SDG Maharaja Health Update
“There were no major dramas this week—no falls, no doctors, no tests, etc. Satsvarupa Maharaja was able to join the morning Zoom Reading Sanga and participate most days. He is still reading and writing, but also spending more hours chanting. There is the expected sprinkling of bad days that any senior citizen might have. A highlight of the week was that he walked while only holding onto Jagannatha Suta’s shoulders with no other support or assistance.”
Hare Krsna,
Baladeva
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Krsna. I seek You, God, and pray to You. Please let me remember to bring the Bhagavatam next time I’m out here and when returning to the house, if lights are on, I’ll read (and if not, by candle!). Or chant japa and be at peace.
******
My unconscious often floats into my conscious. Of course, that happens when I get sleepy sitting in a chair, trying to chant a few more rounds. I wonder if I have abused transference of states from unconscious to conscious through the free-writing. Does that account for my inability to control the mind in japa even when I’m awake? I don’t usually blame it on the free-writing because it’s already been going on. Free-writing looks into what is going on already and then tries wholeheartedly to bring one to a Krsna conscious state. I hope for Krsna conscious states flowing from the uncontrolled to the controlled. Prabhupada says we are all innately Krsna conscious.
******
It seems I’ll never forget the body as long as I’m living in it. And all the literary allusions and confessions, what I thought about during japa (and even in the bathroom), chewing on the same thought again and again. I let it come and told myself that we need safety valves sometimes to let off the pressure.
******
I’m so easily swayed in my resolution. I thought earlier about stopping Every Day, just Write and starting a book about japa. I even glanced for a few moments at Begging For the Nectar and Japa Reform Notebook, and then I saw the good in Every Day, just Write. The very fact that it has no focus is truthful. Is that a strange thing to say? It’s saying the truth rather than what should be said in a book on chanting or anything else. The writing’s as pure as I can get it. I mean, free from pretension.
Now I find myself swaying toward not increasing my japa but increasing my writing, so I talk to myself as an old friend.
******
I’m too old to chastise. I prefer peace.
This has relevance to my decision about whether or not to increase my japa quota. Maybe I should take the same approach. Rather than making a bold announcement and forced start—thirty-two rounds to start on such and such a day, with such and such a book to keep me company—it’s probably better to keep in mind that hari-nama is the only way, and an increased quota may help (although whenever I try it, it usually returns to the same state later).
******
I suspect that writing another japa book like Begging for the Nectar of the Holy Name would start to feel too structured for who I am right now. Is that because I’m living too much in ease these days? Would a japa-vrata tighten me up? If I’m not on book distribution, at least be chanting. “Then if anyone reads this diary, they will see I’m a serious devotee.”
O pretense, begone.
At the same time, improve your chanting if you can.
******
O master, Srila Prabhupada, you are my household deity. O murti of mine,
my sentimental song becomes purified
when I sing it for you. Please rest warmly and rise as you like
to write with Dictaphone your Srimad-Bhdgavatam.
Then kindly chant japa
with me.
Lord of all, in my heart,
please grant me better chanting.
******
Thinking about my health and my resolve to increase my japa quota. I hope the increased japa will fill up a feeling I have of “something missing.” At the same time, the, increased endeavor will bring the risk of more headaches. Samika Rsi dasa wrote and suggested I follow these steps in dealing with my chronic illness: “Please take more slow, natural, positive steps when you take on any stressful situation. Do only what you feel you can handle in a relaxed way. Keep a positive attitude. If it still bothers you, step back and try some other time.”
The “something missing” may be health, so I simply have to face my limits. Accepting it can increase the sweet awareness of Krsna’s mercy. I don’t have to see it as something negative or void. At the same time, I don’t want to live a life of under-endeavor either. It’s a fact that thirty-two rounds a day would strain my daily life. It’s also true that favorable stress is positive in meeting the challenge of life. Srila Prabhupada states that Krsna consciousness and an easy-going life go ill together. We must do what we can without getting stuck on what we can’t do.
******
Dark. I sit facing the window with the curtain open and see the full moon rising over the trees on Inis Rath. My headache is clearing. Celebrate with japa.
******
Krsna, I want to chant better japa today now that I’m not in pain. But I know
the mind won’t listen
to the syllables of the mantra
and I can’t drive hard and fast.
pp. 38-41
Los Angeles
20th February, 1969My Dear Satsvarupa,
Please accept my blessings. I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter—undated—I’m very glad to learn about the installation ceremony. I’m also glad to learn that Boston center is improving and people are taking interest more and more. More important feature is that by Krishna’s grace you are given the facility of lecturing in various Universities.
Next Spring by the first week for certain I shall be in New York and from New York I shall be glad to visit Boston, say for 15 days and you can give me a tentative program of lecturing in different Universities at that time. It is very engladdening to hear that you have now secured an eight weeks seminar in yoga at Emerson College. I’m also glad to learn about Jadurany’s health and by Krishna’s grace she’s improving. I do not give my permission just immediately for regular work but she can come to the temple in the morning and chant her beads silently. So far envy is concerned it can be used only upon the non-devotees. In the transcendental world a devotee is never envious of another devotee on account of his excellence but on the contrary if a devotee finds some excellence in other devotees he eulogizes the devotee admitting his own subordinate position. Although in the spiritual world there is no such concept of subordination still devotees on account of being very humble and meek think that way.In the material world the same thing is expressed in a perverted form. But in the Spiritual world to accept one’s inferior position does not mean envious mentality upon the other. Unhappiness experienced by devotee on account of feeling himself inferior is not unusual rather such mentality is impetus to further development of devotional service.
I’m in due receipt also of the Krishna manuscript for the tape no. 3 & 4 and I’ve also received back the tapes concerned.
You can keep the curtains of the deity room open during Kirtan.
Lord Chaitanya’s advent day is on the 4th of March 1969. On that day you should keep fasting up to the Moon rise in the evening, and the whole day may be utilized in performances in Kirtan and reading of Lord Chaitanya’s teachings. In the evening after ceremony of Kirtan is observed, light refreshments like fruit and milk, boiled potatoes may be taken and the next day general feasting and distribution of Prasadam to public may be observed.I hope this will meet you in very good health.
Your ever well-wisher,
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami
Prabhupada mentions a proposed visit to Boston in this letter. It wasn’t easy to follow Prabhupada’s itinerary even in those days. We relied on the ISKCON grapevine, which was already quite active by 1969, for information on his whereabouts, but the information we received wasn’t always accurate. Devotees often said what they thought should happen rather than what was going to happen.
That fact becomes obvious to devotees who read Prabhupada’s letters and see how much time he spent dispelling rumors and misinformation. I remember one time I heard that Prabhupada had removed me from the editorial board of Back to Godhead. I wrote to Prabhupada, who assured me it wasn’t true. Another time I heard I wasn’t supposed to write Prabhupada letters anymore. Prabhupada corrected that also. In one letter, Prabhupada finally told me, “Unless you hear firsthand from me, don’t believe these stories.”
In this case, I had heard through the grapevine that Prabhupada intended to spend the spring on the East Coast. I knew he would go to New York and that he would also come to Boston, but then the devotees in Buffalo asked him to come to their center too. Later, New Vrindaban also asked. Unless I heard directly from Prabhupada about his plans, I had no way of knowing for sure what they were. I needed to know in advance so I could book college engagements for him…..
At the end of the letter, Prabhupada explains to us how to celebrate Gaura-Purnima. We had never celebrated Gaura-Purnima with Prabhupada. (In 1967, Prabhupada had been on the West Coast for that festival.)
I still remember that 1967 Gaura-Purnima. Prabhupada had instructed us to wait until the full moon had risen before breaking our fast. We didn’t have a newspaper by which to check the time, and we couldn’t see the moon from the storefront. Rupanuga decided to run up to a tenement roof while we waited, the feast ready. I can still remember Rupanuga running down the stairs yelling, “The moon is up! I saw the moon! Prasadam!”
In 1968, Prabhupada was again on the West Coast for Gaura-Purnima. Therefore, we planned to follow the program we had followed in New York under Prabhupada’s direction—reading about Lord Caitanya throughout the day and fasting until moonrise.
pp. 256-58
The parrot’s flight is an art. Man can appreciate it as an artistic act, but man has not created it. Similarly, the art of the bougainvillea blooming bright maroon and saffron along the walls of Prabhupada’s courtyard. But even these pretty flowers have to be connected to Krsna in order to become real objects of art. Prabhupada defined art as the utility of things in their right place—things engaged in the service of Krsna. For example, the art of worship of the Deity, the art of lecturing, the art of writing, the art of combating—all in service to Krsna. Otherwise, “art” is decoration of a dead body.
For me, the monkey climbing around the temple domes is ugly, and some of his acts are abominable. He also appears to be an avowed enemy of the temple, a pilferer and harasser. But everything has to be seen in connection to Krsna. Apart from Krsna, the loveliness of the swooping parrots or the bright bougainvillea flowers are illusion. The beauty of Vrndavana is that here one can easily see all these things in connection with Krsna.
Everything in Vrndavana has been eternally connected to Krsna by His lila here. As described in Brahma-samhita, here all the walking is dance, all talking is song, and the flute is the dearmost friend. So the monkeys of Vrndavana are established as playmates of Krsna, to whom He gave stolen butter. Also the parrots are the descendants of those sukas who talked eloquently about Radha and Krsna, and the flowers are the same varieties used by the gopis to make into garlands to decorate Krsna’s body. Vrndavana is the ideal place for the artist. Here everything is already perfectly in place: an artist is one who sees it. And such vision is endowed by guru and Krsna.
Walking on the road is good for health
and so is looking at the rising sun.
And if you chant while you walk
like the walk of Ambarisa—
and if you walk to the temple,
then your yoga is complete.
Prabhupada speaks
on behalf of the gopis
criticizing Krsna:
“You are a cheating messenger
from a cheating master.”
When they regretted their anger:
they spoke in that mood:
“Don’t tell Him that we were angry.
Whatever He wants is our desire.
He is our worshipable Lord.”
The donkeys staggering under the loads. I looked at their faces and felt sympathy, but there is nothing I can do. I thought of Issa, who felt deeply for such suffering creatures and wrote poems of commiseration:
Spare the fly!
Wringing his hands, wringing his feet,
he implores your mercy!
Cry not, insects,
for that is a way
we all must go.
Prabhupada said the donkey is a mudha for laboring under a human master, since the donkey can get the same grass to eat without working. Yet what can the donkey do once he is under the grip of such a master? And what can I do for them? It is their karma. Only after looking at each donkey did I look up at the drivers walking behind them, switching the donkeys with sticks. The men had the look of Indian desert culture, dark, good-looking faces, but with wild, bold eyes—not gentle, housebroken types. You couldn’t tell these men not to be so cruel. For generations they have carefully calculated exactly how much a donkey can carry without collapsing or breaking its back, and they load them up just to that point with bags of grain so wide they block the road. Everybody suffers, and the only remedy is to chant Hare Krsna and go back to Godhead, taking as many with us as possible. The world is no fit place for the pure spirit soul who may very likely wind up under the donkey’s load, bearing the cruel stick.
Staggering by
with white faces,
the donkeys bear their loads.
I gave class today; the purport stressed varnasrama-dharma, and I spoke about cow protection and agriculture at Gita-nagari.
Then Vipramukhya Swami asked this question: “One could say if we are actually interested in cow protection, then the best thing to do is to increase book distribution, because that way you’ll save more cows.” I replied that Prabhupada did not think that preaching about cow protection should be limited to writing about it and distributing books. Prabhupada has written that reading books is theoretical. So to actually protect the cow is to get off the theoretical platform.
We really mean it: “Stop the slaughterhouses.” Stop killing the cows. It is a great crime. Prabhupada said that because of Lyndon Johnson’s slaughtering cows, he had to send the American boys to Vietnam. It’s the greatest crime. It’s one of our main complaints with the whole Christian culture—that they’re not following their commandment, “Thou shalt not kill.” We have to support our own doctrine to not kill animals, and especially to not kill the cow. Distribute the books, and protect the cows.
The mind of mother Yasoda
is revealed by Prabhupada
in his spoken words:
“If the child is too much frightened
I do not know what will become of Him.”
So she desisted in her plan,
and threw away her stick.
“She was the topmost well-wisher
of her child.”
A group of monkeys sits on branches of the nim tree, eating up the leaves. They think it’s their right. The tree simply tolerates. The parrots are alarmed by the monkeys’ proximity.
pp. 10-12
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
I want to thank you for giving us all Krsna consciousness by your coming to the West and taking so much time to travel everywhere and give your devotees a perfect example of dedication to a movement for Krsna consciousness, a society of Krsna consciousness and to what individual practice of it is. You gave such an example of being absorbed in the philosophy and preaching it. You gave an example of being compassionate. Your compassion sometimes took the form of anger towards the mudhas, the non-devotees who don’t accept Krsna and those who even directly try to stop others from taking to Krsna consciousness. You preached to them with logic and scripture. Those who came to you, you took individual care of them, and you certainly did that for me from when I first came to you in 1966 in New York City, 26 Second Avenue.
So I want to thank you for that example you gave us and a mission that you gave us: how to stay clear of the vices of Kali-yuga and to become followers of Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam. There was no chance of that for us by our birth and upbringing but only when you came to give us Krsna’s message.
Prabhupada, I still have misgivings and doubts that hold me back. As far as I can see there’s no question of my leaving your service, but maya is very strong and even that could happen. She could take me away. We have to be very serious, you always said, to show Maya that we don’t want her anymore. Otherwise you give her just a little indication, and she’ll take you away. But even if I stay in this movement there’s still a question of not just being a freeloader or not just dragging my heels. There’s, of course, still a question of whether I can go back to Godhead in this life and if not how much progress I can make in this lifetime. So I’m praying, Prabhupada.
As I pray today at this little table, I’m looking out the window. Usually all we see is the calm (or rough) lake, in wintertime no boats just a couple of swans. But today somehow there’s a small but strong red tugboat pulling a barge. I feel like that barge, and you’re like the tugboat. You’re leaving a powerful wake off the stern of the tug due to the mighty engine, and the reluctant black barge moves along slowly in the water. But why should you have to pull like that, I should by now be pulling other boats.
I want to thank you, Prabhupada, for giving us Krsna and giving me so many opportunities to serve you including this one of being able to talk with you to clear my mind of bad things.
Just today, Prabhupada, I was listening to your lecture while I was massaging you in your murti. It’s always nice to be able to do that, but somehow my head was a little weak (being prone to headache), and it seems at times like that I need physically soothing mellow sound vibration, or so I tell myself. Your voice was speaking in Bombay over amplification in 1974, and it sounded harsh to me. It sounded rough, it sounded gruff. You were preaching strongly the same examples. You were giving the example of matter and spirit. Material becomes spiritual, like when an iron rod is put into the fire. As you spoke you became enthusiastic by the example with that wonderful quality you have of treating the same material freshly, and you said again the same example and you repeated it. It’s a very good example you said. The iron rod becomes hotter and hotter and then it becomes like fire.
But rather than hearing with deep appreciation and understanding that that’s happening to me and resolving to stay in the fire, my mind was rebelling and saying that I couldn’t hear this. Then saying, I better not hear it then if I’m not going to appreciate it, if I’m going to be offensive and think that Prabhupada’s voice is too rough. But I stayed with it, and I hope I rode through the storm of finding fault with your voice. But that’s the kind of thing I mean, those kind of irritations and outward disturbances that come as I become a prey of the fault-finding mentality.
I don’t want to fall like that, Prabhupada, that’s why I like it when I do get inspired hearing you. It’s a fact that I do have certain attitudes or moods where I’m more receptive. It may have to do with physical strength, time of the day and so on that one is more receptive. I listen to you early in the morning, you know all this, and some times are better than others. But I don’t want some velvet smooth orator or popular singer’s dulcet tones to soothe me. I want your words, and if you’re rough I know it’s the hoarse voice of the military general who’s been giving orders and himself going forward with battle cry for many hours and years, and he’s grown old like grandfather Bhisma. You can’t expect him to be like some court eunuch or some Gandharva or cinema singer all pampered and nice for ladies. If he’s rough, if he’s tough that’s another source of inspiration.
I’m less than ideal. I’m not so brave, in some ways I was better. But I don’t want to be centered on myself. I want to be centered on you and that way be centered for going to Krishna. My lacking should be seen as self-realization of my tininess and my weakness in comparison to all-great, all-pure Krishna. Not that I am only here myself in the universe to rejoice about greatness or to lament over my smallness. But I see myself in humility in contrast to you and Krishna and therefore I want to stay and glorify you.
pp. 113-18
Prabhupada is teaching the world
what it has forgotten. That is God.
He wrote the purports but people
don’t read them.
He challenged but they didn’t take it.
He walked the beach, in the park, and they could
have come too but were too busy.
Prabhupada made what he taught sound simple—
the body is the outer covering,
there’s a subtle body within that,
and the spirit soul is the real mover.
The supreme soul is Krsna.
Prabhupada had a lot to say against the Mayavadis
to people who didn’t think it was relevant.
They thought Prabhupada was abstract
whereas the problems of the world
are real and multifarious.
But he rejected that and said
the one common disease is material identification
and we all suffer from it.
Just chant Hare Krsna and be cured.
But they laughed. He knew they laughed.
He was disgusted with them
but didn’t give up on them.
A relatively few came to him,
his boys and girls.
On them he lavished affection
gave knowledge to stand strong
and he chastised them too
but that was also instruction, a sharp word
to wake you up to the responsibility
of being Krsna’s representative
in this world.
Prabhupada left his books
and his followers, and he has gone.
We still can’t understand it.
We are only trying to understand
“I’m not this body. Krsna’s God.”
How can we expect to know
where the pure devotee lives now?
Don’t bother about it he said,
it will come in due course. Just
try to serve Krsna. Tell everyone you meet
to please surrender to God.
Prabhupada has left us
plenty to do
to get back to him.
While talking to a roomful of devotees yesterday
I discovered
that Srila Prabhupada was a perfect psychologist.
He assured us that we were fortunate and happy.
We have given up sinful life and
attained Krsna consciousness
so no one should be despondent.
But Prabhupada also made it clear
we are not Vaisnavas
but servants of the Vaisnavas.
A pure devotee is very rare.
He was expert and did it subtly
so no one noticed how—
giving us confidence and humility at the same time.
And what he gave we accepted.
In arguing for Krsna
he’d take any side
to prove the truth, to defeat the Lord’s opponents.
Prabhupada said the devotees
may call the nondevotees
by ornamented names like vimukta-maninas,
“those who think they have become liberated.”
But Krsna is superior and so he tells it plain,
they are mudhas, asses.
Prabhupada did that too, like father and guru.
I’m remembering him
and collecting my appreciations.
He’d prefer to see me battling like him
but if all I can do is discover
some of his expert ways and admire them
he will accept that too as a kind of service.
But if you admire him, you really ought to preach.
This doesn’t have to be printed but—
Prabhupada is mustard on a sandwich.
Say something you mean.
He talked in a way that could have put him into prison
but Krsna protected him.
His Godbrothers didn’t appreciate. We do.
That’s our qualification.
He loved us and still does.
So I say mustard on a sandwich,
the words just come to mind for something very strong.
But he is also the nicest nectar.
He is the father, the guru
and he is all alone.
We don’t know his mind.
He sits at a low table and we mistakenly
think we know all about him.
He speaks the basic teachings to guests
in the afternoon but we can’t fathom
the compassion that drives him to speak.
And how is it that the inconceivable God of all
has become his close friend?
Surely he talks with Krsna if anyone does
because the Lord wants to give him ideas
for spreading Krsna consciousness.
Maybe Krsna tells him, “Prabhupada,
you already know what to do.”
When they are together is it like
krsna-lila in Vrndavana?
I don’t know.
I just know I want to appreciate
his symbols on the page,
his walking stick,
his bare skin when he wears
no kurta. And because of my false ego
I want him to spare me from his heavy frowns,
don’t push my Americanism too far,
don’t try to break my pride or
crush my artistism—in other words
please don’t make me surrender!
He sees what a fool I am.
In a dream
he lets me take off his shoes.
pp. 201-3
Wouldn’t it be nice
if we spoke of Krsna all the time
and inward chanting not just
from the mind and words
but the constant chanting of the heart
clinging to the name of Krsna?
Yes, and now the land is waiting. The weeds stand tall in the dark. The sheep are lying on their stomachs. Perhaps wilder creatures will emerge from the woods and take to the road while I am out walking with my stick.
As for meditating on solitude vs. society or any other such matters, I will simply repeat what Prabhupada has said and apply it as best I can to my own situation.
Prabhupada said that he didn’t speak on his own but repeated Krsna’s words. Still, he repeated those words with his own strong and expressive mood. He said things like, “If you ask a human being what about the next life, he will reply, ‘Bow-wow!’ He will say, `Don’t bother us about that. You can be concerned but we are not.” He said they were no better than dogs.
O Krsna, you wanted us to inform the fallen souls, “Dear sir,
look at this communication,
this signal flare
to catch your attention and disorient
you so you can hear the message you
have so long neglected.
Although you studied and entertained yourself,
you missed this point: life is brief,
the body is not the self,
and whatever you do in this life
shapes the next one.
Wake up and get out of the pit.”
Lord Caitanya embraced Sanatana, cleaned his body, and asked His friends to give him new clothes and “make him gentle.”
Prabhupada used the word daravesa, Muslim mendicant. Prabhupada said, “A Muslim mendicant, or hippie.” Sweet entrance of Prabhupada’s experience with us into his writing. We loved him for it.
Hare Krsna. I daydream of chanting Hare Krsna more often than I daydream of managing or lecturing. Those other two seem harder to sustain. Still, it’s hard to chant (and write). But it would be weak-hearted to tell Madhu that I give up, I want to actually go traveling. Since our van isn’t registered, we would only be able to travel in Ireland anyway. We could spend time in Dublin, but we were just there.
No, it’s best to stick it out here. Of course, I could give up the walk and just be here. I guess I don’t always have to be on a forced march, especially when the energy to be walking has worn off. I am allowed to listen to my inner voice directing me as to what I want to write.
I want to go to where the process leads. If it leads me off into a France of the mind, then let me go there on the ferry or le shuttle. If it takes only thirty-five minutes to arrive and come back, then no problem. Or if I need to go somewhere else to follow the Muse from there, then let me go. If I want to live on the coast of France for a couple of months (if I’m lucky enough and find some absorbing work to do there), then I should be happy to remain.
“But this is grasshopper life! We should stick to our work and bite the bullet, not trail after some Muse.”
No, I don’t have to do that. I may have to move along. What that will mean for my pada-yatra is that it will have to go ahead without me.
“Okay, then if you didn’t walk, where would you be?”
I drink water and worry. I think of Rousseau and how paranoiac he was, saying the whole world was against him when he was actually an extremely famous writer even in his own day. Yet the scholars say he was exiled from his homeland, and that some of his books were officially banned in France. He had no intimate relationships with women, although he seemed to crave that, and his idea of the Noble Savage who would be accepted by society did not come true. I guess he felt the world was against him. At least he recorded what he felt. I may be disgusted to read his self-serving arguments in favor of Jean Jacques Rousseau, but I’m glad he said what he meant. A guy has to say what he means.
pp. 15-18
“I discussed the contents of your letter with His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada. Srila Prabhupada stated that our grhasthas should simply chant fifty rounds before conceiving a child. Prabhupada said, ‘We do not want all these rituals. Chanting Hare Krsna is our only business. According to the Manu-samhita you are all mlecchas and yavanas. You cannot touch the Manu-samhita, what to speak of translating it. So if you try to follow the Manu-samhita then you will become a mleccha and yavana, and your career is finished.’”
—Letter of May 19, 1977
“I understand you are now expecting a nice child for raising in Krsna consciousness. In this connection you should avoid any spicy foods, so long the child is within the womb. So far natural childbirth is concerned, natural delivery is possible if we keep ourselves naturally. And so far I know, a pregnant woman should not even eat pungent foodstuffs, she should not move in cars, she should not sit idly. She should move and do some physical work. These are the general rules and regulations I have seen in India. They have natural delivery. But so far your country is concerned, especially the situation of women there, that is a different thing. I cannot say definitely what is to be done. And under the circumstances, the best thing is to consult a doctor as they usually do. And after all, Krsna is the ultimate Master, so if you keep the natural habits and depend on Krsna, then everything will be done nicely without any difficulty.”
—Letter of March 24, 1969
“You ask if the children should be taken to ordinary medical doctors. Why not? Of course, we can’t always trust that these doctors may be doing the right thing, but what can be done? The governing principle for our activity should be to do what is favorable for pleasing Krsna. So if your child requires medical attention to be fit for serving Krsna, then it is only practical she should get it. The same thing—the government is giving you money, why not use it for Krsna? The only thing you must avoid cheating them while falsely claiming something to get money. Then we are risking our very high reputation as pious people. But if they are willing to give us money and food, then of course we should accept.”
—Letter of November 27, 1971
“Regarding the child problem: [in class] I may inform you that our children born of Krsna conscious parents are all welcome, and Krsna conscious parents are all welcome, and I want hundreds of children like that, because in the future we expect to change the face of the whole world, because the child is the father of the man. Anyway, I have seen M. is nursing her child so nicely that she attended my meeting every day and the child was playing, not crying. Similarly L.’s child also never cries or disturbs the meeting. L. was always present with her child, so it depends on the mother. How to keep the child comfortable, so that he will not cry. The child cries only when it feels uncomfortable. The child’s comfort and discomfort depends on the mother’s attention. So the best solution is we train all our small babies in such a way that they are always satisfied, and there will be no disturbance in the meeting. Then there will be no complaint. But there cannot be any hard and fast rules that only children who are grown up, seven or eight years old, can be admitted and no other children can be admitted. That is not possible, and I am not going to sanction any such rule. Rather, I shall welcome the baby from the very beginning, so that the transcendental vibration may enter into its ear, and from the very beginning of its life, it becomes purified. But of course children cannot be allowed to disturb in the meeting by crying, and it is the mother’s responsibility to keep them comfortable and not disturb the meeting.
—Letter of August 26, 1968
“Why should the parents not feel attachment for their children, that is natural. But our affection is not simply sentimental, we offer our children the highest opportunity to become trained up in Krsna consciousness very early so as to assure their success in this life to go back to Godhead for sure. That is real affection, to make sure my child gets back to Godhead, that is my real responsibility as a parent. And I have seen that gurukula offers this opportunity more than any other place anywhere. So I think that you are an intelligent girl, and you can explain it to the others in this way.”
—Letter of March 23, 1973
pp. 314-16
1.4.27
nātiprasīdad-dhṛdayaḥ
sarasvatyās taṭe śucau
vitarkayan vivikta-stha
idaṁ covāca dharma-vitThus the sage, being dissatisfied at heart, at once began to reflect, because he knew the essence of religion, and he said within himself:
Now the topic of Vyasadeva’s dissatisfaction begins. I’ will be developed thoroughly in the Srimad-Bhagavatam. We must remember that Vyasadeva is himself the narrator, although here he is describing himself in the third person. It is an intriguing and disturbing note. What’s the matter? Vyasadeva introduces the subject as a puzzle. “It was expected that he would be satisfied,” Srila Prabhupada writes. Someone who is above material sense gratification, who is atmarama, or self-satisfied, and who has dedicated himself to helping others—we would expect that at least he would feel satisfaction. But no. Vyasadeva then looks within to find the cause of his unhappiness.
Devotees want to immediately apply this particular section of the Bhagavatam to themselves or to theoretical cases in ISKCON. “Why do we feel dissatisfied even when our activities are sanctioned?” “Why, after steadily doing service for many years, does someone want to give it up to do more direct service for the spiritual master? Is that an immature understanding?”
Questions grind axes. We beg the question for ourselves. But what about Vyasadeva and the history? Let’s stay with him while we can. We can find personal applications later. The Bhagavatam’s histories are meant to be studied in themselves. Few are allegorical. We need to feel with the main characters first and apply the lessons later. That’s part of getting the mercy too. Taste Vyasadeva’s bitterness, his profound puzzlement, and Narada’s mercy. We need guru; even Vyasadeva needed guru. It’s from guru that we learn about root causes.
It is hot in here! Pines standing tall outside. We have a little more than. a week left here, although already we are being pulled out through faxes about money and upcoming meetings. I can tell you, hermits dread fax machines. Their sheeny textured paper comes rolling out with its greasy, printed surface and stretches right into the woods. That paper is hard to resist. It sits there in a roll on your desk.
How can you avoid reading it? The print bounces off your eyes, black shine against white. Did I have a dream about this? So many events in waking life seem to suggest something I dreamt, but they elude me later.
Vyasadeva wrote the right books but he
was not satisfied, not at heart.
What is heart, and what’s the matter?
If I heard that I didn’t write directly about Krsna
would I be able to change that?
No one expects me to be satisfied.
There’s always peas under my mattress
and quoting other authors doesn’t help.
When the sun beats on me I get a headache,
and I feel a splinter under my skin.
O adhyatmic ailments, I am not this body.
But I’m dissatisfied and don’t know
why I can’t love Krsna, or why
I don’t.
Robin red-breast, I saw you return
on your yellow spindly legs,
standing on a three-foot stump.
You look here and there for
bears? The coyote
I heard yipping in the dark this
morning?
Are you dissatisfied?
I like it that Vyasadeva began his search by looking within. He knew it wasn’t a material dissatisfaction, not something related to body or mind. He searched his heart for the root cause, which is always beyond matter.
We applaud the writer.
Still he’s dissatisfied.
Give him an award, poignant
appreciation: “I cried when
I read your essay.” Still
not satisfied.
What the hell does he want?
Carob pies with whipped cream to remind him of Mom? Peace? A free trip to anywhere? He ought to be satisfied.
My life’s a joke, but not Vyasa’s. We tend to seek happiness elsewhere than the self. It’s a common disease. Just look at all the dejected-looking people. No joie de vivre. Marilyn Monroe commits suicide, Elvis gorges himself to death—no one can keep fame and youth forever, and what was once satisfying later turns into poison. That’s how it is. Prabhupada says, “Perfection is never attained until one is satisfied at heart. This satisfaction of heart has to be searched out beyond matter.” (Bhag. 1.4.27, purport)
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.