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My friends said they liked that I spent more time with them chanting in the same room. They see I concentrate on basics of mouthing words right and staying awake. They are kind to receive it as sincere and helpful to them. We are like sportsmen playing a game that has to be done right. The basics, how to grip the bat, how to stand, how to swing and hit.
It’s up to Krsna.
Surrender to Him at least
chant His names.
******
The basics that Prabhupada taught. He taught us to love the chanting. Get it from him and don’t dilute it or deviate even slightly. That is important.
I hope they will come back to his lotus feet (those who deviate in various ways) and that the ISKCON authorities won’t make it hard to do so.
******
There’s no need to be bored with the basics of Krsna consciousness. We just have to work at it humbly.
That’s what is so nice about this vrata of sixty-four rounds. We find plenty of references in Prabhupada’s books to the importance of chanting.
******
If I’ve got sense to spend time hearing and chanting, why should I stop? I won’t be a selfish “babaji.” ISKCON is so made that I’m always asked to speak or share some realization, to honor Prabhupada, write, etc. The only doubt is whether I have substantial realization to share. So to take time on basics is good for my preaching.
God saw I wanted to
chant and He allowed me.
Now it is almost time to start off the first round of a mere sixty-four. No big deal, all disciples of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati used to chant that much or be considered fallen. But we do normally sixteen.
This is taking us to new realms. Hope we can retain some of it when the vrata is over. I’m already thinking of another week for it in the fall.
******
Today is the fourth day of a week.
Chanters don’t bemoan.
I saw the moon on that
morning walk
and went on chanting.
Haiku didn’t stop me.
I go on chanting, jawing even
when I reach the lake and
the Pibbles Fishing Club.
Alone, this sacred place
of retreat with good men.
All-day chanting.
What more is there to say?
Go, Hare Krsna Hare Krsna
your rhumba and samba
your Pradyumna and Aniruddha your
dance out of the 1960s and ’90s ….
You
please
shut up
and chant maha-mantra.
******
The morning so far has been lively, different ideas popping about literary projects. But I should really be concentrated on the holy name. I did chant with a good clip from 1-3 A.M., fourteen rounds, but then felt a first twinge behind the eye, so I have to be more careful now.
******
One of the threefold miseries is always after you: miseries from others inflicted on you, miseries of nature, cold to the bone, and miseries due to your own body and mind. That’s the way it is. But if you can chant Hare Krsna with heart and soul, then that’s the ultimate alternative. They talk about how you can be subjective about experience and not notice things, not even notice pain. Of course, that’s all a kind of mental work or subconscious work. I only get into that so that I can have more peace and concentration. But the real release is when the spirit soul knows its own self and knows its relationship with Krsna. That’s when we know that Krsna’s name is nondifferent than Krsna. We’re working in the right direction when we worship Krsna’s holy name, piling on, accumulating numbers and numbers. Haridasa Thakura chanted 300,000 names. Raghunatha dasa Gosvami chanted 100,000 names a day. That’s almost 130 rounds, or almost 160 rounds every day for those great souls. In addition, for Raghunatha dasa Gosvami, bowing down 2,000 times to Vaisnavas and talking three hours a day about the glories of Lord Caitanya.
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna,
Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/
Hare Rama Hare Rama,
Rama Rama Hare Hare.
******
Dear Lord, I don’t know anything. I’m just chanting along. I can’t focus on You or Your pastimes, but You’re so merciful that just by chanting Your names, everything is accomplished. One doesn’t have to know anything or achieve anything. Just go on chanting, go on chanting.
******
Just finished sixty-four rounds. I wasn’t paying attention to the holy name. But then on the sixty-fourth round, I turned back to what is my main concentration during the day. That is, I focus on the mantra itself and I’m attentive to saying it without dropping any syllables, just conscious of the mechanical, outward act of reciting one after another and moving along with it. So the difference between what I just described as a sixty-third and sixty-fourth round is a considerable difference. In one case, I’m deliberately indulging in inattention and the chanting just runs on in the background like an unconscious motor. In the second type of chanting, other thoughts are not my focus, but rather the mantra itself. Of course, this is not very devotional either. It’s just a mechanical act. Nevertheless, it’s an improvement, isn’t it? I can mention this tonight to the devotees when we gather.
******
Now let me go and read some section of Namamrta and see if I can find some quotes. Of course, the quotes are not the actual experience, not the actual life of my day-long chanting. I chant perhaps almost nine hours, and I don’t think of the glories of the holy name as enunciated in the sastras. I just plug along as I’ve described. But still, one can’t just talk about such mechanics in a gathering. Let’s hear the glories of the holy name. It’s because of those glories, because of the sages and the sastras and what they say about hari-nama that we’re able to have faith and keep going with it. We go on the strength of Vedic injunction and because Prabhupada says so. This is more important than what I experience during my nine hours. Hare Krsna.
pp. 57-63
Writing and reading should be for whatever is best in Krsna consciousness.
This WS can help. It’s not nonsense. It is art too. Drawing is art too. These things can help me.
I’m hoping in these eight days to write regularly and to address concerns. I don’t know what will come.
I have indigestion. I’m in a positive, receptive mood for creating improvement on this week’s retreat, so I see the indigestion as an impetus for reform. I decide not to eat sweets this week, and later in the year at Karttika I’ll abstain from desserts completely and continue to do so on the health retreat that follows Karttika. Eat more simply. May help your life duration.
But that’s up to Krsna.
Take your reading life seriously. The open secrets of Bhagavad-gita: Life comes from spirit, not matter in itself. Spirit originates in eternal Supreme Personality of Godhead. We are His parts and parcels. Study this knowledge and pray it be revealed to you.
Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna.
Dear Lord, dear diary.
So we are on a schedule. Take it gratefully. You can keep writing until just before 2 A.M., and then set up candlelight for your japa.
To look at later, we write. To do the process, and we hope to churn up stuff that becomes readable prose and poems for others. Creative process.
The morning vegetable market in Palermo, full of life that wasn’t obnoxious. Saw a man filling a small truck with crates of peaches. Another truck had watermelon, dolci. And fresh vegetable. Some men wheeled handcarts. The warehouses. I can’t write clearly to describe it. A thing to be seen, not written of.
Then we wound up the hills, a series of sharp turns again and again, climbing higher and higher. Graffiti and spray paint color cement guard rails. Higher, and vistas below of land all the way to the sea. Buildings right on the mountaintops. Then we reached this town, Erice. And here we are in a comfortable house.
I intend to flow in serious reading sessions with Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam each day. And now I have added a random reading with a random-type note-taking to go with it. A time for poems, a time for exercise, a time to rest . . . keep your health by not eating too much. I am feeling more inclined right now for health practices. Because I don’t want to lose time that I can use in study. I sometimes think I have to eat more because I’m so skinny. But being skinny isn’t ill health in my case. If you eat more, you don’t get fat except for a little bit of tummy flab. Eat enough, but not those desserts, eh?
You can eat a little more of what is better for you, the hot vegetable. Skip the desserts. That’s what I’d like to do, I say. We’ll see how far I can go with it without being fanatical and having to quit it.
sri-krsna-caitanya prabhu nityananda, sri advaita gadadhara srivasadi gaura-bhakta-vrnda. Post-its in “out” basket.
Look at Nitai-Gauranga for tips to get into the Writing Session world. Keep hand moving—that’s like driving the car with hands on steering wheel. Easy enough. But another rule is to go for the jugular, the energy. The thoughts that have the most energy.
When you make art with drawing and color, what is that? How is it service? Well, it frees me, and in the case of the 26 Second Avenue drawings, I made a book from it. Or I supply drawings for other books out of the process. It also is a way of signaling to devotees how they can express themselves and be free and yet be Krsna conscious. The drawings unload my feelings. I draw what indigestion feels like. Art of children, of primitives, of naive artists. Give me more. Can’t get it here. More naive art. But no more second-hand art. You draw the picture of Srila Prabhupada. But do it with care, yet swiftly sometimes. How it comes.
Your devotion to him, you are still finding that out. This morning I could go for almost fifty minutes and then again in late morning do another of these.
When I turn lights out to chant, I may open a window and get fresh air. I am mostly an indoor man, a desk-and-chair man. Give me a good bright desk lamp, a comfortable chair for my bony buttocks, and give me pen and paper. Time and clear of headaches so I can read in Srila Prabhupada. This way I like to spend my time. And then when I sit on vyasasana, I can speak something with conviction.
The bells in this town ring every fifteen minutes. It doesn’t bother me. Rather, I am so time-conscious that I like it. The bells are old- fashioned brass-sounding church tower. So you move along in your day, and the clang-clang accompanies you or leads you. It’s not different than the sounds of bells in Vrndavana. O Vrndavana, so hot now you couldn’t bear it. A bear killed a woman who was sleeping outdoors in Yellowstone Park. I wouldn’t even do that in Saranagati. The black bears.
So man, please be up for Krsna conscious purpose. I’m hoping to see Krsna in His holy names. This is a routine. Keep hand moving, don’t think (I’m not thinking much) and go for jugular, drift to concerns. Those are the main rules. And you are free to fail or to write the worst junk. No judgment on it. No timed book you have to write. You’ve got enough of those and even this is something to look at later. It’s 1:45 A.M. I say just a couple minutes more . . .
(50 minutes, Erice, Sicily, July 1, 1995)
pp. 93-94
Dear dawn chirping birds,
My boots are making so much noise on the gravel road that I can hardly hear you singing. Now I’ve stopped to listen.
There are so many of you little fellows out there in the gray dawn that I can’t tell one from the other. Please excuse me for not knowing your names or being able to distinguish your songs. I just want to say in this letter that life on earth is made pleasant by the songs of birds. And birds come from Krsna. We hear the birds in Vmdavana, and even in the cities. They start to sing just near the end of our most intense early morning bhajana.
Of course, I can’t talk poetically about birdsong without eventually thinking how birds are spirit souls locked in little feathery bodies (which isn’t so nice for them). The birds are also preying upon other creatures and eating them. But still, we cannot deny that the singing of birds enhances our humanness. It places us deep within our humble earthiness. Your songs bring us back to our childhoods. We remember all kinds of times, some of them hard times, when we were up in the morning and you were singing in the background.
You have hard times too, especially in winter when food is not so available. But you’re always so faithful and dutiful and, at least to us, you sound joyful early in the morning.
I hope I don’t ever get so old or self-absorbed that I stop noticing the spring and the birds’ songs. I want to always be grateful that Krsna is giving me another springtime on this earth. I think of it not in terms of mortal longevity, which is a vain pursuit, but in terms of my limited devotional service in this lifetime. I want to keep performing small acts of devotional service. I want to preach for another springtime, another summer. We belong to the earth, at least while we’re here, and then we go away. It’s Krsna’s place and His trademark is the singing of the birds.
Our appreciation of your music is part of our longing for the spiritual world. There will be birds there too. Early in the morning it’s the birds’ singing, impelled by Vrnda-devi, that wakes Radha and Krsna. Will the day come when I will be able to hear the birds like that, as warnings to Radha and Krsna to wake up and go home? Will I ever have my own services to do as a servant of Their servants?
Let me share these thoughts with you, morning singers, here in Italy. In your ever-fresh quality and your undaunted courage, you are like gurus to me. I can take instruction and example even from your life of small consciousness. Hail to you, blithe spirits. Birds you never were.
pp. 22-23
Sometimes we think our memories are either too mundane, too painful, or too self-serving and self-centered. Or perhaps they are too gossipy, even when they are devotional remembrances. Admittedly, those are dangers. I would like to contend that although some memories may have those defects, they are also a life, our life. We’re protagonists in a drama—not the be-all and end-all, and usually not even the heroes—just tiny parts of a history. We don’t know any other story as well as we know our own. Napoleon—or even the past acaryas—are distant figures from the past; what we know now is the streets in which we grew up, the sankirtana that we did, the bits of our past that tell our own truth.
Fortunately our truth coincides with the preaching orbit of His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. He lifted us up, and therefore we remember him. By his grace, we have done some preaching ourselves. Even our lives have become worthy of remembrance.
And what of the memories that are not connected to Prabhupada? Well, all we can do is to see them as entities to be brought to Krsna consciousness. We can preach to them, or we can drop them just as we drop attachments that are no longer relevant to us. It’s not that recalling our past will itself make us think only of Krsna, but perhaps such recall will help us to understand that the worthy memories are the Krsna conscious ones. We’ll become more grateful for them. All those memories we gathered before we came to Krsna consciousness—we can let them go. They are not really part of us any longer. We can only see that old life in Krsna conscious terms.
But what if we can’t let them go? What if we feel them too strongly? What if they cry out for acknowledgment?
Then we should acknowledge them. We don’t have to indulge in them to acknowledge them. Rather, we can hope to find Krsna in such memories in a form yet undiscovered. He is the life of our lives; it is He who makes our memories vivid and vital. Yes, the pain we suffered in the past is an obvious sign of our lack of Krsna consciousness, but we will still allow ourselves to remember and feel it, to feel the injustice, the anger or whatever. They are real enough to drag us to Krsna’s lotus feet.
pp. 255-59
After surviving the trip to England as well as the arrival chat in Guru-daksina’s living room, I went upstairs and promptly got a headache, the last one of the old year, and the first of the new. The room was uncomfortably cold. I endured the night, but could not get up at midnight. With my earplugs in I heard revelers’ fireworks and police sirens, but it was muffled and not so disturbing.
Well, here we are where we expected to be on this day. We have again managed to stumble into the new year with no radical change for the better, but steadily holding onto Prabhupada’s lotus feet.
Another first for the year. Accuse me of loop-de-loop, loop dela. Bank holiday—can’t get a typewriter. Anyway, they don’t sell them anymore; only laptop computers available now.
Accuse me
of not taking care of a mother
with Alzheimer’s, of Mickey Mantle
twelve zones
GBC man
not fighting hard for
ISKCON
in ISKCON
of past-life infamy
of avoiding the truth.
You mean?
Yes.
I mean, no bad words need enter my prose. I can avoid them easily. I can write like a devotee, even though I’m not one. Harry James and Betty Grable jokes,
and Wa Wa “Sugar Blues”
my man laughs and I say, “Oh,
the truth.”
KRSNA book, I read Vasudeva praising the Lord according to what he’d heard the sages say—that Krsna and Balarama are everything. Vasudeva repeated it out of love for his boys. They smiled and said, “We are your sons, but what you say about Us, that We are everything, We agree in toto. However,” They said, “everyone is everything. All is spirit. Advaya-jnana.”
Cone with whipped cream for dessert, and me, a persona greedy for sweaters, goods, hats, candy canes, praise, no bad news, stretch socks, easy journey to India and met and escorted by police and put in a hotel there where you can do these f.w. each day for the remainder of your life.
Krsna, Krsna, the Truth. Don’t go to Gambhira if rough-necked, ruffian, rip-off priests there will hound you for money and you can only peek anyway into the sacred room. Ready for a fight? We’ve got our Narayana-kavaca, Rupa-Raghunatha, and others to watch out for the pandas.
They just bought me a good, loud-playing portable tape recorder, and now I’m using a borrowed typewriter. Well, what do I have to say? That Kona is the Supreme Personality of Godhead and to serve Him is the perfection of life. The truth is in the Vedas. It’s as simple as that. You work at it and say what you can to the people of the world. Don’t stay away from hard preaching.
But sirs, I do get headaches, you see. Therefore, I can’t attend your meetings, preach several lectures a day, or go into the streets. I have done that in the past, but now I have to slow down as I approach old age. Face it. I advise the younger ones who also feel ill that they needn’t push themselves beyond their capacity. Do what you can.
Hell, I’m producing thick books. Srila Prabhupada says everyone has to be active. If you want to go to the spiritual world, you must act. If you want to go to hell, you have to act. Even if you want to stay in this world, you have to act. Action brings realization.
Night of first day of year
ended,
I am here still,
still heart-beating
‘tho everyone from long ago has
passed on,
gone from here but the souls
leave and then come back.
Hayagriva dasa gone and returned?
Or where is he? Is he there?
with the Swami?
In Goloka where
night and day are perpetual
and there is no fear
or death
or unhappiness.
Night notes on earth,
cold this first day of year,
London 1997.
O time you are arbitrary
and we track you by calendars.
You are Krsna and can’t be changed.
Krsna and Radha dance
beyond time—a night of rasa
for a day of
Brahma.
Night notes,
prayer,
Hare Krsna
and then you go.
pp. 258-62
The donkeys staggering under the loads. I looked at their faces and felt sympathy, but there is nothing I can do. I thought of Issa, who felt deeply for such suffering creatures and wrote poems of commiseration:
Spare the fly!
Wringing his hands, wringing his feet,
he implores your mercy!
Cry not, insects, for that is a way we all must go.
Prabhupada said the donkey is a mudha for laboring under a human master, since the donkey can get the same grass to eat without working. Yet, what can the donkey do once he is under the grip of such a master? And what can I do for them? It is their karma. Only after looking at each donkey did I look up at the drivers walking behind them, switching the donkeys with sticks. The men had the look of Indian desert culture—dark, good-looking faces, but with wild, bold eyes—not gentle, housebroken types. You couldn’t tell these men not to be so cruel. For generations they have carefully calculated exactly how much a donkey can carry without collapsing or breaking its back, and they load them up just to that point with bags of grain so wide they block the road.
Everybody suffers, and the only remedy is to chant Hare Krsna and go back to Godhead, taking as many with us as possible. The world is no fit place for the pure spirit soul who may very likely wind up under the donkey’s load, bearing the cruel stick.
Staggering by
with white faces,
the donkeys bear their loads.
As soon as I began my walk, we saw Prabhupada’s old friend Bhagatji walking ahead of us. At first he didn’t recognize me, but then was very friendly, asking about my health. He said that I looked too thin. I was surprised that he remembered me so well from the old days when I was with Prabhupada in Vrndavana. Bhagatji walks slowly because of age and his troubled leg, so we slowed down to walk with him.
After the opening greetings, Bhagatji started right in with a Prabhupada story. He said that he once asked Prabhupada the meaning of the verse ananyas cintayanto mam. Prabhupada used the example of a warrior and how he is supported by the government. Because the warrior is on the front lines, the government supplies him whatever is necessary, even if they neglect to supply others. At the same time, the warrior is not supplied anything unnecessary. Prabhupada said that he himself was like a warrior for Krsna, and that is why he had so many facilities, supplied as needed for the fight.
Bhagatji then told a story about Prabhupada in his very last days. One time Bhagatji entered Prabhupada’s room and saw that Prabhupada was lying on his back but trying to dictate a Srimad-Bhagavatam purport. Bhagatji pleaded with Prabhupada, “Why are you writing in this condition? It is not necessary anymore.” But Prabhupada replied by saying that he was a warrior of his Guru Maharaja, and so he must fight to the end. Prabhupada said that even if a warrior is cut in the neck and bleeding to death, still he swings his arm with the sword.
(I consider Bhagatji stories reliable, and this one about the warrior swinging the sword with his last breath was very impressive. It made me desire to use regained health in Prabhupada’s service, and not just simply nurse health for all of one’s days.)
Just to check on a Bhagatji story I had heard before, I asked him about the incident of Prabhupada looking closely at the insects. He retold it in much the same way. One time he walked in on Prabhupada, and Prabhupada did not notice him for half an hour. Prabhupada was carefully watching the flies on his desk. When he looked up and saw Bhagatji there, he then explained how he was noticing that each fly is constructed in the same way by Krsna—each a pilot and plane in itself.
Bhagatji says he remembers these stories of Prabhupada every day and this is how he enjoys life. Bhagatji has a nice new service on behalf of Prabhupada, and on behalf of Abhirama dasa, who is supplying money for daily prasadam distribution at the gate of Bhaktivedanta Swami Gurukula. Abhirama supplies the money, and Bhagatji sees that the food is cooked and distributed to local people and beggars.
At his request, I accompanied Bhagatji to his home and saw his Deity. The Deity was asleep in a bed, but he opened the temple room and also uncovered the bedding so that I could see. The Deity is actually a framed painting of Krsna-Balarama, and he also has a framed painting of Gaura-Nitai and two little silas, one a black Govardhana, which is Krsna, and another white one, which is Radha. He also has a picture of his initiating spiritual master. Bhagatji considers Prabhupada his siksa-guru. It was all very pleasant, and he gave Baladeva and me an orange each. As we were departing, Bhagatji said he wished that I would live a hundred years and write many books about Prabhupada.
pp. 41-45
Ananta has been making the point that we should have friends—all of us—and open up, admitting our faults so we can help ourselves. He is discovering this for himself. Religion could be a crutch for some, he said. One joins the movement and takes shelter in a perfect philosophy and thinks, “Now I don’t have to improve myself. I have a perfect philosophy to explain everything.”
He said he likes to talk with very new devotees because they don’t hide their problems. One says, “I have a girlfriend, and I am tempted to go back and live with her.” Another says, “When I go before the Deity I have doubts about whether this is God,” or, “I don’t know if I can stick it out in devotional service.” But as we grow older and get some status, we may not openly admit anything wrong about ourselves. There is no one we talk with about our problems, and we ourselves tend to deny them. But they don’t go away.
July 4th firecrackers and dog barking, gentle breeze on the forehead.
The cowherd men met, and Nanda Maharaja spoke up. “There are too many demons coming to Mahavana,” he said, and they all agreed that they should move to Vrndavana. They did so at once, loading up their possessions on the oxcarts.
Then as Krsna grew older, He started going out with calves. They were frisky calves, and each boy took care of thousands. One day, Vatsasura came into their midst. “There’s a demon,” said Krsna, and He quietly approached him, then whirled him up into the tree. “Well done! Well done!” the boys cried. They liked to embrace Krsna to their chests.
Those boys—complete freedom and bliss with their protector. They raced through the forest, stopped to grab flowers and fallen peacock feathers and red clay for marking their bodies. Then they entered the realm of animals—jumped into trees like monkeys, into streams like frogs, chased the shadows of birds, and raced to see who could be the first to touch Krsna. They were ready for anything, so when the Agha demon appeared they were unafraid, even though they could not figure out what he was. “Even if he is a big serpent ready to swallow us, Krsna will kill him just as He killed Baka.”
By talking of Krsna, who killed Bakasura, Nanda Maharaja and the cowherd men
“forgot the threefold miseries of material existence. This is the effect of Krsna consciousness. What was enjoyed 5,000 years ago by Nanda Maharaja can still be enjoyed by persons who are in Krsna consciousness simply by talking about the transcendental pastimes of Krsna and His associates” (KRSNA, Vol. 1, p. 79).
I don’t see the profit in the war between censor and creator—between left and right brain. These aspects are meant to work together in the service of Krsna. It’s embarrassing that all this inner fighting goes on, but this is how a devotee struggles to achieve proficiency in his service. Each has their own experience of that within their particular services.
Sorry folks, but I’ve got to keep writing. I promised myself this. Besides, I’ve got an editor now, so there’s no problem in dealing with something not worth sharing. I’ve got to move on with this and talk on the page.
I’ll tell Krsna stories. It’s like being in solitary confinement and talking to yourself to keep from going insane.
Krsna stories. I have to walk around here and breathe. I can throw this page out.
The man next door: He is angry all day long. He is on holiday, but keeps yelling at his two big dogs, “Get out of here!” They try to come up on his deck. Why keep them if you don’t want them? This is the man with the blue wooden duck on top of his house. Its wings revolve in the wind. One day, sudden death or some other disillusion will hit his family. The husband and wife will look at the blue painted duck and it will occur to them, “We have created this home with millions of details. We worked hard, spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to create it, and now it has ended—it is a dream world, topped with a blue duck whose wings revolve in the wind.”
Will death and similar disillusion not strike this house too? Yes, in every house there will be lamentation. The season of happiness will give way to the season of unhappiness. But a devotee of the Lord will say, “Let us chant and hear of Lord Hari. This alone cannot be destroyed by time. Let us remember Him now and at the time of death.” The house of a devotee cannot be defeated, despite inevitable loss, dwindling, and death.
Our house is packed with busy workers.
And the wood thrush sings.
My dear Lord Krsna, You are the controller. I cannot get anywhere on my own. You determine everything. I have to leave this scene in a few years, just like everyone else; it never happens otherwise. And then another body.
(“Get out of here!” That dog might have been his father in a previous life, and his son, four years old, is now the prince. He is their little “Krsna,” but he will disappoint them in the end.)
pp. 98-102
vidya-vinaya-sampanne
brahmane gavi hastini
suni caiva sva-pake ca
panditah sama-darsinahThe humble sages, by virtue of true knowledge, see with equal vision a learned and gentle brahmana, a cow, an elephant, a dog and a dog-eater [outcaste]. —Bg. 5.18
We are each a tiny spirit soul, in measurement one ten-thousandth the tip of a hair. This understanding is the basis of equal vision. Neither a bodily sentiment nor a concocted philosophy proclaiming everyone as God, equal vision is the transcendental fact: all species of life are actually infinitesimal spirit souls covered by different, external shapes. Many different-size trucks and cars may be on the highway, but the driver of each is a human being. Similarly, within each body in all species on all planets of the material world is the infinitesimal, eternal spirit soul. Each spirit soul has taken residence in a particular body because of his karma.
Seeing with equal vision, however, does not mean that we treat each person exactly the same. But our intention should be the same: to share Krsna consciousness with one and all. Lord Caitanya was able to engage even the jungle tigers, lions, and elephants in chanting Hare Krsna. This is not possible for us, but nevertheless, we can relate in a Krsna conscious way even to the animals. At least we need not kill them simply for our sense gratification. Especially we can approach the human beings—always seeing them as eternal servants of the Lord and relating to them in Krsna consciousness.
In The Nectar of Devotion, Rupa Gosvami tells us how to relate to the Supreme Lord, the devotee, the innocent persons, and the demon. Each case is a matter of reciprocating in Krsna consciousness. We should worship and serve the Supreme Lord, the object of all devotional service. With the devotee we should be friends. With the innocent nondevotee we should use all facility to give him the gift of Krsna consciousness. And with the devout atheist we should leave him to him own devices, to be dealt with by Krsna according to the law of karma. Sometimes, however, the dedicated and empowered devotees reach even the stone-like hearts of the avowed atheists through distribution of the Lord’s mercy as prasadam, kirtana, and Krsna conscious literature.
In the case of the maha-bhagavata, or first-class devotee, the distinctions between demon and devotee disappear; he sees everyone as the eternal servant of Krsna. He sees that nothing is beyond the Lord’s control and that even the demons are playing a part in His complete plan. The maha-bhagavata is merged in meditation of the Lord and sees, therefore, everything within the Lord’s creation as spiritual. But to do practical missionary work on behalf of the Supreme Lord, the maha-bhagavata sometimes comes down to assume the role of a preacher. At that time, for preaching, he sees distinctions between devotee and nondevotee, for the purpose of advancing Krsna’s cause in the material world.
As the devotee is equal to all, so is the Supreme Lord. The demons, citing how Lord Krsna repeatedly takes the side of the demigod Indra against the asuras, once accused the Lord of favoring the demigods. But Sukadeva Gosvami explains that Lord Visnu is actually impartial. He offers to one and all, if they surrender to Him, freedom from the reactions of karma. Those who reject Him entangle themselves in their own actions and reactions under the influence of the time factor. The Lord is not to blame. Krsna’s actions are free from all material duality. Whether His actions appear as enmity or blessings, whatever He does is good. It is up to the living entity, therefore, to understand the all-good intentions of Krsna and to properly receive His blessings.
tat te ’nukampāṁ su-samīkṣamāṇo
bhuñjāna evātma-kṛtaṁ vipākam
hṛd-vāg-vapurbhir vidadhan namas te
jīveta yo mukti-pade sa dāya-bhākMy dear Lord, one who earnestly waits for You to bestow Your causeless mercy upon him, all the while patiently suffering the reactions of his past misdeeds and offering You respectful obeisances with his heart, words and body, is surely eligible for liberation, for it has become his rightful claim. —Bhag. 10.14.8
This is the natural tendency of a devotee—that he is always inclined to the Supreme Lord. And Krsna, although inclined toward everyone, becomes especially inclined toward His devotee.
samo ’haṁ sarva-bhūteṣu
na me dveṣyo ’sti na priyaḥ
ye bhajanti tu māṁ bhaktyā
mayi te teṣu cāpy ahamI envy no one, nor am I partial to anyone. I am equal to all But whoever renders service unto Me in devotion is a friend, is in Me, and I am also a friend to him. —Bg. 9.29
pp. 14-17
Bittersweet’s first meeting, an evening “darsana” with Purushottama, Vrinda Devi, and six-year-old Vraja. They were very cheerful and glad to be here. Vrinda was overflowing with expressions of how they wanted to come and serve me here, and Purushottama dasa said that it didn’t matter as to what they did for service. I told them that when Nanda came tomorrow, he would be the one to best figure out what they could do, because he was the manager. I know they will want Vrinda to do some cooking. That’s her specialty. She wants to cook for me. She smiled so infectiously, and I smiled back. She’s a simple, pure woman, and not afraid to speak up, too. I tried to coax Vraja to speak a little too. I asked her who made her nice tilak on her forehead. She said, “Mommy.” And I got her to say a few other things. But you just can’t get into your own deep things.
None of them once mentioned my trouble or how they feel about it. They don’t need to bring it up because they’re completely loyal. There’s no need to mention a sore. It’s not a sore to them. They have full faith, and no loyalty was broken.
Sweet sentiments from sweet people. I was a bit overwhelmed by it and kept alluding to the fact that I didn’t know what we had for them to do here. I kept saying, “Nanda will be here tomorrow, and he’ll help arrange for your actual service.”
I asked Purushottama if he had his laptop with him. No, he said, he didn’t bring it. Hmm. I thought he might do something like that. He said he could work with a computer, but he didn’t bring his own laptop. Well, I’m sure we can get something for him to do. We’ll just have to see what it is. What about philosophy? Is there something I’m supposed to teach him to bring him close to me? Enliven up a controversial subject just to see how he feels about me? I don’t think I have to, but maybe I should, just to go over it once. I can ask him how the others in Guyana feel. But when he was telling me about Guyana, I felt I’d never go there. Such a long trip, Trinidad and then Guyana. And I don’t like the place, the tension between the blacks and the Hindus. He doesn’t talk about it, but they live with it every day. He just lives in the Hindu world. No blacks come to his temples. But they live on the same streets, and sometimes in bad political years, there are riots. He told me the next bad potential year would be ’06, when there’s another election. He told me that two years ago. Tomorrow I’m going to start wearing my sannyasa clothes because my calendar says Prema is coming, and all of Nanda’s family is returning. And I can also show Purushottama’s family my “regular” regalia. I’m not a tennis player or California relaxer. I’m a Caitanya Gaudiya sannyasi. All of these arrangements are for the visitors. You’re not really yourself. You’re on parade. You’re in the fishbowl. Yes sir, yes ma’am. No time to write a poem.
As for going back to the doctor, you’ve gone to twice for this problem. He first recommended one medicine and then recommended another. I just don’t feel confident to go back again.… One of my many old-age maladies coming to bear now. So on with the nice saffron, and look forward to a happy day, warding off, playing ping-pong, meeting with—visitors. Why don’t you add the word, “embracing”? Yes, dodging, evading—fully embracing visitors.
You have nothing to worry about,
all your friends are coming home
or coming to visit.
A Vaishnava must be clean,
must love their Lord, and he must
chant the Lord’s names.
He doesn’t have to do his brahmin
diksha with 150 silas and be thinking
of rasika lilas as he does so like
the times Krsna came to Radha
in a female form as a barber’s daughter
and He was trembling so much He could not
write Her name on Her feet or when
He came as a Shaivite-like figure singing
lovely songs, because how can you
easily enter those moods until maturity?
And what’s this saying the gayatri
many times a day like japa? Let’s do it
three times the way Prabhupada
showed us and with the meanings he taught
and are taught again in this new book
The Gayatri Book, by Sachinandana Swami.
But certain gayatris
said by any sampradaya are a sacrilege,
so keep attentive for approximately
five minutes
of prayer to guru, Gauranga, Krsna,
Who tends the cows and attends the gopis,
especially Radharani, and you may
pray to be a gopi Manjari
from the paper he gave you
but all sober and not sahajiya.
Show your guests you don’t forget three times a day and you don’t get drowsy during the five-minute chant.
pp. 35-39
Srila Prabhupada’s answer to me when I asked if there would be schisms in ISKCON is a bit cryptic. He answered with force and anger, “Schisms?” He said it as if there is no such thing as long as one is sincere. “There are no schisms, only lack of sincerity.” A sincere follower will not cause such trouble. He will follow the clear instructions of gurudeva. Even if in his heart he finds something that’s being done differently than what Prabhupada taught, he will not make it the cause of big disruption and split. He will abide by the GBC. He may voice his difference in carefully worded letters of opinion, statements of loyal disagreement, like the Supreme Court Justice Warren, who was known as the loyal dissenter. Many times he expressed a minority opinion but followed in a law-abiding way the majority decision. It is healthy that a country or society allows the expression of dissent, but dissenters should not form a new party of rebellion and actively disobey and flaunt the decisions of the governing body. Sounds ideal? It seems to be the only way to keep some semblance of order. And within one’s own life, there’s still space to live as one wishes, not with cheating or conspiracy, but with a quiet stepping on his own path. In the introduction to one of his diaries, Thomas Merton wrote that in this book he may not have used the right theological terms of the fathers of the church or always appear to agree with them, but all people, all souls, have a right to express themselves in their own words.
Oh, you talk too much. We already know what you mean. Why don’t you say your gayatri three times a day with attention? Put your money where your mouth is. Thomas Merton indeed. Quoting the Qu’ran indeed. Who do you think you are? A cub reporter for the Vaikuntha Press? Henry Thoreau living on the edge of Gokula? Swamiji Salami? Never heard of him. Solomon Burke? He’s been around a long time. He just published a CD on Fat Possum.
When the gopis first heard Krsna’s deeper explanation of aprakrta-lila with the gopis in Vrndavana, they threw off their sadness and became happy. He did this while speaking to them intimately in a private talk at Kuruksetra. They understood better that Krsna is always in Vrndavana, and since they never wanted to leave Vrndavana, nor did Krsna ever leave Vrndavana, all they had to do was meditate on Him with love, and they would find Him, see His full presence, personally. The milkmaids looked at one another with renewed hope. Previously, they had heard these messages as pure mayavadi talk, as empty jnana. They thought Krsna was trying to trick them by saying that He would not come to Vrndavana, but as a poor substitute, they could think of Him. They responded like Shakespeare’s Romeo to the solace-giving friar, “Hang up philosophy if it does not produce a Juliet!” But Krsna was going further this time in telling them of an exclusive aprakata-lila that only the gopis could have.
He assured them that they were not simple cowherd girls. They were better than any yogis or jnanis, and therefore He was not speaking to them of ordinary aprakrta-lila. And yet it was based on the same principle, that Krsna is everywhere. But where is He most? Vrndavana. And in Vrndavana, where most of all? In the hearts of the yearning gopis, especially in the heart of Radharani. So they should take advantage of their hearts’ yearning.
The gopis on their side wanted to assure Krsna that their greed was not based in any way on sense gratification. They knew that He wanted them in Vrndavana, and so they yearned to make Him happy, and the only way you could actually revel and be free, be sat-cid-ananda, was to be in Vrndavana. Why should He have to plead that He had to go kill some demons? He had so many expansions and warriors who could do that, from Balarama to Parasurama, from Lord Nrsimha to the thousands and thousands of warriors, the Pandavas, and other great champions (maharatas) who would gladly fight while Krsna enjoyed His sports in Vrndavana. Therefore, He should not give that limp excuse that He needed to fight and could not enjoy with the gopis. Was He saying that He agreed with them now and that He would always be with them in Vrndavana? Not exactly. He was saying both, that He would have to leave, but that He would have to stay because of His love for them. He could not bear to depart from them, or else He would dry up like a crushed lotus, just as they would. And He also had to personally tend to some of the affairs on the battlefield, at least from time to time. Sometimes away, sometimes back. But even when He was away, he was there whenever they thought of Him, because He was all-pervading, and He was especially present in the gopis’ hearts, because they had conquered Him forever.
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.