Satsvarupa Maharaja had another bad week. He fell three times during the night on different days, incurring some scratches and bruises. The problem was, he got confused about how to work the walkie-talkie to call for help. We’ve ordered an emergency button to hang around his neck and a new bed with restraining rails to prevent his getting into trouble at night. Hopefully he will use the button. The overnight caretaker now sleeps on the floor near the bed just in case the button safety measure doesn’t work.
If anyone would like to help out here for some months or longer, it would be most welcome. The need is very real. If you can help out, call Baladeva at (518) 754-1108.
Thank you very much. Hare Krsna.
If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at [email protected] or [email protected] and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.
Waiting an hour before writing in the morning is humbling. I see I cannot chant in deep meditation on Radha and Krsna—not as Bhaktivinoda Thakura says, “At the time of taking nama, the true meaning of nama should be cultivated with fondness, and prayer should be made to Krsna with piteous cry.” How can I come to this page and write high-flying bhava if I cannot even pray during japa?
******
I do have a fondness for it. These times are very nice, sitting in the darkened room with a small light focused on the feet of the Panca-tattva and extending its rays to the Six Gosvamis. The votive candles flicker in the warmth of the room, while outside, the wind reminds me it is winter. I sit on a blanket on the floor, alone, and chant the holy name. It is the act that is successful, not my actual performance of the act. Even the shadow of the holy name . . .
******
Although there is no “piteous cry” yet—am I afraid to open my heart like that?—and I know this japa I am chanting is way below standard, still, my wish to improve is worth something. Improvement is not really in my power, so chanting becomes an act of patience, waiting on the Lord, as is written about the devotee who has developed bhava, “He is always certain that Krsna will bestow His mercy upon him.” Srila Prabhupada writes, “Because I am trying my best to follow the routine principles of devotional service, I am sure that I will go back to Godhead, back to home.”
******
Rupa Gosvami says, “I have no love for Krsna, nor for the causes of developing love of Krsna—namely, hearing and chanting.” Srila Prabhupada concludes, ,, . . . one should continue to hope against hope that some way or other he will be able to approach the lotus feet of the Supreme Lord” (NOD, p. 137). Bhaktivinoda Thakura writes, “If humility becomes very deep and intense, Krsna will be merciful. In that case, feelings of bhava will arise in his mind and then these [anarthas] will be destroyed in no time. Then favorable and smooth cultivation of bhajana will gradually improve” (Sri Caitanya-siksamrta, p. 218).
******
The reality of Vraja fades . . . as the acaryas take pains to explain, that which is the highest and most chaste in the spiritual world (parakiya-rasa) is the most sinful contamination in the material world (adulterous, illicit sex). That immoral sex permeates the ether and affects our attempt to worship and taste Krsna’s loving affairs. Therefore, it is a fight for spiritual survival. I plan to read the Bhagavatam as a shield against all enemies. And although I complain of inability in japa, I know this too is my shelter. When book-words seem too intellectual or distant, I turn to chanting for shelter. Although I plead in japa, and although I bounce off the hard resistance of my inattention, I know the holy name is absolute Krsna (purnah suddho nitya-mukto).
******
Of course, I am first preaching to myself. How great is my misfortune, [that] I tend to think, “It’s commendable to be concerned about improving japa. But if you think realistically, don’t you imagine that your chanting is ‘pretty good’ compared to other ISKCON devotees? I mean, you rise early for japa, you aren’t sleepy. Who can expect to control the mind? And anyway, when your thoughts go off, you’re usually thinking of devotional service. In this age, in the active mission Srila Prabhupada has given us, we can’t expect to be so attentive to japa. We’re not living as bhajananandis. The chanting is not the only form of bhakti we are practicing. So the fact that you are enthusiastic and intent for your other Krsna conscious duties and can’t wait to tend to them—and that makes you rush through your japa—it isn’t so bad.”
******
I lack regret. Now, how to reform? I can start by noticing the problem. I can start by dragging the mind back to the feet of the holy name. I can start by rejecting any idea that inattentive japa is all right because I’m thinking of devotional service. I can hear from the acaryas, the humble, realized acaryas who are intent on saving me by their statements.
******
I like to record some of these verses so I can look at them often. The verse I just quoted is an unmitigated lament. It offers no solution—that is not its purpose. Bhaktivinoda Thakura has given plenty of recommendations on how to improve, but unless we want to improve, unless we admit we need improvement, and unless we feel sorry about poor chanting, then the recommendations will be of no help. Therefore, statements of assurance and the more elevated statements of yearning, as well as descriptions of the intoxicating nature of pure chanting—these all become useful when we are actually trying to improve. Otherwise, they sound like flowery poetry, and our collection of verses on index cards just becomes a hobby.
pp. 17-22
Regarding your question
about sufferings of the master,
you can simply ponder
over Lord Christ’s crucifixion.
—Letter of 31 December 1972
I sometimes remember
that when I spoke in Portland,
there were many Christians there,
and they were very much favorable
whenever we mentioned that we also
are lovers of Christ.
So you may preach in that way.
We are not canvassing people
to convert or criticize;
we are canvassing
that they should simply use their time
for loving God
by engaging in His devotional service,
whether they are Christian, Catholic, Jew,
or whatever. We are after God, that’s all.
We are servants of God.
So preach like that, very simply,
and hold sankirtana all over the city,
and distribute prasadam profusely,
especially to the youth,
then everything will be successful.
—Letter of 2 August 1972
Krsna consciousness means
we should always be satisfied and happy;
not that we must work something impossible,
become overburdened and then,
because we are unhappy by so much trouble,
we lose enthusiasm and give up all hope.
By all means we must preserve
our spiritual status, that is the point.
Not that we are mad after big buildings,
many devotees, life members, this, that—
no. These are only ways to engage the devotees,
so that they may apply the principles
of devotional living to some kind of work.
It is not the result of the work we want.
If we sincerely preach
to only one person in a day,
that is sufficient,
never mind big, big programs.
So do not be bothered by these things.
Krsna does not like to see His sincere devotee
suffer or become frustrated or depressed.
He will not stand idly by in such case,
so do not fear on that account.
Krsna has some plan for you,
always think in that way
and very soon He will provide
everything to your heart’s desire.
—Letter of 9 December 1972
“After leaving the material realm
does the devotee remain
forever with his spiritual master?”
The answer is, “Yes.”
But you speak of the pure devotee,
the saktyavesa-avatara,
as if we should obey only him.
This is the wrong idea.
All of my disciples are pure devotees.
It is not that only your Siddha-svarupa
is a pure devotee, and not others.
Do not try to make a faction.
Why do you want to be in the spiritual sky
with only siddha-svarupa?
Why not all?
If Siddha-svarupa can go
why not everyone?
Siddha-svarupa will go, you will go,
Syamasundara will go, all others will go.
We will have another ISKCON there.
Of course, Mr. Nair must stay.
—Letter of 14 December 1972
You say your pathway has become
filled with stumbling blocks, but
with one stroke
I can kick out all stumbling blocks.
But if you don’t accept me as your guide,
what can I do?
—Letter of 9 December 1972
The Krsna consciousness movement
is trying to bring back Vedic culture
so that people may be very happy.
It is not a business,
or religious sentiment,
but a program to make everyone happy,
sarve sukhino bhavantu.
Not, “I exploit you, you exploit me.
I cut your throat, you cut my throat.”
This is not human society
but it has already begun:
because you are very expert
in cutting the throats of the animals,
now you will cut each other’s throats.
So a sober man,
thinking of all this downfall
of the human civilization,
he becomes very unhappy,
he becomes very unhappy.
—Los Angeles, 7 November 1974, Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.6.21
pp. 151-154
TRANSLATION
Among the Lord’s devotees, the greatest are those who are dedicated to Him solely as His intimate servants.
PURPORT
His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada showed an excellent example of ekanta-bhakti, single-minded devotion to the Supreme Lord. Prabhupada showed this in many ways. For example, his commentary on Sri Krsna’s book, Bhagavad-gita, does not even slightly deviate from Krsna’s true intent. Impersonalism taints the vast majority of Bhagavad-gita commentaries, but Srila Prabhupada’s purports in Bhagavad-gita As It Is lead the reader directly to the lotus feet of Krsna. This is true of all of Prabhupada’s books—Srimad-Bhagavatam, Caitanya-caritamrta, and so on. His translation of the Sanskrit or Bengali is always accurate from a scholarly point of view, but at the same time he writes as a pure devotee: “Surrender to Krsna.”
In all of Srila Prabhupada’s spontaneous conversations, he was single-mindedly Krsna conscious. When he spoke of Krsna, he seemed to be talking about his dearmost friend, not merely repeating something he had read. Sometimes his krsna-katha took the form of convincing an atheist scientist that there is a supreme controller, sometimes he related the pastimes of Krsna to his disciples, and sometimes he assured devotees that Krsna is in our hearts and will give us the intelligence to execute a difficult service. Srila Prabhupada maintained this single-mindedness even while undergoing the rigors of constant travel and while living in the biggest cities of the world. Wherever he was, Prabhupada was on a mission for Krsna.
Being single-pointed in devotional service does not mean shutting out reality. Exclusivity can become sectarian if one focuses on relative truths or dedicates oneself to an ordinary person. But when the object of appreciation is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, one attains the broadest vision, the vision of a mahatma.
The devotee who is fixed on Krsna has actually attained to the complete truth. That the Lord is the complete truth is stated in the Invocation to the Isopanisad: om purnam adah purnam idam. “The Personality of Godhead is perfect and complete.” A devotee glorifies the Lord as the complete Absolute Truth when he utters the famous Vedic aphorism tat tvam asi, “You are that.” The impersonalist philosophers adore the tat tvam asi aphorism because they take it to mean that they are one with the formless Brahman. But the actual meaning of tat tvam asi is different. When the devotee says, “You are that,” he is addressing the Supreme Lord. Srila Prabhupada explains in his purport to Bhagavad-gita 4.9:
The Vedic version, tat tvam asi, is actually applied in this case. Anyone who understands Lord Krsna to be the Supreme, or who says unto the Lord, “You are the same Supreme Brahman, the Personality of Godhead,” is certainly liberated instantly, and consequently his entrance into the transcendental association of the Lord is guaranteed.
A pure devotee who sees Krsna in everything can maintain one-pointed concentration on the Lord, even while performing a wide variety of services for Him. By contrast, materialistic persons cannot be ekanta, or focused. Because the field of sense gratification tempts the conditioned souls in many directions, and because the mind is very fickle, the hedonist’s attention is splayed. As Lord Krsna says,
vyavasayatmika buddhir
ekeha kuru-nandana
bahu-sakha hy anantas ca
buddhayo ‘vyavasayinam“Those who are on this path are resolute in purpose, and their aim is one. 0 beloved child of the Kurus, the intelligence of those who are irresolute is many-branched” (Bg. 2.41).
Sukadeva Gosvami describes the materialist in a similar way in the Srimad-Bhagavatam (2.1.2):
śrotavyādīni rājendra
nṛṇāṁ santi sahasraśaḥ
apaśyatām ātma-tattvaṁ
gṛheṣu gṛha-medhinām“Those persons who are materially engrossed, being blind to the knowledge of ultimate truth, have many subject matters for hearing in human society, O emperor.”
Absorbed in political work or scientific research or social and economic betterment, the grhamedhis put aside the ultimate problems of old age, disease, and death. They do not inquire about self-realization, which would lead them eventually to Krsna consciousness. But a person who wants to succeed in bhakti must give up the life of bewildering distractions and take up devotional service under the guidance of a spiritual master.
The best way to cultivate single-minded devotion to Krsna is to chant the Hare Krsna mantra. This practice is what the scriptures and acaryas recommend as the main limb of devotional service for the Age of Kali. By this one simple act—chanting and hearing the holy name—we serve Lord Krsna the way He likes best. Haridasa Thakura set the example by making the chanting of hari-nama his exclusive service. Serious Gaudiya Vaisnavas follow in his footsteps by chanting daily at least sixteen rounds of Hare Krsna on beads. As stated in the Caitanya-caritamrta (Antya 5.268), “The holy name of Krsna is so attractive that anyone who chants it—including all living entities, moving and nonmoving, and even Lord Krsna Himself—becomes imbued with love of Krsna. This is the effect of chanting the Hare Krsna mantra.”
In the beginning stages, the restless mind balks at the single-minded devotion required to chant Hare Krsna for long stretches. The holy name is actually the sweetest nectar, but until we reach the spontaneous stage of devotion, one has to outsmart the mischievous mind. The mind is called cancala, or unfaithful, but it can become the devotee’s best friend. When one chants Hare Krsna and performs other duties with concentration and devotion, the mind clears and the devotee realizes his true interest. Then the devotee becomes attracted to serving the holy names in the ekantina spirit, which Narada Muni recommends here as the best.
pp. 22-24
From Hare Krsna dasi’s welcome letter, which she left on the desk for me in their house:
“I hope that you like the garden and will feel free to use it…Unfortunately we cannot do anything about the weather (it has been very wet lately), but I hope the hut will be a useful alternative to outdoors when it is raining … There is a family of rooks nesting in the chimney stack (not in the chimney pot—the fire can be lit without disturbing them). The babies are very noisy when the parents come home with food, so I hope they won’t disturb you too much. We couldn’t ‘evict’ them!”
******
Another devotee here wrote me about how they’re progressing in their community relations. He told me how one devotee had been trying to maintain a false image of his advancement. Recently it has been dismantled, and everyone is relieved. Describing the various steps that this took, he writes to me:
“From time to time he was ‘caught out.’ On one occasion when D. walked into the house where F. was studying alone and surprised him. F. threw a packet of crisps he was eating onto the floor, under the desk, where they couldn’t be seen. But the problem was D. had seen him throw them away! Eating crisps, of course isn’t really a crime and certainly the devotees here wouldn’t take issue with it, but deliberately trying to conceal it, that’s the crime.”
For myself, I keep thinking that trying to hide the crisps is a human thing and not a crime. Of course, a whole network of trying to cover up discrepancies might be called a crime, but if for the time being we are doing something we shouldn’t be doing, and we hold it from others, it seems only natural. Maybe it’s also a part of privacy, not only to be alone to do noble things, but to not have the government or community privy to everything we do and to every weakness. In this particular incident I would say that eating crisps was worse than trying to hide them.
******
Thinking of what I might write in the two weeks at Geaglum. I tell myself that right now, I don’t have to come up with anything. I am recovering from the two days of headaches incurred on the trans-Atlantic flight. Staying in Uddhava’s house. Lots of interruptions. People come by for different reasons, and some of them drop me a letter. I try to reply as soon as possible to get it out of the way. We are each doing what we can to contribute to Prabhupada’s movement. Thank you, thank you. This one alone, those ones together.
******
He looked out the window and saw the rook on the chimney where he heard they have their nest. They are only a few feet apart, him and the bird. The rook didn’t seem to like the proximity, so he flew away. But the man in the magenta sweater had seen the eye of the rook and the crowish body, and he’d heard from his hosts that the rooks were living there. When the parent birds returned to the nest with food, the babies made a lot of noise, and it’s nearby. Rooks are not pleasant singers, not thrushes or cardinals—more like crows. But they said they could not evict them. A nice sentiment of “Live and let live.” I will participate in it too. But I don’t know what I will write, and Wicklow doesn’t seem the time and place where I’ll figure it out. I did have an idea of someone speaking in the third person, but as I say, it’s not very clear. No one to talk to about this. Trust in the process. Go there before June is too old, and write what you can …
He is still tired from the flight over the ocean. Doesn’t want to go to Dublin to see the statue of a half-naked Molly Malone or the pubs or the claustrophobic streets. Not even thinking that there is some treasure hiding in a bookstore that would tip me off to a persona and a direction for my book. (There, I slipped from “he” to “me” pretty quickly.)
pp. 22-24
There’s no theme but important big or little things to say. Diving. Keep going, look at it later. Fuzzy ink on the page. Music, Handel, fruitive search for the lost ring.
Maybe he said in another life I could hug and love a woman. But in this life, I see it for what it is. Don’t get entangled in that illusion.
Philosopher is wise. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, but wise men never fall in love, so how are they to know? —Sings someone like Johnny Mathis, another fool.
Be a fool for Kṛṣṇa.
Fuzz your ink on the page for His cause.
God, You don’t reveal Yourself to me, and thus You see me roaming in various areas like one who hasn’t received a higher taste. You are testing me, and perhaps I’m not passing the test so well. But I wish You to bring me to You. Prahlāda prayed, “When will that moment come when You may call me to Your lotus feet?” Once going to Kṛṣṇaloka, one never returns here. So, are you going to do it?
It’s up to me, we say.
So it is.
I didn’t make the baseball team. I didn’t become a guitarist—it was too hard. And algebra was too hard. I dropped the course. Listen, it’s up to me.
But Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa is the goal and not this plethora of other objects. Here is the Directory of American Poetry Books with 950 poets listed as publishing books in the last two years. So many, and not one is a Kṛṣṇa conscious poet. I’m not listed.
Far gone days are gone perhaps forever.
Host didn’t like that I kept to myself. His little son should be able to walk into my room and find me friendly, like an older brother to all, a member of the family.
You and your amenities.
Poet of franchise. Branch Rickey figured Jackie Robinson could take the pressure and so, he became the first black man in major league baseball, the Brookes.
He did fine.
I’m broadcasting a separate unit.
Do you think we will be all right?
******
Walking in Saratoga Spa State Park. They say that the Native Americans regarded this place as sacred. Lots of flowing water. One spring is gushing out of a fountain, and you can come and drink it, but the sign says it has so much radium in it, it might not be good for your health if you drink it constantly. It’s still so cold that the fingers are tingling as we are walking fast. But heavenly green everywhere, and not only evergreen trees, but other varieties.
So, why have you come here? To take a walk, exercise the body. I mean, why have you come upstate for a few days? To write and now, some of things I always do. I collect poetry books, and have the dubious habit of listening to jazz, and then have to clear them away. I take on some weight, and then I realize it’s not the best, and I throw it off. I look for Kṛṣṇa everywhere and wish that Kṛṣṇa would bring me to Him.
But here we are, and all these waters are flowing in Saratoga. I can’t just live in Vṛndāvana all the time, at least at this point in my life I am not fit for it, and everywhere I go in the institution, there’s undesirable socializing and controversies. So, I have to find my Vṛndāvana wherever I go. Anyway, I’m writing here. Words are my trade; words are our way of worship. You spread out and just say what comes and read it later, hope that it will purify you or make something clear and provide some interesting reading. But just give to the process please, more than the product.
Saratoga Spa State Park. Hare Kṛṣṇa.
******
Again and again, Śrīla Prabhupāda is making the point that Kṛṣṇa’s body is spiritual, and so are all the bodies of the gopīs. Their sexual attraction for one another is purely spiritual. We make a great mistake when we think Kṛṣṇa’s “lust” is like ours. We are covered over by matter, in material bodies and false ego.
We can’t know Kṛṣṇa until we become purified, detached from all material desire.
pp. 114-15
I pray to get to know You better. When I read in Srimad-Bhagavatam of devotees to whom You revealed Yourself, it does not seem possible to follow their example and achieve their success. An outstanding example is Dhruva Maharaj. As a five-year-old boy, he went to the forest seeking You and received instructions from Narada Muni to chant a devotional mantra and worship the Deity. But Dhruva carried out these instructions with such severe austerities that within six months, he received Your direct darsana. In his purport, Srila Prabhupada assures us that it is not possible in this age to follow the austerities of Dhruva Maharaja. Yet he encourages us to follow the instructions given by our spiritual master. ‘As far as our ISKCON movement is concerned, we simply ask that one observe the four prohibitive rules, chant 16 rounds and simply accept prasadam offered to the Lord.’ (Bhag. 4.8.72, purport)
Prabhupada elucidates further:
“It is our duty to always remember that in comparison to Dhruva Maharaja, we are insignificant. We cannot do anything like what Dhruva Maharaja did for self-realization because we are absolutely incompetent to execute such service. But by Lord Caitanya’s mercy, we have been given all concessions possible for this age, so at least we should always remember that neglect of our prescribed duties in devotional service will not make us successful in the mission we have undertaken. It is our duty to follow in the footsteps of Dhruva Maharaja, for he was very determined. We should always be determined to finish our duties in executing devotional service in this life; we should not wait for another life to finish our job.” (Bhag. 4.8.72, purport).
By this description, Prabhupada makes it seem quite possible to attain You in this lifetime. We must simply be very strict in following the principles. I must, therefore, take heart that if I follow the concessional instruction given by Lord Caitanya and Srila Prabhupada, it is possible to attain You.
I must have faith in these words and not think that they are impossible or unattainable. I must admit I feel I’m not qualified to attain You in this lifetime. I have deviated from the principles and fallen down. But in the api cet sudaracaro verse of the Bhagavad-gita (9.30), You give assurance, “Even if one commits the most abominable action, if he is engaged in devotional service, he is to be considered saintly, because he’s properly situated in his determination.’ So I may be forgiven for my transgression as long as I steadfastly follow the process and do not deviate again.
Prabhupada wants us to attain You without delay. The simple process that we have been given is very powerful and can achieve the same results as Dhruva Maharaja’s far more formidable devotional austerities.
I will be determined to not regard our process as rudimentary or incomplete. I will try harder to chant without offenses and not to be slack in carrying out the four prohibitive principles. Then I can maintain hope of knowing You in the not-far-distant future. This may sound overconfident, but I want to believe in Prabhupada’s words in the Dhruva Maharaja purport and follow them with faith. You can make these words come true if I do my part. We have been given a great concession, and it will bear fruit for the submissive follower. Please help me to carry out Prabhupada’s instructions without deviation. I pray to know You as the result.
pp. 65-69
radha krsna-pranaya-vikṛtir hladini saktir asmad
ekatmanav api bhuvi pura deha-bhedam gatau tau
caitanyakhyam prakaṭam adhuna tad-dvayam caikyam aptam
radha-bhava-dyuti-suvalitam naumi krsna-svarupamThe loving affairs of Sri Radha and Krsna are transcendental manifestations of the Lord’s internal pleasure-giving potency. Although Radha and Krsna are one in Their identity, previously They separated Themselves. Now these two transcendental identities have again united, in the form of Sri Krsna Caitanya. I bow down to Him, who has manifested Himself with the sentiment and complexion of Srimati Radharani although He is Krsna Himself. (Adi 1.5)
I remember the first time I read this chapter. It was the early 1970s and the Adi-lila had just come out. I had two impressions. First, these topics amazed me; Srila Prabhupada had never discussed these things with us. Second, I was afraid that I wasn’t qualified to read them; they felt too intimate.
We can still raise this question today: are we fit to hear these topics? Some devotees insist that we should not read the Caitanya-caritamrta until we have completed our studies of Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam. (It could be said that we shouldn’t read the Caitanya-caritamrta until we become liberated.) Others say that since Srila Prabhupada gave us the Caitanya-caritamrta, we can and should read it along with his other books.
Both views can be supported. For example, Prabhupada says in one purport in Madhya 8 that unless one is on the liberated platform, he should not read these topics. Madhurya-rasa is not for conditioned souls. In other places, however, he expresses the opposite view. At the end of Chapter 32 of the KRSNA book (“Description of the Rasa Dance”), he writes that hearing about the rasa dance will cleanse the heart of material lust.
We can reconcile these two viewpoints by aspiring to understand these pastimes, but not presuming that we are beyond our present level of practice and realization. We should not imagine that we are taking part in Radha and Krsna’s intimate pastimes, nor should we think that we have reached a stage where we are able to relish them with bhava. It is not, however, forbidden to see entrance into those pastimes as the goal or to reach out to them for inspiration.
When Srila Prabhupada first published his KRSNA book, he wanted it widely distributed. He once said that every home should have a KRSNA book. KRSNA book contains all of Krsna’s pastimes, including His pastimes performed in the conjugal rasa. Why, then, would he want every home to have KRSNA book? Srila Prabhupada made KRSNA book —and all of his other books—”safe” for us by accompanying the verses with elaborate purports. His purports enable us to read the confidential sections in his books even before we are liberated. If we are hearing from the right source, and if we are practicing Krsna consciousness, then we can read, protected by Prabhupada.
In another purport in Chapter 8, Prabhupada criticizes materialists, mundane scholars, and poets who approach these topics with abominable attitudes. He says they are forbidden to hear. But a practicing devotee who is hearing from the right source and following the rules and regulations is in a different category.
Prabhupada writes,
“But above all these Vaikuntha planets is Goloka, or Krsnaloka, where the original Personality of Godhead, Krsna, fully manifests His pleasure potency in free loving affairs. Since the devotees in the material world know almost nothing about these affairs, the Lord desires to show these affairs to them.” (Adi 4.30, purport)
This indicates that this information about Krsna is to be distributed. Then he writes,
“The reason the Lord displays the rasa-lila is essentially to induce all the fallen souls to give up their diseased morality and religiosity, and to attract them to the kingdom of God to enjoy the reality. A person who actually understands what the rasa-lila is will certainly hate to indulge in mundane sex life.”
From this purport, we can understand that the rasa-lila is not a forbidden topic; it is the most pure topic. But because we are conditioned, we have to hear of it carefully, protected by Srila Prabhupada’s purports. Prabhupada affirms in his purport to “Vibhavari Sesa” that, “These topics should be heard from pure devotees, of the Lord, otherwise they should be avoided.”
This is the meaning of Krsna’s pastimes—He wants us to become attracted to them and to give up the material world for His service. This is also the connection between the Lord’s desires for preaching and His confidential pastimes.
pp. 23-26
Calm, fairly calm. We’re at a house in Italy. It’s early Saturday morning. Cars pass regularly as people go home from their late-night Friday. I seek peace but should know I can’t have it in this material world. I can’t have it, but I can have an abiding spiritual peace. Those who know Krsna as the object of sacrifice, the Lord of all planets, as everyone’s best friend can attain “peace from the pangs of material miseries.” (Bg. 5.29) Confidential knowledge of Krsna grants relief from miseries.
Madhu and I will drive all day today in order to arrive in Slovenia by nightfall. We are going to the ISKCON temple there, which is in a city whose name I don’t know how to pronounce.
And so, my friend, will you write out of your head and hand and headache? Will you tell us of your journey? It’s certainly summer—sweaty, hot, mosquitoes biting all night.
Yes, I will tell you of this journey, and even when I can’t think of something edifying to say, I’ll continue to speak because I continue to live. My heart beats.
My material father is dead; he died eight years ago of a heart attack. The news reached me only a few days ago. It happens. Was he thinking of God? Was he even my father? Krsna is the ultimate father. The spiritual master is my real father. My master, father, teacher is Srila Prabhupada, and I can continue my relationship with him even after his departure from this world.
Taste of mosquito repellent on my tongue. When I get bewildered by outer events, I’ll try to gain hold of inner Krsna consciousness.
Should we not be perfect before God? God knows our hearts. I am speaking—writing—it might be said, just to keep myself busy. It’s something I do to pass the time. I dig up things, show off, say I seek to go beyond pretense and to find myself, the pure self, as eternal servant of the Lord. As Srila Prabhupada writes (and I want to repeat), the devotee aspires to gain his eternal association with Krsna in one of the five transcendental rasas. That’s it. We are seeking Krsna consciousness in this summer marathon record.
Toot-toot. Train whistle. Get into the white van. Chant or lie down as your body bumps over the miles. Think of friends and projects. How is it possible that I’ll have to leave it all?
At the end of today’s road is supposed to be a thriving temple which in the last year has recruited fifty devotees. They will see me, old Svevo, cranking into their courtyard in this white van. “We have been on the road all day. We just want to rest. See you in the morning.
Road stops, mental jerks, ups and downs—all this and more ahead. Bumps with others. Ruffles within. Concerns of the body and its organs. Admitting the truth. Seeking the Absolute. Avoiding faultfinding.
I read in Heschel that the Kotzker wasn’t content to weed out doubts and faults; he wanted to face them. I’m not sure I agree with that procedure. If we know things are not good for us, why not weed them out, even as routine? Although it’s true that nothing should be done without thinking, some doubts have no value, no profit. What do we gain by looking too closely at them? At least we should argue with them.
We would agree with Heschel that weeding does not remove all weeds. The seeds have to be destroyed. Otherwise, mown fields rise again. Kecit kevalaya bhaktya: devotional service does the job. Ultimately, it’s not by my introspection or heroic strength that I can undeceive myself. It’s by srnvata sva katha krsna punya srvana-kirtanam, hearing about Krsna, the Lord in my heart; He cleanses the desire for material things and delivers me pure taste in spiritual life. I plan to keep weeding. Weeding causes pain; I’ll have to cry sometimes. If at a particular moment when it’s time to write I’m filled with complaints, I may have to say, “Ouch!” although I would prefer to say, “Gauranga!”
I woke up frequently during the night. I finally got up from bed at 3:00 A.M. It was nice welcoming Narayana Kavaca back. I am assured of his loyalty and have no anxiety about that anymore. He performed all his duties of waking the Deities, we talked a while, and then I got on with my chanting. I remember years ago one of the Beatles said that his practice of transcendental meditation was like brushing his teeth daily, just the routine. I would never want my chanting to become as mechanical and ordinary as that. There has to be something fervent about it, concentrated and extraordinary. And yet you do it every day at the same time and the same way, it’s bound to become a routine. That’s the nature of vaidhi bhakti, that you do it according to rules and regulations not according to greed. I do have some taste for the chanting, not like just brushing my teeth. So far I’ve chanted only seven rounds, but I intend to go on chanting the balance and with intensity. I’ll do the best I can. I beg to Krsna to give me more empowerment in chanting the holy name so that I can chant like a child crying for his mother. Prabhupada has showed us the way, and we simply have to follow.
My routine habit
is my morning japa.
I chant in the mind
and at a whisper.
I wonder what Krsna
thinks of my chanting,
does He think it’s very
poor or does He see
something sincere in all
the years of my practice?
I have written how
important it is and spoken
it in lectures, urging
others to make a japa reform,
now I’m overdue to make
my own improvements
and cry with devotion,
utter with care each
syllable of the Names.
I know I have brothers
and sisters who are chanting
with attention, and I want
to be like them. I hereby
lay down my gauntlet
against offensive
japa, and I fight
the good fight.
You start, not knowing where
He will take you, but it’s
Krsna who writes the poems.
“Gloria’s Step” a piece of music,
my pen gradually running out
of ink, these are incidentals.
The heart is Krsna. I like
the poems of Tukuram,
they are so direct and devotional
to Vitthal, Pandarpura, his
Krsna, His abode.
He says he wants to
be His spittoon for Him to spit
betel seeds into. He wants Him
to be the center of his life.
He wants to take a one-way trip
to His dhama and stay there
for good, until death.
His poems are better than Mary
Oliver’s or Charles Bukowski’s or
even W. Carlos Williams’s. Because
he’s a directly God conscious
poet, a Vaisnava.
I want to write in that way too.
Radha-Govinda are dressed now
in pale purple, and I wrote a
letter to Dallas asking them
not to try to take little
Radha-Kalachanji away from
Gita Nagari. So I am involved with
Radha-Krishna. I received a copy
of the Gopi Gita by Narayan
Maharaja. I don’t know if I’ll
read it. I have two different
books on Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati.
I can plunge myself into krsna
katha and stop watching crime
investigation on television. Of
course, we are regularly reading
Caitanya-caritamrita.
We just read of the mass civil
disobedience movement when Caitanya
brought thousands of enthusiastic
Vaisnavas chanting loudly to
the Kazi’s house and the
Kazi stayed afraid in his
room. Prabhupada writes that
in his Krsna consciousness
movement we can’t meet
opposition with violence
but with reason and argument,
as Caitanya did.
This poem has no axis
except
my plans to read good books,
and I can tell you my intentions
to finish my rounds with wide
open eyes and a heart fixed
on the holy names, if I can
only do it.
The axis of this poem is
the intention to be a decent
practitioner and spend my last
years in the solitary practices of
sravanam-kirtanam and occasionally
meeting friends. I’ll be supported
by friends, thank God, and able
to live without an outside job.
I’ll keep searching for the axis
in poems about Krsna, telling
a lila as well as my sadhana.
As for lila, you can tell the
time He blocked Radha and Her
gopis with a toll gate and
taxed them before letting
them get past with the yogurt
they were taking to sell in the
market. It was all love quarrels
and the boys and girls were into
it, seriously arguing and not
letting them pass and not
letting Krsna have His way with
them until it came to
a pot-crashing conclusion.
I seek the axis, and it’s
always Krsna. I have a
lot I can learn from
Tukuram so I’ll keep
reading him and
searching my heart for
my Vitthal.
pp. 377-81
. . . We could be content to practice our usually superficial chanting and reading, say, “This is all I can do,” and wait for death, resigned. Write it out—the embarrassing record. Then pray for God’s mercy to come in the form of appreciation for nama and sastra, and in the form of full faith that Srila Prabhupada is giving us everything we need. Clear your anarthas. Admit that your position—even the present one—is not necessarily the best you can do, yet it’s the best you can do right now.
It’s never easy to write, he said. The head and hand conspired. He grew drowsy after a bath while trying to read aloud. He was reading the “Prayers of Lord Brahma for Creative Energy” chapter. The Lord told Brahma, “I will always be with you. I am pleased that you glorify Me.” He said that, “It was I who gave you the inspiration for your prayers.” Then the Lord left, and Brahma was ready to begin the creation.
Trying to go beyond my tiredness. Oh, he’s got an important, personal mission on behalf of Krsna. I used to scoff when a disciple said, “I don’t know what my mission is.” Or when they form mission statements, as learned from Stephen Covey.
Why? It’s just the lingo. Our personal mission is to get straight, serious, and to dance in Krsna consciousness, and to give up all jazz and sonatas, to fall down dead and alive, to recall no more Monk or Basho or even a vague God, but to focus only on Krsna in Vrndavana as Prabhupada taught. Our mission is to contact the actual Krsna as He appears in KRSNA book.
Serious things: the death of each and every one. The condition of the world, running out of energy. Crime. These things are not the most serious, however, because they are plans for improving on the material plane. It can’t be done. The only thing is Krsna consciousness. That is most serious. If you are planning to print a book for Krsna consciousness, but if it’s not full of krsna-katha, then it’s not serious or worthy.
How can I feel loved?
Go to His bosom.
Abraham’s?
No, to Krsna’s broad chest where the Kaustubha jewel rests. They smiled as the Kaustubha jewel and the gem Balarama got after killing Sankhacuda became good friends—because Radha wears the Sankhacuda-siromani gem and Krsna wears the Kaustubha gem, and when the Divine Couple embrace, the jewels on Their necklaces also embrace.
Hickory dickory dock, the swami ran down
the block in a dream . . .
Back to the room to read. It’s my home—not this particular house, but a quiet place with no other obligations except those I impose upon myself under the obligations of my vows to Srila Prabhupada.
Beginning twinge in the eye, so I cannot push over the ground like that farmer’s tractor on the hill out there. Home for me also includes living with that twinge, and observing it going up or down.
Reading to refute that paper I read. He said Prabhupada wrote mostly on vaidhi-bhakti and not much on raganuga. I see a statement like “pure love of God” as going all the way from vaidhi to raganuga and transcending the technical barriers. I want to really feel this. Little drops of water wear away the stone.
Pure love of God means we don’t do things for our own amusement but to amuse Krsna. How to make that our whole life? For example, some things I do come under the category of therapy. I mean, I sleep and eat, and although I would like to say, “This is for Krsna,” it seems I’m doing those things for myself.
A devotee “enjoys all the facilities of the material and spiritual worlds, even during the present life-span” (Bhag. 3.25.37, purport). You don’t have to pin all hopes on a pass/fail situation: “I either go back to Godhead or I fail and have to be reborn.” Lord Caitanya prayed for causeless devotional service to Lord Krsna life after life. Even while in the material world, a pure devotee is liberated. I may not understand it all, but at least I recognize the solace.
The devotees are protected from ravages of time because they accept the Supreme Lord as “their friend, their relative, their son, preceptor, benefactor and Supreme Deity.” All these. Krsna, God, is a person and we can live with Him, serve, and love Him in this world and the next.
Please mind, wake up
and take this gift
freely offered. Why
do you dwell on lesser
concerns? Why are you afraid to
embrace the feet of
the Lord of your life?
Christian saints do it,
why not me, a flawed Krsnaite?
“My dear Lord, it does not matter where I am born, but let me be born, even as an ant, in the house of a devotee. . . .”
A devotee always prays,
“For my misdeeds, may I be born again and again, but my only prayer is that I may not forget Your service.”
—Bhag. 3.25.39-40, purport
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.