There seemed to be some slow improvement this week after the cortisone shot to Satsvarupa Maharaja’s torn muscle, and hopefully there will be more in the coming weeks. A visiting Landmark nurse was quite pleased with his progress after seeing him several weeks after the pneumonia in November. His lungs were totally clear and vital signs strong. Satsvarupa Maharaja’s Primary Care Provider (PCP) offered to visit the house to draw blood to check out the swelling in his feet and leg. This was a great and welcome surprise, since the weather has been brutally cold for some weeks. He highly recommended compression socks to force the ever-increasing fluid back toward the heart. This will be another attempt to reverse the onslaught of old age.
Hare Krsna,
Baladeva
If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at [email protected] or [email protected] and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.
So M. said he chanted all day in a down state, mechanical, with even whiffs of atheism. But at end of day, he recalled that he was chanting because the guru said to do it, and then he felt better. I said, “We await your further adventures in chanting.”
My adventure was simply the climb up the rungs of the numbers, ten, twelve, twenty-four, thirty-six, up and up. I was able to do it, surmount the impossible-seeming climb of sixty-four rounds two days in a row. By my own endeavors, so called.
******
Bhakti-rasa read some more about Haridasa Thakura. Haridasa and Raghunatha Gosvami kept high quantities of holy names chanting and Raghunatha bowed down to a thousand Vaisnavas daily.
Chanting the holy name is the most auspicious activity in the universe, said Sukadeva Gosvami. When Lord Caitanya heard a student blaspheming the glories of the holy name as exaggerations to induce us to chant, the Lord was very unhappy and He said no one should even see that student’s face.
******
O holy name. I will begin it and do it and ask my body to be calm and get me through the day. I hope to go outdoors and walk a half hour to reach the lake and then a half hour to return, chanting and chanting.
Chanting and chanting. Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare.
******
O my Lord, somehow I continue to commit offenses and therefore I don’t feel a taste for chanting.
Anything I can do about that? Aside from just going on chanting the quota? I think about it. I try to be more attentive.
Hear the syllables. Treat it respectfully. Discharge the vrata. These seem to be the main points that are within my control. Don’t neglect the quota. It takes all my efforts just to do it, all day, and I don’t have more energy to write about it or even to pray.
******
I do seem to be ignorant
fool number one
chants all day but
can’t pray.
Ignoramus cannot
utter God’s name with
feeling. Can’t find where
his heart is.
In the chest?
Don’t bother, he says, just
go on chanting Hare Krsna
Hare Krsna and don’t get
a headache
up your quota, your count.
Count, count and spend the
number upwards. Climb
the ladder and hold on . . .
Hare Krsna, eight minutes, nine rounds,
whatever it takes—as long
as you keep doing one after another
and don’t waste time
on anything else.
You’ll reach sixty-four by 6 P.M.
That’s your sole duty this week
and “Don’t ask me for more.”
******
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, he looks like a fireman on duty. What’s he doing? You can’t see, but he’s chanting the holy names. It’s an inward art and outwardly he sounds off, “Hare Krsna Hare Krsna,” chases away maya and demons—it’s not idle or “doing nothing.” Sure, it’s a simple act, and that’s Lord Caitanya’s mercy.
You say, “I can’t do more than utter them. In addition, I can’t feel humble, feel like a blade of grass. I can think about that, I guess, but so far it’s just counting.”
Maybe today I could add something. Cue yourself, “Hey, smarty, now that you are chanting, why don’t you add something? Why don’t you feel remorse, or how about love, ecstasy, or desire to serve your guru’s mission?”
Yeah, chant, chant
while you walk or sit.
Hare Hare, catch the syllables
and make sure they are all
coming out.
That’s enough work for a day and
better than being a worker on
a crew laying tarmac or
driving to town to
fetch supplies and deliver a
FedEx in a truck
or a fuck
what?
Better than all that.
Dear Krsna-bhajana,
You are my editor, and I depend on you so much. Just today I lost the mental and physical ability of being able to produce my own typed material with the Dictaphone. In recent weeks and even months, I have not been able to produce for you stories and typing material that is inventive and original. I will continue to try to do so. I have settled with being able to write “Sessions” and small “Pieces.” When they get typed, provided I can do creative, substantial dictating with my voice, then I can be satisfied, as long as I praise Krsna in my Sessions and Pieces.
I know you are overloaded with work, and in particular, in getting work typed that has long been out of print but is worthy material. Will we ever get books done like California Search for Gold, The Yellow Submarine, the Improvisations to Music, and the many pieces that are out of print and worthy of being put back into print? I pray we can do this before I pass away.
I am going to write to John Endler and ask him if he can type out-of-print books. I hope we can continue to print out-of-print books and learn to market them. I know this is your desire too. Let us hope for the best in this endeavor to print my books. And may you write a book about my writing career. We need time and longevity to do this, and that is up to Krsna and to our own—that is up to Krsna and our deliberation, and strong will.
Love,
yours in the service of Prabhupada,
Satsvarupa dasa Goswami
In the middle of writing a poem this afternoon, John Endler phoned. He threw his praises on me, and I thanked him for it very much. He is a true pastor and a true admirer of my books. I told him about Krsna-bhajana and how we have our relationship, and how he wants me to do better.
Dear John Endler,
I so much enjoyed a recent phone conversation with you. You are always so enthusiastic and receptive to hearing of projects I am doing in writing. We pray that GN Press can operate, publish books and distribute them.
You love my books, and I hope that you will take a part in seeing that they come to birth—the ones that are not yet newly published. Are you doing work on California Search for Gold? I would like to read it. Let us keep in touch in these affairs and strive to get the books published.
Yours with love and bond in books,
Yours in the service of Prabhupada,
Satsvarupa dasa Goswami
John Endler is a good soul
he picked me up with his short talk we had on the phone.
He made me think I could make it the last miles with decent writing.
Thank you, John Endler.
Thank you, Krsna-bhajana.
Will I ever really make it?
Will their words come true and my writing stand worthy?
I told him that I am in my last days and trying to make a legacy.
I told him that I want to go out with a bang.
John Endler laughed at that.
He referred to my books, which have free-write in them like Forgetting the Audience and Shack Notes and others.
John Endler reminded me that although I write books somewhat like a free-writer, I always make sure it’s spiritual fare. I pray to Krsna through my words. I don’t leave it mundane.
It was nice talking to John Endler, even for ten minutes. He picked me up and made me think I can go out with a bang. There’s nothing as swell as writing for the Lord. There’s nothing as beautiful as the Lord Himself. There’s nothing as wonderful as trying to write for Krsna and making some success. There’s nothing as beautiful as trying to please the Lord.
If you please Him, you’re successful,
His pleasure is the only reward worth seeking.
I was glad to talk to John Endler for at least a few minutes. He told me that he loves me and that he loves my writing.
John Endler, pastor of the Dutch Reform Church in Connecticut/ Krsna-bhajana, editor premier
to those who seek excellent writing.
Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships
Let me please Krsna
that’s my only wish.
May Krsna be pleased with me
that’s my only hope and desire
May Krsna give me His blessings
Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna he!
Rama Raghava Rama Raghava Rama Raghava Raksa-mam
There is no one in all the world as dear as Krsna, and I shout this loudly, I sing it to the stars!
I try my best to please my master
to please him is the summit
to find the song that he prefers
is all that I want in this world
May Krsna accept me
as I strive to please Him.
pp. 42-48
Soap to wash hands. Wrote a list of topics for disciples’ meetings at Radhadesh. This Dublin stay is not my whole life. You can easily fall into an illusion like that and not look beyond the present week or half-week. It is also healthy to live in the present like this. Que sera, sera. Live in today. All I know is that at 7:00 A.M. we will walk to the preaching center. They offered me a car ride but I said no. Walk through those old streets, so famous by Joyce’s and others’ stories. Those old Catholic and now liberal—divorce and abortion allowed—cobbled streets.
Now it’s a fact we are warming up to a topic which is Krsna conscious. Please hear from me. The disciple is receptive and hears from his guru better than he hears from others. What is special about the relationship? It can’t be forced. What do I know to say about it? But at least offer the possibilities.
“Read my books.” What if they do, but don’t find anything special? Then it’s not for them. But it is for some. Sign over door (remember in Steppenwolf dream?): “Not for everyone.” Mozart was there. Some thought it was an LSD vision. Hare Krsna. Maybe just one book on the Little Way. Sri Krsna Caitanya.
Oh, I shall go to Jagannatha Puri and write poems as “Siddha Bakula” and sketches in words. You may do it and share it with others. Edit all those words. Hare Krsna, and do you really want to do “mad” collage works in Vrndavana? Yes, there is nothing to be afraid of. You may scribble there in privacy. Your emotions are sometimes not Krsna conscious. We already know that. Let it come out.
Krsna, this is pitiful little, give us more. Lately I’ve enjoyed reading the private edition books of last year. Good! They are for me, as the first reader. But nothing should detain you in devotional service. New and fresh I want. Not walking on hands novelty, but you know. Alive while it lasts, and spreading good news to fellow-quiet devotees. It’s not a hackneyed routine—especially prove this in the long run. Vijitatma proves one can distribute books for thirty years or more. I’ll prove whatever I can.
This will be a testimony they can reveal later. Four days in Dublin flat. M. gradually takes up more space in the other room. Ramanuja tolerates it. We are taking up his whole flat and his wife moved into the temple. Last night I told him how I like his spiritual master’s spontaneous lectures. What to say and do? I don’t like the noise from upstairs.
Keep going. The truth is never . . . far away. Everything is a partial truth. I keep quiet and write, but soon I’ll be whispering maha-mantras. . . . Oh, yes, you’ll have to die, but it should be like a cat carrying kittens. You have some vision, hope, prayer, simple conviction that Krsna is taking you as He promises in Bhagavad-gita. I live to convey hope to others, that one person met Swamiji (I’m not the only one, but me too) and stayed with him all these years. I’m jealous and envious. Love only me. Give me attention. Praise me. I don’t have this relationship with a wife but want it with—everyone. Develop a relationship with readers who idolize you for being humble and honest. Or—work to avoid that, to destroy that from developing like a weed.
Feet in shoes in hard heels
of the guys who live above.
I won’t be stopped.
Put japa
tape on and earphones and keep
going. Krsna’s mercy to make
you pay attention to this,
hari-nama instead of
that.
Madhu clears his throat. I worry for our host. Each man for himself.
Weeds—I was saying—I cut them down but offer you, dear friends, these writings.
When you chant and your mind wanders, bring it back to hear. The mantra has thirty-two syllables. Its meaning is, “O Krsna, I depend on You alone. Please in this one process reveal to me all I need. There is no one but You, Nama Prabhu.” All convictions of Gaudiya-siddhanta.
To walk in morning on the way
to give a Bhagavad-gita class is nice,
a brief, blessed spot of life,
“I earned it,” it’s given anyway so
enjoy it: tusyanti ca ramanti ca,
devotees aren’t uptight or angry
or controllers. They are satisfied
and happy.
Now the noise increases upstairs but I have got
my weapon, Hare Krsna, and can listen on tape.
That guy may never go to sleep tonight. I’ll chant,
chant, chant.
(June 26, Dublin flat, first session of the day)
pp. 224-27
Dear Srila Prabhupada, I want to read now a letter that you wrote me. You included my name in a group letter that you wrote from San Francisco on January 19. But then on the 30th of January you wrote in one envelope a number of letters to about four of us, and I was one of them. My letter begins:
My dear Satsvarupa,
Please accept my blessings. I understand that Neil has left us and you have taken the responsibility for typing the records. Please let me know how many tapes are with you. I think you have five tapes with you because I have got only three with me. See that the tapes do not miss. You are a sincere devotee of the Lord and certainly he will bless you with auspicious advancement in the matter of spiritual understanding.Your assistant Ranchor is doing well with me. He is not now disturbed in his mind. I hope you are all in full cooperation in the service of Krsna. I shall be glad to hear from you.
Prabhupada, you worked these eight tapes. Nowadays when I make tapes, before I’ll put them in the mail, I first make copies. You didn’t even do that although your tapes are infinitely more valuable than mine. I could say you depended on Krsna, but also you just didn’t demand so much. Maybe this is a better system that I have now. What if I asked you, Prabhupada before we mail this tape would it be better to make a copy in case it gets lost? But we didn’t think of things like that. We didn’t think in the beginning that you ought to fly first-class or at least business-class. Maybe they didn’t have business-class in those days on the airplane. We didn’t think of so many things that we think of now. I’m thinking of you now, everything else is a distraction.
Lord Caitanya said to Sanatana Goswami, “I feel the grace of Krsna flowing through Me to you. I do not know all these things; they are not Mine.” This is why it is said, vyaso vetti na vetti va.
The Vyasa who has written Bhagavatam may or may not know its meaning. It is coming from others through him. This is sometimes possible, but not always. Krsna is so independent. All glories to His independence!
Prabhupada, I’m your servant serving in separation. You’ve gone back to Godhead we say thirty-three years now, longer, ’77 you left. ’87, ’97, ’07, yeah, it’s thirty-three years. Hard to believe. But what does that mean, thirty-three years, thirty-three minutes?
We read how Lord Caitanya walked on the road. When he saw the dome of Lord Jagannatha it was six miles to go from where He saw it. But each mile seemed like it took many, many, many years.
Because He was so much in anticipation that became the reality to Him. Ecstatic. So ecstatic or not ecstatic what is a few years? And then where do we go? If we think of you, we go to you. That’s why I don’t want to get diverted.
O paramahamsa, O mahabhagavata, O great preacher, my spiritual master. You wrote in this letter, “You’re a sincere devotee of the Lord, and certainly He will bless you with auspicious advancement in the matter of spiritual understanding.” I’d ask you, “Prabhupada,
I can’t understand the Bhagavad-gita unless I get spiritual intelligence.
How will that happen?” Now I guess I “understand” the Bhagavad-gita, at least with some theoretical jnana. I can answer questions from the vyasasana but still what I was referring to in that letter is still what I’m looking for—that mystical spiritual understanding.
Actually, I’m looking for love. Love in my own heart in action. Unselfconscious action to serve you to please you in a way that you will recognize.
pp. 21-25
This is stolen because he’s going to leave
soon and talk to me just before then, tell
me how they took the news that
we’re not coming.
It’s stolen because I didn’t first
turn up the light or put on the heat—
my body is uncomfortable, and
I don’t have enough time to develop it.
I’m still thinking of the Atlantic Monthly cover story
of Jack Kerouac—those photos of his little
pocket notebooks, how he scribbled for his
own joy.
I’m not composed or empty of all else, but
intimate with Krsna in me and in a
relaxed (not false) humility, I ask Him
please come home and
please take over what is Yours—
my heart and body and mind.
Time He gave me I use for Him, I claim.
Am I like the temple president who bought
a Mercedes and fixed up a room regally
for Srila Prabhupada’s two-day visit to his temple and
then later claimed it as maha-prasadam?
Am I like that guy?
I hope ISKCON doesn’t go to ruin.
I don’t want to be one of those militants out
to attack it, drain it, take
its last wealth until they say
we’re bankrupt. We’re no Catholic Church.
Please protect and forgive. What’s this
poem doing? Clearing away.
Go in and take your Baskar Lavan I tell you.
You do have to steal time for poems,
it’s not given, not assumed, presumed
that someone came and did it before
you like laying a table with places,
knives, forks, and linen.
Napkin. Quick, the Baskar and be back.
I’ll wait with the child,
bear cubs. Is Prabhupada okay?
Is he warm?
Must I be consigned, confined
to this room? They put her back in
prison. I’m free to come and go.
Make your choice.
I decided to stay here and save our
lives. I decided to eat fruit only for
breakfast. Put my false teeth in
although it hurts. Leaning on my left elbow
although it’s a strain, collapse, I see
a human profile in the radiator’s
shadow on this page. He has
thick lips.
I decide I must be governed by a power
beyond mine. God moves us
about like pieces on a chess board.
Some say it’s just a personality cult how
we worship Srila Prabhupada but we do it
anyhow.
John Glenn at 77 went up into
space for one last shot while
Congress voted in favor of impeachment
proceedings against Bill. At least he
got his national budget through—
more military spending than ever.
And I’m all right with my
assortment of pens.
Poem cold room/ friend hurt going to
hospital, maybe his tendon cut not real
bad . . . Lunch for me who is
well. Each dwells in his own body
pain and pleasure and
Lord Krsna knows all.
You don’t like me preaching to you?
Sorry. No music in my head. My
fingers press a pen on this page. Given
time I could become someone different
or maybe just this . . . more
of it.
Lunch of hot dal. Took off Srila Prabhupada’s
hat and beadbag. Offered to him. Keep
the bright-day flow. You got a
sound heart? Then use your life to
help others in Krsna consciousness.
Start with yourself.
My friend makes music,
Irish traditional. He was running to
a gig and didn’t see
an iron rail. He broke his leg or
the tendon. “Krsna is
telling me slow down,” he says.
“Yes,” I said, “but will you listen?”
His passion is
his life. He’s got
the music, whistles even now en route to the hospital
and I’m here pressing this pen.
pp. 270-74
Lord Caitanya said, “Rupa and Sanatana are your new names,” and He asked His associates to bless them. This was at Ramakeli. In the author’s summary of Madhya-lila, I noticed how briefly Lord Caitanya stayed in Vrndavana. The reason given is that His ecstasy was so great, so churned up, that His servant Balabhadra feared for His life. He thought He might drown in the Yamuna or meet death in some other way. We can’t understand it, actually. Lord Caitanya, although RAdha and Krsna in one, stayed mostly in Puri as a sannyasi. What does it mean? What am I trying to say?
Trying to understand.
Briefly we live and die.
We leave this house in less than four hours, and I should spend most of it in japa because I won’t find a peaceful place to chant later.
“I could have written better in another place. I might have read better there. For health, I could have rested better there.” Why bother my head with these thoughts now? I am dancing the travel dance now, so make the best of it. Madhu said that since I’m taking allopathic medicine, I might as well take enough to relieve my pain. I know I’ll get bad side effects, but I’m getting the side effects by taking the medicine anyway, so why not get the good effect of sufficient pain relief?
Similarly, I am living in a way that I can write more. Why spoil it by holding back from writing? Be simple.
It’s not that what I do is outstanding or great. I’m just a simple fellow making his small contribution. Professor Ward of Oxford reviewed A Poor Man Reads the Bhagavatam. He referred to my “human poverty.” Yeah, poor Sats, el poverino. Lord Caitanya said that He was not a rich man. He said He had only some fruits and flowers to distribute.
“As I get older, I get more conditioned,” my Godbrother laughed, and his face lined with wrinkles. He means that he sees more clearly that he can’t escape his New York origins and tendencies even while he aspires for pure Krsna consciousness.
Mister, this van is loaded with electronic goods. Don’t bust us.
Oh, I’d bust you if I could, but you’ve got an alarm system and locks and bolts that make me hesitate.
A thief could steal my CD player. As I rose this morning and approached SrIla Prabhupada to hand him his Dictaphone, I asked myself, “What do you love more, Prabhupada or this new CD player? I am not a simple person like a Vrndavana babaji.”
Oh well, I am what I am. Life on the auto-route. The GBC said that we will ascend to raganuga-bhakti automatically, while others argued that we have to have the desire. Whatever the path, stay at the lotus feet of your spiritual master.
Rupa and Sanatana, please let me keep you and your meeting with Lord Caitanya at Ramakeli in my mind’s eye. I wish to beg for mercy as you did, with straws in your mouths, “We feel very much ashamed, standing here before You.”
After that meeting, their material life was finished.
At tollgate for channel tunnel. Feeling light spirits of pre-dawn travel, awake through my sixteenth round. Don’t anticipate trouble in passing over borders, under sea, into France, but it could be otherwise. Well, man, that’s Krsna’s mercy any way you look at it. Krsna, Krsna.
“Only two of you, is it?”
Eighty-four pounds, is it? Thank you. Passports. Sunday morning.
Before 7 A.M. on a Sunday there’s no security check by the British and no passport check by the French. Too early for that stuff. We roll smoothly forward, modern civilization so great and polite and people talking to us in British accents, wearing yellow fluorescent raincoats, as long as we have money.
Hare Krsna chanting goes with us everywhere. M. turned to 76.3 FM for “Channel News.” He said he wanted to brush up on his French but got a North Ireland station broadcasting in Irish. The disc jockey played “Govinda Jaya Jaya,” a new hit record by Haley Mills’ son.
List words in the house before we left. Took role of mentor to one who was going to Vrndavana for Karttika. Advised her not to over-socialize but to remember her inner purpose. “You don’t go to Vrndavana for an outer purpose,” I said, “but an inner purpose.” What about going to Italy? Got an inner purpose? Yeah, that’s what this writing is all about.
Golden rim of jagged dawn clouds. Down ramp and queue to drive onto the narrow train car. It’s just a thin shell, and so is our van, and the skin encasing this body. The universal shells are thicker, and only Krsna can protect us.
pp. 64-68
In the dictionary:
Krish-na, from the Sanskrit, literally “black.” Kers-, black, dark. “An important Hindu god, an incarnation of Vishnu, second god of the Hindu trinity—KRISHNAISM.”
Next to that is: Krishna, “a river in South India.” No mention of Krsna as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. They don’t even say that He’s regarded as the Supreme God by the Hindus; he’s just “an important Hindu god” (small “g”).
Jayadvaita Maharaja tried to tackle this one with the lexicographers some years back. He said that they had misused the word “Krishna.” He tried to present his case not dogmatically but logically, and in terms of lexicographic science. He said that “Krishna” doesn’t only mean a Hindu god, because according to the Hindus, He is the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Jayadvaita Maharaja then presented an argument for a nonsectarian definition, that “Krishna” is a Sanskrit word meaning “the Supreme Being,” and they should just leave it at that. The lexicographers wrote back thanking him for his letter, and said, “We will keep it on file”—they keep files—”but we don’t think we have misdefined this word because what you have said is not the common usage.”
If Prabhupada’s books become the law books for the next ten thousand years, the usage will naturally change.
The dictionary defines Vishnu as,
“lit., prob. All-pervader. The second member of the trinity (Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva), called ‘the Preserver’ and popularly held to have had several human incarnations, most important of which is Krishna.”
That’s a bit of an improvement.
Let us continue to spiritualize the world by spreading Krsna consciousness. Then naturally the dictionaries will improve. As Prabhupada’s books are distributed, words will be changed. Our movement will no longer be seen as a cult but a major spiritual force in the world. Of course, a better entry in the dictionary seems like a small victory, but a change in language is actually a sign of significant social change. In the meantime, we can change ourselves and our own understanding of the word “Krishna.”
Sometimes devotees thumb through the dictionary out of curiosity; they wonder whether it contains any Krsna conscious words. I thought I would look for Kuruksetra. The words flash by as I flip to the “Ks”—”Perkins,” “nominalist,” “Kyrie,” “krill.” Too far. Here, the “Ku’s” are on this ripped page. “Ku Klux Klan,” “Kultur,” “Kung,” “Kurd,” “Kure,” “kurta“(!): (“a knee-length, collarless shirt worn over pajamas by men in India.”) Finally, “kuru: a degenerative disease of the central nervous system, found among certain aborigines of the eastern highlands of New Guinea.” It’s transmitted by cannibalism. Kuru. No Kuruksetra.
The dictionary really is demanding. It demands we think and use our poor brain’s computer. It’s not such a congenial book. First of all, it’s completely mundane. If Vyasadeva was despondent even after compiling the Vedas and the Mahaharata, just imagine how those who compiled the dictionary felt. It’s not much better than a newspaper in that sense, even with its so-called scholarly objectivity. It’s stupid scholarship. All these lexicographers—these men and women who study words for their paycheck from the Merriam-Webster company—what good is it?
What is a devotee doing in the dictionary? It can become a mild and so-called neutral form of sense gratification. It defines the material world. We open it and take a peek: “connected: linked together.” Well, that’s all right, isn’t it? It reminds us of yoga. “Linked together coherently or logically; related by blood.” Then we jump: “Connecticut,” “connecting rod,” “connection” . . . We could go mad! “Connective.” We turn the page: “diet,” “dietary,” again, “expand,” “exotic,” again, “iguana,” again, “lead” . . . “Menshevik” . . . “pigeon-livered” . . . “reservation ” . . . “self-conscious” . . . “toolbox” . . . “tonsure” . . . Madness. It’s frothing at the mouth.
Lexicographers take no responsibility for what they write except to see that a definition is objectively accurate. They don’t worry too much about usage or how one word looks when juxtaposed with another. And they have no purport. What could “blunderbuss” possibly mean? See what I mean? It’s just a word with no apparent connection to the universe.
My dear Lord Krsna, please protect us and give us the sanity to use simple words (even if they are taken from the dictionary). They’re not from the dictionary ultimately, but from You, and they are meant for Your glorification. We want to use them to speak Your praises, to list our devotional intentions, to exchange lovingly with others, to preach, to point out mistakes, and to speak plainly of our Krsna consciousness.
pp. 78-82
udilo aruna puraba-bhage . . . . .
Hare Krsna. I’m under a tent of mosquito netting in a room in Baladeva’s house in Trinidad. It happens to be the first day of “de carnival” down here. Last night in the airplane, we were surrounded by people coming to de carnival. It was difficult to tolerate their loud, cackling laughter and drunken talk, but I stayed in my protective cocoon, chanting to myself with my eyes closed.
Again there was a delay, as on the flight into Puerto Rico. We couldn’t land because there was too much air traffic. We circled and circled and didn’t get down and to bed until almost 1 A.M. And now here I am. Don’t have much to say. Being here is the same kind of life I tasted in Puerto Rico.
In a few hours, we’ll drive from this house to the Longdenville temple. The last stretch of road before we arrive is so potholed that we’ll have to drive quite slowly. Once we arrive, I am scheduled to speak.
Travel.
“Where will we go next?”
“After Trinidad, Guyana.”
“Oh, you’re lucky.” Or maybe she said, “They’re lucky.”
I was thinking last night of the people on the plane. They’re not going to take to Krsna consciousness. Prabhupada said that the age of fighting as a means of persuasion was over. Now we have to persuade with humility. But those people could not even be approached. They were too drunk with the spirit of enjoyment.
When we arrived, however, there was a man in the car next to us of Hindi descent. None of the devotees seemed to know him, but he made pranamas and said, “Hare Krsna.” Baladeva feelingly remarked to me afterward, “The people here are pious.”
The most pious are those who have given up their youth to Prabhupada. They may or may not be chanting, may or may not still be reading, but it is for them I have come, and that is my fortune.
Devotees shouldn’t be cynical and forget their good fortune. This world is miserable. Trying to become happy here by some material means is a phantasmagoria. Vedic culture doesn’t even bother to define “material improvement” as someone remaining on this planet; at least they should aspire for the heavenly planets where life is long and enjoyment abundant. But what’s the use? You eat, you sleep, you mate, and you defend, and then you die. Yes, you ate papayas and mangoes instead of sawdust, but still you have to die. Prabhupada shouted that out to the audience. Still you have to die. I heard it on a tape just a little while ago. Prabhupada yelled it so loudly that I thought Baladeva next door might hear it. That worried me because his four-year-old son recently left his body and he might be sensitive to talk of death.
It was Baladeva who was waiting for me with the car at the airport last night. I asked him how he was doing. He turned to me, and there was a blank look in his eyes. It could have been the lights, but I couldn’t tell. I wondered if it had something to do with the grief he’s been through. He said his son’s illness was so prolonged that they had allowed themselves to hope right up until the end. That must have been intensely draining. Then he told me that his son died in Alachua and described how the devotees in Alachua had helped him through it all.
Of course, the Bhagavatam discusses such a situation, but it’s difficult to repeat it to someone who is actually grieving for a family member. Or you can, but you yourself may not want to hear it put so starkly when you are grieving.
Baladeva said that he learned a lot from all this, and now he feels he has realization that he can share with others going through similar difficulties. I would have liked to ask him what those realizations were, but I knew I was tired and that I would probably tend to hear them analytically, to not be touched by them, and to say, “Oh yeah, I know that, and that, and that. Oh, that’s interesting.” You have to be in the right mood to offer respect to other people’s sacred understanding. So much in Krsna consciousness depends on our receptivity.
We have to save our receptivity for something worthy. Baladeva’s realizations about death were probably very worthy, and would certainly be helpful to anyone who was suffering from loss. He has tasted the same bitterness. I pray that he can convey his experience, in Krsna consciousness, to others.
pp. 438-42
I won’t copy out more verses here right now. When we want to relish those intimate pastimes, we can go to them directly. I am finishing out my record. Let it be known that I continue to relish Villapa-kusumanjali. If we become qualified to hear this “lament” by Srila Raghunatha dasa Gosvami, we can approach the ultimate goal of all goals. Even now, as foolish students, we nevertheless assert, “O Goddess! I shall never pray to You for anything except …”
Please honor these statements, Srila Prabhupada. They are, at present, the hope of a blind man to see; the declaration of a lame man that he shall cross the mountain; the decision of a dumb man that he shall give an eloquent speech.
“My dear friends, as Krsna and Balarama pass through the forest with Their cowherd friends, leading their cows, They carry ropes to bind the cows’ rear legs at the time of milking. When Lord Krsna plays on His flute, the sweet music causes the moving living entities to become stunned and the nonmoving trees to tremble with ecstasy. These things are certainly very wonderful” (Bhag. 10. 21.19).
They are cowherd boys, although not ordinary. They take up the tasks of vaisyas, although They are princes (and although They are both the Supreme Personality of Godhead). The gopis sometimes tease Krsna, “You can’t play dice with Radha. You’re just a cowherd boy. You’ve spent so much time with the cows that You think like them. You’re good at cowherding, which takes physical strength, but not for a game which takes brains. Go back to Your cows.”
But Krsna is never ashamed of His cowherding. In this verse, the gopis are looking at His cowherd activities as one of His all-attractive features. Krsna does it in style. The ropes They use are made of yellow cloth with clusters of pearl at both ends. Sometimes They wrap these ropes around their turbans for decoration. Srila Prabhupada explains,
“This rope almost always hung from the shoulders of Krsna and Balarama. In spite of Their being the Supreme Personality of Godhead, They played exactly like cowherd boys . . . ” (KRSNA, Chapter 21)
Krsna is so attractive to the gopis as a cowherd boy that when they see Him in His ksatriya dress as the king of Dvaraka, they don’t feel the same ecstasy. They want to take Krsna back to Vrndavana where He is a gopa and they are gopis.
Srila Prabhupada says that the series of verses in the Venu-gita show us the perfection of Krsna consciousness:
“. . . to somehow or other remain engrossed always in thoughts of Krsna. The vivid example is always present in the behavior of the gopis; therefore Lord Caitanya declared that no one can worship the Supreme Lord by any method which is better than the method of the gopis” (KRSNA, Vol. 1, Chap. 21, p.151).
Why are the gopis cited as the best meditators, even more than the friends or parents of Krsna? Why gopi-bhava and not sakhya-bhava or vatsalya-bhava? Because the conjugal love they feel produces the most intense and pure form of Kona consciousness.
This is what we aspire for. This is the highest rasa, and the most demanding. It leaves nothing for yourself. Nothing is yours, but Krsna is everything to you. Krsna becomes purchased by the gopis’ love. Then should we aspire to become a gopi, so that we may meditate on Krsna as in these verses? According to the Gaudiya Vaisnava acaryas, it is not desirable (or possible) to become another Lalita, Visakha, Citra, or Indulekha. Other Vaisnava sampradayas may aspire for direct union with Krsna as His lover, but Srila Rupa Gosvami has taught that it is even better to become a maidservant of Srimati Radharani. This is taught most explicitly by Rupa Gosvami’s dear disciple, Srila Raghunatha dasa Gosvami.
All glories to Sri Radhika and Her sakhis and maidservants. All glories to their meditation on Krsna playing His flute as He enters the forest of Vrndavana. All glories to the two children of the best kings of Vraja, Radha and Krsna. All glories to Their exchange of sidelong glances. All glories to Radha’s maidservants, who are always ready to serve Her and reflect whatever moods or desires She expresses. And all glories to the love Sri Krsna feels for the maidservants for their unbreakable loyalty to His dearmost. (All glories too, to Mayadevi, who protects this knowledge from those who should not be interested in it, from those who are not qualified. All glories also to the many other pure expressions and rasas of love of God.)
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.