“The last two weeks have been moderate. Some days are good, some days are bad, and some days are just okay. There doesn’t seem to be any predictable pattern for headaches, confusion or discomfort. The writing remains strong no matter what is going on externally.
“Hari Hari,
Baladeva”
Do you like to chant?
Yes, it is a favorite practice. It is an achievement that I must do, and when I do it, I’m satisfied.
Is it hard going round after round?
No, each round gets added, and they quickly accumulate. My timing was regular. The first round is usually very long, but then they get speedy, even number six minutes.
Is this a good place to chant?
Yes, it is an excellent place. I’m alone and quiet and awake. It is a good time of the day, although I began to get a little sleepy after the fourth round. I persisted.
Did you do well today?
Yes, I think it was all right. I was an alert chanter, and I moved at a pace.
Do you have faith that Radha and Krishna were reciprocating?
I cannot say I felt that at a high level, but I believe in holy names to be yugala kisora, and so I thought about that sometimes. The chanting is not just me crying to the wilderness. Radha and Krishna are there.
Did you think of Krishna’s pastimes?
No, I did not run through His pastimes alongside of my chanting. It was mostly the sound vibration, but I know Krishna was there, and I hope to think more of His pastimes as I chant. I did think sometimes of His tribhanga, threefold-bending form. And I thought of Him as being above the demigods. I knew I was not chanting the names of the demigods but chanting the names of the Supreme Personality of Godhead.
I’m aware of these things, and I am attracted to them. I hear about them and go about my simple practices of chanting and hearing. It will be up to Krishna to place me where He wants to, and I pray to be satisfied with that and continue unabated service. I cannot say I have not been given all opportunities by You, O merciful Lord.
“Attachment for the Supreme can be increased by practicing devotional service, inquiring about the Supreme Personality of Godhead, applying bhakti yoga in life, worshiping the yogesvara, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and by hearing and chanting the glories of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. These actions are pious in themselves” (SB 4.22.22).
******
Chanting is not a dead stone. It is the same as Radha and Krishna. So even though I feebled out somewhat in the second half, I kept clinging to the idea that I was crying like a child for the mother, Mother Hara. I cried like a child crying to its mother in my chanting. I believe in the chanting because it has been given to me in disciplic succession and because I have chanted for many years with solidity. Chanting is real exchange. Chanting is Krishna Himself. I will never stop chanting, because of my vows and because of the taste I receive. I believe that I have to chant in order to practice for leaving this body and getting a next body favorable to Krishna consciousness. I will never stop chanting because I believe it is the highest form of worship of Krishna. It is easy, and it has been given to use in Kali Yuga as the only means for God realization. One should never think of stopping.
******
I usually feel some resistance to chanting, but I overcame it and didn’t stop. It is actually remarkable that I can keep it up. On the surface, it’s a very easy thing to do, but in another sense, to simply finger the beads and utter the mantras with no other occupation requires forbearance. The ability to endure it comes from practice and determination, but I think it is also a gift from God. He gives sufficient strength of purpose and taste for chanting so that you are able to go on, round after round, half hour after half hour. I’m very grateful to be able to do the late-afternoon session, and I hope I can continue it wherever I am.
******
I don’t feel I’m chanting in a void or that nothing is happening between Krishna and me. I feel the mantras themselves are valid and that the name of Krishna is as good as Krishna, the “transcendental sound vibration” that Prabhupada advertised in the little sign he put in the window at 26 Second Avenue which attracted me in 1966.
******
Chanting the Hare Krishna mantra is for meditating on yugala-kisora, the Divine Couple. When you say “Hare,” you are calling on Radharani, and when you say “Krishna,” you are calling on Krishna. The realized chanter is meditating on Their pastimes. I am not able to do that, but I’m at least aware that this is the goal, and sometimes I remember it. I was lucky I did not crash. Krishna let me chant the whole way through. I thank Him and I thank Nama Prabhu for this. The holy names are merciful. They reciprocate on whatever level you are at.
******
I would like to be able to meditate on Radha and Krishna, but that will have to manifest in its own time. It will come as I hear with more concentration and with more faith in the identity of Nama Prabhu. Now I chant for the profit of accumulation. I want to count higher and higher. It is a kind of thrill, like counting money. You want more and more, and you want it quickly. It is like eating delicious food, except you don’t soon satiate.
******
What about Prabhupada? He was present as the giver of the holy name. He handed me the mala of big, red japa beads after chanting on them. When he gave me my beads, I bowed at his feet and swooned, chanting the mantra nama om visnu padaya krishna presthaya bhutale/ srimati bhaktivedanta swami iti namine. The time regulation was spotty, averaging over seven minutes a round. The chanting was audible. I was in charge. Or rather, Krishna in the form of the mahamantra was in charge. I simply followed and did my duty.
******
All sacrifices are meant for stopping sense gratification. The devotees are constantly engaged in devotional service, and they attain the kingdom of God. This stayed in my mind as I began chanting. The first round is always slow, and then they go faster. Today they were not audible. Of course, I prefer it when they are audible; that’s the recommended process. One should chant with the tongue and lips and pronounce the syllables. Sometimes I just can’t make the effort, so I chant in the mind. But when I do so, I hold the mantras attentively and say them silently. I took shelter in spiritual thoughts, such as (a) reminding myself how important harinama is; (b) recalling statements from the scriptures about how dear the holy names are to great devotees; (c) reminding myself that if you “just hear,” eventually you start perceiving the form, qualities and pastimes of the Lord; (d) asserting that the name is the same as Krishna Himself and is even more merciful than Krishna. You think of these along with your utterance, and it boosts you and keeps you steady.
pp. 477-79
Just made my prayer to the Deity of Radha-Kunjavihari: “My dear Lord Krsna, if You desire, please let me write Srila Prabhupada’s biography. Without Your mercy it is not possible.”
Prabhupada, your form on the altar, your voice on the tape, me praying before the iron gates. We can’t have subjective, “Vyasa-puja”-type poetry in the authorized biography. It’s got to be conservative, deep, and not “created or exaggerated.”
Sesa said the story of where he was and what he said and did as told by the witnesses is a mere background, not revealing what phase of his life Prabhupada was in (in contrast to other times). How will it all get done?
Let me enter the ocean of his activities. He did this, he did that; he was this, he was that. Prabhupada ki jaya. Can’t start from nothing. Put down some activity of his personal life or some achievement of his, and then you can expand or comment or generalize.
Everyone wants to know how to chant japa with devotion and keep the mind under control. I only know clear, loud chanting, mind fixed on the sound of the name. Keeping the mind controlled, staying awake early in the morning, these are all very difficult to perfect. Strict behavior counts toward offenseless chanting.
The strategy for the biography hasn’t really been worked out yet. More feelings of shortcoming now. Had more striding confidence in the beginning. Keep going.
Thoughts for upcoming birthday—my birthday was never celebrated like this. But it is the heaviest of my birthdays. I am bound to 115 souls as their spiritual master for bringing them back to Godhead. I can’t go anywhere irresponsibly. This is forcing me back to Godhead and you with me.
I am in the snow of Boston and newspapers are mentioning us in the same context as “the cults,” one cult having killed 900 members—too much like my proposed BTG column of slaughtering chickens and comparing it to the condemned state of city life. Am I too affected now about what people may say lest my statements appear like that of a strange cultist? If that is so, it is not good. We have to preach the truth and not be concerned about pleasing people. We are not hurting anyone. We cannot fairly be compared to any killers or suicide fanatics.
Just reflecting how there used to be (a few months ago) a more enthusiastic spirit of being immersed in Prabhupada’s pastimes. It was “a good time,” knocking out the first draft of the biography at a rapid pace. I had little idea how rough the first draft was. I think I may have considered it more or less final. Now I regard it as simply the rawest material. I used to read regularly from the manuscript to guests at night. It was better, they said, than anything—even Caitanya-caritamrta or Srimad-Bhagavatam! I don’t read anymore because I’m aware it’s all rough draft.
This mean my work is dropping off? Not necessarily. Now the monthly installment is coming out and I am much improving things, but that great production of material (300 pages and it hasn’t been much added to in months) is not going on. I think some kind of free-writing accumulation is needed; it helps me to keep in the fire of inspiration-in-his-memory.
I have to praise him somehow or other. Good idea.
Nectar references:
“Although I am the lowest . . . the Supreme Personality of Godhead (Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu), who has given me the chance to write these books.” (Cc. Madhya 19.134)
“As soon as one is favored by the mercy of the spiritual master and the Lord, one is immediately given all the power necessary to write books and propagate the Krsna consciousness movement without being hampered by material considerations.” (Cc. Madhya 19.135, purport)
Reading this, I pray to be empowered to write about Srila Prabhupada. Only if I truly worship him and desire only to glorify him will the Lord allow me to do it. No self-motivation.
At least let me begin, I think, some free-writing on him (or rewriting).
pp. 188-91
Those who are devoted to the cause of the Personality of Godhead live only for the welfare, development and happiness of others. They do not live for any selfish interest. So even though the Emperor [Pariksit] was free from all attachment to worldly possessions, how could he give up his mortal body, which was shelter for others?
For the third verse in a row, Saunaka Rsi asks why Maharaja Pariksit gave up his life and duties to hear Srimad-Bhagavatam. This verse brings new depth to the inquiry.
Prabhupada describes Maharaja Pariksit as an ideal king and householder. We may therefore study his qualities and try to follow them according to our own limited capacity. Although he was free of attachment to material life, Pariksit Maharaja set an example for others to follow. He engaged in welfare work for others, but not in a mundane way. Everything he did for others would benefit them not only in this life but in the next. We sometimes hear that it is pious to dig wells or plant trees and that by doing such deeds, we accumulate pious credits. Eventually those credits add up to the blessing of meeting a devotee. But the works are still mundane. Real welfare work means to give people Krsna consciousness, spiritual culture.
Part of spiritual culture is to hold congregational chanting in the home and to distribute prasadam. This was Lord Caitanya’s program, and Srila Prabhupada also established it as part of the ISKCON mission. He even said that it was not necessary to open centers all over the world; householders could open temples in their own homes by worshiping the Deity, holding kirtana in the evenings, and offering prasadam to guests.
Maharaja Pariksit’s administration was special, however, because not only did it transcend mundane welfare work and concentrate on spiritual culture, but it also transcended the bodily concept of life and extended iself to all creatures whether human, animal, or plant. This proves his quality of selflessness. Prabhupada writes in the purport, “Selfishness is either self-centered or self-extended. He was neither. His interest was to please the Supreme Truth, Personality of Godhead.” Freedom from selfishness is one of the characteristics of a pure devotee.
Karmis are usually selfish because they want to satisfy the body and the extensions of the body (family, nation, etc.). Bodily consciousness makes it almost impossible to broaden the scope of concern to the bodies of those we don’t know. That is because we succeed in fulfilling our sense desires at others’ expense. Jnanis tend to be more broadminded in their interests and to try to help others beyond the bodily designation. Usually, however, they are weighted down by the selfish interest of attaining their own salvation, which usually translates into wanting to become one with God. Yogis may be a little above jnanis by the strength of their austerities, but they too can fall into desiring mystic siddhis or impersonal liberation. The bhakta, however, wants only to please Krsna and to freely distribute Krsna consciousness to whoever will take it.
An ideal king is God-conscious (isavasya, God-centered). He is interested in guiding his subjects back to Godhead. As an administrator, he protects the various interests of the different living beings from too much conflict and coordinates one with another so that they help each other make spiritual progress. One main principle of that type of administration is nonviolence. As the animals are protected from being slaughtered for food, the people, who are culturing compassion and nonviolence, can hear spiritual truths. When people are focused on a spiritual goal while peacefully prosecuting the duties of an agrarian-based society, all living entities become balanced and satisfied.
Saunaka Muni seems to be challenging Maharaja Pariksit’s motive. He wants to understand why the King would renounce his duty for his own benefit. These inquiries are meant to both establish Maharaja Pariksit’s character and to help us investigate our own motives. We can always read the Bhagavatam on those two levels. It is simpler to follow the story and appreciate the persons described in the contexts in which they appear, but it is inevitable that we will have to face the examples and apply the lessons the devotees teach in our own lives. Srila Vyasadeva selected the stories to appear in the Bhagavatam with this intention in mind.
pp. 52-58
Affection for you, Prabhupada murti,
rose up recently,
when I was ill,
maybe I was afraid,
I can’t remember,
was I feeling alone?
To pick you up,
place you in bed,
awaken you,
to bathe your tan, effulgent form,
all these acts become dear to me again.
You are accompanying me
through the last days of my life.
But I have to act on your behalf.
I need more
than a dream,
or a quote in my ear,
I need the gumption,
to surrender to your Movement.
I need faith as strong as sastric injunction
to know that what I am doing is right.
Please grant me conviction.
There is seal-tight plastic
over the panes.
So you can’t see
small birds clearly,
but when squirrels
jump through the air,
I see it.
And I see an orange-capped hunter,
with his rifle slung in left arm,
pacing for deer flesh,
and now he is gone.
This subtle mind-stuff!
You can’t see it jump,
it doesn’t have a color,
it’s not reflected in the water,
but it seems more real
than the five great elements.
When I go out to walk,
it goes with me,
struggling through the mud.
Soon this won’t be my cabin.
I will pass by and say, “Remember?”
(And then I will be gone,
and the house will change,
and the hill will die
in ten thousand years.)
Of the books I have written here,
Prabhupada-lilamrta will last awhile.
When I was writing of his life
each evening seemed miraculous
as the tale unfolded—
Prabhupada spurned by a Godbrother,
going on alone to edit BTG,
he had very little money, living in Vrndavana . .
my notes came together
in this room facing the window.
The flowing creek is drab green,
the bankside trees are upside down,
remember and farewell.
Looking out from here
you visualized Sri Krsna
in a poem called “Dawn in Layers.”
Twelve panes in the grid,
the squirrel’s playground,
and a crude plank bench.
One day in each year hundreds come from NYC;
they wander by my window while I duck.
‘Once while looking out,
a woman and her lawyer rushed into view.
Searching the farm for a runaway child,
they looked at me accusingly—
was I hiding him under the desk?
And from here,
I have waited for rarities—
deer, fox, and a glimpse of their link to the Lord.
In this cabin,
convalescing for a year,
Silent backyard mantras
dragonflies in tiger lilies
cobwebs on my bike.
“But what if I get sick again?
Where will I go to bed?”
Over the front door
the wrens keep building nests.
When my friends visit they laugh,
“It’s like a hermitage!” Canoe out the back door.
Built as a hunting cabin,
later, taken by Vamana dasa, his wife,
three children, and fourteen Krsna Deities.
Now my scene—a home sannyasi
with many boxloads of books,
two bathrobes,
6 sets of long underwear,
five pairs of shoes—
I’m moving out.
Don’t know who is next.
Across this desk came the weekly editions of
U.S. News and World Report.
(I used to get the New York Times
during the summer when
Ted Kennedy and whats-
his-name were fighting
for Democratic nomination.)
Now Reagan is in trouble.
Who would have thought?
The times are changing.
It is sweet to close the curtains at night,
and to open them at dawn.
Goodbye, desk and lamp,
goodbye wood stove,
pond and waterfalls,
acorns on the roof,
wind-chimes,
bench under the pine tree,
outhouse, woodchuck,
possum,
the damp smell,
special picture of Lord Caitanya,
diorama of Krsna-Balarama,
file cabinets and cold floor.
Since I have been here,
the trees have grown taller,
I’ve seen Gita-nagari babies grow,
the pine boards in the cabin are darker,
and some disciples have gone away, like
my Vaisnava dasa, Lalita, Paramahamsa.
Was my long poem to Radha-Damodara
another pretense?
No!
But I must serve Him in separation
like many other bhaktas
who adore His spritely form.
His picture in my mind,
I’ll chant and hear His glories.
pp. 192-94
Due to land in half an hour. On our disembarkation card, Madhu suggested we give our purpose to visit as pilgrimage, and our address the Krishna-Balaram Mandir, even though we are going to the health clinic first. Good. That fixes our purpose in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. We come to fix health so we can serve Kṛṣṇa and the devotees in Māyāpur-Vṛndāvana.
Announcement for malaria in India. Take pills, they say. As the plane lowered over Bombay, I felt unhappy, “Why have we come here?” The world, the human miseries, roots of bastis, buses in the city caverns … but where would I go instead? No particular place flashed in my mind, but I still asked myself, “Why here? Why India, which is so foreign to me? And especially why are we going first to people who are not Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇavas, not ISKCON?” Can’t stay in this insulated, polite world of British Airways.
Read Bhagavad-gītā. Japa rounds are silent today.
Occupation: Religious minister.
Airborne for Madras. Spoke with M. and read some notes on health, quotes by Prabhupāda, etc. We are fixing our minds to follow the health program at this clinic as part of our devotional service.
I’m in room 204, Madhu in 202, and two older Hindu ladies in the cottage between us. Few speak English here. I want to write a lot between the health routines at this institute. It sounds like the doctor plans to keep us busy. Of course, we won’t eat what they cook, but I’m sure they’ll make us prove our determination in that regard.
A Godsister sent a statement from an herbal book that nourishment (good health practices and attitude) means to add onto your life. Pain and disease may appear as truth in life, so in health practice, we should not seek a fix, cure, or even balance. Rather, we should just gain the stamina to accept with grace the pains life sends.
I wonder what this writing will become and how it will serve. I had a dream last night that a blues singer made a song out of his sorrowful remembrance of a dead friend. Someone recorded the song and then we all had it and could sing the lyrics and melody. The blues singer tried composing many songs, but none of them came up to the high level of that most inspired occasion. This dream seems to represent a view of expression in art. I tend to favor thinking that many occasions, all occasions are worth writing about and are memorable. If we strive to capture only the very best, we will end up with many continued attempts and preconceptions of the “best art,” as if we were looking for universal symbols or something so big that it was capable of making that just right expression. I try to go beyond that and leave a trail of many good songs.
They have their own ways here. We’re going to try and follow it all, including their morning prayer schedule, the enema, whatever. If we find that some of it is too much for us, we may drop some of it. I do want to do the detoxification program though. Just give me time enough to write my songs and to read the Caitanya-caritāmṛta. I don’t want to forget these projects while I’m working on my health. I need the strength to write and read not only in the future, but now. However, working to gain strength can be just as stressful as not having the strength.
We are not among devotees here. No “Rādhe-Śyāma!” here. We’ll need to keep in touch with the integrity of Kṛṣṇa conscious sacred texts, the holy name, and the object of our worship—the purpose of life, Lord Caitanya and Śrīla Prabhupāda.
This fallen old devotee
of Prabhupāda
celā of the Swami
wants to gain strength
to fight the battles
with māyā.
pp. 21-23
In her book for writers, Writing Down the Bones, Natalie Goldberg advises that one go ahead and write, even if it makes you cry. Don’t be afraid to write through your worst feelings. In this connection, she said, “No one was ever killed by writing.” But I wonder if that’s true. What if you were killed by writing? Or what if you killed someone else by writing? Someone said that John Keats was killed by a bad review someone gave him. To write or kill. Two men dueling with swords. I am a writer. Like Floyd Patterson, I would not want to kill anyone. And it’s true you could never kill yourself by writing. Or could you? My caretakers make the point that if I write too frantically and don’t rest enough, I could kill myself, like taking a drug or something, pushing too hard instead of resting. I won’t do that. But I won’t stop either. You have to keep alive, and whether you could save the world by writing, that can only be done by Jesus Christ or a Vyasadeva. They solve all riddles and give us the blessings. If you follow what Krishna writes, you can be liberated from birth and death. Now that’s writing. But from what I write, you can’t get such a benefit.
I was worried when Nara said, “Unless you connect your free writing to something, it’s just a lot of babble babble.” A few hours later, I asked him what he meant. I had been saying that I was happy about my new books, which had more shape, like themes or even novels, but on hearing him read the EJWs (Every Day, Just Write), I saw my books for what they were and accepted them happily and peacefully. That is, they are bona fide diaries, and a diary certainly has a shape. It’s a day-by-day account of a person’s life, indicated even by hour and day. And although it may not be peak-by-peak adventuresome, like an exciting movie requiring stunt men and lots of sexy girls, it’s very understandable and quite comfortable too. Also, EJW was always more than a diary. Each prose passage was followed with a poem that often had nothing to do with the prose diary, and the prose was sometimes just an Emerson-like essay (wow! this guy has got a swelled head!). In other words, they were power-packed diaries.
So I went back to Nara and said, “What did you mean by free-writes being gobbledy-gobble?” He said, “Oh no no no, I didn’t mean your writing was like that, because when you do free writing, you always go around in a curve or tangent. You bring it around to some sense again. You don’t just go perpetually out and out on a wing.”
“Oh yes,” I said, “I see what you mean.” I see what he means. We do welcome free writes, and that’s why we sent those boys to automatic writing school for a while, but they didn’t learn anything there. It was too dry and séance-haunted, talking about spirits and writing things that come down from we know not where. We just like the break from the bhaja-govindam, and we always come back to our story. And in fact we were digging for gold when we went for free write, digging for the gold of better sadhana, closer to Krishna, in that format. Like picking up a different pick or baseball bat, trying out something new.
But let’s make it clear that we’ve got our theme: write and die. All the miniscule and big fat rocks and pebbles, brainwaves, little and big things, from tsunamis to dried-up wells, all things must pass, even this youngster. I must pass. Funny word, because they’re always asking me to pass. They want me to pass in the sense of moving my bowels, but also I must pass on into the next world. Pass on, throw the football pass, catches it for a 40-yard run. Pass on. What body do you get next? Pass. Pass so rudely in your car and you may get road rage from the fellow you pass. Always afraid of some revenge or retribution from the fellow you pass. Pass with excellent honors, magna cum laude. But it doesn’t matter unless Krishna comes down to you and says, “You’ve passed.” Not like when Uncle Mickey came down the stairs in the house in Brooklyn around 1945 and said, “Pop is dead.”
He said those three words with such poignancy it knocked everyone over. I mean the small clan in that room. Knocked them over like a tidal wave, even though they were expecting it. Pop is dead. Pop, patriarch of the whole Guarino line. Now everyone was on their own, separate families. They were liberated from the strong hand of Pop, the dear guidance of Pop. I don’t know how they felt about him.
But getting back to the subject at hand, unless I write, something in me dies, some spark. Pop is dead. I don’t ever want to say that. Let me die, but before then, let my writing live on to praise Prabhupada in my indirect way, to draw people to him. Let me Google on the Internet thousands of times. Did you hear about this fellow? He had some trouble. He got reprimanded. I know his weaknesses, but still I love him. Ask your correspondent what he sees as your weaknesses. Talk about pain with him, something we share. Ask him what he thinks your weaknesses are. Tell him you don’t think one of your weaknesses is that you don’t like to hang out with people because there are babajis and there are people who like to mix.
I like to look at photos of Srila Prabhupada. I have one where Prabhupada is talking to a worker who is preparing the altar at Bhaktivedanta Manor. Srila Prabhupada had such unique facial expressions. I can’t really describe them. Sometimes when he was observing or listening to someone else, he would let his mouth fall open a bit. It seemed to aid his concentration on the other person.
He often seemed simultaneously amused and absorbed in what was going on. His powers of concentration were so great that we could feel his intelligence penetrating into the situation. In this photo, Prabhupada was asking the devotee what was going on with the construction. I could tell from the photo that the construction was still in the early stages. The devotees took a long time to build that altar. Maybe Prabhupada was seeing through their excuses.
In the photo, Srila Prabhupada is surrounded by other devotees. All of them look amused, all small extensions of Prabhupada’s mood. It was easier to be in that position, tagging along, than to be the devotee-worker who was under Prabhupada’s discerning gaze. But what mercy to be scrutinized by him, even if it meant he saw your faults.
No one could look as serious and grave as Srila Prabhupada. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking. The corners of his mouth turned down. He had so much to bear and his followers were always demanding that he look and act at the highest level of inspiration. He was naturally on that level, but still it was demanding. He was always giving himself for Krsna’s service.
I have another photo of Prabhupada wearing a thick garland of roses. The microphone is a few inches from his mouth. What is he thinking? His face shines with a soft aura of dedication and inner absorption. He seems to be thinking of Krsna’s mission, and as always, he’s pleased to see that devotees are coming forward to participate in the preaching. He will sustain them by speaking the message of Srimad-Bhagavatam. He will not concoct anything new. I have seen him look pleased and softhearted as he does in this photo many times, but at the next moment, another expression might pass over his face—his eyebrows might furrow in worry, or there might be a sudden sadness in his eyes. Was it compassion? Was he feeling an intense spiritual emotion? The gathered devotees were raw and weak; no one could understand his mind.
Another photo: Prabhupada is wearing a different sweater than in the other photos. He stands with folded palms. It’s a chilly morning inside the temple. He’s always alert and cheerful, ready to do business for Krsna. His beadbag is around his neck, hanging in front. His hands are together as in prayer. He has come to worship with his children.
And another: he waits, seated in an airport lounge. His small white bag is by his side, his forearm resting on it. He has removed his shoes! He is taking a restful moment. His leg is crossed in front in a quarter-lotus position. Where is he off to? We can tell the date of this photo by his bamboo cane, which was replaced in later years. His white bag only lasted until 1974.
Srila Prabhupada, will you take me with you again?
He asks, “Do you want to come? Do you have faith? Can you pass the test or will you want to drop out later?”
Maybe it’s better I stay just where I am and strive from here. I don’t expect to suddenly rise up as if filled with helium to join you in the spiritual stratosphere. Everything is happening by destiny. At least I’m thinking of you, my spiritual master.
pp. 141-42
To preaching friends,
Padma Purana was telling me about his preaching here in Finale Liguri. He and his wife (and now their one-year-old child, Nimai) live in a little house. They have invited people from the area into their home over the years, and introduced them to Krsna consciousness. Most of their guests are quite materially respectable—doctors, military officers, scientists, architects. These people have money, clean houses, culture, friends. It’s not that they want to come to Krsna consciousness because they don’t have a good meal or need a place to sleep. In fact, they don’t want to appear strange in the world in which they now live.
Padma Purana told me in a good-humored way how one of his friends confidentially told him, “We very much like what you’re doing and we want to help you, but we live in different worlds. I hope you respect our differences.” Sometimes they indicate to him that they can’t go any further. He has to honor this, be patient, keep setting his jolly, attractive example, and engage them in service in other ways. Eventually they come to him and ask for more.
Gradually Padma Purana has been attracting them by his way of life, by his charm, and mainly by the convincing preaching he does from time to time. lie and his wife have even taken one couple with them to India, and now another couple wants to go. They are going to build a temple here. So this is certainly preaching. It’s very important to the Krsna consciousness movement.
Padma Purana told me he is inclined to this kind of preaching. That’s why he has come here. He’s no longer inclined to temple life; therefore he’s able to attract people who don’t want to live in a temple. He’s enthusiastic about the particular angle he’s presenting. His contribution is important, demonstrating that doctors, scientists, military officers, and other professional people can practice Krsna consciousness and have devotees as friends.
Because I see Padma Purana is excited about his service, it immediately strikes a chord within me that I should do what will make me enthusiastic. I should also work to spread Krsna consciousness in whatever way I can. I think this is how we can happily hear each other and celebrate the many contributions that devotees are making. If I’m so convincing in my particular enthusiasm that people want to do the same service I’m doing, then that’s fine. But let me always be aware when I’m speaking that there are people who can’t do exactly what I am doing and I shouldn’t hurt them by implying that their service is inferior. Only Krsna is in a position to say whose service pleases Him the most. On an absolute platform, everyone is trying to please Krsna, but this does not mean that Prabhupada and Krsna can only be pleased in one way.
No follower of Prabhupada can avoid the conclusion that preaching is necessary. Some kind of positive response has to be made to Prabhupada’s preaching message. However, the particular application of preaching can be quite personal, depending on our capacity and nature. Successful preaching to devotees enthuses as many as possible to serve Krsna; that is Prabhupada’s preaching spirit. When we’re successful, we will make each devotee think to himself, not out of fear, but love, “How can I pick up this spirit?”
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.