“This week I’ll give just the follow-up on last week’s health report. The EKG was put off until next Monday, and then Thursday we’ll get the report back on that. Satsvarupa Maharaja’s water pills seem to be working, and the swelling is going down in his legs—that’s a plus. And the hip pain has reduced slightly, so the next step on that will be a visit to the orthopedic surgeon to see if there is some way to reduce that irritation between the tendon of the hip and the calcium buildup. So this is the end of the follow-up, and we’ll wait until next week to get more answers.
“Thank you very much.
Hari Hari,
Baladeva”
Our institutional life is routine and quiet. Don’t miss the opportunity to savor the holy names and bow your head, and to perform your devotional service by “scheduled measurement.” We can improve. It is not our duty to figure everything out. We just have to be simple and hear and chant God’s names. And we have to pray for devotional service.
******
Ravi Prabhu wrote an article in a newsletter about the scientific phenomenon of “critical mass.” When someone achieves a breakthrough in some field, the same accomplishment becomes easier for others—at least that’s how the theory goes. So Ravi Prabhu speculated that if devotees could achieve pure chanting, then the masses would follow us. The analogy seems right. Anyone who purely calls to Krsna and Prabhupada can bring about significant changes in the world. Let us continue adding our straws to the fire.
******
Prabhupada, make me strong. Let me think of you and chant Hare Krsna. What about the hugely complicated affairs of war and terrorism? What should we be doing about it? The leader of the Irish Workers’ Party stands with a sign, “30 million face starvation in Africa.” He is protesting the government’s cuts in foreign aid. What are we doing? You told us to draw attention to Krsna. If people could only understand that everything comes from Him and thus accept their God-given quota, “knowing well to whom it belongs,” there could be peace. It sounds so utopian, but everything sounds impossible in the effort to stop world suffering.
******
Why do I feel blocked and inarticulate? Do I think it is “too sacred” to utter praises of Prabhupada? A lover of the holy names always chants; he never runs dry. Rise, spirit soul, you who have chosen to lead the life of a renunciate. You are leading this life to fully devote yourself to telling us of your spiritual master.
******
We were after him because he loves Krsna. And he convinced us that Krsna loves us. We believed him because his heart shone through his eyes. We believed he could and would teach us his secrets of how to chant Krsna’s name and awaken our own loving propensities toward God. When people asked us, “But why an Indian God?” we would look to Prabhupada. When we were with Prabhupada, we never thought of an “Indian God,” we only thought of Krsna.
******
We must respond to Srila Prabhupada’s call. He is telling us how to render service to humanity—we should make ourselves servants of the bona fide transcendentalist, Srila Prabhupada. Practice the yuga-dharma, the chanting of the holy names. Distribute knowledge to the spiritually hungry men and women. Prabhupada says, “Leaders who think a hungry man or woman has no use for God and religion should be told emphatically that no man or woman in the world is not spiritually hungry, and that it is precisely the spiritually hungry men and women who have to understand the meaning of God and religion, now more than ever.
******
Srila Prabhupada molded his whole life to serve his guru’s mission. Srila Prabhupada gave all he had. In return, he was empowered by his guru’s blessings and the mercy of Lord Caitanya. Prabhupada was given the sakti to convince the fallen Westerners to become devotees and chanters of the holy name. Although I can take examples from his life with his spiritual master, I can’t, of course, imitate it. The point is, how to give ourselves to his order just as he gave himself to Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati’s order?
******
Srila Prabhupada says, “One should serve both the spiritual master and Krsna simultaneously.” If Prabhupada didn’t want us to think of Krsna, then why did he prepare the KRSNA book and Bhagavad-gita? Why did he order us from the very beginning to chant Krsna’s names repeatedly for two or more hours a day? He thought that the transcendental activities, instructions, qualities, and pastimes of Krsna will bring good fortune to the people in general.
******
I don’t have the incredible will power required to follow an order without some inner confirmation. Srila Prabhupada speaks of this inner confirmation. He gave the example of George Harrison, who he said was receiving some inner indications to chant Hare Krsna. Inner confirmation shows up in the form of real enlivenment in our service.
******
While Prabhupada was resting, we chanted japa to catch up on our day’s quota. My mind is prayerful as I chant, but my mind is also roaming about as usual. At least most of my thoughts had to do with serving Prabhupada. “Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna—do you have fresh milk for the evening? Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare—is the heater working in his room in case the central heating isn’t sufficient? Hare Rama Hare Rama—did you say that Baladeva dasa is flying into Dublin? Does he know how to get here? Rama Rama Hare Hare—how and when will I arrange for Srila Prabhupada to speak to the devotees and guests in the evening? What do I most want to say to him? Don’t forget to praise the spiritual master when you are in his presence!”
******
Even when he is here my rounds are not attentive. If he could teach us, by magic or blessing, how to read his books once and for all . . . Should I ask about svarupa-siddhi and rasa? No, it’s premature. The origin of the living entity? He already told us. How may I serve you? Keep it focused on that. Maybe ask a question you asked many years ago about taste. Also ask about memories of the spiritual master, if you have time. You have to wait for the opportunity. Don’t intrude on him. Still, a list of questions is not impertinent. He will appreciate it if you are efficient.
******
We chant and cry out. We don’t care how it looks. It’s a kirtana among devotees. We cry together, “Srila Prabhupada, please bless us with a taste for the nectar of the holy name. This is the greatest gift. If we can carry on without your personal presence but be aware of the power of the Name, then it will be good for the whole world. Then we can serve you as we should.” We are losing ourselves in the best kirtana, the one taking place in the presence of the pure devotee spiritual master.
******
Srila Prabhupada points out that transcenden-talists see beyond the temporary world to the truth eternal. That is real and not the birth, death, pain and lust, and the mad desire to be happy which goes on in the material world. Don’t confuse Krsna with the sufferings of the world. If you cannot figure out why bad things happen to good people, just accept that you don’t know everything about people’s past and present. Karma offers the only explanation. But if you are still bewildered, chant and pray to come clear. Krsna is in control.
******
Srila Prabhupada encourages us to practice the meditation of separation which was practiced by the gopis. We know we can’t imitate the gopis’ conjugal love for Krsna, and sometimes we shy away from them entirely. But Srila Prabhupada says, “Krsna wanted to teach through the behavior of the gopis.” And then he writes, “Lord Caitanya taught to people in general the method of vipralambha-seva, which is the method of rendering service unto the Supreme Personality of Godhead in the feeling of separation.” This kind of meditation is not forbidden. The greatest teachers advise us to follow vipralambha-seva, and we neophytes have a ready experience of separation from Krsna. We do not relish chanting His holy names; therefore, He is apart from us. It is easy to relate to the statement, “When will that day be mine when by chanting Hare Krsna, tears will flow from my eyes?” Although vipralambha-seva is the topmost realization, devotees in the beginning stages can also have a connection with it. Any authorized service we perform which leaves us feeling, “I could not do it nicely, I did not attain Krsna,” has the potential to become vipralambha-seva.
******
By performing basic, Prabhupada-given sadhana, like reading and chanting Hare Krsna with full attention, the barriers to my pure association with Prabhupada will fall away. There are no shortcuts to following his order.
pp. 35-39, 58-62
I bought this notebook in Dublin from Read’s. It had a blue plaid cover, hardbound, and the paper was thinner than in most sketchbooks. It was an 8” x 10”. I filled it in while writing Photo Preaching and Litany For The Gone in Cozzile, Italy. These cartoons were “extras” in my day. They were drawn in the spirit of “the left hand shouldn’t know what the right hand is doing” and they provide me with a release because they let the hand move as it likes and as it is connected to the heartbeat. I found myself drawing jokes but with an assumed, underlying Krsna consciousness. That’s who I am.
The notebook starts out with the gremlin personified talking to the innocent, would-be writer/ artist. The gremlin says, “He can’t draw. Who’s he kidding?” Then off we go, ready to at least put the words “Krsna” and “Prabhupada” onto the page wherever we can. After a few pages, a persona appears and the notebook becomes his story. His name appears first on the chair, “La—Z Boy.” Soon he becomes “Lazy Bones.” I liked poking fun at Mr. Lazy Bones with his protruding stomach, his hankering for strawberry jam, his defensiveness about his semi-invalid condition (“What do they expect? I’m fifty-six years old”), and so on.
Maybe Lazy Bones came from that 1920s jazz song:
“Lazy bones, sitting in the sun
how you goin’ get your day’s work done?
Never get your day’s work done
just sittin’ in the noonday sun.”
“Hey Lazy Bones, are you comin’ out?” It was such fun just to sketch it along. I had no idea where this was coming from and exactly who was talking or who was being portrayed, but I chuckled and enjoyed this less serious activity as much as the more serious books I wrote. It was as if despite myself, I was admitting that Lazy Bones was me and enjoying the confession.
Often, I see myself as the opposite of Lazy Bones. I drive myself to produce and become an unrelenting taskmaster. I liked seeing Lazy Bones, although in another sense he personifies the mode of ignorance. Admit it, admit it, have a laugh and let it go.
I call these sketches “cartoons” because they are so crude but also full of the character of persons, moods, and events. I wanted to characterize, as the expert cartoonists do, whole milieus. I also wanted to share a sense of humor with others. Krsna conscious cartoons? Why not?
After we broke camp from Cozzile, we traveled south, I sketched a few travel fears, then ended the book while waiting for the ferry in Sicily. That’s where I saw the two sailors touch hands Italian style and heard one of them say to the other,
“Ciao.”
This sketchbook was a shiny, silver-colored, Cachet sketchbook, softbound with “Neutral pH” paper, 8 1/2 x 10 and perforated.
The first few pages came as quickly as I could move my hand. Once again (similar to the first sketchbook in this volume, “Words In Pictures, Pictures In Words”) it started off as a story with pictures. I love it when those two come together. I wish I could always work like that, writing freely and yet seriously, and drawing just as quickly as my hand can move. What comes out? These little fellows. They are not exactly created by my hand; they pop out of the ink bottle, out of the pen tip along with the story they are trying to tell. Although this may sound indulgent, I don’t think it is. Our lives are important. We may have to admit that we are not always deep fellows; our natural inclination may not always be to write serious philosophical tomes. Sometimes we want to tell our life story, like I am doing here, in little pictures and words, to tell how we have come to Mayapur although we’re Westerners. We want to make something out of it.
Although I wrote quickly, the gremlin reared his head and said, “Wait a minute, man, this is India. You cannot keep this . . . ” I bypassed him and ran along the Navadvipa plain with the sun blazing, my saffron flying, tilaka, and men popping out so fast that they have no legs or waist or even eyeballs —but coming and appearing in essential happiness or strain—”Yeah, I can free-draw, praise my Lord Caitanya.”
I’m happy about these drawings and have no desire to do them more accurately or artistically. My only regret is that I didn’t write ten or fifty times more than what I did here. This represents only the first urge. Eventually it settled down to a couple of pages a day and eventually I couldn’t keep it up at all. I had lost the free spirit, the casual “left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing” freedom. Yet the size of the notebook helped me to be bold. The paper was so thick that I decided to just draw quickly and not worrying about anything. It’s so rare to be in Mayapur and I felt an urgency, even a passion, to see and draw everything there, the spiritual world. I didn’t mind the scrawls. I just wanted something to come out that would convey the mercy of my being there. Therefore, the drawings came out blunt and primitive, and I hope they convey what I can’t convey due to my sophisticated and confused Western coverings. By the crudeness of my language and art, I also hoped to avoid pretending a holiness I didn’t attain.
pp. 137-45
Let’s go on a train. It’s a train sound
It moves so fast it’s going to Krishna for sure
it can’t be seen as going anywhere else.
They are following what the master put down.
Faster uptown goes the train and it can’t
be long before our solo meditation on subway
fears and lures will be interrupted
as the damn thing stops and starts
I’ve been so long out of touch
with any reality of NYC, car or subway
or bus
and plus
anyone I knew here is gone vanished
or would not recognize me
“Oh, you became a Hare Krishna and still
are? So, what do you want with me?”
Eat in automat with old ladies
tourists from Staten Island
day-trippers in uptown not
ghetto guts and deaths
mugged
let’s get on that train
you know which
the train of thought
to the lotus feet of the Lord
let’s take the A train
to God a train
of Hare Krishna mantras
“A” stands for what?
Asphodel
asinine
ask your master
to clear it out.
pp. 75–76
Now, let’s just write you say it’s your
bhajana. You say it’s your way to pray.
As others do with music or mantra or
direct service of cooking
you do in words that play
like cooking, blues, the same things
but I say words bear the burden
where did you read that?
Got an original thought?
He was always a down home
soccer slugger.
He could sock it home in kirtana
everyone recognized. They did
expect him to be no frills but
deliver goods
a line from the Bhagavatam…
Talk better straight. I’m here writing
what comes…
you can say it’s freedom I
bite my fingernails at the tips
I worry what may happen.
I don’t want it to turn out bad.
my order
to Viking office supply)
A first-aid kit
Scotch tape refills,
type paper
goo glue
to paste a collage of Vyasa and
connect him to me below
when I was six years younger
hungrier, smal
Having a good time is one thing but
unless you please Krishna
Why do it? – please Him?
Learn man, your life is wasted
just like a bubble rainbow soap
it’s not real or it’s unhappy.
I paused here thinking and hearing
the sounds of dawn. I’m bluffing
and artsing afraid to tell you I’m
just writing this on top of… That’s
my private affair isn’t it?
I am not walking home alone
I got friends and my boss
is guru and you know the
heart is salve is a valve
a first-aid kit,
Post-it’s (here’s my order
to Viking office supply)
A first-aid kit
Scotch tape refillsd,
type paper
goo glue
to paste a collage of Vyasa and
connect him to me below
when I was six years younger
hungrier, smaller mouth now
shrivel it up baby
I’m sorry I’m not the Dean
at Bucknell
glad I’m not a private
in the Army.
“Leisure” said old man Melville i
s where it’s at
if you can use your time for
Krishna.
Don’t say “chant and read
and follow guru” if you’re
not doing it with whole heart
until it hurts
oh
you like it more than anything
can feel sweet breeze and
thank Him
think of God
if you can you’re
most lucky man
Just play as water flows, you
don’t scratch with pen and
book I’ll be with you soon
enough.
He’s leaving the range of sound now
to say good-bye.
pp. 76–79
Don’t even talk about such things
scream the behold folks
oughtn’t get more siddhanta
across in a style…
no social no hermit’s rights no prayer parties I
approve whatever you are
doing that will help you, your japa group, your
catering business
your caterwaul
prayer wheel
But NO, TM is not your thing,
I can’t approve but if you
do it for business
Ayurveda that’s another thing
scream down the house
be quiet albeit
afterwards.
pp. 102–3
Just be honest but give your love
Don’t be neutral.
The big sound
man, I don’t really like this slow
big sound / I’m afraid someone
will catch me listening
to the big bellied out sails full of
air the ethnic earthy man’s religion
goodness whereas I want the
goodness transcendental which is
fixed on Krishna
holy service specific to Krishna in His two-hand form. I’ll place him there in any context
I’m forced into.
It’s nice to hear people say
“Krishna” in their speech naturally
when they visit you in prison even
if they are kanisthas or whatever
because you too are…
The people who don’t know Krishna…
But those who say “Krishna” is
their religion and who act bad
are the worst influence.
Am I wrong? Or is even that
favorable because at least they
sprinkle the holy sounds
and someone lucky can figure it
out a serious soul can discern
what is false, hypocrite show
and what is essence
so rare the funnel so narrow he
questioned why God made it so
hard. I said it’s our choice
whatever – He gives us what
we want.
Fade out – return to
Krishna conscious specifics
right here with devotee friends.
pp. 103–4
Swami, good night, you don’t
wonder if you deserve that title,
Goswami?
All I know is he gave it to me
mention it if you like, he said
I hereby order you to preach and
add Goswami to Satsvarupa dasa.
That was in ’72 I remember
now the kind fatherly
absolute spiritual mentor who accepted a
few dollars and coins from
Hridayananda (Goswami) and I collected
in the L.A. neighborhood.
And our intention to become
ISKCON sannyasis,
whatever he wanted – and he
was kind enough not to demand
the impossible.
pp. 132–33
This is a way out of the blind so hard
was the wind the tourists will be glad
to go to NY but I’ll be glad to stay here
and hide out.
We go on with our maya our
Krishna consciousness, our getting through the
ashram.
Past hello Tomberg fedoras
words must get together on this
piecework assembly line
Detroit mansion
body made by Fisher.
Krishna’s man blows for the Lord
a horn of plenty
Visvambhara the Russian
is leaving South Street,
“My engagement with Haryasva is over –
to roam a summer in U.S.A.
selling some books too.”
Muted and blow out loud
oh, boy, say goodbye
another shorty
people are puzzled.
I’m happy to say
haribol.
pp. 142–43
Melancholy baby I’m not turning to you
to ask how you are. We’re not this body.
Go through the grhastha-asrama if you
like performing all samskaras like the
first time your baby chewed his cud
cuts his hair
and I’ll go through sannyasa
rituals
or else I will be melancholy too.
Come to me my melancholy gremlin,
and I’ll slap your face.
Come to me you who are tired
and worry, I’ll give you some
halava and nectar (yogurt and orange juice).
Come to the Sunday feast and
hear from the sannyasi ranter. I’m
just kidding. We are normal
folks following impossible ideal.
I am responsible
for what I write, but
when it comes out silly I say
“that was a breakdown
take.”
Come to me, I am melancholy
not. Krishna conscious pride
is spirit light
as fleece we don’t want
to go down to misery
if we can help it
it’s up to Krishna.
pp. 144–45
pp. 8-13
Dun Laoghare Harbor (pronounced by Madhu as “Dun Leery”).
We are on queue, waiting for the Stena Line’s last ferry to Holy Head, Wales. So, I’ll start my July book and warm up to it.
Onboard. We can’t stay in our van, so join sojourners in the upstairs regions. So far at least it’s not piped music, but that may start. All one family? Children and moms and guys and grannies and people in charge. I don’t really like to overhear them.
I am the faithful transcriber but I’ve offered myself the chance to tell “lies” too. To get under the surface of mere reporting, untruths or fictions, allowing fancies, may help.
The green zorch game, the Incredible Something, a funhouse you can enter, and a spacious tax-free, a duty-free shop. A McDonald’s, alcoholic drinks served too.
Read yesterday Maya Angelou’s memoir racial prejudice against African-Americans. Eudora Welty said, “Mine is a sheltered life.” Then she said something daring about inner life.
I have a Cc. with me but I think I’ll grow sleepy with anything I do. Missed my usual rest…Hare Krishna.
This is the month beginning and I’m searching for what it is I’ll write on in a way to make it vital.
He slept and didn’t go down to Davy Jones’ locker. The video games when you turn them on, make spurts of music, weird sounds – and we are right near a batch of them. Now “Irish Sea…forty knots, ninety-nine minutes, but you’ll have plenty of time to use all our facilities.” Nonsense and noise. How can you write a thoughtful piece in this place? Lie down on the floor with your arms for a pillow?
So, a porpoise didn’t leap out. “Ain’t She Sweet?” – just a snatch from it from the video game. Then that gong-gong-gong lunacy sound. It’s pretty bad. I don’t want to take it out on you, dear reader, dear notepad, but writing sometimes helps.
Voice from the video game: “Hold it, hold it.”
The boat “entertainment” is bombarding us, and there is no escape. Maybe next time we’ll stay illegally in our van – with risk you could drown if there’s an emergency. Traveling in public this way is tough on the monk’s sensibility.
We are in a small seating section but each section has its own video and loud sound for all – no choice. First, they showed a Hollywood film, “Alexander’s Ragtime Band,” circa 1920s or early 1930s. That was sentimentally amusing and I was mostly able to keep my eyes down and concentrate on japa, counter beads and japa beads. But other things were more disconcerting. One was a commercial for a video, Predators, which had close-up footage of animals attacking and devouring each other. The lion running, filmed in slow motion, catches up to the buffalo, pouncing, tearing his flesh. “Would you like a crocodile in your living room? Only the brave would film it.”
Now, now. Hare Krishna. What is it you will write and do? Your theme of life is to function as a devotee in the Krishna consciousness movement. Krishna is the goal. When the goal is assigned, then the path is slowly but progressively traversed.
Now, a “serious” cartoon of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde – a story to enthrall people, good and evil…(But I don’t have time to write a story and don’t want to.)
Faithful transcriber of what actually happens says, “I’m on the Stena Ferry, annoyed and now captured by the film, now Dr. Jekyl.” So, I…I will be free of it eventually and these harmless images…Wait, Dr. Jekyl, don’t make your will out giving everything to Mr. Hyde. You should stand up for the good in you.
Krishna, Krishna, Krishna. It will look good later. When we’re out of the grips of “doing time” on the ferry, we’ll be in our natural environs in the van, but have five hours of driving in Britain to reach the devotees’ house. The theme of this book is yet to be found, but I want to find it…
pp. 330-32
I have a number of instructions from Prabhupada that I should write. I am writing a bit differently but that’s OK, judging by the results. Help yourself through the day. Most vital writing, share it with others. Consider it your life and soul. Carry it out as your only duty. . . .
I am looking at a picture in this book. It’s written on a handwritten page with a drawing of a face of a man all over it. His mouth is open, and you can see handwriting in it. At the top it says “hosts of sages” and at the bottom to the right it says, “this is not a beautiful man, Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna.” And then there’s all this handwriting and this big pink face and a man with red hair standing on end. It’s a good drawing. Guruseva would pick out the pictures, I just sent them to her. Here’s one that shows the Swami sitting on the dais and musical notes and HK HK. And then “early days of ISKCON best vande ’ham is chanting. “Swamiji 26 Second Avenue.” Two people chanting and dancing in yellow dhotis, and the guru with his hand in the jnana mudra.
I did the artwork at different times in the day. Maybe out in the shed. At Manu’s place. On Bristol boards. Small work. Not big paintings on canvases. Guruseva was a great encourager in my art. She wrote me eloquent letters about the creative process, and she would send me pictures of other artists’ work. I got a lot of encouragement from her and from her husband, Madhava, who published my books.
Nowadays in 2014 I am painting on canvas with acrylics. I am very satisfied with the equipment I have and the brushes and the cooperation of Baladeva in preparing the canvases and the brushes. Narayana takes photos, and we post it on the website, and we share the artwork right away. I do a lot of lila pastimes with Krishna, and then I alternate and do wild paintings where I just paint by intuition. Today, I just started painting a form, and he turned into a man, and he had an accusative finger pointing at another man who was doubled up as if he was hit by a bullet, and a woman screaming in the other corner. This was a painting in the school of Michele Cassou who wrote Life, Paint And Passion; who taught to write by process not product. Just ask yourself questions: What would I do if I really let myself free? Then, this painting came out today in that way. I was satisfied with it. And I am equally satisfied with the many pictures I do of Krishna and Lord Caitanya and Radharani. Devotees may favor those, but I like the other ones also.
I’ve looked at a lot of artists. I have books by Marc Chagall, Paul Clay, Kandinsky, etc. I don’t get that much from them. I am an outsider artist, primitive, naïve. I can’t paint nice hands; I can’t paint nice faces. But I paint earnestly, and the emotion is projected to the viewer. I think I’m mature in the way I paint. I am satisfied that it’s not very polished, like Kaulini, who just got a $40,000 scholarship to go to art school. She does very polished paintings. I’m not that kind of artist. I’m a barefoot artist, like Emily Dickinson who said she was a barefoot poet.
While writing this book I read a book about Herman Melville and his retirement and how he was reading different books. He read a book by the novelist Balzac and the torments of the author’s life he had: the constant frenzied activity. Inspiration. The slow development of one’s craft as an artist. Art as a kind of religion. Lost manuscripts and part of them. The pain as well as the exhilaration of writing. The necessity of letting other matters go as one writes. Opinions of other authors. The literary lawsuits. The pain of proofreading. The headaches from dealing with publishers. The frantic attempts to meet deadlines. The more than occasional inability to create an event. The public’s power to inflict pain. The agony of having works rejected. Good and bad critics. The fear of being a has-been. When I look at this list, I realize I am not a writer in that professional or full artistic sense. I don’t want that life. I don’t have the joys and the excitement of it, but neither do I have the harassment of it. Maybe I used to think more that I could be that kind of a writer within Krishna consciousness, serve Prabhupada in his movement by turning out books, maybe books of fiction, and maybe even some dream that these would attract the non-devotees. At any rate, I would be a fully involved writer, turning out one book after another. Until very recently, I was thinking of this at least within the spiritual context, that I would write different books for the Krishna conscious readers.
But within the last half year by writing Every Day, Just Write, I have gone to a stage beyond this. I say “beyond” implying that it is something better. But at least it’s not the life of the creative writer for whom art is religion, who is always anxious to win over the public and so forth and so on. I am exempting myself from that by writing whatever comes within the life of Krishna consciousness.
pp. 15-18
“The Lord’s holy name is always present, therefore it is the most efficient process” (Hari-nama-cintamani, p. 10).
The sastras state that the holy name of Krsna is a touchstone (nama cintamanih krsna).
“A touchstone can grant all desirable objects . . . To a surrendered devotee, it offers pure love of Krsna” (HNC, p. 12).
Fill your thoughts with praises of harer-nama; listen with faith to the statements of harer-nama’s potency. Then as you go on limping through your poor japa, it may become infused with association from the reminders of Bhaktivinoda Thakura.
“Always situated in pure goodness, the holy name descends to this world in the shape of letters as the complete incarnation and embodiment of the highest sweetness: rasa” (HNC, p. 12).
In the beginning, you will have to chant extra rounds with no additional satisfaction except for the poor fact of numerical increase itself, and some faith that this will help.
If you are going to your prayer retreat in the mood of spiritual sense gratification, then you will never be able to taste the rasa of the holy name. The pure holy name produces krsna-prema—the desire to please Sri Krsna. If you do not chant seeking to please Lord Krsna and His internal energy, Srimati Radharani, then whatever you taste in japa will be an insignificant shadow of the actual taste of harer-nama. (I have gathered these conclusions just after reading Sri Prema-samputa, “The Love Locket,” by Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura, wherein the topmost form of pure love is revealed in the words spoken by Srimati Radharani.)
I am ignorant of the pure motives for loving and serving Krsna. I only know that I have been chanting Hare Krsna mantra for what seems to be a long time and I still don’t derive rasa from the Name. It is self-interest that drives me to improve, but still I hope that Lord Hari will be kind to me and show me the true path of chanting with devotion. I am chanting on the order of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, and his order is all-auspicious.
I am sorry that I have so far failed to taste the nectar. Perhaps it means that I am afraid to actually surrender and go through the required austerities and purification. Dear Lord Krsna, dear Srila Prabhupada, you see this fool. Please give him the right direction.
Srila Haridasa Thakura said to Lord Caitanya:
“, . . . Chanting the holy name is the prime religious activity of a Vaisnava. From the holy name gradually blossom the Lord’s form, qualities and pastimes. The entire panorama of Lord Krsna’s pas-times is present in the holy name. You have personally declared that Your name is the highest Absolute Truth” (HNC, p. 15).
Realistically, I tell myself, I cannot expect to attain suddha-narna just by a quota increase and some striving in prayer. Suddha-nama will appear when my all-around devotional service is free of anarthas. “One obtains love of Krsna only after reaching this stage of pure chanting.” At least I am able to rid myself of the Mayavadi conception that imagines Lord Krsna’s name and Lord Krsna Himself are different entities. Or can I free myself of this? At least theoretically, I accept the sastric conclusions in this regard, but I don’t yet realize Krsna in name or form or qualities or activities. I have to keep reminding myself—this is Krsna, the nectar for which I am always anxious.
Sambandha-jnana: knowledge that Lord Krsna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead and I am His eternal servant. If one doesn’t understand this, his chanting remains in namabhasa (the shadow of the pure name).
“By pure chanting and by following the rules of sadhana as instructed by guru, sadhu and sastra, one slowly but surely acquires krsna-prema—love of Godhead. But namabhasa chanting can never give krsna-prema” (HNC, p. 23).
“He [the Mayavadi] must chant while continuously shedding tears of contrition; only then can he invoke the mercy of the holy name” (HNC, p. 26).
“If the chaya-namabhasa chanter is not contaminated by atheistic concepts, then he has a good chance. His position is that he is ignorant about the potency of the holy name, but it is the inherent nature of the holy name to impregnate that knowledge into the chanter’s heart. . . . once the clouds disperse, the sun shines through in full glory. The chanter gains great benefit from taking shelter of a bona fide spiritual master and in a short time is able to attain the pure name and krsna-prema” (HNC, p. 27).
pp. 108-115
Srila Prabhupada singing:
hare krsna hare krsna, krsna krsna hare hare /
hare rama hare rama, rama rama hare hare
I have decided to have a “Vaisnava studies” section on this show, where I can talk directly about Krsna conscious scripture.
Somebody wrote me today saying he appreciated something I wrote in From Imperfection, Purity Will Come About. He said it’s something that he’s often thought, but he’s never been so bold as to express it, even to his spiritual master. He was therefore encouraged that he found it publicly stated in my book. I don’t have the book here (or his letter), but it had to do with wanting to place my whole person, that I am, on the altar of sacrifice to my spiritual master.
Usually when we say we want to give everything to guru or Krsna, we mean everything he wants, everything acceptable or credible. If we have money, we give him our money. We don’t think of giving him the opposite of our money, or our poverty. If we have energy, we do something active for him. We run an errand or preach on his behalf. These are all good things.
We don’t offer things that are not good. But what if there are parts of ourselves that we put in the category of “unacceptable”? Do we go on performing devotional service through the few narrow pipelines left to us? What about the rest of us—the unacceptable parts, the monster, the garbage? Do we simply throw it away? Is it like radioactive waste? We need to dump it, but as soon as someone finds out we have it, they say, “Don’t dump that in our backyard. Don’t pollute our homeland. Don’t bury it here. Don’t throw it in our oceans. Don’t throw it in our rivers. Don’t burn it in our air. Don’t leave it in our forest. ” What do we do with it then?
I want to offer more of myself to Prabhupada. I want to feel I have really surrendered. Although I said here that much of me is condemnable, within myself, subconsciously or intimately, I don’t wholly believe that. I keep wanting to use those “condemnable” parts of myself in service. Unfortunately, they are not yet in the category of something considered acceptable.
For example, what about my desire to sometimes be frivolous? Could I be a clown for my spiritual master? Is there some way I can use material energy and make it spiritual? If I like to hum a popular tune—not whether I like to, but if such tunes force themselves into my mind, can I purify it and make it an innocent offering to my spiritual master? The self who I am, the memories I have, my relationship to this earth (which is temporary), my fears—what about all these things? Desire to offer that which makes up the self to Prabhupada can be itself a kind of purification, and I hope he will accept it.
This radio show is another example. Can rambling talk, honest talk, which if monitored over certain stretches does not contain direct krsna-katha, be offered just because it’s who I am, and because I basically want to be a devotee? Or does it have to be edited out? Even If it’s edited out for public consumption, does that mean that Krsna doesn’t recognize it at all?
One answer to these questions is, “Yes, edit it out. Throw it away. Don’t come to Krsna with bleeding sores.” I know that’s part of the answer. You get it together, then you go to guru and Krsna. I also tell people this.
But I am talking about something further, about converting the imperfection in yourself to Krsna consciousness. In other words, something is done to the unacceptable parts of yourself before you offer them. Then the energy is used. You end up giving more than this stiff, straight-laced offering of a small part of yourself and omitting so much.
I think my kind and intelligent audience understands what I’m talking about and I don’t want to belabor the point. Maybe like the devotee who wrote me, thanking me for expressing what was on his mind, this is on your mind too. We can both think about it some more and try to make more wholehearted offerings.
pp. 224-227
Question: What is the place of Siksastaka in the life of prayer?
Srila Prabhupada has described the Siksastaka as “the supremely valuable prayers.” They are the only directly composed writings given to us by Lord Caitanya, who is Lord Krsna Himself in His form as a pure devotee.
Lord Caitanya’s purpose was to demonstrate the activity and thinking of pure devotee, so that we would have a perfect example to follow. Therefore His prayers are also perfect.
Siksastaka combines gastric statements with personal utterance. Lord Caitanya strongly recommended Sri Krsna sankirtana, the chanting of the holy names of God. Sankirtana is not a process that He newly invented, but it comes down since time beyond memory, in the Vedic scriptures in parampara. Verses 1, 2, 3 and 5 are exclusively devoted to glorification of the holy name and instructions in how to chant. Everything we need to know about praying the Hare Krsna mantra is contained in those statements.
As for personal expression, Lord Caitanya cries out to the Son of Maharaja Nanda, begging to be picked up from the ocean of death, and engaged in devotional service.
The pure devotee desires devotional service with no motivation except to please the Supreme Lord. Even if Krsna appears to neglect us, the pure devotee goes on loving and serving, because “He is always my Lord unconditionally.”
We should repeat Lord Caitanya’s personal utterances by reciting all the verses of Siksastaka, which are far beyond merely theological precepts.
But while reciting these prayers, we cannot claim to enter the mood of Lord Caitanya, who was always in the exact attitude of Srimati Radharani.
We may pray to follow the instructions of our spiritual masters, and aspire for unalloyed service. If we are persistent, the day will come when we too may be counted among the genuine followers of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.
Question: What if someone hasn’t approached a Vaisnava spiritual master and doesn’t know that Lord Krsna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead? If he prays to God according to his understanding, will he be heard?
This was the case with the King of Elephants, Gajendra, as described in the Eighth Canto of Srimad-Bhagavatam. “He simply accepted that there must be someone who has created the cosmic manifestation and has supplied its ingredients.” When Gajendra was in extreme danger, he knew that no lesser power could save him, and so he prayed to the Supreme Being, although he didn’t know of Him intimately. Srila Prabhupada elaborates:
“From the description of Gajendra, he apparently was aiming at the supreme authority although he did not know who the supreme authority is. He conjectured, ‘There is a supreme authority who is above everything.’ Under the circumstances, the Lord’s various expansions, such as Lord Brahma, Lord giva, Candra and Indra, all thought, ‘Gajendra is not asking our help. He is asking the help of the Supreme, who is above all of us.’
“. . . Although the Supreme Personality of Godhead is very difficult to approach, He is very near to us because He lives within our hearts. As soon as the Lord understands that one is seeking His favor by fully surrendering, naturally He immediately takes action. Therefore although the demigods did not come to the aid of Gajendra, the Supreme Personality of Godhead immediately appeared before him because of his fervent prayer.
—Bhag. 8.3.30, purport
Even if the Supreme Lord doesn’t personally appear, we may assume that He will answer all fervent prayers addressed to the Supreme Personality of Godhead, even when they are unspecific as to His name and form. But He is not pleased by those who address the Absolute as impersonal or who wish to merge into oneness, “to become God.” Prabhupada writes, “The impersonalist sometimes prays for the mercy of the Personality of Godhead Naraya4a as the embodiment of material goodness, but such prayers do not satisfy the Lord because He is not thereby glorified in terms of His actual transcendental qualities. “(Bhag. 3.9.39, purport)
One who has a firm conviction of the personal nature of the Supreme Lord, who prays to Him, but doesn’t know much about Him, will eventually be given the opportunity to meet pure devotees of the Lord and be introduced to the name, form, pastimes and qualities of the Supreme. God sends the guru, and from the bona fide guru, one can know the nature of the Supreme Personality of Godhead.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.