very eager to know the details of this sacrifice.” At first Nanda Maharaja didn’t answer his son, thinking Him too young to understand the intricacies of the sacrifice. But when Krsna persisted, “Is this by Vedic injunction, or is it a popular ceremony?” Nanda spoke to his son as follows.
Nanda Maharaja said, “This sacrifice is more or less traditional. Because Maharaja Indra supplies us with rain, we are obliged to him to offer a sacrifice. Indra kindly sends us rain so that we can raise our grains and agriculture. Rain is very important. Without rain we could not live. By rain we can perform our religious duties, our economic development and ultimately liberation. If one does not do the Indra-yajna out of fear or laziness, it does not look very good for him.”
Here we see Nanda Maharaja coming on as a great Indra bhakta, he is so strong in speaking his obligation to Indra, the king of heaven.
But in the presence of Nanda Maharaja and all the cowherd men and cowherd boys, Krsna speaks up in such a way as to anger Indra. Krsna says they should forego the sacrifice to Indra.
The argument went back and forth, with Krsna speaking as an atheist advocate of karma-mimamsa. These philosophers say that they don’t believe in God or demigods. They say if you act your duties nicely, you will get your results by karma. Nanda Maharaja disagrees and says that mere actions don’t bring about results. There has to be the higher sanction of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. At this point in the narrative, Srila Prabhupada injects, like a referee, and says, “This is actually the fact.” So Nanda is strong in his arguments supporting that they have to have an Indra-yajna. But Krsna persists and says, “Instead of offering a sacrifice to Indra, they should hold a sacrifice honoring the local brahmanas and Govardhana Hill. He says this sacrifice will please Him very much.
Then the narrative relates, “Nanda Maharaja finally relented.” Why did Nanda Maharaja relent? This year, while telling the story, I found a new light. I don’t think Nanda Maharaja relented because of Krsna’s arguments as a karma-mimamsa man. But when Nanda and the cowherdsmen understood what Krsna wanted, they agreed to do it. Like all Vrajavasis, Krsna was their heart and soul, and they only wanted to do what Krsna wanted. Nanda Maharaja didn’t relent because of Krsna’s arguments, but because of love for his son. They quickly turned to Krsna and asked Him to give them directions in how to perform the sacrifice for the local brahmanas and Govardhana Hill.
***
Everyone was working on their preparations, starting in the morning, first thing, right up to the time of the offering of the feast. The feast actually got started late, at 1:20 PM. But it was a nice offering because they stayed very close to the list of Krsna’s requirements and requests in KRSNA book about what should be offered to Govardhana Hill. We had dhal, rice, pakora, puri, halava, sweet rice, sabjis, many different varieties of milk sweets, cookies and cakes. It seemed as if Giri-Govardhana was pleased. A nice atmosphere pervaded for the few guests that came: Lalita-kisora and Atindra, and Hari dasa from Schenectady and his brother. Kirtan Rasa was here, and all of the guests stayed for my 2:00 PM lecture. The lecture lasted half an hour and had a lot of listeners on Zoom. And more will have access to it on YouTube, starting this afternoon. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byksuYo-EL4)
Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu fell down six steps in his house. He suffered a bruised rib and a gash over his eye. He had to go to the hospital. While he was in the hospital they discovered he had a urinary tract infection as well as pneumonia. So he had to be on intravenous antibiotics to keep his high fever in check. He’s finally home now after he got his stitches removed and his infection stabilized and pneumonia stabilized. He even went out for a walk. He’s a little unsteady but out doing it, and he hasn’t lost his sense of humor. Sraddha said, “No broken bones. Someone was protecting you.” And Ravindra quipped, “I wish they found a better way to protect me.”
Chandramauli Swami heard a rumor that I was paralyzed from the waist down. He wanted to see if that was a fact and whether devotees should start praying for me. If I used the word “paralyzed,” it was an exaggeration. The fact is, I can walk with difficulty (in my room or to the bathroom) using a four-wheeled walker. If I want to walk without the walker, I have to be supported by two men. I also pedal on a stationary bike for about thirteen minutes every morning in the attempt to make my legs stronger. I have been diagnosed by a neurologist as having Parkinson’s disease, and it’s affecting my legs the most.
I don’t want devotees praying for my condition. I accept it as my lot, probably a permanent condition. It may be a “token punishment” directly from Krsna. People are in far worse conditions than I am, in terminal diseases, completely crippled, and so on. They should be the ones getting the prayers.
Lord Caitanya was invited by Sarvabhauma Bhattacarya to take lunch at his house. When the Lord entered the room, which was His private room for taking prasadam, He was amazed at the quantity of well-prepared prasadam. The quantity of rice, dripping with ghee, the numerous vegetable dishes. Lord Caitanya said, “How could you two, husband and wife, cook so much in six hours? You have cooked a sample of practically everything known in Bengal and Orissa!” Sarvabhauma Bhattacarya replied that “It is only by the Lord’s mercy that this was done. We did not do it.” He said he and his wife Sathira Mata did not do any special effort. The Lord said, “Just give Me a small plate from which I can sample everything that has been offered to Lord Krsna, and I’ll sit over here.” There was a whole long discussion going on where Lord Caitanya said He didn’t want to sit in the place where Lord Krsna was offered food. Prabhupada writes in the purport that no one should use the eating place or the sleeping place of the spiritual master. At first the Lord argued that He could not take so much prasadam. But under pressure from Sarvabhauma, He finally relented and sat down. Sarvabhauma argued to Lord Caitanya that, “At Jagannatha Puri You eat many times a day and in huge quantities.” Lord Caitanya was about to relent to Sarvabhauma’s entreaties, but before He could even sit down, Sarvabhauma’s son-in-law Amogha, who was known as a great fault-finder and blasphemer, entered into the room through the private doorway meant for Lord Caitanya alone. Sarvabhauma was guarding that door against Amogha and he held a stick in his hand. But he became inattentive while serving, and Amogha sneaked in. Seeing the huge amount of prasadam, Amogha spoke out, “This much food is sufficient to satisfy ten or twelve men, but this sannyasi alone is eating so much!” Then Sarvabhauma chased Amogha with the stick, but Amogha ran too fast for Sarvabhauma to catch him. Sarvabhauma called out ill names while chasing Amogha. Sarvabhauma came back in the house and was shocked and embarrassed and made many apologies to the Lord. Sathira Mata beat her chest and cried out, “Let Sathi (her daughter and Amogha’s wife) become a widow!” Sarvabhauma was contemplating killing Amogha for his offense. But he thought he could not kill a brahmana or even a brahmana-bandhu, a friend of a brahmana, and Sarvabhauma could not kill himself because he was also a brahmana. But he finally decided he would break off all connection with Amogha.
Lord Caitanya wasn’t disturbed; He finished His prasadam and left, with Sarvabhauma following Him, making endless apologies and obeisances. Lord Caitanya said, “Amogha was correct in his statements that a sannyasi should not eat so much. So what is the offense?” That night Amogha came down with cholera and had a high fever. The next morning when Lord Caitanya heard that Amogha was about to die, He rushed to the scene. He put His hand on Amogha’s chest and the fever was broken. He told Amogha, “The heart of a brahmana is by nature very clean; therefore it is a proper place for Krsna to sit.Why have you allowed the candala of jealousy to sit here also?” (Cc. Madhya 15.274-75) Amogha was apologetic, and Lord Caitanya said that he should incessantly chant Hare Krsna. Sarvabhauma was still angry and embarrassed, but Lord Caitanya said to him, “He’s just a child. So you must overlook any offense he may have committed.”
Today is Diwali. Krsna dasi has told us about how great a festival it is as celebrated in Trinidad. In India, it is even greater. In Trinidad, they begin to celebrate a month before the actual date of Diwali. They clean their houses thoroughly, and there’ll be parties and rama-lila in the villages. Krsna dasi remembers as a child every day watching rama-lilas. People visit each other’s homes, exchange gifts and sweets, especially during the last nine days before the date of Diwali. The celebration is in honor of Lord Ramacandra’s return from exile and coming back to His kingdom, Ayodhya. Everyone in their homes has clay “diyas,” clay ghee lamps which they light up. They will put hundreds of them around the house. The non-Hindus in Trinidad also take part—they are invited for lunch or dinner by the celebrants, and some of them go to the big festival in the arena. The arena is called Diwali-nagara. In Hindi nagara means “village” or “small city.” All the various Hindu groups in Trinidad take part. ISKCON has a stage for its own operations and Agni Prabhu is a lead kirtaniya; he chants for many hours each of the nine nights before Diwali. Since it’s Karttika, the devotees also have a Deity of Krsna and Mother Yasoda. They invite people to offer lamps to Yasoda and Krsna, and tell people they will get great benefit by doing so. Many Trinidadians know about Damodara and damodara-lila, and they come by just to make an offering. In Trinidad for a whole month the mood changes, and everyone is happier and festive. Krsna dasi spends every morning here receiving texts and phone messages, returning calls from family and friends where they are congratulating her and wishing her a happy Diwali.
While on His South Indian tour, Lord Caitanya met with a brahmana from the Sanodiya community. The two of them met in Mathura. The Sanodiya brahmana was amazed to see the Lord’s transcendental situation, how He was chanting and dancing in ecstasy. The Sanodiya brahmana joined Him, and they danced together and embraced. When they calmed down, the Sanodiya brahmana asked Lord Caitanya if He had any relationship with Madhavendra Puri, because no one could have such ecstasy unless he had a relationship with Madhavendra Puri. Lord Caitanya’s servant, Balabhadra Bhattacarya, then told the brahmana of Lord Caitanya’s connection with Madhavendra Puri. He told him how Lord Caitanya was initiated by Isvara Puri, who was initiated by Madhavendra Puri. Then Lord Caitanya paid obeisances to the Sanodiya brahmana, who in turn became alarmed and made obeisances to the sannyasi, Sri Krsna Caitanya Mahaprabhu. The brahmana then told his story, how Madhavendra Puri had come to Mathura and had taken prasadam at his house and initiated him.
When Lord Caitanya went to Vrndavana, the Sanodiya brahmana accompanied Him and showed Him all the forests and holy places of Vrndavana. The Sanodiya brahmana observed Lord Caitanya’s uncontrollable ecstasies, how He dove into the Yamuna and they dragged Him back into the boat, and then how the Lord started dancing madly in the boat, almost sinking it due to His size and weight. Then Balabhadra Bhattacarya and the Sanodiya brahmana consulted together and concluded they should bring Lord Caitanya out of Vrndavana. His ecstasies were becoming dangerous, and the crowds were building, trying to give Caitanya Mahaprabhu invitations to their homes. The Sanodiya brahmana volunteered to go with the Lord and Balabhadra Bhattacarya because he knew all the local languages and knew the roads. He left his wife and children and went with Lord Caitanya to Prayaga.
I received a letter from Krishna dasa and Radharani dasi. They are two devotee children from the Shankhla family. They recently received harinama diksa initiation from H.G. Samika Rishi Prabhu. They have a long relationship with me as their siksa guru. They write to me every week and address me with loving hyperboles. For example, “All glories to Your Royal Highness!” “We love you intimately, our precious Guru Maharaja.” They are both very determined book distributors. They go out every day to the stores and give out small books as gifts to the employers. Radharani dasi takes a picture of Krishna dasa posed with the proud owner of Prabhupada’s Bhagavad-gita As It Is. This week they sent me a picture of their meeting with a “nice cashier lady, Leslie.” He said she was really happy when they gave her the Bhagavad-gita. “We said that just having this book brings good fortune! Reading it even brings more good luck! Leslie smiled and said thanks, and said that the Bhagavad-gita will be her good luck charm.” They asked me to pray for them that they can “please continue distributing Srila Prabhupada’s books all of our lives. We don’t feel like our life has any value without distributing books. We feel all lost and empty without this. Please pray to Lord Krsna that we will always preach and spread Krsna consciousness all our lives. Thank you for praying for us, sweet Guru Maharaja. Lord Krsna always listens to your prayers because you are very dear to Him.” I think Krishna dasa is only ten years old. They are giving out books as gifts, small paperbacks. Since they are so young and endearing, they make quick friendships with the employers they meet, and it’s easy to give out a free book. It will be a challenge to see when they are grownups and they have to give out books and ask for donations!
They ended their group letter by saying, “From night and day, may you be blessed in every way and more abundantly than ever before. And as years come and go, may your happy preaching grow, and may Mahaprabhu bless you more and more.” I appreciated their prayers for me. They are at a perfect stage of life, enthusiastic, pure, and linked up to the parampara by initiation. I will pray for them, and be glad they are praying for me.
You really know you’re in the country at Stuyvesant Falls when you hear the cock clucking in Louie’s flock of chickens. He’s had them for a year and a half. All day, starting at dawn in the summer, the cock makes its “cock-a-doodle-doo” sound. He was disturbing to the neighbors, who made complaints. Even his longtime girlfriend said she couldn’t take it anymore, and she moved out. Louie had a chance to choose between his chickens and his girlfriend, and he chose his chickens. After so many complaints, Louie killed the cock, but as it turned out, one of the fertilized eggs he allowed to hatch turned out to be another cock. So now that one crows all day. The neighbors have become ambivalent to the whole thing, and they feel sorry for Louie and his chickens.
I had an appointment today for a biannual checkup with the dentist. At first I saw the hygienist. She said I didn’t have to have X-rays done, since I had had them done in April and they only do them once a year. She picked at my gums (around the posts) with a metal tool. It was painful. She said there was a back-up of plaque around the posts and some food, probably because the dentures are loose. She worked away for about twenty minutes. Then the dentist came in. He put the dentures on over the implants and wiggled them, and agreed that they were loose. I had hoped they would put in new hardware right away. But they said it would take two weeks to get new hardware and that they would notify us when it came in. So I have to endure difficulty in eating in the meantime. The dentist said my metal posts were in good condition.
We had seven guests for lunch. First of all there were the few core devotees at Viraha Bhavan: me, Baladeva, Krsna dasi and Manohara. Shyama and Lal Krishna from Oxford are also here. Then Muktavandya came, with Akash. Then, taking lunch on the front porch were Damodara Priya and her daughter, and Lalita-kisora, and Atindra was in the house. Manohara had made homemade lasagna, green beans and fresh Italian bread. I ate all that was on my plate, not like yesterday. Manohara also made a strawberry cake for dessert. A good time was had by all.
Jananivasa and his crew of three men showed up at 7:30 A.M. They immediately started by weeding all the flower beds. Then they trimmed and shaped all the hedges and cut back the lilacs, which were getting too high. Also, all the roses got back for the winter. All that needs to be done now is that mulch has to be piled around the stems so that they don’t get snow and ice damage. Roses are a particularly high maintenance, but they are a real nice offering for the Deities.
The next thing the crew did was to empty out the basement to make room for the workers to replace the old furnace and take out the oil tank. Everything was consolidated onto a tarp in the driveway and then covered with another tarp and held down with bricks. All the electrical things like fans were taken into the heated room of the barn to protect them from moisture. Within that timeframe they moved out the washer/dryer so that Baladeva could clean the lint out of the dryer duct, and then they put the washer/dryer back in. The crew worked for five hours straight with no breaks. Once the furnace is replaced, everything can be put back into the basement. Jananivasa is very generous in letting his crew work here for one day a month. They are expert and get a lot of work done.
pp.67-69
“Srila Prabhupada, you were so brave and situated so gracefully, like a lotus in a pond. We learned hope from you within the context of our own dangerous lives in Manhattan. You taught us how to transcend the material identification of living in New York in the 1960s, and you encouraged us to become devotees of Govinda, devotees of the holy name;
“O Prabhupada, you gave us the most wonderful thing. You are simply wonderful. The philosophy is simply wonderful. Krsna is simply wonderful, but you yourself are the most wonderful.
“O Srila Prabhupada, please teach us how to practice krsna-smaranam and remembrance of yourself. We know we can remember you by reading your books with attention, but so often we are distracted. So many things seem to demand our attention. O Srila Prabhupada, you are able to always see and think of Krsna, even while sleeping or while getting up from sleep. You thought of Krsna when you walked out from your Bowery loft toward Chinatown; you thought of Him when you walked to the East River. When a friend told you not to walk by the East River because a sniper was shooting people, you thought of Krsna. O Srila Prabhupada, I wish I could be more like you and remember Krsna throughout the day. Whatever I can remember of the Supreme Lord is only due to your mercy.”
“In your Bhagavad-gita As It Is, you tell us clearly from the beginning that Krsna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He kindly appears in humanlike form, but He performs extraordinary activities which no human can imitate. Among His extraordinary pastimes are the killing of Putana, the lifting of Govardhana Hill, and the speaking of Bhagavad-gita on the Battlefield of Kuruksetra. Although Krsna is all-pervading, He appears in His original form to His pure devotees. The fools deride Krsna, but His pure devotees love to hear from Him. They especially aspire to see His divine form.
“O Srila Prabhupada, you brought us the arca-vigraha so that we could see Krsna with our material senses. You gave us direct contact with Krsna through kirtana and prasadam. You not only told us that there was such a thing as prasadam, you cooked it for us and served it to us with your own hand. ‘Eat more!’ you encouraged. Thus you taught us both theoretical and practical knowledge.You are our eternal guru.
“O Srila Prabhupada, you are the Founder-Acarya of ISKCON. ISKCON is meant to give Krsna consciousness to the world. You told us from the beginning that Krsna consciousness should be distributed; there is nothing the world needs more than Krsna consciousness. But it is such a rare commodity that we will have to work hard to share it, as we have become relatively Krsna conscious within a short time. So the people of the world can have the opportunity to know Krsna through our preaching. Please, Srila Prabhupada, don’t let us forget your mission, and always give us a place in it.
“O Srila Prabhupada, you have taught that knowledge of Krsna comes through service. That service begins with the tongue, chanting and hearing—and progresses to service of the guru. All recitations of Krsna consciousness will therefore bring me to prabhupada-smaranam, provided I honestly admit that you are the source of all my knowledge and realization.”
***
pp.90-91
“O Prabhupada, who cleans the dirty minds of those who hear him, who lifts us up strongly, never to fall again; O protector, who advises us to carry out the direct order of the spiritual master and thus be saved from the clutches of maya;
“O Prabhupada, who played shiny brass karatalas tied with saffron silk cloth, who allowed his disciples to cook and provide for him, and who said, “You are like little fathers and mothers”;
“O Prabhupada, as we tolerate the token summary punishment for our many past offenses, may we remember your tolerance with us, and may we be peaceful and satisfied in any situation simply by knowing that we are serving you.”
“O spiritual master, who created the Hare Krsna movement on the order of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati, and who made a sweet-sounding tamboura by picking up discarded wires and an old gourd (the wasted youths of Western countries), and who played that tamboura all over the world to the words and tune of the Hare Krsna mantra;
“O Prabhupada, who pleased Krsna very much, and who assured us that if we sing the praises of the Supreme Lord, He will be very pleased with us;
“O Prabhupada, who taught us how to cook and clean up the kitchen, who demonstrated on his hands and knees how to mop the floor with a wet rag; O Prabhupada, who bowed down before the Deity, who pushed the button on his Dictaphone and spoke into it immortal words at 1:00 A.M., who received caranamrta in the soft open palm of his right hand, and who smiled and laughed with ecstasy in reciting the pastimes of Krsna;
***
pp.92-94
“O Prabhupada, who invites us to the Sunday prasadam feast of many excellent preparations, such as spiced sabjis, tender puris, sweetrice, and halava, all prepared personally by him and his servants, and who induces us to ‘Take more!’ until we forget all our wayward desires, being satisfied with krsna-prasadam.
“O Prabhupada, who leads us from event to event, like the gracious host of a festival, who points the way as the leading explorer on the expedition, and who waits for us at the destination in Krsnaloka—may we never lose connection to you.
“O Prabhupada, who appeared as the saintly, elderly guru of the younger generation, who wore simple sannyasi clothes but accepted gifts such as wool sweaters, inexpensive shoes, a gold ring, a watch, but who soon gave away these few possessions to his followers, who treasure the remnants as maha-prasadam.
“O transplanter of the tulasi of Krsna consciousness, your personal work continues now and will grow in importance into the twenty-first century and beyond that, as willed by Lord Caitanya;
“O Prabhupada, you are the representative of all bhaktivedantas, but you are an individual, rare soul. You kindly came to the Lower East Side of New York and acted humbly as if it were something not impossible, and yet you performed kirtana and cooked and spoke as no one before or since has done;
“O Prabhupada, where is there purity such as yours? Where is there dedication to guru and Krsna such as yours? Where is there an example of humility and daring such as yours? Where is there an example of such a benefactor as you? O Prabhupada, in your absence what can we do? Please enlighten us again, take us by the hand and lead us through the dark of Kali-yuga.”
pp.61-62
“Chanting without beads at the office wasn’t as nice, and so I would think of my red japa beads which were hanging up in my apartment, and hanker to return to them. As the morning got late my hunger would increase, and that was a sign that it would not be long before lunch hour when I would be able to get out and go to see the Swami. There was always at least one important question on my mind which I wanted to ask him, or a realization that I wished to share with him. One time I went and told the Swami, ‘When I’m in the office I can feel the miseries you talked about, birth, death, disease and old age, and I can actually feel that I’m overcoming them.’
“Swamiji liked that and said, ‘Yes, but almost no one knows this. They put these problems aside and yet everyone is being forced to die and grow old and be born again. For a devotee, these things are easily overcome. One great Vaisnava, Prabodhananda Sarasvati, said that for him, the whole material world is blissful, visvam purna-sukhayate. And a devotee can control his senses easily, even though it is difficult for a great yogi. So the devotee overcomes the whole material world.’
“My practice of karma-yoga was a daily struggle, but the Swami was always there to make it victorious. By his grace, one could keep constant attention, inner meditation, and sanctify the work by thinking and by using the money in the right way. Swamiji said, ‘Satsvarupa and Brahmananda are paying our entire expenses by their work.’ That’s what made it possible, to know that you were doing something worthwhile. I never had such a warm feeling in my own family as I grew up. But now I was Swamiji’s son, part of a big family, and so I worked for that.”
***
pp.104-105
“We may think of how Srila Prabhupada put up with such difficulties. Although we are advised not to try to read the mind of the pure devotee, yet we may worship Prabhupada’s example of tolerance in distress. On the Jaladuta voyage to America, Prabhupada twice experienced heart attacks. And he continued to suffer strokes and many other maladies while discharging his strenuous duties on behalf of Krsna. I can recall being with Prabhupada at Beth Israel Hospital in New York City in 1967, when the doctors were running him through a series of tests after he had experienced a severe stroke. At one point the doctor made us leave the room while they gave Prabhupada a big needle for a spinal tap. When I returned to the room I asked, ‘Swamiji, did it hurt?’ Prabhupada looked at me kindly and said, ‘We are tolerant.’
“Devotees who were near Prabhupada during any of his illnesses, and especially in the last months and weeks of Prabhupada’s days in Vrndavana in 1977, know that he was always in perfect Krsna consciousness during such situations. Prabhupada even used these times as means of instructions and realization. When devotees brought news of book distribution to his bedside he said, ‘This is life. The material world is just bones
. . . . So take care of the bones as long as possible, but the real life is here, always remember that. The material world means we are simply protecting bones and flesh together. But they have no knowledge of what they are.’ Although we can’t imitate Srila Prabhupada or great rsis, we can still apply their instructions to our own illness and dwindling.
“When we are physically indisposed we may also meditate on how Srila Prabhupada does not reject us because of illness. We should not feel sorry for ourselves nor think that the pure devotee is unsympathetic to our condition. He himself has gone through these difficulties; he knows that we are sincere and that we would work more actively on his behalf if we were fit.
“Illness also teaches us that Krsna is the controller. We are not independent to run here and there and to think hard without any restriction. At least as long as we remain conditioned by the material body, we are like a cow at the end of a rope. Illness means the rope is being tugged, and this is a reminder that we are completely dependent. In the conditioned state, sickness means that the prakrti, or matter, is subjecting us to its control. Another thought is to accept that we are ill as a result of karmic reaction. None of these thoughts should produce mental depression, but should make us sober, and in a simple way, even more devoted than when we are normally active.”
pp.52-53
“Baladeva pulled the car up in front of the temple and we sat in silence. It was hard to relate to this place because it wasn’t being maintained as a museum or shrine. Even a place like Prabhupada’s ‘office’ in Chippiwada, New Delhi, has strong vibrations of his presence. You can sit there and conjure up memories. However, Glenville Avenue was like it used to be, filled with grungy students. Prabhupada called them ‘niggardly looking.’ The new residents used the place for band practice. Baladeva asked me if I wanted to go in. ‘No,’ I said.
“I remembered how the glass from the window hit me on the head. I pictured coming home from work, seeing Jadurani sitting on the floor painting her canvases, Pradyumna coming in the door and sitting on the floor beside me, eating warmed-over prasadam. I could not remember Prabhupada, except to feel grateful that he came here.
“As we sat waiting on Glenville Avenue, I remembered a novel by James Baldwin, If Beale Street Could Talk. It is a modern day version of Romeo and Juliet. The suggestion of the title is that if the street could talk, it would tell about the love affair and the pain and sweetness. Similarly, if Glenville Avenue could speak, it would tell us how Prabhupada walked the nine blocks from Chester Street. It would tell how a dumpy garage-sized storefront was transformed into a Krsna temple. Glenville Avenue would say that those were extraordinary days, better than anything that has occurred before or after. It all started with Prabhupada’s aerogram from India, placed in the mail slot here: ‘I am glad that you have a storefront in Boston to preach to the students.’
“If Glenville Avenue could speak, it would say that a few devotees of Prabhupada moved here and painted the insides and tried to make it into a temple room. By their chanting, it became the spiritual world for a while. It was opened as a temple, but later closed. If the storefront could speak, it would remember Srila Prabhupada coming here for a month of evening lectures and chanting. It was here that Prabhupada gave the first brahmana initiations in ISKCON. It took place on the order of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura.
“When he first entered the storefront wearing his swami cap, he looked rough and ready, like a pilot of those open cockpit planes. On the first night, the room was full of people, but, after a few illusion-blasting lectures (which included Prabhupada’s blasting of ‘Transcendental Meditation’), the attendance dropped off.
“One night after his lecture, he asked me, ‘Do you want to show me the building?’
“‘Yes Swamiji!’ I was twenty-eight years old, but I had never been a home owner or bought an oil burner. So I happily showed him what we had done.
“‘See Swamiji, this is how we heat the building. And here is where we take a bath.’
“‘Oh, there is no hot water?’
“‘No, Swamiji.’
“The storefront was chock full of paintings of krsna-lila and he certainly liked that. After his tour of the building, we were glowing with happiness.”
***
pp.154-55
“Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for having the foresight to record your lectures on a tape recorder. You did this as soon as you arrived in New York City, and now we are able to hear you and recapture it. Your recorded speeches are unedited brahma-sabdha.
“Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for deciding to give us the KRSNA book and completing it in 1969. You started us off in ISKCON with Bhagavad-gita and early cantos of Srimad-Bhagavatam. If, however, you had gone back to Godhead without giving us the KRSNA book, how could we have covered that ground on our own? We take it for granted now that we have the KRSNA book, as if we were born with it, but it took your careful consultation with Krsna to decide to bring it out early. You were right, Srila Prabhupada.
“Thank you for the style in which you wrote the KRSNA book. I pray to be able to relish it with attention and devotion. The nectar of Krsna’s pastimes is mixed with the nectar of Srila Prabhupada. I like the way you describe the most sublime subject matters using expressions from your own life. You speak of Krsna’s ‘business’ in herding the cows. You say the gopis ‘lodged complaints’ against Krsna. You also speak of the spiritual master as having the ‘power of attorney.’ You present that which is unattainable in down-to-earth words, helping us to sense its immediate reality.
“I want to thank you for allowing me to type the pages from your dictations of Teachings of Lord Caitanya and the KRSNA book. Impressions from that service do not go away, even if I forget the details. Let me also thank you, on behalf of everyone, for giving the world your books. Now everyone has the opportunity to serve you and feel connected with you. We hope to go and join you in that topmost planet where we can express our gratitude with unhampered devotional service.”
pp.230-31
“One psychologist was talking about the importance of noticing things. If you notice when you get angry, or you notice when you are acting, you can curb these tendencies. He recommended a simple technique of just paying attention to your own breathing and noting how your skin or eyes feel. In order to work deeply, the noticing should be kept very simple. It is not a matter of thinking of concepts, but the primitive act of noticing. When I read of this technique, I thought of applying it to my Prabhupada meditations. I think it’s something anyone can do.
“For example, someone pronounces the word ‘Prabhupada.’ You become alert. You don’t have to think about it. You can just feel, ‘Prabhupada’s name was just spoken.’ On another occasion, say you are taking prasadam in the association of devotees. Suddenly, you notice that you are among devotees, that the prasadam you are eating has been cooked in a particular way, that the child of the couple to your left has a Sanskrit name—everything has been taught to us by Prabhupada. You may feel this in an overall way, or you may notice particular details. It doesn’t require a verbal acknowledgment, but you want to feel the awareness of Prabhupada in everything you do.
“This act of noticing is not intended as a substitute to the more discursive methods of glorifying Prabhupada with our intelligence and words; but it can supplement our present meditation. Sometimes we are tired of talking, or we realize that words will not be able to capture our experience. Perhaps we are with people who have no interest in Prabhupada, or we ourselves don’t feel inspired enough to speak. At times like this, this ‘awareness’ technique can be fully utilized. We stop in the midst of outward activities, perhaps starting by becoming aware of our own breath, and then turn up the ‘awareness’ volume until we perceive Prabhupada’s blessing and presence.”
***
pp.286-87
“Today (in Italy) Matsya-avatara Prabhu was asking me questions about the early days. Some young men from the neighborhood had gathered to listen in the nice setting of his temple room. He asked, ‘I would like to know how things developed over the years in terms of the morning program.’
“It was an interesting question. I said, ‘In the beginning, there was no mangala-arati.’ I told how and why the different parts of the program were added by Prabhupada. There is a saying, ‘The spirit liveth and the letter killeth.’ This expression refers to the spirit and the letter of the law. Insistence on the letter of the law kills the life of the law. Swamiji was imbued with the spirit of devotion, especially the spirit to chant Hare Krsna, to engage his senses in Krsna’s service, and to teach us how to develop this spirit too. Prabhupada knew that despite our imperfect application of Krsna consciousness, everything would develop if we followed his simple program of hearing, chanting, and working for Krsna. That was the spirit. He didn’t introduce the ‘letter’ of the law, since he had no disciples who were qualified to carry out the regulations properly.
“We would see Swamiji sit down for ‘bells’ every evening. He would bathe and then put tilaka on twelve parts of his body. Then he would circulate a stick of incense at his picture of the Panca-tattva and ring a bell while reciting Sanskrit prayers. We didn’t know why he did it or what exactly he was thinking when he did it, but we liked to watch it anyway and participate in whatever little way we could. Now that we can recognize puja or arati, we can understand that Prabhupada was engaging in a private worship. He was so intent on preaching, and he had no real temple in America where he could establish a regular altar with regular worship. Therefore, his own worship was very simple.”
pp.78-79
“Nothing is new but Krsna
and His love for His devotees.
You’ve got to trust your own master and
ditch the rest of the world
if necessito.
Dig it, the changes the little
wriggles and peccadilloes and
gingerbread trims and all that.
But trust Him.
Krsna says that if you are devoted
to Me in loving service I’ll break
your worldly sojourn, I’ll personally come
and deliver you. My master explains this
and I think, ‘Wow, I just have to become purely
surrendered and not worry how
the transference takes place.’
You’ll go to the higher realm
and even into your rasa—
be briefed on all you need to do to serve
in Vraja, but only if you qualify
down here by unalloyed devotion
to your master’s mission.
He wants you to be happy
to love Krsna the all-attractive.
Is it so hard?
Yes, because we are rascals.”
pp.76-77
“Before meeting my spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada, I used to think of humility as extremely elusive and mental; if one became humble, then wouldn’t he be proud of his humility? It seemed more like an abstract game than a substantial reality. But now I have seen humility in Srila Prabhupada and in the great Vaisnava acaryas of the past. In his Saranagati, Bhaktivinoda Thakura evokes the attitude of humility in a way that is very helpful to devotees. Although Bhaktivinoda Thakura is an empowered, liberated acarya, he describes himself as one of the fallen conditioned souls, and thus he laments having wasted his life without Krsna consciousness. He says that he is coming to Krsna consciousness at the end of his life, not because of his own virtuous decision but because material life has ruined him and he now has no alternative. He is truly humiliated, forced by the vicissitudes of time and fate to be humble. Seeing ‘gloomy death approaching,’ finding himself unable to enjoy sense pleasures, he humbly harkens to the message of Lord Caitanya.
“Bhaktivinoda Thakura also expresses sadness that he did not surrender to Krsna long before, and this sadness is also a devotional sentiment. It is far superior to the blind enjoyer, who goes along merrily in ignorance. The humble devotee, as expressed by Bhaktivinoda Thakura, captures the dictionary meaning of humble: ‘aware of one’s shortcomings.’ But beyond the dictionary meaning, Bhaktivinoda Thakura is seeing everything in its relation to Krsna. Having reached the point of hopelessness, he thinks he cannot be saved; and yet, going beyond hopelessness, he receives the message Krsna’s pure devotee compassionately delivers to him. There is hope. Krsna has saved so many fallen souls, and He can save another. Saranagati, therefore, teaches us that humility is not a superficial thing. It is deep, honest, and natural, and it comes when a conditioned soul sees his failure and unpretentiously begs Krsna for forgiveness and engagement in devotional service.
“In his Bhagavad-gita As It Is, Srila Prabhupada writes: “Humility means that one should not be anxious to have the satisfaction of being honored by others.”
And Lord Caitanya in Siksastaka gives the ultimate expression of humility: ‘One should chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street; one should be more tolerant than a tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige, and ready to offer all respect to others. In such a state of mind one can chant the holy name of the Lord constantly.’
“Humility is glorious and is one of the prime qualities of a transcendentally situated person. Srila Prabhupada says, ‘The qualities of humbleness and meekness lead very quickly to spiritual realization.’”
pp.45-46
“I pray to my own mind, ‘Please be kind. Please act for our welfare (not our destruction) by patiently hearing the sound of the names and surrendering your propensity to wander all over the universe in search of mental food and plans for sensual enjoyment. Please be a servant of the Vaisnavas.”
“When I said gayatri, my mind roamed elsewhere, to an advertisement for a book about baseball. Then it was too late. But I could perceive that you can bring the mind back from one preoccupation and fix it somewhere else. Lord Krsna refers to the austerities of the mind.
“Prabhupada says we have to divert the mind to the Vedic literatures. With this predicament, I looked at the Avanti brahmana’s song in the Eleventh Canto. I have only read a bit of it, not the song yet.
“It’s strange how the mind goes. It doesn’t always go to things I love or which are of interest to me. Rather, it has a nondiscriminating curiosity. As a goat eats anything, the mind “eats” anything. It turns it over, sniffs at it. . . . Roaming through the worlds, without scruples, without considering my self-interest.
“I may bring myself to a nice situation, but the mind doesn’t come along, or it comes only part of the way. For example, we will take a japa walk on the beach. The mind will appreciate this along with the senses. But that doesn’t mean it will agree to hear the holy names. It will do its usual jumping from one train car to another. If I really bear down on the purpose of this japa retreat, I will see it as a stark battle between the higher self and the cañcala mind. Am I ready to engage in hand-to-hand combat? I don’t think so. I am hoping to win the mind over on friendly terms. Hope to gradually appeal to the mind and receive a drop of Krsna’s mercy. One drop will inundate the mind with pleasure, and it will gladly become a devotee. By force of attraction to the name and form and lila of Krsna, the mind will give up its roaming and devouring, its sniffing in the garbage pails. I am trying for that. But until the drop of nectar falls, I will have to bring the mind back whenever I notice it roaming away, and do something Krsna conscious. Writing is for that, and reading. Chanting Hare Krsna is the most direct and easiest method of associating with Krsna, but I can’t convince the mind to do it.
“Sometimes it cooperates, but not for long.”
pp.165-167
“He was always golden,
but from months
in the sunshine of India,
he was tanner
and his step was lively.
He had purchased saris for the girls
and silk garlands for Lord Jagannatha.
With these items in his bag,
along with karatalas and a coconut grater,
he had passed through the Immigration and Customs line,
carrying his sannyasa danda.
He hadn’t come back for money,
for enjoying the senses,
or for Hindu conversions.
He saw America in a spiritual way.
When the TV reporter asked him
what was his complaint against America,
he replied, ‘I have no complaint.
Rather, they are taking to it.’
The important thing
was to convince his students,
to start more centers
and print more books.
He was ambitious, but grateful
of even the smallest genuine
increments in service to the Lord.
He was pleased to see
that in his absence an infant was born
to Krsna conscious parents.
“I will take her to Vrndavana,” he said
and threw flowers on her crib.
He had Krsna, the Supreme,
and the association of Lord Caitanya,
and he gave that wealth liberally,
as a surabhi cow gives milk.
Thus he returned,
his plans only beginning
for the Krsna consciousness movement.”
pp.40-41
“The most obvious kind of less advanced devotee is the newcomer. He doesn’t know the Vaisnava philosophy well and is as yet uncertain in his commitment. Older devotees should help such a neophyte in any way possible. Persons who have spent years in the Krsna consciousness movement but who have remained materially attached may also be less advanced devotees. Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati was asked why devotees advanced at different rates. In reply he told the story of the wedding party. A group of people on their way to a wedding hired a boat for the river journey. The boatman rowed all night, but because he had forgotten to pull out the anchor, the boat never moved from the shore. Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati drew the analogy: If a devotee does not pull up the anchor of material attachment and sense gratification, then despite all his show of devotional service, he will not advance.
“Vaisnavas, however, are merciful to less advanced devotees, especially when they detect a spark of sincerity and when they see that the less advanced devotee is at least convinced that Krsna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Devotees are so kind that sometimes, even when a fallen devotee is rejected by the Supreme Lord, they still try to engage that devotee in devotional service so that he may become rectified. ‘The Lord Himself may sometimes be very hard,’ writes Srila Prabhupada, ‘but the devotees are always kind. Thus Kala Krsnadasa received the mercy of Nityananda Prabhu, Jagadananda, Mukunda and Damodara.’ (Cc. Madhya 10.67, purport)
“A Vaisnava shows mercy by taking time to counsel and give relevant instructions and by making plans whereby the lesser devotees may engage in devotional service, thereby tasting the nectar of Krsna consciousness.
“But one cannot give anyone else mercy unless he himself is strictly following Vaisnava behavior. The Srimad-Bhagavatam describes that Lord Brahma, the forefather of all living entities ‘situated himself in acts of regulative principles, desiring self-interest for the welfare of all living entities.’ (Bhag. 2.9.40) Srila Prabhupada comments, ‘Pure devotees of the Lord, like Brahma and persons in the chain of disciplic succession, do not do anything to instruct their subordinates without acting accordingly themselves.’”
pp.213-14
“In this letter, Prabhupada mentions organizing the art department. This probably refers to the process the artists had started a few months earlier in which they had begun to do their paintings on an assembly line. The assembly line consisted of three artists: Bharadraja, Muralidhara, and Jadurani. Each artist had two days to complete his or her specific part. Bharadraja would sketch the composition onto canvas and put down the first layer of color. Jadurani would then develop the painting by enriching the colors, increasing the contrast, and adding detail. After Jadurani had worked on the canvas, Muralidhara would add the finishing details. In this way, each painting took six days to complete, and there were always three in process. I’m not sure exactly what he is speaking about in this letter, but there were some exchanges about whether this assembly line process worked to produce more paintings quicker. Prabhupada left it for them to decide:
“‘Regarding how the art department should be organized, that is to be managed amongst themselves. I do not know the technical details, I want only that they may be always engaged. Now it is up to them how to manage these things. As you have suggested, you may make any suitable arrangement and that is approved by me however you make it fit. The only thing is the artists must be always engaged fulltime in their painting work.’
“I like this letter because it reveals how actively involved in the whole book production process Srila Prabhupada was, while at the same time showing the essence of his involvement: his disciples should be fully engaged, and the books should be produced quickly. He wasn’t attached to any one particular way of doing something. Rather, he would accept another idea if it proved efficient. He also didn’t want the artists to conflict with one another, because aside from the obvious personal problems that caused, it slowed their productivity. Therefore, although Prabhupada himself had made the suggestion that the artists work on an assembly line, he was not attached to the idea. He just wanted the paintings done and his disciples engaged fully and happily in Krsna consciousness.”
“This is the way to go back to Godhead, not to hell. Chant Hare Krsna. Thought to say tonight–this tirtha is spiritual reality for me. I may not know Krsna, but I know I came here and met Srila Prabhupada in 1966, thirty years ago. Once meeting him I stopped all–no, it sounds too much boasting and I have that tendency. But I do mean to say I know this place is where it began and…
“What if I don’t like the outer forms of ISKCON now? Still the river began of chanting Hare Krsna. What he taught was pure. Whether it is pure now or changed, you can decide and time and will decide. But what he taught was never lost. Caught some of it in Planting the Seed. Happy days.
“Krsna and Swamiji
“We don’t do things over. He was hinting that he liked Volume 1 of Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta so much but he thought I should redo Volume 2.
“May is over after one week. This is rare time. I am missing it. What to say.
“Time can’t be stopped. Winter is followed by spring.
“I don’t have much deep inner peace. I speak gibberish. Or to a reporter I’d say more what Srila Prabhupada taught us. I am helpless to do that and not something else. Sorry I am not a realized person.
“That’s what I thought of saying in introductory remarks tonight. I am not realized but I know even as history or empirical fact that Swamiji came and he was without any mean or selfish motive. He wanted to distribute Krsna consciousness and the chanting. And teach that we are all eternal servants of Lord Krsna. He was teaching what his spiritual master, Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati taught him. Unique among the disciples of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati to come out of India and do it.
“My master pulled me out of material life. He was no ordinary spiritual master.
“Yes, I said the May apple has a waxy flower. You may introduce your talk that way. Then speak on the absolute truth as he does in his tape excerpts.
“When we go to Europe I’ll continue writing. No end of it. How long can you live? Depends on your writing thumb and your heart. Gita-nagari dasa in India says he has seen thirty to forty corpses in public there but never saw one in America.
“O May apple, you ugly flower. You hide. If I were on that back walk, I could see you and be alone. But we always have the good duty to go to a lecture hall.
“Now it’s 5 P.M. In one hour, we are supposed to leave here. I have done this hundreds of times. Other devotees too. We take turns. Speak on the scriptures. But in your own words. Feel purified by repeating with faith, especially for the benefit of newcomers. My particular hang-up after thirty years of devotional service is not so pertinent to them. So, put it aside. Just work out a riff for them. Trust in guru, sadhu, sastra and simple presentation. The first tape excerpt is about choosing the guru. How can you know?
“You can know by the fact that you learn what a spiritual master is.
“I don’t feel like reaching for comic effect, ‘boast that I am fortunate.’ Tell simple truths with life and interest.
“As much as I care for this writing, so do I care to make a relevant speech in the tirtha.
“OK, go for it.
“I will speak one hour and chant and take questions after each excerpt.
“I can end this now but there’s no prep I have to do. I am prepared by the fact that I live and have received his grace as we all do. It’s just my turn to speak and others get a turn, That I am now a spiritual master with a few followers is remarkable considering what I was thirty years ago. Live up to it and don’t be afraid of it. It’s the credit of the system. It’s normal. It’s odd but we are occidental but it is no accident. We are not these bodies. It is working in parampara. Oh, Sacinandana Swami, you are kind to me to make use of my books and talks. I want to be alive and will give it out – help people come to Krsna consciousness. Do it by example – and precept.”
(20 minutes, Queens apartment before going to lecture at 26 Second Avenue, May 8, 1996)
“Finally get to write. Up ‘late’ from last night at the 26 Second Avenue program. I said it’s gilding the lily if you give a ‘spiritual name’ to 26 Second Avenue. It’s got a name, 26. I pretend I am an intense bhakta who closes his eyes when he speaks, reminiscing of those days and I am pretending now that I have got something to say. It’s snug here at night with earplugs in. I’ve been sleeping more than usual ever since we left Samika Rsi’s and the writing retreat schedule. Good, the body is taking the rest it needs.
“Lord Caitanya cleansed the Gundica temple to demonstrate anartha-nirvritti.
“Get ahold of yourself and a topic. A Writing Session says no topic is needed. But only a sympathetic audience should hear it. Same as my art show. Don’t run it during the Centennial activities. Avoid too many crowds or too much officialdom.
“So many people last night greeting me. Some handing me a note or a knowing nod, ‘Hello.’ I could barely recognize each one–not possible as I made my way out of the door. Not at all like it was when I was a newcomer in 1966. Such a different crowd, people from the Caribbean and they see me as a guru. The worst moment was when a devotee saw me and changed the kirtana to ‘Jaya Guru Maharaja.’ ‘Tell him to stop,’ I said. When a fool is your friend, he gets you into trouble.
“No wildflowers of any kind. I was given a garland of florist’s roses and other flowers. Not in touch with the earth. But the concrete street is also the earth. You walk out of the storefront and see the car that will take you. It’s a hundred feet or so away. So, for that whole distance you’re on your own, you’re a street person in Manhattan. You walk on the cement plain. See the Empire State Building. Cockeyed angles. All building, and who to confront? Daring, on the loose for a hundred feet. A man calls out, ‘Satsvarupa! You’ve got a ride?’ It’s a guy in a gray Cadillac. He says, ‘You remember me from Trinidad?’ I don’t, but I say that I do. Another man asking me to pray for him when he goes tomorrow for the interview to get his Green Card. ‘It’s such a nice thing’ to get the green card and to be able to live in rich America, in the borough of Queens. Of course, I am a national here, so it’s no problem for me. But if I were born somewhere else . . .
“You are hoping there is some value to what you are saying. There’s been a cool spell for a while before spring settles in, if it does, before it goes. For the farmers all these spells and moods of the current season are crucial. Too much rain or too little. Oh, our Quakers, pancakes, compliments, little lives. Where will you be on June 9th, World Harinama Day? We would like your presence at Tompkins Square Park to chant as Swami did in ’66. We are inviting Allen Ginsberg to come. Don’t they know he basically doesn’t like Hare Krsna people and doesn’t even like God? He won’t come, and that’s good. If he did come it would be uneasy. Sure. The ceremony will be observed by clashing, big whomper cymbals. It won’t be like it was back then. No need for me to add to the confusion. It will be a nice day celebrating and can be duly reported.
“The holy name is purifying no matter who chants it. World harinama is a serious occasion for prayer all over the world, so there may be God’s grace on the world and even avert planetary disasters.
“Me, I don’t count, not for much.
“May apples grow a little while only. Crowds of them on a back road in my old place of residence. Lowly existence. When summer is hot, I think they fade away or they hang on and get bitten by bugs. No one comes to eat the fruit.
“You are writing in a downplaying mood as if to say, ‘I’m not much and neither is anybody else.’ That’s not uplifting. The Swami wasn’t like that. He spoke of Krsna and advocated that others become Krsna conscious. You see, I’m getting this mood off my chest, so that by tonight I can be a bit evangelistic in my speech that is required.
“Our car pulled away from 26 Second Avenue while a group of people stood outside seeing me off with pranamas and waves of the hand. It was a scene not connected in mood to 1966 and Swamiji. What would you prefer? That you leave the place in black denims and walk around the corner to where you lived on First Street and Swamiji is there in his apartment with just a few boys?
“I don’t know. I can accept this present, especially if I could follow what he says in his eternal-speaking books about the necessity to cleanse the heart before the Supreme Lord Krsna will enter there.
“Rouse people to fully surrender. I said he attracted us to surrender, to accept him as guru but not that we would become pure devotees at once. I am living proof of that. They can respect me and I can respect myself for still being impure after thirty years of practice, still being neophyte – but still being here and a disciple. I have even lost ground in some ways. Lost youth, lost preaching fervor, but I am still here.
“Look up some passage in Prabhupada Meditations that you might want to read.
“The earnest diarist. Reading one diary that I wrote at Lough Derg in October-November, 1995. I like it.
“You can’t help but be honest. So yes, I was in a downplaying mood as I wrote this one, sour spring season, death taste in my mouth–seeing people as foolish, as attached. Seeing it out of sync with ’66 memories and with pure devotion. But then I saw saving grace – that at least we are all here in the shelter of the Lord and plenty of sincere devotees. To cultivate a congregation (or an individual self, “I”) takes patience. Plenty of patience.
“I won’t be at World Holy Name Day (a phrase and concept coined at the Centennial headquarters), but I will chant on that day and every day my sixteen, chant so hard that I wear off the skin on three fingers. While my skin is so sensitive and thin that even my chanting wears it out.
“And he waits for his prison sentence.
“And I wait for the hour to be up.
“Reminisce. We appreciate the Swami. Find a kernel of relishable truths you could read from. A happy surprise. Give it your go. I don’t care, I will perform as best I can and relax in the car ride back to Queens, telling them, ‘The first eight years of my life, I lived on 76th Street off Atlantic Avenue’ but no one knows anything about that except memories and stories that aren’t even Krsna conscious, so what’s the use?
It would shock the
parishioners to tell them
I was very afraid of all dogs
would shriek to see a huge
one like a Great Dane –
and I didn’t have a father at
home and sucked my thumb.
Stevie at 76th Street
and the war is over.”
“(one half hour, Queens apartment, May 9, 1996)”
Writing Sessions at Castlegregory, Ireland, 1993Start slowly, start fastly, offer your obeisances to your spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. You just drew his picture with your pencils. He appears carved out of wood…
Last Days of the YearI found I had hit a stride in my search for theme in writing, then began to feel the structure limiting me. After all, I had given myself precious time to write full-time; I wanted to enter the experience as fully as possible. For me, this means free-writing—writing sessions with no predetermined shape, theme, or topic…
aily CompositionsThis volume is comprised of three parts: prose meditations, free-writes, and poems each of which will be discussed in turn. As an introduction, a brief essay by the author, On Genre, has also been included to provide contextual coordinates for the writing which follows…
Meditations & PoemsA comprehensive retrospective of poetic achievement and prose meditations, using a new trajectory described as “free-writing”. This volume will offer to readers an experience of the creativity versatility which is a hallmark of this author’s writing.
KaleidoscopeStream of consciousness poetry that moves with the shifting shapes and colors characteristic of a kaleidoscope itself around the themes of authenticity. This is a book will transport you to the far reaches of the author’s heart and soul in daring ways and will move you to experience your own inner kaleidoscope.
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A narrative poem. challenging and profound, about the journey of an itinerant monk who pursues new means of self-Seeking New Landexpression.The reader is invited to discover his or her own spiritual pilgrimage within these pages as the author pushes every literary boundary to boldly create something wholly new and inspiring.