SDG Maharaja Health Update
“So the saga continues. Satsvarupa Maharaja got a CT scan, but the results are inconclusive as far as his primary care physician could tell. He said this was a specialty field, and only an orthopedic surgeon could examine the pictures and radiologist’s report to determine what to do next. We are taking steps to get an early appointment with the surgeon to see what he has to say about the chronic. Unfortunately, there is an aspect of Parkinson’s disease that presents itself as unexplained pain. This may be the real issue, and relief is simply up to Krsna. Satsvarupa Maharaja got two migraine headaches this week along with his regular headaches.
“News flash! The neurologist who specifically deals with the Parkinson’s just called with an appointment opening for Tuesday. He may be able to shed light on the possibility of this pain being from the Parkinsons and have a plan how to de-escalate it.”
Hare Krsna,
Baladeva
If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at [email protected] or [email protected] and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.
Preaching and sadhana come together in good japa. One who has enthusiasm, taste, and steadiness in chanting will progress beyond offensive chanting and will also become a potent preacher. Yes, it’s true.
******
You can use writing to bring yourself closer to Krsna consciousness, as you would in reading or japa. Japa … I felt a little wave to do it, then it passed, almost as if it was an illusion. When I actually begin a round, the mind goes off.
******
I have a stiff neck and head. Take rest early. I can’t do a sixty-four-round vrata because of my headaches. It’s too strenuous to chant for nine hours a day.
“I thought of practicing meditation to help my chanting.”
“Yes,” I say and glance at Nanyana-kavaca. “Remember how M used to read books on astanga-yoga to improve his concentration on japa?” Someone else says, “The answer is earplugs.”
“How do you get around the wall?”
“Associate with good chanters.”
“Where do you find them?”
Pay attention to the japa genius within you, the japa reformer. If you give him room, he will awaken and reciprocate.
******
A disciple just asked a question. He said that a devotee recommends they always play a tape of Prabhupada chanting japa in the temple so that “we’ll be assured we’re hearing prema-nama.” My disciple wants to know if it’s possible Prabhupada could empower his disciples to chant prema-nama. Well, Prabhupada teaches, and if the devotees follow, of course it is possible. Prema-nama comes from Krsna. Of course, I haven’t answered whether I have prema-nama. I don’t. I can state that frankly. In my chanting you’ll only hear someone struggling to achieve it.
******
He’s built a japa-kutir with a little shelf, authentic, you sit up there on a thick grass mat with no back rest. One swami said, “Book me to use the kutir on Ekadasis. I’ll do sixty-four rounds.” Boy, I thought, I can’t do that much. I’ve got no prema-nama, no ruci for nama, only offensive chanting? I’ll never live it down.
******
I propose to take notes during the day. At the end of the day I’ll note the total rounds done and make a summary or final statement. This is an attempt to get my japa “going”. It seems to have no feeling. My only purpose seems to be to count each round in the sixteen minimum quota. No prayer, no attention, hardly any hearing of the actual mantras, hardly any attempt to control the flickering mind.
******
Seventeen rounds. I heard of a Godbrother who is in Vrndavana but who doesn’t come to the ISKCON temple. I heard that he’s chanting a high quota japa-bhajana. I thought of going to see him to talk about chanting on beads, but I decided not to. I’ll talk with myself.
Want to increase the quantity?
I heard Bhakti-rasa dasa chants japa on the roof. Maybe I could go up there and try it out. But in many ways, this room is an ideal bhakti-kutir. The door is bolted, a sign on it in both Hindi and English says, “Do not disturb,” and an arrow points all would-be intruders to Madhu’s room. I am free to chant here. But I don’t want to. Have no taste.
******
Total of twenty rounds today. This writing makes me conscientious. Some devotees say, “I feel that my daily chanting starts only after I complete my sixteen rounds.” A little extra quantity makes for hope—adventure in japa.
******
Chanting japa on the roof of the Guesthouse. Since it’s five stories up, you get to peer down into everybody’s backyard. It makes me feel like a voyeur. Sometimes they notice and look way up at me. On the roof of a building just outside Krsna-Balaram’s walls, I saw a Western man. His head was mostly bald, but the remaining hairs were grown out long. He held a beadbag and wore a shawl. He also had a guitar up there with him.
pp. 3-7
My Dear Satsvarupa,
Please accept my blessings. I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 4 January, 1970 along with the newspaper cuttings and I have enjoyed the article with nice pictures. If you go on with your work sincerely, by following the footsteps of our predecessors, certainly our movement will be recognized by the people in general.
Recently, I have received a copy of one letter issued by the draft board recognizing our society as religious. So this means that both the public and government are gradually appreciating our position, and there is no doubt about it, if our motives are sincere, they will do it more and more. Now our immediate duty is that all our society members are strictly following the rules and regulations and chanting routine. That will make them steady and strong in their positions respectively.
Regarding Art Department, Muralidhar has already gone to Boston, and now you have a good board of artists. And I am glad that Devahuti is also returning, so all combined together produce at least one nice picture daily.
So, other news is very encouraging. So execute arotiks regularly and properly. So far my book is concerned, special attention is required in the composing department, otherwise, the whole scheme will be disturbed. Regarding Krishna, please make the MS ready because if George Harrison pays for the printing in Japan, we shall have to send it immediately for the purpose. Regarding transcribing, I have written to Detroit if they can do it. In the meantime, I have engaged Devananda transcribing the tape and a primary editing also, and the copy can be sent to you for final editing and then printing. We have to do things now very dexterously, simply we have to see that in our book there is no spelling or grammatical mistake. We do not mind for any good style, our style is Hare Krishna, but, still, we should not present a shabby thing. Although Krishna literatures are so nice that, even if they are presented in broken and irregular ways, such literatures are welcomed, read and respected by bonafide devotees.
That does not matter because you are not personally tending me in Boston that is formality. I want to see that all my disciples are engaged 24 hours in the service of the Lord. If one is engaged full time in the service of the Lord, under my direction, that is my personal service.
Your ever well-wisher,
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami
Prabhupāda mentions the draft board. I was not personally worried about the draft—I had already served my time both in the Naval Reserves and aboard the U.S.S. Saratoga—but other devotees were concerned. The United States president was sending more and more troops to fight in Vietnam. The Vietnam War was an unpopular war, and many young people, especially students, were demonstrating against it both by holding rallies and by dodging the draft. Those who became devotees were no longer involved in active demonstrations against the war, but they were not exempt from the draft. Those who were drafted were selected at random, and any male who had had his eighteenth birthday and was under twenty-six was automatically eligible. There were societal checks to ensure that young men registered for the draft, which they were required to do within two weeks of their eighteenth birthday. If a young man went to a bar, he had to show proof of age before being served. The only proof accepted was a draft card. It was also impossible to obtain a driver’s license without a draft card. College students could be drafted as soon as they had finished their undergraduate degrees. Those who were selected received notice to appear before a board to be assessed physically and mentally for service. Many students burned their draft cards, risking imprisonment, and others fled the country to Canada. The Vietnam War fueled the counterculture and divided the country.
When devotees received their draft notices, they chose different paths of action. Some pretended they were insane when they went before the board; others fled to Canada (Acyutānanda went to India). In the meantime, Prabhupāda was trying to obtain ministerial status for his disciples, and in this letter we see that he had been successful. Here Prabhupāda states that the draft authorities had studied our credentials in Los Angeles and had written a significant acknowledgement of our movement. This pleased Prabhupāda because it meant that the United States government accepted ISKCON as a bona fide religion.
Although we would never have admitted it publicly, the devotees often invited young men to join the movement to avoid the draft. Of course, we immediately realized that draft dodgers were not necessarily devotees, and we gradually instituted a system by which we could test candidates’ interest in the Kṛṣṇa consciousness philosophy.
pp. 38-41
It’s a major obstacle to lose interest when you note you’ve read something before. Just now I come upon a description of third-class, second-class, and first-class devotees. They say it’s because the subject matter is so basic and we’re supposed to be taking up our interest in Krsna’s conjugal pastimes. If the material was less basic, we would be more interested.
There’s a limit to that argument. Actually, you run into the same obstacle. Once you’ve heard something, you’ve heard it. The teachings in the advanced sphere are repeated too. You have to read them again and again.
So what of these three kinds of devotees? Listen. But why? Is it so I can preach this information? Yes, that, and because I need to face what he is saying here. Just because I have heard it before is no reason to turn off from hearing it now. If we are patient, Prabhupada says, we will be rewarded with fresh insights, or “new lights.”
The second-class devotee is better than the devotee who worships in the temple “but who does not show sympathy to people in general or show respect to other devotees.” The madhyama-adhikari maintains “friendships with devotees of the Lord, acts compassionately towards the general public in teaching them devotional service, and refuses to cooperate or associate with nondevotees.” (Bhag. 3.21.31, purport)
These are hints about how we are to behave. Whatever our service, it should be performed as an act of compassion toward the nondevotees (preaching), and it should be done respectfully and in friendship with the devotees.
“The first-class devotee gives assurance to every living being that there is no fear of this material existence: ‘Let us live in Krsna consciousness and conquer the nescience of material existence.”
I cannot imitate this stage, but I should try to situate myself in the uttama-adhikari’s sense of total dependence on Krsna, and I should give that dependence to others.
Krsna is one and He expands. His expansions, therefore, are absolute. For example, He is nondifferent from His name. Krsna and the Deity are the same.
Reading this, I find myself thinking of how I’m no longer a GBC man. It’s a reduction of status in this movement, especially in the eyes of the GBC men themselves. Then I find my mind straying over a position paper I read. But don’t finish these thoughts. There’s no point to it. I can’t say I shouldn’t think of such things, stop it right now. They’re part of my life. Instead I’ll tell the reader, “Watch out, I’m descending to a think-out-my-plans diary.” That happens. I can’t always write exalted literature and avoid the stuff of daily life. The “Dear Diary, this is happening” mode is the actual field upon which I carry out my attempts at Krsna consciousness.
Hare Krsna. A man danced and performed yajna. He lived patiently with pain. Still, his conscience and awareness of peer expectation demanded that he ask himself, “Are you doing enough?” In answer, he walked from room to room and repeated over and over to himself, “It is pleasing to my spiritual master that I read his books. My writing is how I communicate (preach).” This big mrdanga will preach better than I ever could by going from temple to temple eternally. This mrdanga is heard all over the world.”
Last night’s thought, “take it while you can,” sounded like a good title for this volume. Now I’ve changed my mind. The words “take it” are too aggressive, and do not reveal my Krsna conscious import. Take what? Sounds like a motto for a hedonist—”Grab all the gusto you can get!” Steal it, seize it.
What I meant is that a devotee should take devotional service. Time is short. We should actively participate in our own spiritual development and we shouldn’t waste time.
For me, it means recognizing the freedom I have to live alone, at least for now, and how I should take that opportunity, the permission of Time and Providence, to “take” Krsna. But perhaps that’s not clear simply in the words as a title.
Headlines. “Krsna Chant Startles London.” “Swami Chants in Park With Flock and Creates Ecstasy.” “New Indian Religion Gets You Higher Than LSD.” “Save Earth Now.”
This Swami ministers to own self. Satsvarupa leads a life of goodness in Wicklow hills. Ex-GBC member retires to small community in South Ireland.
Tabloid: Hermit hides in hills. Ex-debauch tries to recover justification of self.
Critics of SDG say he’s a bonk—writes only of mental life. Where is the risk in his life? They interview that Godbrother who says I’m a bonk and I find myself questioning his behavior. Alas.
Swamis coming. Dhanurdhara Swami will be here in a few minutes and will stay for a week (at Sastra’s). Gunagrahi Maharaja will be here Wednesday and will stay for about a week. What will I do while they are here? Listen to Dhanurdhara Maharaja’s Sunday morning lecture. Other lectures arranged. I’ll probably talk too, but it’s too soon to read this journal. Lecture give-and-take. You could read from the Caitanya-caritamrta, when Lord Caitanya goes on His southern tour:
When Lord Caitanya wanted to travel alone on a tour of South India, He gathered His devotees and spoke to them. When He told them He would travel alone without them, they were devastated. “Let some of us go with You,” they protested. He replied by complaining of how their concerns for His comforts hindered His attempt to strictly follow the sannyasa rules. He wanted to go to Vrndavana just after accepting sannyasa, but they tricked Him and brought Him to Advaita’s house in Navadvipa. He said that Jagadananda wanted Him to enjoy sense gratification, and out of fear of him, the Lord did whatever Jagadananda wanted. If He sometimes did something against the suggestion of Jagadananda, then out of anger he would not speak to Him for three days. The Lord said it was His duty as a sannyasi to lie down on the ground and to bathe three times a day, even in the winter. But Mukunda became very unhappy when the Lord performed these austerities. Mukunda would remain silent, but Lord Caitanya knew his unhappiness, and that made Him twice as unhappy. Damodara was just a brahmacari, but he kept a stick in his hand, “just to educate Me.” Damodara treated the Lord as a neophyte and didn’t like the Lord’s independent nature. Therefore, He concluded they should all stay in Nilacala and let Him go free to go on tour alone. Lord Caitanya actually strictly followed the rules of sannyasa, but when the devotees became so disturbed by Him, He could not tolerate their unhappiness.
“Although accusing them, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu was indirectly indicating that He was very satisfied with their behavior in pure love of Godhead. Therefore, in verse 27 He mentions that His devotees and associates place more importance on love of Krsna than on social etiquette: “There are many instances of devotional service rendered by previous acaryas who did not care about social behavior when intensely absorbed in love for Krsna. Unfortunately, as long as we are within this material world, we must observe social customs to avoid criticism by the general populace. This is Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s desire.” (Cc. Madhya-lila, 7.29, purport)
Carrying the body around, piss it, clean it, dress it, struggle to put the wristwatch on, the stockings over cracked toenails, huffing and puffing with a fast-beating heart. Waking the Deities, take Them out of Their beds, wash your eyeglasses—is it time for japa ? Where is your dissatisfied mind going?
Chant early in the morning. Chant audibly. Have trust in the holy names. That is, be confident that if you “just hear” attentively, you will make immense gains. What more? Await lamentation. You are not really crying out to the names. Enjoy the exercise. Accumulate numbers, stay awake. Pronounce all the syllables.
The age of the dinosaur and the brontosaurus and the woolly mammoth and the sabre-tooth tiger—all speculation. They found a few bones and fossils and did guesswork. We believe the sastras, Hiranyakasipu, Hiranyaksa, Aghasura, Dhenukasura, Aristasura. Why is our proof better than theirs? It’s sabda-brahma. It’s told to us and taught by sages, perfect books, and comes in an unbroken chain of disciplic succession since time immemorial. Simple faith in the extraordinary supernatural truths. Not dug up at archeological sites.
And I know myself as spirit-soul by the same process. Not speculated by a random chain of philosophers and psychologists through the ages and debated, but by knowledge of Bhagavad-gita. He’s one ten-thousandth the tip of the hair in size and situated in our heart. He energizes the whole body. Life leaves the body when he goes. He goes to another body.
Walking further south, Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu met Paramananda Puri at Rsabha Hill. Paramananda Puri was a senior sannyasi, and Lord Caitanya always treated him with great respect. He touched the feet of Paramananda Puri, who embraced Him. The two of them spent three days and nights talking of topics of Krsna.
Lord Caitanya walking like
a giant, broad-shouldered frame
large lotus feet,
shaved head,
walking up an incline on strong legs,
knees bending, coming downhill,
loudly chanting Krsna Krsna Krsna he!
Unafraid of what anyone thinks
Fearless, with no map or weapons
He’s the Supreme Lord, has His
Sudarsana disk if He needs it.
Stops to beg food, bathes in
the rivers and makes them holy,
preaches the Vaishnava doctrine to
whomever He meets.
They are astounded, millions gather ‘round.
They want to walk with Him
but He says, “Chant and stay home.”
He’s only one sannyasi,
but He creates huge crowds,
because of His spiritual beauty
and His loud chanting
and His wild dancing.
Who is this person?
We have never seen anyone
like Him. Let us follow Him
and give up household life.
“No,” He says, “better
stay home
and chant My holy names.
That way you will never leave Me.”
pp. 222-27
What is good for me spiritually? What combination of diet? As there are doctors of different schools of medicine, so transcendentalists differ. When Maharaja Pariksit sat for his last seven days of life, sages offered various prescriptions: “Maharaja, try this yoga.” But he was only satisfied when young Sukadeva Gosvami arrived with the proposal to continuously hear about Krsna.
Even among Prabhupada’s followers, we will hear different prescriptions of how to please guru and Krsna best. Everyone agrees (theoretically at least) that chanting sixteen rounds of Hare Krsna comes first, but do we mean first get the rounds out of the way, then we can talk about real service? Anyway, we all agree that the vows we take are the most important. Of course, follow the four rules. Then, “Preaching is the essence, books are the basis,” and don’t forget varnasrama—with ox power—prasadam distribution, and don’t forget the morning program—mangala-arati, tulasi-puja, guru-puja, Bhagavatam class, harinama …
What am I getting at? Am I making fun of the plurality of voices in ISKCON and how each one values a particular science? The sun goes down like a burning cinder.
I am trying to say that Krsna is waiting for us. Srila Prabhupada told us that all we have to know is Krsna. He is the source of everything, He is everything. We just have to love Him. I am trying to say that we shouldn’t be complacent and think it’s all right not to go back to Godhead in this life. We should understand our priorities. We should consult with our spiritual master and find out what his priorities are for us. Prabhupada speaks very strongly on this point, that we shouldn’t be complacent about going back to Godhead. I was surprised to hear him emphasize it so strongly because I have been thinking, “Yes, when the devotees humbly say, ‘Let me be born next time in the family of devotees,’ that seems to be the right estimation.” No, Srila Prabhupada says, quoting his Guru Maharaja, “Finish up your business.”
As I enter the holy name’s shelter, hearing sporadically, my mind and senses defy me and cannot be fully conquered. But in the future, by guru’s grace, my heart will soften, doubts will all fall away, and the vision of Krsna, the Beloved of Srimati Radhika, will appear always in my heart as the handsome lover. I will love Him with nothing else in the way—my ego smashed.
O Lord of light who protects us from death, please do not abandon me.
You can attract Krsna by service which is pleasing to the spiritual master and by no other way. Yasya deve para bhaktir, yatha-deve tatha gurau. What pleases you the most, Srila Prabhupada? “That you love Krsna.”
Srila Prabhupada said (I heard it yesterday), “Therefore I don’t talk with any rascal. . . . I only talk with my disciples.” He meant they are so ignorant and stubbornly atheistic that it is useless to speak with them. Prabhupada affirmed that, and moreover, it is the sastric version. Although a preacher kindly mixes with the nondevotees, his actual relationship is with people who will hear him submissively.
“Glorification of the Supreme Personality of Godhead is performed in the parampara system; that is, it is conveyed from spiritual master to disciple” (Bhag. 10.1.4).
Certainly this is true of the six Gosvamis’ works. Srila Prabhupada writes, “For krsna-katha, topics about Krsna consciousness, there must be a speaker and a hearer, both of whom can be interested in Krsna consciousness if they are no longer interested in material topics.” He also writes, “Since merely talking about Krsna is so pleasing, we can simply imagine how pleasing it is to render service to Krsna” (Bhag. 10.1.4, purport).
“O merciful Lord, how great is my misfortune that I feel no appreciation for Your holy name! In such a lamentable state, how will I be freed from committing the ten offenses to the holy name?” (Saranagati, 7.8.3).
It is right that I enter verses like these into my book. They speak exactly of my condition—except I lack the lamentation.
We say, “The acaryas are liberated, but they write like this for the benefit of the conditioned souls. Plus, in humility, they actually feel like this.” Then what is the benefit for us if Bhaktivinoda Thakura or Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu lament that they cannot appreciate the holy name? Their words are meant to awaken us from our dullness. We have to first regret our inability to chant, and then we have to embrace the shelter of the holy name.
Prabhupada singing:
namo maha-vadanyaya krsna-prema pradaya te
krsnaya krsna-caitanya-namne gaura-tvise namaha.
I can be quiet while I listen to that record of Prabhupada singing, his kirtana in 1966. Baladeva said that Prabhupada’s vintage tapes are my Hare Krsna love-song. Hearing those tapes is the way I can feel my own love for Krsna and Prabhupada, which may be contrary to tl impressions I get when I chant and cannot pay attention to the sound. I do love chanting when I hear Prabhupada singing and playing that drum, inducing us to go to the spiritual world. If I can sing with Prabhupada, something will be evoked in my heart. We always think we don’t have time to chant, although we seem to have time to talk and pile up sentences one after another. Do we think singing with Prabhupada when he was introducing Krsna consciousness in New York City is unproductive?
Yes, Prabhupada started his movement at that same 26 Second Avenue that today is a lively preaching center in New York where you can walk off the streets and be with devotees in an atmosphere filled with the hopes of a new generation. It’s right there in New York City, that transcendental oasis.
At the same time, I’m really talking about the 26 Second Avenue that exists only in my mind, only in my memory. It does exist.
When I hear him singing like that and I start to flash back a little on it, I wonder, “Prabhupada, are you going to come back and do it again? Are you going to bring us to you again? You brought us out of such total forgetfulness that we can’t even call it forgetfulness.” Theoretically, we may say we had forgotten Krsna, and that’s true, but Prabhupada woke us up.
I was a young man who dressed all in black and who had broken away from his parents on Staten Island and had now lived for two years on his own on the Lower East Side. I wasn’t doing so well actually, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I didn’t go home except to try to get some money and feel bad again.
Prabhupada took me beyond that identity to a completely new consciousness. Talk about quantum leaps! I remember one devotee telling about his own change. He was a student at the University of Buffalo. He talked about his change from “buffalo to disciple.” We were buffaloes, ignoramuses. Then we became disciples of the pure devotee of Krsna.
If Prabhupada would come back again, maybe I could make another quantum leap from vaidhi-bhakti practitioner to something more, from someone who has lost some of his daring and who is making an all-out effort to convince himself and Krsna that he can go on writing and reading, chanting and hearing, developing his inner life, and who thinks that somehow this will do. I could be transformed into something more pleasing to Prabhupada, or at least I could know what Prabhupada wants. It’s not that I have to change the nature of my activities. Prabhupada might say, “This is good. Go on doing it. Now I’m going to show you the means to intensify it. You want to be an obscure prayer-maker? You want to be addicted to reading my books? That’s good. You think that by doing this you will become a potent preacher of my message? All right, I’ll allow you to do that service. You don’t want to head up a temple? I understand. You don’t want to be on the spot at a community and bear all the troubles, although I bear them for you? Then if you actually want to do what you say, this is how to do it and this is how to be blissful.” Whatever it is, Prabhupada can tell us. Or he might tell us something completely different. He might say, “Go back to Boston again,” or, “Go to a new Boston temple and start up Krsna consciousness. Do what I want. Be with me. Be like me.” We could then help ourselves by depending on him again.
pp. 211-14
From hundreds of yards away I see a monkey walking on all fours across the roof of the gurukula. If they came to this roof, it would be too distracting. That’s another opulence of the Sant Colony—no monkeys.
Yes, I know, this is surface stuff. I should know better. But that is what I am for now. I cannot expect to be one of those vairagi mendicants mentioned by Prabodhananda Sarasvati in this lifetime. They wear only a torn cloth and wander homeless in Vraja, always crying in gopi-bhava. That form of worship is not even recommended by our spiritual master. At least I aspire to read verses like this:
“I think the ultimate goal of life is to attain even a small amount of love for the land of Vrndavana, which is opulent with the splendid pastimes of Sri Radha-Murali-manohara’s feet” (Vrndavana-mahimamrta, Sataka 4.65).
“O Sri Vrndavana, I am now very fortunate. I have become the object of your very, very great mercy. You have given me the right to reside within your boundaries, a right that is prayed for by Lord Brahma, Sukadeva Gosvami, Sanaka Kumara, and other great souls. This gift gives me hope that some day I will directly serve the splendid, charming, eternally youthful, eternally amorous fair and dark divine couple” (Vrndavana-mahimamrta, Sakata 4.80).
It’s humid. I can’t get inspiring dictation from my own skin, and right now, the sight of four young vrajavasi boys loitering along the path doesn’t direct me to Krsna consciousness. Pray for mercy. You say you are what you are, but you pray, “Dear Lord, please forgive me and improve me.” Prabodhananda Sarasvati prays directly to Sri Vrndavana:
“Since you have granted me residence within your boundaries . . . then why do you now hesitate to allow me to serve the great souls that live within you?” (Vm, Sataka 4.81).
I can also pray to Vrndavana-dhama by his mercy. Let me beg for attachment to the dhama; let me travel to your holy sites. Let me one day aspire to live here all the time.
Recently, I read references to retiring to Vrndavana in your fifties as a vanaprastha (Prahlada recommended it to his father as “the best thing” he had learned.) But I am not a vanaprastha. Srila Prabhupada once said to one of his disciples, “Preach while you are young. When you are old, retire to Vrndavana and chant Hare Krsna. But you cannot retire unless you have preached sufficiently. The mind will agitate. If you have preached, you can retire and chant Hare Krsna—so preach as much as possible” (Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, quoted in Appreciating Sri Vrndavana-dhama, p. 247).
What is young? What is a devotee’s retirement age? It varies. Retiring in the spiritual sense is for the very advanced. Mahanidhi Swami makes the point that Srila Prabhupada approves our living in Vrndavana if we continue preaching here (as I might do by writing—or if I could improve myself as befits one who accepts disciples).
“Although Srila Prabhupada rejected Subala’s idea for solitary bhajana, he did accept that one could continue living in Vrndavana provided he preached vigorously. Srila Prabhupada told Subala: ‘Better we spend our whole life and die just to make one person Krsna conscious. That is our line, to become so absorbed in preaching Krsna consciousness, whether in Vrndavana or anywhere” (Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, quoted in Appreciating Sri Vrndavana-dhama, p. 247).
That is a good point—that one may also preach in Vrndavana. When a brother hears that someone is residing in Vrndavana he says, “Oh, but Srila Prabhupada wanted us to preach.” The Six Gosvamis came here just to preach.
Thoughts on a humid afternoon.
pp. 120-25
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Now as they define
how the jiva came
from the brahmajyoti
from the lower rasa
and by guru’s grace
he’s finally to return
to eternal home
with Krsna
when I hear it
I think
I want my rasa with you.
I don’t care that there
are higher understandings,
I want my rasa with you.
I want to serve you
and this time
do it right.
Where you are—
are you preaching?
Is it right for me
to think this?
I know there are many
who are your men,
I am in their number
not exclusive, not the best
but you know me also;
take me to you,
that’s my request.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Life’s relief
is to talk to you.
Not to get something
but to speak to you; to
be with you.
Who can understand
but you and I?
I am proud to be your
man. And pray I never
fail; let death come
first before I desert
you. You will protect me
in a difficult hour. To
chant the Lord’s Name
is your grace.
And this moment of
composed words is
another fortune,
another way, to move
in your direction,
to look back at,
and recall,
yes Prabhupada
is here
and I am
with him.
Our Heros,
Krsna and Balarama,
please give us strength.
I know in some city
this body meets its end.
It is nothing wonderful
or a loss to the world.
Beyond my sorrow
is transcendental life,
mine and others.
And writing is
expressing to all
the realm where we live
in eternity and bliss
the home of the spirit-soul,
told, followed, and attained.
Green-and-yellow-speckled leaves,
black-and-white-winged birds,
the Ganges on the flooded plain,
the Mayapur Chandrodaya Mandir
rising like the reddish sun.
I wish I knew Krsna,
I wish Prabhupada were here and I were
rightly situated as his servant,
satisfied with menial duties,
trying to do more work for him,
and writing down what he did.
I wish I meant what I just said.
I wish devotees weren’t leaving ISKCON,
I wish the gurus had never made mistakes,
I wish the world weren’t on the edge,
Wishful thoughts—
I wish I could resolve it.
I wish I weren’t so far gone,
established in my habits and my limits, I
wish I could help others,
I wish I could speak from the heart,
from a deep reservoir of my own compassion.
But what are all these wishes? Now I am
riding
in the back seat
in the inevitable moment of Now.
It is Christmas day. I
know I am soul—
eternal spark.
I know I’m not pure,
but my heart
is with Prabhupada.
They gave me a brown coat
and an expensive pen
for Christmas.
Bumpily bump
en route to Selinsgrove
I wish I were pure.
But still I deliver lectures,
repeating the message unchanged,
and I follow the rules
and sometimes sink in ego
but fight to the surface
calling, “Krsna!”
“I wish” is the cry of an idle dreamer.
Onward, soldier.
The green typewriter under my fingers is asat.
Outdoors tonight the whiteness of the ground is asat,
but the hand of the supreme is eternal.
Radio and telephone sound waves move through the air —what color are they? gray? blue?—
they are not visible in this moonlight, and are also asat. Everything that comes is not necessarily valuable;
dark night passes, feet leave imprints in the snow.
The mystery of life is revealed in sastra;
rules are sometimes broken, like thin ice,
and fingers move like branches,
trying to make meanings clear.
Communications go obscure, break down, as in wartime, life warms legs and feet before an orange fire
and we wait, reading Bhagavatam.
(The sat world is filled with golden liberated souls,
whose faces, hands, and bodies are all effulgent.)
A friend may help, but maybe not;
we turn from one thing to another;
fortune is fickle and we sometimes see a face in vain.
The orders of the guru are golden, his feet worshipable. The path of the poem ends in the forest.
pp. 211-13
What’s missing is bhava, pure love of God. I don’t show the symptoms of love of Godhead – shedding tears, voice choking up, hair standing on end when I chant. I don’t know my eternal identity in relationship to Krsna, so I can’t meditate on my eternal service to Him. Prabhupada told us to go on chanting and purifying ourselves in Lord Caitanya’s mission. He said that if we did that, the symptoms of spontaneous love would automatically develop. We can’t artificially imitate those symptoms or indulge excessively in hearing about the Lord’s confidential pastimes with the gopis and the other residents of Vrndavana. We should appreciate all the Cantos of Srimad- Bhagavatam and, at the same time, work in the world to save the fallen conditioned souls.
But something is missing, and we acknowledge that. Prabhupada must have been absorbed in the confidential moods and activities of Krsna and His pure devotees. We are not. Let us tend to the basics and occasionally hear about advanced topics of Krsna consciousness, waiting for laulyam, greed, to develop. Eagerly carrying out the orders of the spiritual master is the surest path for making advancement.
When asked, “What’s missing?” I chose to say bhava. I could have also said that what’s missing is the Krsna consciousness movement being well organized and pure and compassionate. Narayana-kavaca told me there is in ISKCON a whole committee dedicated to organization, and that committee admits ISKCON is not well organized like other organizations in the world, and is in fact corrupt and failing. To some extent, Prabhupada consciousness is missing in the movement as well, and there is a committee to try to rectify that too.
They talk again about politics and how you can’t avoid it. You have to be aware of the suffering and genocide in the world. You don’t have to necessarily write about it, but you shouldn’t turn your back to it. In your writing life you may be able to find a link to the atrocities that go on in the world.
“We have to be willing to see. The thing about peace is it is not unhinged from suffering. Right in the middle of the terror of the world we can pick up the pen and speak.”
My response to this is as I have already stated, in connection to being involved in El Salvador and Nicaragua. When it’s our chance to speak, we speak about the message of Krsna consciousness, the “peace formula,” as being most relevant. Everything is owned by Krsna, and He has to be satisfied. That is our social message, our response to the terror and the death squads and everything else. At least that’s how Prabhupada used to respond. Prabhupada once talked to a reporter who told him that maybe he should go and speak to the Prime Minister of Pakistan. Prabhupada objected, wondering what good it would do if he went and flattered the Prime Minister? He said he would rather try to please Krsna.
I have already stated that our response to atrocities is to spread the Krsna consciousness movement. People have recently been camping out in city parks to protest the disparity between the plight of the poor and the privileges of the rich. Devotees have been going to the campgrounds and giving out prasadam, chanting Hare Krsna, and distributing Prabhupada’s essay “The Peace Formula.” This is an example of participation in world events. We do it on our terms. We don’t work for political solutions or patchwork improvements. We apply positive Krishna consciousness. Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati said that a pujari ringing the bell before the Deity in the temple is doing more good than the world’s biggest altruist or philanthropist. Chanting Hare Krsna in public brings healing to the people.
Narayana-kavaca once went out with a harinama party in a Mexican city. There had recently been violence there. For an hour and a half a TV station followed the devotees, interviewing them and so on. They took the angle that we had come to chant in the city to bring peace and healing to the violence. The devotees they interviewed went along with the reporter’s angle, although we had not come out specifically to chant in response to the violence. Still, it was true – we were bringing a healing message. Distributing Prabhupada’s books is a political act. Regularly pushing on the Hare Krsna movement is a response to the war, oppression, poverty, and atrocity in the world.
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.