Meeting of Disciples and friends of SDG
The Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall
845 Hudson Avenue
Stuyvesant Falls, New York 12174
There is plenty of parking near the Hall. The facility is just a few minutes’ walk from SDG’s home at 909 Albany Ave.
10:00 – 10:30 A.M. Kirtana
10:30 – 11:00 A.M. Presentation by Satsvarupa Maharaja
11:15 – 12:30 P.M. Book Table
12:30 – 1:15 P.M. Arati and kirtana
1:15 — 2:15 P.M. Prasadam Feast
Baladeva Vidyabhusana at [email protected] or (518) 754-1108
Krsna dasi at [email protected] or (518) 822-7636
SDG: “I request as many devotees as possible to attend so we can feel the family spirit strongly. I become very satisfied when we are all gathered together.”
******
Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 20.124–125: “O great learned devotee, although there are many faults in this material world, there is one good opportunity—the association with devotees. Such association brings about great happiness. . . . .”
Srila Prabhupāda: “Therefore, our Society is association. If we keep good association, then we don’t touch the darkness. What is the association? There is a song, sat-saṅga chāḍi’ kainu asate vilāsa, te-kāraṇe lāgila mora karma-bandha-phāṅsa (Gaurā Pahū, verse 3). Sat-saṅga. Sat-saṅga means association with the devotees. So the one poet, Vaiṣṇava poet, is regretting that, ‘I did not keep association with the devotees, and I wanted to enjoy life with the nondevotees. Therefore I’m being entangled in the fruitive activities.’ Karma bandha phāṅsa. Entanglement.” [Conversation with David Wynne, July 9, 1973, London]
During morning japa, I was a bit sleepy. Some of the rounds were long, some of them were short. I persisted because it is my firm vow to chant at this time, and I didn’t let anything stop me. As for distractions, I did not have many except the drowsiness. My mind did not wander. In the bathroom, I had heard a tape about akarma, karma, and vikarma. The devotees practice akarma. Their actions are free from contamination. They do not act for their own interests and minimize their personal needs. I thought a bit about that during the japa. Was it special? It always is. Each day is a new opportunity to be steady and to improve. I can’t expect a particular session to be extraordinary. But gradually, almost without noticing it, you can improve.
******
Bhurijana teaches that each mantra should be fondled and paid attention to, one at a time. If you can chant one good mantra, you are successful. I chanted like a sports player, going into the game with enthusiasm to do the best I can and give it “the old college try.” This morning I scored a victory over maya. How would it have been better? I could have been more alert and concentrated on Radha and Krsna and Their holy names, “O Hara, O Krsna.” But I am satisfied that I completed the yajna in a decent amount of time.
******
Attentiveness became bogged down during the second half by fatigue. I enjoyed it because it is life’s morning yajna. It is the best thing I can do. I like saying the Names one by one. The biggest defect was the fatigue which came upon me. The best moments were when I heard the Names and took shelter. I thought a lot about faith that Radha-Krsna were responding. I kept going to that idea. I was not filled with their pastimes or qualities, but I was fixed on the idea that They were hearing and that I was chanting to Them. These were the best moments. Do I have faith that They are responding?
******
Chanting is not a dead stone. It is the same as Radha and Krsna. So even though I “feebled out” somewhat in the second half, I kept clinging to the idea that I was crying like a child for the mother, Mother Hara. I cried like a child crying to its mother in my chanting. I believe in the chanting because it has been given to me in disciplic succession and because I have chanted for many years with solidity. Chanting is real exchange.
******
Chanting is Krsna Himself. I will never stop chanting, because of my vows and because of the taste I receive. I believe that I have to chant in order to practice for leaving this body and getting a next body favorable to Krsna consciousness. I will never stop chanting because I believe it is the highest form of worship of Krsna. It is easy, and it has been given to use in Kali Yuga as the only means for God realization. One should never think of stopping. This morning’s chanting was good because I hung in there and did not give up, despite obstacles. The rest of my morning’s chanting at the beach will be even better. I will be determined.
******
This morning’s early-morning session was preceded by hearing a tape of Dravida speaking on the sacrifices offered by the different persons in varnasrama dharma. The brahmacaris sacrifice their hearing, listening to the spiritual master speak topics of krsna- katha. They do not spare their hearing for other matters. The householders have a license for sense gratification. They control their senses by living a life of regulated sex life. Rich men sacrifice by donating for dharmasalas, hospitals and other charitable institutions. Yogis sacrifice the breathing process to attain control of the senses. Other persons perform sacrifices during caturmasya. They only eat one meal a day and regulate their eating. Prabhupada often concludes these discussions by saying the only sacrifice recommended in this age is the chanting of sankirtana yajna, or the holy names of the Lord. I kept this in mind during my japa.
******
Compared to yesterday, I was awake during the whole process. I did not get drowsy. The rounds did not vary much in length, except for the first long one. On average, I chanted each round in under seven minutes. My mind was occupied with the “sound bites,” the mantras themselves. I felt no particular higher taste except for the simple satisfaction as the rounds gathered in numbers. I was like a person watching a snowfall who is pleased to see the inches piling up. I did think of some particular shelter or theme. I thought of Krsna in the back of my mind and how He engages in pastimes with the ladies of Vraja. As for reciprocation, I don’t feel I’m chanting in a void or that nothing is happening between Krsna and me. I feel the mantras themselves are valid and that the name of Krsna is as good as Krsna. I crept along in sound, the “transcendental sound vibration” that Prabhupada advertised in the little sign he put in the window at 26 Second Avenue which attracted me in 1966.
******
Chanting the Hare Krsna mantra is for meditating on yugala-kisora, the Divine Couple. When you say “Hare,” you are calling on Radharani, and when you say “Krsna,” you are calling on Krsna. The realized chanter is meditating on their pastimes. I am not able to do that, but I’m at least aware that this is the goal, and sometimes I remember it. I was lucky I did not crash. Krsna let me chant the whole way through. I thank Him and I thank Nama Prabhu for this. The holy names are merciful. They reciprocate on whatever level you are at.
******
I hope the balance of my morning’s japa goes well. I have been sleepy for the hour in the closed car before we go on the walk. My chanting is slow then. But still, it is nice, looking out at the dark sky, the beach and sea, and the lights of the ships on the horizon. Chanting with a good partner, Baladeva, who keeps up his chanting audibly but not as a disturbance to me. I just have to tolerate the inevitable slowdown of chanting in the car with the heater on. On the walk, it’s always good out-loud chanting, the loudest in the day. No question of drowsiness in the chill air and walking.
******
The early-morning japa session was performed out of duty and adherence to the vow. I came to it with enthusiasm. I chanted the first four rounds quickly. The second four rounds were slow, and I was sleepy. On the whole, the time went by in average measure. My mind was occupied only with the chanting. I did not have distractive thoughts.
Attentiveness became bogged down during the second half by fatigue. I enjoyed it because it is life’s morning yajna. It is the best thing I can do. I like saying the names one by one. The biggest defect was the fatigue which came upon me. The best moments were when I heard the names and took shelter. I thought a lot about faith that Radha-Krishna were responding. I kept going to that idea. I was not filled with their pastimes or qualities, but I was fixed on the idea that They were hearing and that I was chanting to Them. These were the best moments. Do I have faith that They are responding? Chanting is not a dead stone. It is the same as Radha and Krishna. So even though I feebled out somewhat in the second half, I kept clinging to the idea that I was crying like a child for the mother, Mother Hara. I cried like a child crying to its mother in my chanting. I believe in the chanting because it has been given to me in disciplic succession and because I have chanted for many years with solidity.
******
Chanting is real exchange. Chanting is Krishna Himself. I will never stop chanting, because of my vows and because of the taste I receive. I believe that I have to chant in order to practice for leaving this body and getting a next body favorable to Krishna consciousness. I will never stop chanting because I believe it is the highest form of worship of Krishna. It is easy, and it has been given to use in Kali Yuga as the only means for God realization. One should never think of stopping. This morning’s chanting was good because I hung in there and did not give up, despite obstacles. The rest of my morning’s chanting at the beach will be even better. I will be determined.
******
Yesterday afternoon as I began my chanting at 5:00 P.M., a headache came, but I took two pills and went on chanting. The H.A. was quickly subdued, and the one and a half hours went smoothly. I usually feel some resistance to chanting, but I overcame it and didn’t stop. It is actually remarkable that I can keep it up.
******
On the surface, it’s a very easy thing to do, but in another sense, to simply finger the beads and utter the mantras with no other occupation requires forbearance. The ability to endure it comes from practice and determination, but I think it is also a gift from God. He gives sufficient strength of purpose and taste for chanting so that you are able to go on, round after round, half hour after half hour. I’m very grateful to be able to do the late-afternoon session, and I hope I can continue it wherever I am.
******
This morning’s early-morning session was preceded by hearing a tape of Dravida speaking on the sacrifices offered by the different persons in varnasrama dharma. The brahmacaris sacrifice their hearing, listening to the spiritual master speak topics of krsna-katha. They do not spare their hearing for other matters. The householders have a license for sense gratification. They control their senses by living a life of regulated sex life. Rich men sacrifice by donating for dharmasalas, hospitals and other charitable institutions. Yogis sacrifice the breathing process to attain control of the senses. Other persons perform sacrifices during caturmasya. They only eat one meal a day and regulate their eating. Prabhupada often concludes these discussions by saying the only sacrifice recommended in this age is the chanting of sankirtana yajna, or the holy names of the Lord. I kept this in mind during my japa.
******
Compared to yesterday, I was awake during the whole process. I did not get drowsy. The rounds did not vary much in length, except for the first long one. On average, I chanted each round in under seven minutes. My mind was occupied with the “sound bites,” the mantras themselves. I felt no particular higher taste except for the simple satisfaction as the rounds gathered in numbers. I was like a person watching a snowfall who is pleased to see the inches piling up. I did think of some particular shelter or theme. I thought of Krishna in the back of my mind and how He engages in pastimes with the ladies of Vraja.
******
As for reciprocation, I don’t feel I’m chanting in a void or that nothing is happening between Krishna and me. I feel the mantras themselves are valid and that the name of Krishna is as good as Krishna. I crept along in sound, the “transcendental sound vibration” that Prabhupada advertised in the little sign he put in the window at 26 Second Avenue which attracted me in 1966. Chanting the Hare Krishna mantra is for meditating on yugala-kisora, the Divine Couple. When you say “Hare,” you are calling on Radharani, and when you say “Krishna,” you are calling on Krishna. The realized chanter is meditating on their pastimes. I am not able to do that, but I’m at least aware that this is the goal, and sometimes I remember it. I was lucky I did not crash. Krishna let me chant the whole way through. I thank Him and I thank Nama Prabhu for this. The holy names are merciful. They reciprocate on whatever level you are at.
pp. 96-98
Madhu has a virus. We’re waiting for it to pass. I suggested he take a Tylenol, but he’s above that. Says it’s his tummy and it’s simpler to drink boiled water and not to eat. Okay.
Remember being sick? Remember being a nondevotee and being sick with life? Appreciate that you are not like that now!
These midnight lines may not be appropriate
because of the underlying irony.
We expect a sannyasi priest
to simply beat the drum
on time
parampara heigh-ho and
yet I ain’t always so. I have an
underlying ocean tow, a limp,
although I’m grateful
to be hanging in there.
Do you remember? Is your pre-’66 life more prominent, or your present post? Hey, get this: “Are memories of any mistakes you may have made as a spiritual master a positive tool now, in that you remember that you don’t want them to happen again?” Do you mean, did I learn anything, or are my mistakes only causes of anxiety?
O daughters, O sons, my mistakes are tools given to me by the school of hard knocks. I’m sadder but wiser. I don’t accept Big Worship now or quickly take on disciples. I don’t accept a big house—yet I have not learned how to be free of anxiety. Yes, as the question implies, I do worrisomely chew over what I have done wrong. One guy threatened to take me to court for sending his wife out on sankirtana. I confessed wrongs publicly and some said it wasn’t enough. They want me to return their sankirtana money. Some say they would prefer to see me behind bars.
Always in anxiety. It reminds me of Joseph K. in The Trial—the weird scenes as he tries to ascertain his guilt. The scene is long and drawn out as only Kafka could do, and maddeningly filled with disturbed people. Then again, the whole world is full of anxiety.
I found no home in the Catholic Church and thought in ISKCON I’d be happy on a bed of straw, but then I graduated to a soft bed, a scholar with troubles and no mortgage to pay. I wander free although I am no saint. Yes, I have learned from my mistakes.
I don’t remember ever being hurt with a knife, but I do remember how something jumped from my father’s hand in the basement of our 76th Street apartment in Queens. It hit the back of my hand and blood spurted out. I don’t remember more than that, but I still carry the scar on the back of my left hand. I have other scars on my right arm and face from the time the plate glass window fell on me at the Glenville Avenue storefront. At least that accident occurred while I was practicing devotional service.
And I was a brave preacher lad. In the hospital while they were sewing me up, I told the doctors and nurses about Haridasa Thakura being beaten in twenty-two marketplaces. The hospital staff was impressed with my religious calm.
I was a zealous worker in those days. My Godbrother and my young wife were in the waiting room, and I told the nurse to let them know I was okay and that they could return to their duties. Later that day, I was released from the hospital with twenty-six stitches, and I went back to the storefront alone.
Good God, I can only hope that when future calamities come, I can survive them in the same cool-headed way, chanting Hare Krsna, the Nrsimhadeva prayers, something Krsna conscious. And if the police and ambulance don’t arrive on time and I have to pass away, let me do it thinking of my Lord.
Montaigne writes, and I think it is true, that when you’re dying, it’s not as worrying as when you are only anticipating death. We each have to prove the truth of that statement ourselves. At the end, let us breathe a sigh of relief that we lived our lives as best we could, in Krsna consciousness.
pp. 570-72
When I return to Gita-nagari, I will have a simple ceremony of abhiseka to install my Prabhupada murti.
As there are two types of Deity worship, mine will be the shortened version, as prescribed for householders worshiping at home, where offerings are made according to their needs.
But I will attempt a standard regulation.
As Krsna kindly appears in His Deity form, so does the pure devotee spiritual master.
Don’t think of him as stone. Worship of the form of the spiritual master is described in the Hari-bhakti-vilasa. It is not concocted. (While his absolute presence is a fact, nevertheless, everything depends on the attentive worship of the disciple.)
“Every worshiper must remember that Krsna is personally present. He is simply kindly presenting Himself before us in a way that we can handle Him. That is His mercy; otherwise, He is unapproachable.”
Worship enhances preaching. Ours is a preaching movement. Worship in the temple without going out to preach is a show, but that worship is absolute. It is necessary. Both of them go together, bhagavata-vidhi and pancaratriki-vidhi.
Meaning of his disappearance. Whatever I know I am speaking.
My taking to worship of Prabhupada’s form is admitting that I am of a low order of disciple. It is not required. One can worship the spiritual master by chanting and following his order. I am in need of more. I feel it will strengthen my remembrance of him. So in humility, I take to worshiping his form, admitting I am not on the standard where I can worship him fully otherwise by my preaching and active service. I think it will help in meditation on him as he lived among us as our guru, and thus help the biography project. Arcye visnau sila-dhir.
He (guru) is not an ordinary mortal prone to death. He is present in a form made of elements, but the elements are made spiritual by the grace of God. As God agrees to appear in His Deity form, so this deity form also. As we approach him.
Walking in backyard, fields stretching across many acres to the woods and hills, great expanse of clear, cold sky. Often I hear rifle shots—it’s war against the deer.
Thinking—whatever I do in this short life (rifle-fire reminds me of my own death coming), I must preach to increase the number of devotees. If I write, or travel and preach, or try to improve my japa, or read more deeply—it has to be for increasing the number of devotees.
A good BTG is for that end. If I can become a sincere, pure devotee and realize the Lord, that will automatically work to that end—of increasing devotees. And in this interim between one volume of biography finished and the second not begun—if I want to write something (yielding to the call of the creative urge) it should be to contribute to that end.
My Vyasa-puja—I am not a great person. I am being honored for my place in parampara. That means I am like the tax collector on behalf of the king. I think you will agree and accept this analogy. Therefore, on this day when you give special tribute to me as guru (tax collector) I request on behalf of him:
Do not leave.
Do not go away.
“Live, not leave.”
Chant and follow the four rules.
Five kinds of ignorance which are cured by Lord Caitanya and Lord Nityananda:
pp. 26-28
In Song Three of Dainya, Bhaktivinoda Thakura describes more details of his life.
“When I was young, I greatly desired to earn money. At that time, bearing in mind the codes of religion, I took a wife. Together we set up a household, wasted much time, had many sons and daughters . . . my heart grew heavy. . . The burden increased day by day. I felt my life at a standstill.”
How do we take this song? Is it autobiography? Fiction? Who is the “I” he speaks of who wastes time in household life? What do we mean when we say Bhaktivinoda Thakura is saying this for our benefit?
We can examine the depth of Bhaktivinoda Thakura’s Krsna consciousness simply by studying his writings. Here he describes himself as a harassed householder in need of Krsna’s mercy. Later he will give us the entire science of Krsna consciousness in books like Caitanya-caritamrta and Jaiva Dharma. In those books, he discusses everything from “I am not this body” to the identity of the soul as a manjari in Radha’s service in eternal Vraja. He could not write such things in such an authoritative, convincing, and appealing manner unless he was an empowered acarya. We also accept him because he is worshiped by great spiritual masters like Gaura Kisora dasa Babaji, Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura, and our Srila Prabhupada. (As the son of Bhaktivinoda Thakura, Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura personally observed his father’s activities. In his preface to his father’s Bhajana-rahasya, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati writes, “A few years before, this akincana carefully observed him reciting the slokas mentioned in this book, and at the same time he was relishing overwhelming ecstatic love of Godhead.”)
We have no doubt about Bhaktivinoda Thakura’s position, yet we shouldn’t think he is writing these songs from a great distance, that he is not feeling the things he is writing. Srila Prabhupāda told us that when great Vaiṣṇavas write that they are most fallen and sinful, they actually feel most fallen and sinful. We don’t take them literally and conclude that because Kṛṣṇadasa Kaviraja claims he is lower than a worm in stool, it must be true. If we think like that, our spiritual life will be destroyed by Vaisnava aparadha. We should, however, try to enter their mood.
The maha-bhagavata thinks everyone is serving Krsna except himself. Entering their mood is not so easy. I can’t do it. Bhaktivinoda Thakura is close to these emotions. He regrets having wasted his life; I am the one who is distant from it. At least theoretically I am able to accept his writing as deep and personal. When he says he feels pain and is afraid, he is writing how he feels. He is writing for himself and also as the universal teacher (jagat-guru). Hear him with faith. He is the most competent guide to teach us to face our own desperation and then surrender to Kṛṣṇa.
Why don’t I feel regret? I’m not even sure why. Maybe I don’t want to be uncomfortable—whether it’s caused by restless joy or mental pain—and I don’t want to be kept up all night. I want regulation, not ecstasies or a remorse that burns my heart. I have tasted the pain that an illness can bring. Am I frightened by that experience? Am I trying to avoid suffering?
Some psychologists suggest that it is better to stay on the surface, although they may also agree that some regret is therapeutic. We read of catharsis. The Greek tragedies play this catharsis out. The characters go through intense emotional grief and become cleansed. If we fully partake of Bhaktivinoda Thakura’s songs, we can experience transcendental catharsis. Why don’t we let them cut our hearts?
The metaphors these poets use can be startling: “Ignorance has penetrated my heart with the intolerable burning pain of a pointed shaft.” Who needs that? I keep it comfortably at a distance—as “poetry.” But until I feel regret at my offenses and past and present misconduct, how can I make spiritual advancement? Why and how have I managed to cover up all these emotions? Is it really necessary that I go through them? Perhaps Kṛṣṇa is making it easy for me because He knows my faith is delicate and I can’t take too much. But that means I won’t go back to Godhead. We have to go through so much austerity in spiritual life. The vrajavāsīs are always being carried on waves of often contradictory emotions. Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they cry, sometimes they feel intense pride followed by crushing humility.
pp. 87-89
Next-to-last morning in France in the hills, at least according to our plans. Completely covered with small clouds on the mountain peaks; but also quickly clearing within ten or fifteen minutes, more and more clearing. First rosy, then blue. Nice morning.
O Lord, O energy of the Lord, please engage me in Your service. That actually has the same meaning as “Please have mercy,” but you have to say it right. Just as when you say the prasadam prayer, you have to say it with real feeling and not just sense gratification for eating. The feeling has to come from a sense of being fallen.
I have a strong attachment for well-being and comfort. I know that the world is dangerous and full of distress, so I try to find a corner of peace. Spiritual life is very helpful in that way: it makes you peaceful against the storms of distress. But that is not enough reason for engaging in spiritual life. Also if you are so attached to peace, you may opt for a peace which is actually material in the mode of goodness. Don’t be afraid of the struggle known as tapo divyam, which you must undergo to attain real spiritual service, eternal service to Krsna. The tapasya of outward services which require effort and sacrifice is very important.
There is also the inner state of breaking down, admitting wrong, staying with contrite feelings because they are so extensive, continually praying to Krsna to help you, and feeling your helplessness. That’s not so comfortable, the inner life, is it?
I am also wary of false states—false dramatical tears or of beating the breast saying, “I am guilty, I am guilty”—which psychologists say are just guilt complexes. The reductionists view spiritual life and suffering as being nonsense—I am contaminated by that “enlightened,” sophisticated view. Besides, I am unwilling to go through such distress. These are some reasons why I don’t break down. However, I want to overcome these and break down as is required, as is genuine. I am waiting for that day to come. I am aware that by my spiritual activities I am asking for that and so when it comes I won’t be sorry. I want the inner life of devotional service and I know that to get there, to be there, you have to give up all pride and feel the pain of your puffed-up sinful life and ask Krsna, “My dear Lord Krsna, please have mercy on this sinner.”
Last morning in the South France retreat, making my promises, trying to keep a resolution. Pray to Krsna and Prabhupada within. I don’t know what I am going to meet and face once we leave here and fly West. My hope is that even if it is a shock getting away from this lovely peace and quiet, with time for reading and chanting and praying even if everything is different, I should have even more reason to turn within periodically and pray.
You don’t have to know what to pray, and you don’t have to want to pray, you just have to fall down, make obeisances, and begin to address these two Lords of your life who are certainly dose enough to you and great enough for you to pray to them. No matter what’s on your mind as an obstacle, you can express it. Pray for the removal of such obstacles and pray to the fulfill the will of the Lord.
pp. 448-50
Chota and Arjuna managed to get reassigned to the same room, and the other vegetarian mouse was put in with them. As soon as Chota and Arjuna were left alone, they hugged each other with joy.
“O my dear Vaisnava,” said Arjuna. “Meeting a person like you is the perfection of one’s eyesight. Touching your lotus feet is the perfection of the sense of touch. In the material world, it’s very difficult to find a pure devotee of the Lord.”
“I don’t consider myself a Vaisnava,” said Chota, ‘but I’m sure glad to see you.”
The two brothers spoke about where they were each going, but they were even more eager to talk about Krsna. They had been through a night of bad association, but it had intensified their appreciation for Krsna and His devotees. Chota told Arjuna that he had stayed up all night chanting in whispers.
“I couldn’t chant well,” said Arjuna. “How can we hear each word when we chant? I’m real unhappy about that.”
“We have to first recognize that we’re not hearing the mantra very well,” said Chota, “before we can try to hear better. So if you are unhappy about bad chanting, that’s not as dangerous as complacence. If we think, “Well, I’ve always chanted my rounds in this way, and anyway, Prabhupada said it’s a gradual process,’ then how can we improve?”
“But it is a gradual process, isn’t it?” asked Arjuna.
“Unfortunately,” said Chota, “it’s a gradual process both ways—one can just as easily lose one’s taste for Krsna consciousness gradually. If we chant offensively, gradually we lose our desire to be a devotee and, we lose the ability and the desire to complete even sixteen rounds daily.” Chota was carried away by enthusiastic realizations.
“I think that we are meant to control the mind,” said Chota, “and fix it on Krsna a lot more than we do. We’re meant to hear, chant, and remember, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do in my concentrated sadhana. Prabhupada and Krsna say it all the time: ‘Our activities should be so molded that we can’t help but think about Krsna during the day.'”
“Yes,” said Arjuna, “but the problem is that for many of us that mold has been broken. Just to survive we have to go to work, and we definitely get distracted from Krsna. I think what you’re doing is great, re-emphasizing the importance of remembering Krsna always.”
The two mice were standing close together gesturing, but they suddenly froze. The doorknob turned, and their roommate re-entered.
“It’s a beautiful day,” said the roommate. “You ought to go topside and see the ocean and the sky.” It was painful to be cut off from their krsna-katha, but the two brothers sat down and made friends with their fellow mouse. He said his name was Bob and he was a language teacher. “I also write poetry,” he said. The three spoke more of vegetarianism.
“They take it lightly,” said Bob, “but meat is murder. Of course for a carnivore, it’s hard to stop. But some ancient texts tell us that there used to be a time when even humans and animals got along amicably.” Bob sat back in a chair and crossed his legs. He was a chubby, curly-headed rodent and seemed at ease in discussion.
“The solid basis of vegetarianism is nonviolence,” said Chota. “And the basis of nonviolence is God consciousness. Because all creatures are sons or daughters of the Supreme Father, therefore we shouldn’t kill.”
“I don’t believe in God,” said Bob. “I think the idea of God as a person is something the humans have made up. Some of the humans speak of God, other cultures call it the Self or Buddha. I just think of it as Life.”
“But if we don’t believe in God,” said Arjuna, “we’re just materialists. Like Chota was saying, there has to be a spiritual basis for vegetarianism.”
“What makes you think,” said Bob, “that you have to believe in God in order to be spiritual? There were plenty of spiritual persons among the human atheists. Many of the Eastern teachers, and many poets, were certainly spiritual, but they didn’t believe in God.”
“What do you mean by God?” asked Chota. “Some person,” answered Bob, “like you said, the Father, the Supreme Being.”
“Scriptures like Vedanta say that He’s a person,” said Chota, “but not a person like you or me. He has inconceivable potency, and everything comes from Him, including life and everything impersonal. God cannot be understood just by speculating about Him. He has to be understood from scriptures and then revealed in a devotee’s heart.”
“Hmmm,” Bob mused, looking from one brother to the other.
We were reading of how Srimad-Bhagavatam
contracts to four verses and expands to
billions. My mom packed my lunches—two
sandwiches, one meat, one peanut
butter and jelly, and something like a cupcake.
Little did I know
I’d grow up and grow down
as a Vaisnava aspirant.
Put a cracked head to rest.
If you cannot lecture on BSST
then still you didn’t study his life
for nothing.
The mango, the ratha cart, our
master’s meetings with him—his
great vow.
Cracked head, cracked dreams
do not allow poems or lectures or
walks and certainly no meetings.
I no longer think the headaches
are psychological. That’s old-hat theory.
Migraine is a bio-chemical disorder, probably
inherited from birth. I am simply more prone
than others. It’s in my system.
I have done a day’s half work and
the swans are still at it. Six speed
boats filled with boys and girls scream-rip
past. Saturday night fun, I guess.
As you can imagine, I prefer the calm ripples.
O Krsna. I can’t even
read Your book.
Better today. I got to the temple room
before almost anyone else. Slowly
they came in and I spoke. Now
dark night. Paint a pic., don’t
claim yr. an artist leading this
ISKCON society, but
no dead fly or nonexistent
telescope either. Three dreams
in a row though—all heavy stuff
with no K.C. except me batting away
tigers with my danda.
Endorphins, give them a chance. They
sent some Reiki vibrations from Trinidad
to improve my health, but I wonder if they’ll make
it all the way here through customs.
It doesn’t matter, I said, because we are all meant
to have some pain. Cheap talk
spoken after the fact—what I thought
sounds good.
“I demand a relationship with you,” he said.
“You seem to treat me as inconsequential, a botheration.” No, it’s not just you, I said. I see everyone that way.
But I liked the millet at lunch, Srila Prabhupada did too. With all the other preps. A nice day.
Except I couldn’t shut the door to the shed and it got cold in there.
“You are living so quiet and ill and remote I wonder
how it is relevant to me.”
But it is, she said. Yeah, I’m a living
example of what you can do in confines.
This truth in the room. M. left his bouzouki and
little accordion here. No wonder
he’s anxious to come back.
Fingers itchy for his music.
On floor in here, tourist
folder for islands of Ireland. I don’t
want to take a currach to get to one.
Just stay in that house in south
or here. Quiet. Examine your mind—
empty of emotion.
Me, me, O little twinge. Read
Bhagavata, then Migraine:
Everything You Need to Know, written
by a conservative, up-to-date RN who says
never overuse meds but doesn’t say
what to do. Little
paragraphs on alternatives,
one on T.M., one on yoga (not bhakti).
That Indian eye doctor asked me, “Do
you meditate or pray when you get a headache?”
What could I say? No, I didn’t think
I should. I just
strum, strum
Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna and fall silent.
I depend on His mercy
to take me.
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.