Haribol ! it was a tumultuous week for Satsvarupa Maharaj. He had 2 to 3 regular headaches a day as well as five migraines this week. The recovery times after taking appropriate medicine is starting to slow down as his resistance wears thin and he has to spend more time in bed. Ultimately, this means less time for quality writing, meditation, darshan of Radha-Govinda, answering letters, reading, chanting, etc. etc. It is not only suffering but a disturbance to his service to Prabhupada.
He looks forward to reading letters from devotees, even though he may not be able to respond to them all. Every morning he asks “Is there any mail?“ and is disappointed when there is none. This is a long-standing lack of communication – – Satsvarupa Maharaja does like to hear how devotees are progressing in their service to Prabhupada and hear about challenges and triumphs. Invite him to become part of your life again so he has an opportunity to reciprocate. Please know that he reads his own mail and is the only one to respond when it is possible.
Hare Krishna,
Baladeva
If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at [email protected] or [email protected] and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.
I was speaking about spontaneity, but when I chant, I can see I’m not a spontaneous lover of Krsna. I ground out two extra rounds with Prabhupada’s japa tape and imagined that I could be doing other things instead. To keep going I told myself, “What if this is the last evening of your life?” That didn’t hit me so hard, but it was enough to hold on to the rounds.
Please, Lord, please. I can only become truly Krsna conscious if You give me Your mercy. I can read endlessly but still not get Your mercy. You have to actually give it to me. There is nothing I can do to attain it. Please let me chant, and let me pray while I chant.
******
Yes, all the people in all the villages the Lord visited became Vaisnavas (Cc. Madhya 9.7-8). Srila Prabhupada states that his disciples are spreading the holy names and becoming “almost as potent as Lord Caitanya.” Indeed, everywhere people are very seriously chanting Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/ Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare.” How can I deny it? Therefore, I hereby declare my mind a faithless rascal for not believing that Lord Caitanya and the holy name could convert everyone to Vaisnavism. I need to develop more faith in the potency of hari-nama.
******
I do pray alone in japa and desire to see the world become Krsna conscious, but I have a problem—and I doubt it’s only my problem. That is, I need to see the qualitative spreading of Krsna consciousness. Preaching doesn’t mean just cheap taking up of Krsna consciousness for awhile and then stopping. ISKCON—can it accommodate people who come to the institution for shelter and guidance? We see both ISKCON’s so-called and real faults and doubt its capacity to actually care for millions of people. This adds to our doubts in the mission. If I, as one member, concentrate on improving myself and telling of this attempt, I see that as one aspect of Krsna conscious preaching. It’s not opposed to other types of preaching. Apani acari, prabhu jivere likhaya.
******
Disciples’ meeting. Syamananda reading selections from Prose-Poems at Castlegregory. After a while it began to feel too personal. I was describing my own way, my writing life. I suggested we chant a round of japa together and I tried to make things more generally applicable. Is it best for devotees to go off alone, sit by the ocean, and yearn for improved chanting? Maybe not for everyone. It’s better to live in Radha-Govinda’s temple at Inis Rath or wherever. I didn’t feel saying that was untrue to what I had written in Castlegregory, but that was a personal expression and not necessarily the path for everyone. What’s probably good for everyone is an occasional pilgrimage or retreating from the social scene to actually find solitude to chant. Not only should that be done occasionally but every day we should find some alone time.
******
You could write japa with pen—Hare Krsna mantras all over the page. No one would criticize that or make you stop chanting.
******
Do you think you owe a debt to the Beat poets? No, I owe a debt only to Govinda. That is truth.
******
I tell myself to cross out the bad words. My heart is one big cross-out. I go blank and can’t think.
That’s because prayer is hard. Why? Because the mind loops back to myself instead of remaining focused on Krsna—
to myself or to so many false concepts of me and the things I do, my fears, schemes, dreams, poems, homes, friends, and enemies. Therefore, how can I pray?
Anyway, what more is there to say but, “Please accept me”? Yes, that’s all.
pp. 470-75
Tim said, “I’m now twenty-one years old. I’ve already made up my own will, and it’s been notarized. Therefore there’s nothing to discuss about that. I’m also in a painful position and don’t want to discuss legal matters. But if dad’s lawyer and my lawyer want to discuss issues about life insurance policies and changing my will, I request that that be done separately, just between the two lawyers. I don’t want to be present for it. My lawyer can come back to me and discuss what I need to know. So you lawyers can just go and discuss this. I just want to spend a little time with my family members now. Every morning at 8:00 we have a reading from KRSNA book here in the hospital, and we sing, and we give out breakfast. If you’d like to come, you’ll get a little more of an idea of how we live here. It’s a shame you never came to visit me before. I really wasn’t in much shape to come home, but perhaps I should have tried more. Seeing you together really moves me, and I remember all the sweet times we used to have together.” Tim ruffled the heads of his brother and sister and stood up to kiss his mother and shake his father’s hand. He then indicated that he was tired, and he lay back in his bed. The meeting was over. Led by the lawyers, the little group exited from the bedside.
Oh oh, it’s hot up north-land, and the children are playing in the sprinklers in the greeny backyards. Keli says to me, “I bet you’re not glad we returned, with all our yelling.” But I don’t mind. I get a typist back, and a friend. But there’ll be more visitors coming. And the reality of our moving seems to be gathering, too. It has cast a cloud over the sanatorium—that and thinking that Tim likely will die, even though he may linger on for weeks. He dealt so coolly with his relatives. He knew they had no love for him as a Hare Krsna.
Swami Swims used to try to phone his mother again and again over a ten-year period, and she would say, “Where have you been?” He’d say, “Oh, I’ve been traveling around with the Hare Krsna people. I’m now in Arizona,” and she would say, “As long as you’re with those people, we don’t want to have anything to do with you.”
Other devotees had much more success with their families, although they would sometimes say it was a questionable success. Their families were always around—grandmas and grandpas playing with their children—and they would get quite involved in family life. The devotees who were cast off and disowned have no family except the family of devotees, and so they address themselves to their nondevotee families by trying to give them Krsna consciousness, as preachers do. Tim knew that he was in that category. He knew his father’s and mother’s hearts were like ice, and they were just always afraid that somehow they might lose some money by some trick of the Hare Krsna movement, after every penny they could get. They would be very sure in their dealings with Tim’s lawyer that he was cut out completely from anything that he might have coming to him as a normal son. Nada. Not a penny. The Hare Krsna movement could burn his body when he was dead, but he couldn’t even set foot back in his old house to see if there were some photos or roller skates or old jackets that he might want to take. “Don’t you dare or you might fmd a shotgun aimed at your butt.” After all, dad was a state trooper. He knew them Hare Krsnas and their tricks.
But none of that was true. His parents lived in a world of ignorance about Hare Krsna. They listened to the anti-cult propaganda, the right-wingers, those who muckraked about the mistakes that the Hare Krsna movement actually made and which were published in newspapers. They never sat down to hear the other side. Too bad Tim couldn’t have taken his brothers and sister aside. Maybe he could, or maybe one of the devotees here could. But the parents would be very wary of that and would not let them stray.
“Don’t talk to them people.”
The sun is going down mourning
grace. We’ve got eternal souls
so the body gets worse. Hope he
goes without too much pain.
The wonderful, natural seaside
shoals, deep valleys, high
peaks. Give me a place where I can
be alone to come out with
something fresh and new.
I’ve been doing
that for several months,
since I’ve been here.
For her? Does it help her? It’s
supposed to. But if it fails, that’s not
my failure. Any painter does his
best. They may take it or leave it—
“the bastards.”
Go on your way. You have no choice.
Don’t copy your own way or their way,
do what comes. They say, “But it doesn’t
move me.” I say it moves me.
You don’t like it. But I like
to do it. It has meaning
to me. It’s a song of mourning for Tim—
hit the drum. Walk alone,
say some prayers. You’ll get
better. I think you are
already getting better. Goodbye tough girl,
I’m in the new writings.
Come look us up.
pp. 119-21
In The Nectar of Devotion, Rupa Gosvami has written many wonderful examples to illustrate symptoms of bodily ecstasy. Many of them involve Your dearmost Radharani. When Akrura was taking Krsna away from Vrndavana, Radharani became so perturbed that in a faltering voice, She requested Mother Yasoda to please stop Akrura. When the gopis came to You desiring to dance with You, You asked them to go back home. They apparently became very angry and began to talk to You with faltering voices. When You were trying to capture the demon Satakha, Radharani began trembling out of fearfulness. Trembling was also exhibited by Radharani out of tribulation. Radharani trembled as She told one of the gopis, “Don’t joke with this disappointing boy! Please ask Him not to approach Me, because He is always the cause of all grief for us.”
Of course, all the symptoms, apparently in tribulation, are sources of joy for Radharani. Even Her apparently negative moods are expressions of Her undying love for You. You Two are always exchanging in a dynamic way. You like Your devotees to become fit to relish the pastimes of You and Radharani. We have to hear in the right attitude, realizing always that You are transcendental lovers, but if we do so, You encourage us heartily to take part in radha-krsna katha.
In fact, You want us to join with You and Radha in the spiritual world. This is very rare to achieve, and one has to become completely pure and absolutely greedy to have it. It could be attained in three ways. Either by perfecting our practice of sadhana bhakti or by the direct mercy of You or one of Your maha-bhagavatas, or by sphurti, the direct revelation in the heart. I want to go on improving myself, increasing my sadhana and growing in my capacity to hear and relish the ways to attain Your service. In this material world, we best serve You by strictly following the orders of our spiritual master. He intercedes for us and is sometimes called the representative of Radharani. That is, if the spiritual master or Radharani recommends us to You, You will not fail to accept us. When Radharani says to You, “This devotee is nice,” You quickly agree to usher him or her into the kingdom of God.
I am a very small devotee, and I’m aware of my lack of qualifications. I’ve been told that an advanced devotee feels he has no good qualifications at all. If that’s true, then I’ve got something working in my favor. But the advanced devotees are fully engaged in Your service, fearlessly, compassionately, and in full renunciation. So I should not make a claim for advancement based on my poor qualities. That would be too cheap and cheating. I only ask You and Radharani to take pity on me and bless me with actual qualifications and true humility. I say, “Bless me,” but what do I mean by that? The burden of improvement is on me. You are giving all opportunities according to my capacity. It is I who have to enter the circle of blessing by taking up the mood of my spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada, and becoming a preacher and sadhaka of good habits. Still, I ask You both to please stand before me and give me Your grace. Let me behold You and go on hearing Your radiant pastimes.
I approach You as Your subject. You are my Master. You have the extraordinary, inconceivable ability to have close personal relationships with the countless living beings scattered throughout the universes and with You in the spiritual sky. Thus I can be confident that when I write, You take the time to read my letter and consider it. I try to speak sincerely, without pretense. This means I must be humble and be aware of my lowly condition. On the one hand, I am very advanced and fortunate in the evolution of living beings. I have attained the human form of life and have been accepted by a glorious spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada. I have been engaged in his service for over forty years. This puts me in good stead with Your Lordship, because Prabhupada is very dear to You, and therefore You recognize his sincere disciples. That’s my fortunate side. But my unfortunate state is that I have not advanced much in devotional service over the years. I have done a lot of outward service to my spiritual master and his mission, but it has not melted my heart to the chanting of the holy name, the hearing of Your pastimes, and the burning desire to help other living beings by giving them Krsna consciousness.
pp. 64-69
Performance. Don’t think about it.
Be somewhere truly and write of that.
I am in my head and belly, in this house and
backyard, in the lives of those we call my
disciples.
I have read a sublime chapter of Krsna’s pastimes. A
friend is traveling here tonight, and by the weekend two
more.
I am thirsty for water.
I write with a pink pen and then change it to a light
green.
Krsna—Krsna knows the reason why He visits some in
His personal form and refrains from seeing others.
He knows what is best and He reciprocates with our
desires.
All this I’ve heard from the reliable, undisturbed
authorities.
He is far away (I know) and very near as well.
You can seek Him in your heart.
God is not vague; He is not dead.
He’s in the fierce arguments caused by His devotee
preachers.
He’s in the Deity form in the temple where He sleeps
until four.
He’s in His names for whoever makes the effort to chant.
Even in the birds’ cries, sounds of barking dogs and
tires.
Where did I start?
Where can I go?
Just stay on the beam as a vaidhi-bhakta.
I’m writing this for you,
for me that is,
hoping to express
what I’m really after and
what I’ll attain one day:
fixed up in jolly attraction
for my Lord Govinda
and telling about Him
to whomever I meet, like
Prabhupada did at Dr. Mishra’s
when he led them in hour-long kirtanas
even when there was no sign that
anyone would take to it full-time.
He sang slowly and gravely, in a deep
voiced, old-voiced devotional tune of
Bengal—of Prabhupada.
And because he was pure, gradually some
came, playing karatalas 1-2-3 in New York.
That’s where I started; that’s where I go.
You think you’ll run out of things
to say? No, but urgency.
If I tell everyone I’m writing poems, that
could kill it.
By lack of practice I could lose the easy
touch, the nerve.
You have to try and want to serve and
then He may empower you.
He’ll let you go on ranting, rambling, but
that’s a different thing.
I’m talking about poems that can be
accepted as transcendental, as preaching
… as poems.
So resolve to practice. That’s why it’s so
important to do it for your own pleasure.
That’s not a sin.
You think Rupa Gosvami didn’t enjoy writing
beautiful verses about Radha and Krsna? No one forced him. He wanted to and he was renounced, not interested in becoming a famous poet. “Overcome with yearning, and crying in the middle of Vrndavana forest, I shall now reveal the deep mark burning tears have made in my heart.” So “enjoyment” is not the word for Rupa Gosvami, but it may work for me.
And he had a wish to serve Sri Caitanya
Mahaprabhu by helping people come to Him,
through his writings.
“May whoever reads this prayer to
the Queen of Vrndavana—become the object
of Her mercy.”
That’s the idea.
It’s quiet here in Pennsylvania—
I’ll be interrupted at any moment.
Tonight they predict another snowstorm.
Sirens on the highway,
death in the city and everywhere.
It’s not touching me yet.
We’re going to read more Tenth Canto.
If you like, dear spiritual master,
I could serve by writing.
This is how I propose to do it.
But only if you say to Krsna,
let him flow—not another Rupa Gosvami
by any means,
but let him allow himself to release
all the wonderful things
he already knows and feels from
a lifetime in ISKCON,
moments with the pure devotee,
a self that is pure and dormant, eternal —
whose struggle
is something,
who’d like to leave a record
of songs
accepted
and useful,
fun and easy to read, su’sukham
kartam avyayam.
L.J. keeps looking at the thermometer as if it
matters.
Prabhupada has put me here behind a low desk where I talk like a sannyasi giving advice: “How is your sadhana? Do you find time to chant? When will you wind down your karma and dedicate yourself to renunciation?”
I keep thinking there’s more to say but I’m
nervous about it.
“Still more?” a part of me wonders.
It’s dark outside, 30 degrees.
I’ve discovered: the coldest time is just before
dawn;
I can write with 3 pairs of gloves on; no matter
how I try I’m always showing off.
Krsna is not so hard to remember
as you may think. I know a 9-year-old boy
who does it most of the time,
who considers Bala-Krsna his friend,
but he is a fussy eater
and only draws pictures of Krsna
when he feels like it.
As for me and Krsna,
I am only one of innumerable jivas to Him, yet
He loves me singly.
I can love Him with one-pointed devotion, but
it’s hard due to this body and this mind.
I can’t seem to escape them,
even in dreams,
even in reading or writing.
But who is more powerful,
Krsna or may at
Someone asked a question about Krsna and I
said I didn’t know. Then I tried answering in a
roundabout way.
I repeated what I’d heard.
We talked about Krsna until someone came and
said, “It’s getting late.”
I said, “He never leaves Vrndavana but they
know Him there in separation.”
I’ll have to read more.
(English mines Player cigarettes
Cricket field in Raman Reti
Catch yourself in free fall
through roofs of memories,
watch out!
Man falling like a piece of
meteor, a fish bowl, a fish in the
Living Theater. You knew me
when?
pp. 20-23
Yesterday afternoon Nanda surprised me by asking me to come over to the big house and hold a reading with all the many people who are here. I said, “Sure,” and picked out the book Under the Banyan Tree. To get ready for it, I read many of the classical Japanese haiku and took the book Spring Haiku, by R. H. Blythe. I was reading the haiku with his commentaries on them. I wanted to just keep reading those, but I stopped and read my own. They were haikus about coming to surrender to Prabhupada. My poems are rather weak, but they are in a book that is a very straight story about how I came to surrender to Srila Prabhupada at 26 Second Avenue. The book was even reviewed in a few American haiku journals, and received some faint praise. Last night I read from R. H. Blythe’s book, and I can’t help but say that I really love haiku as a literary form. When I was studying and writing haiku, however, it was not particularly good for my Krsna consciousness. They are indirect codes, and they’re not personal worship of God. But oh my, what lallapaloozas of literary delight.
In the center,
Mt. Fuji towers up:
Spring in our country.
I fell in love
With the wings of the birds,—
With the light of spring on them!
(Chora)
Suddenly thinking of it,
I went out and was sweeping at the garden:
A spring evening.
(Tairo)
There’s a comment to this one by Blythe:
What a peculiar thing poetry is, coming and going like the wind…valueless, fortuitous things, mere trivia of a life sud¬denly sink down to the very essence, the soul of existence. In such moments of vision the poet describes in the above verse. All you can say is that in the very useless, the unpre-meditativeness, the casual inevitability lies the secret of the mystery, the connection between the sweeping of the garden and the evening of spring.
Lighting one candle
with another candle:
an evening of spring.
An evening of spring:
Ownerless, it seems,
This abandoned handcart.
(Buson)
A comment by Blythe:
The cart had been left by someone at the roadside, among the new grasses. It is not without any owner, of course, but looks so. And in some remote way we feel that this spring evening is abandoned and ownerless, and we ourselves as we glance for a long moment at this uselessly useful cart. It epitomizes the spring evening in its melancholy waywardness.
One evening in the spring:
In a corner of the Hall
A mysterious suppliant.
Looking carefully—
A shepherd’s purse is blooming
Under the fence.
(Basho)
Blythe has this to say: “In early spring the mazzuna has a small white four-petaled flower. The point here is the “looking carefully,” which does not mean the inquisitive or scientific eye but with Wordsworth’s eye, Goethe’s eye, Agenbegabung.
While with an eye made quiet by the power
Of harmony, and the deep power of joy,
We see into the life of things.”
Blythe says, “What is this ‘harmony’ that quietens our eye? It is the humanity of the flower and the floweriness of our own nature. But the really important thing is the way in which this ‘looking carefully’ has come down through the poets. Shiki evidently remembered Basho’s verse when he wrote,
Looking carefully—
The buds of a cucumber flower
And the grass.
(Shiki)
Blythe says, “This ‘looking steadily at the object’ has been accredited to the very soul of the Japanese.”
At people’s voices,
the cherry blossoms
have flushed a little.
Blythe has this to say:
This is a remarkable example of personification. Issa thinks of the cherry blossoms as if they were a pink, bashful girl, who at the voices of visitors will become pink and embarrassed. This verse is different from the conceits of the metaphysical poets. It represents the tenderness of color, the youthfulness of blooming, and the delicacy of the attraction and grace of the cherry flowers.
What pains I took,
Hanging the lamp
On the flowering branch!
This seemingly subjective, egocentric verse is really not so. The intense absorption with which he was hanging the lamp upon a blossoming cherry tree is not only purely objective, but is used to praise the beauty of the flowers.”
(from Haiku Spring, Vol. 2, by R. H. Blythe, Hokuseido Press, Tokyo)
All right, all right. I’ll go, crazed as I am by attraction to these poems. I must call Hari and tell him what kind of breakfast I want. I must speak in a Krsna conscious way and chant Hare Krsna instead of haiku. As I’ve told you before, it was Basho who regretted at the end of his life that he sacrificed salvation for haiku. But if I completely made it into Krsna conscious poems…as I did in Under the Banyan Tree and The Dust of Vrindavan, so many wonderful things can be done in the yukta-vairagya spirit. We should be eager to find them out and not be morose, thinking we cannot break through and do beautiful things for Krsna. Just use the beautiful poets and painters as stepping stones. Step on their heads and go into Krsna-land. You’ll be so much happier yourself, and you can enlighten others. It requires daring, but balance.
pp. 142-47
We want to go with Krsna even before
we knew Him. What?
Go back and find songs and say
“Krsna was here too.”
You can’t do that really. In
the sordid school yard you
were afraid and that’s it. At
least you survived.
As for ISKCON years, they also
you can’t improve once they are gone.
Can we learn from mistakes?
Yeah, but it’s still the present.
Is that your message?
Some subtle crap – I just want Krsna
in truth. I want you doing the
prescribed duties straight as an arrow.
You can’t learn nothing from a
nondevotee except how
bad it is
so, stop consorting
with crows.
Why don’t you love your
brothers and sisters more and the
temples as halls of absolute truth
and joy and sweat and tears? Why
don’t you own a restaurant or
brahmacari party, a piece of action
zone? I don’t see you at the
places, you aren’t…
Don’t berate me I don’t care for
your high straight stuff
I know your number
I’m happy this way and will
tolerate the guff
I’ll sing the Hare Krsna song comes
to me and the past
and the nondevotees too have a
way of bringing home to me
for getting rid of morose maya.
pp. 189–90
***
Time you can be with us that’s
the thing to be aware of.
They can’t be with us
I am a melancholy baby. Be with us
please don’t be blue I will cheer you
up. I’ll be on your side I’ll bring you
what you like and need.
In a quarrel, I’ll take your side
dry your eyes
oh, I’d like that
Krsna let me be
Your well-wisher servant,
I can chant
I want to live in this
world
or else I’ll be melancholy
too.
pp. 211–12
***
Relaxing is all right, but I want to see
you on time at work
assigned. Be pounding away
at the Krsna conscious job
of getting out teachings / writing preaching
analyzing categories of matter and spirit
proving Mayavadis wrong
your put-down isn’t harsh but
definite as a soldier
in Kururksetra he was told
don’t be squeamish
for Lord Krsna you’ll do anything
They are a happy pair, and I won’t
give up my own
place as theirs.
pp. 212–13
***
Blue room I want to tell you
I imagined I could play a great flute
to please Krsna
I think you made it up. I think you
don’t even know what you want.
You just better believe in
Krsna.
Kisses are not for you
or chocolate cakes
you are happy restraining
you want to be right on time
fingering bead, writing
songs, belting the lecture is
okay too.
So, today we go into Dub and
in a restaurant, I’ll tell them
how good is prasadam that’s
blowing a tune too
improvising on what we all
know – patram puspam.
Tell them to brighten their faces
in real time without a
speech to read from
say Krsna is sweet and savory
and we can eat to be His
devotee. Easy isn’t it?
So be up for that and the foundation
is solid work
sastra.
pp. 213–14
***
I get in my licks. But Krsna and Srila
Prabhupada know
now words have a place
juris juris jurisdictions
the piano better be put
aside, all gone, fools don’t know
I’m here to link it
I am a link train man taking
karmis to Vaikuntha if they
agree to listen
Door open
not just yet
now I’ve given you
what I could good
Krsna Krsna.
pp. 216–17
***
We got a man who will
teach you Krsna consciousness
so please step up and be with him.
All right just let go / I saw the guy
undressing on the billboard. I saw
the town unloading and a camera eye
my words fell short and didn’t even
attempt to be in the Liffey.
Man, I’m blue and chilly I just want to get
through get my words out so you can fit it
in don’t matter.
Don’t want to be
on a trip. “Don’t fiddle with
it” his fly was open – huge
billboard. Billboard
billboard. The church was
there Roman Catholic Christian
art concert.
Alfie’s theme, he said I don’t
care what you’re doing. He let it be silent
for a little while then blew his
stack
the white van maneuvered.
M. looked haggard tired at
Hagerstown and Enniskillen
“It’s exciting to drive
on these roads.”
I’m all worn out nothing
to say. Krsna Krsna.
I will find the thing to say and
not horse shit you with something
I researched and pretend to be the
best person
Do people really change from
attending a seminar? I don’t think they
do, but if they hear of Krsna that could
save them at the time of death.
After eight rounds I opened
Srila Prabhupada’s cadar and saw a
black spider on his hands.
I tried removing it but
I couldn’t – then it ran
away and I couldn’t find it.
O, O Krsna this is Alfie’s theme
you are rehashing the trip to city the
town old churches big stone churches I
want the Church to be nonviolent and
Jesus a son of Krsna, but they don’t
want it that way.
Just give and drive / the one who
goes to back to Godhead out of our crowd
we’ll be envious if we knew
pretty girl
got an eye on you.
He was a book distributor and gave me the
hard eye when I said prasadam
is the easiest method.
But to prepare it isn’t easy. You have to
be expert. I know that.
Chanting is an easy thing, but
you have to do it seriously or you’ll miss out.
pp. 231–33
pp. 54-58
Now that Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami has concluded his reasoning as to why Lord Caitanya descends, he takes up where he left off at the end of Chapter 2 and proves that Caitanya Mahaprabhu is Krsna, Bhagavan. He ended the second chapter with only one’ verse of his own composition: “The conclusion is that Lord Caitanya is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Krsna, the son of the King of Vraja.” It is a bold assertion, considering he did not offer any scriptural support. Now in this chapter, he supports that assertion with sastric proof.
Prabhupada often said that only ignorant people accept an incarnation without proof. An incarnation of Krsna has to perform extraordinary activities and those activities must be described in scripture. The Bhagavatam and other scriptures give detailed information about the appearances of Buddha, Kalki, and others, including the names of the town where they would appear, their parents’ names, etc. A learned person never accepts anyone as an incarnation unless the details match the sastric descriptions.
Krsnadasa Kaviraja presents more detail about how Caitanya Maha¬prabhu teaches service to Krsna in Vrndavana mainly in the Antya-lila. There, He especially concentrates not on all four rasas, but on ujjvala-rasa, madhurya-rasa.
In the case of Lord Caitanya, there is no ample, direct evidence about His appearance because He is a covered incarnation. He does not appear as God, but as God’s pure devotee. Nevertheless, His confidential devotees have found numerous references to His appearance and activities.
One important proof comes from the Tenth Canto of the Bhagavatam. It is spoken at Krsna and Balarama’s name-giving ceremony by Gargamuni: “Knowing Him [Lord Caitanya] to be the incarnation for the Kali-yuga, Gargamuni, during the naming ceremony of Krsna, predicted His appearance. ‘This boy [Krsua] has three other colors—white, red and yellow—as He appears in different ages. Now He has appeared in a transcendental blackish color.” (Adi 3.35-6) This verse is accepted as a proof for both Lord Caitanya’s appearance and His status as Bhagavan.
Then Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami gives a description of Lord Caitanya’s extraordinary bodily features:
The luster of His expansive body resembles molten gold. The deep sound of His voice conquers the thundering of newly assembled clouds. One who measures four cubits in height and in breadth by his own hand is celebrated as a great personality. . . . His arms are long enough to reach His knees, His eyes are just like lotus flowers, His nose is like a sesame flower, and His face is as beautiful as the moon.
—Adi 3.41-2, 44
Then he quotes a verse from the Mahabharata, which Baladeva Vidyabhusana writes in his commentary “asserts that Lord Caitanya is the Supreme Personality of Godhead according to the evidence of the Upanisads.”
Then comes the maha-vakya verse on this point from Srimad-Bhagavatam:
kṛṣṇa-varṇaṁ tviṣākṛṣṇaṁ
sāṅgopāṅgāstra-pārṣadam
yajñaiḥ saṅkīrtana-prāyair
yajanti hi su-medhasaḥIn the age of Kali, intelligent persons perform congregational chanting to worship the incarnation of Godhead who con-stantly sings the name of Krsna. Although His complexion is not blackish, He is Krsna Himself. He is accompanied by His associates, servants, weapons and confidential companions.
—Bhag. 11.5.32
Lord Caitanya is in the category of Krsna (krsna-varnah). He is Krsna, but not “blackish.” Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami states,
“If someone tries to describe Him as being of blackish complexion, the next adjective [ tvisa akrsnam] immediately restricts him. His complexion is certainly not blackish. Indeed, His not being blackish indicates that His complexion is yellow.” (Adi 3.56-7)
Someone could argue, “How does not black suggest yellow?”
Then we turn to Gargamuni’s statement that when. Krsna is not black, He will appear with different bodily hues in different yugas. In Satya-yuga He accepts a white color, in Treta-yuga a red color. Krsna appeared as Syamasundara in Dvapara-yuga.
Since Kali-yuga follows Dvapara-yuga, it can be assumed that the next incarnation will be yellow.
This verse states that Lord Caitanya appears in Kali-yuga and that He chants Hare Krsna. It also states that He appears with His angas (limbs), His stalwart associates such as Lord Nityananda and Advaita Acarya. The Lord’s upangas (secondary associates) are all His other great associates.
Srila Jiva Gosvami explains that krsna-varnam means Sri Krsna Caitanya. . . .
The name Krsna appears with both Lord Krsna and Lord Caitanya Krsna. Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, but He always engages in describing Krsna and thus enjoying transcendental bliss by chanting and remembering His name and form. . . . Varnayati means “utters” or “describes.” Lord Caitanya always chants the holy name of Krsna and describes it also, and because He is Krsna Himself, whoever meets Him will automatically chant the holy name of Krsna and later describe it to others. He injects one with transcendental Krsna consciousness, which merges the chanter in transcendental bliss. In all respects, therefore, He appears before everyone as Krsna, either by personality or by sound.
—Adi 3.52, purport
All of these statements are predictive, definitive proof of Lord Caitanya’s advent in Kali-yuga.
pp. 24-27
Srila Prabhupada subdued us. He called in his big GBC and sannyasi leaders—their consensus was go to good climate, Hawaii or L.A., to rest. No, he wanted to preach in the West. All leaders subdued by his calm forceful statement of “strength of mind.” He said, “Strike while the iron is hot. I think that is an English maxim. Then you can keep it in shape.”
In the West they are fed up. I want to give spiritual enlightenment. Two very misleading theories: (1) life comes from matter, (2) there is no life after death (so enjoy), everything is matter. As this movement grows, Communism will be curbed. They try for unity, but this simply means our Ratha-yatra festival. They have no brain to see. By the complicated League of Nations and United Nations, still they fail. This simple method all over the world. Gandhi’s method was to cut up India into India and Pakistan, and now who cares for noncooperation, nonviolence? But by our movement this culture is spread all over the world. Jagannatha means “Lord of the Universe.” International God, thanks to ISKCON.
He criticized Western civilization for ruination of human living. They are thinking there is no time for self-realization. Not only must they work eight hours a day, but they try to save time for spending at naked dancing, vacations, intoxication. Our movement is fighting this. It is not religious sentiment, but trying to save humanity from ruin.
Regarding Midwest zone, he said that since centers are established there, then go into interior—come and go, come and go, some go south, some go north, in this way (cover all the towns and villages). If we make some devotees, we can open centers. Centers should not be opened whimsically, opened one day and closed the next.
I can go with my party and encourage the centers also to send parties; not just to do hard-core book distribution. Give them direction—but preach, meet people, hold feasts in cities—go to the interior, chanting in Kansas City, Topeka, Minneapolis, etc.
Riding home in a taxi from the pandal, question asked by Jayapataka Swami: “If we gain political power, will we follow Manu-samhita?” First gain power, he said. Then yes, Manu-samhita. Actually everything is in the Gita and Bhagavatam in gist. Manu-samhita is based on varnasrama and that is in the Gita, “I created the four orders.” First we would divide society into orders by quality and work, not birth. Someone made a brah-mana would have to act like a brahmana or else he would be punished.
Being asked, he told Pancadravida Swami how to preach to smartas in South India who may know Sanskrit:
Learn five slokas a month; in six months you’ll know thirty slokas. That should be enough to present Bhagavad-gita. PDS said Hrsikesananda was going to help him with pronunciation. Prabhupada said, this-ananda, that-ananda, be your own person. Do not be dependent on someone else to learn your work for you. When asked how to preach to Shaivites, he said, “Ask them, ‘My dear sir, do you accept Bhagavad-gita?’ They will all say yes. Then quote: ‘Those whose intelligence is maddened worship the demigods.’ Come to understand Bhagavad-gita well, even in English, and you can preach.”
About me and getting through international airlines, customs entanglement, “He is doing his best, but he does not have experience. If every month a new man, then I have to suffer.” TKG said, “But we suffer when you get angry upon us.” He said, “But your suffering is secondary.” He was detained three hours in Paris and practically jailed four days from Africa to Australia. “I am coming and going so much. I am a little bit known. I should not have to wait on lines. That is the job of the secretary. He should be so expert that these rascals with all their rules are answered and I am not detained as an ordinary person.
I would say, “It is all right. I have checked everything.” He would reply, “You say that, but then I will be stopped at the airport.” If everything is not cleared, he is detained. “You have to have a brain, always alert. One who has a brain has strength.”
pp. 11-14
I’m tired of speaking, speaking, speaking in that straightforward way as the representative of the parampara. I prefer to speak my truth.
Day One finished successfully with the devotees from England. Someone mentioned the guru is like a cow to be milked for Krsna conscious nectar. I feel like a wrung-out dishrag.
While K. Prabhu gave the Srimad-Bhagavatam class bundled up in a white turtleneck sweater, I sat on the edge of the crowd, also bundled warm. Our eyes met, he gave a little nod of recognition, which I also did, and the class went on. He was saying something about total surrender and Krsna wants nothing less than that. I thought it was too much pressure. Who is going to do it? Who will we trust in Krsna’s place to tell us, “Do what He asks”?
G.S. likes my approach—give a person confidence in themselves and they will surrender out of love. Know who you are, don’t be afraid to express who you are and give your best “self” to Him.
Prabhupada said that theism isn’t only to say, “I believe in God”; we have to accept the Vedic injunctions and directions.
That Five Spot drummer driving to his utmost. Push me, O Krsna, Your aspiring bhakta. I heard a brother went all the way to Surinam, distributed seven thousand pieces of prasadam, collected money, lectured, and desired so strongly to deliver Krsna consciousness despite all bodily inconvenience that he succeeded. I have to do something equivalent.
Srila Prabhupada: “The basis of change is the individual.” We change ourselves, then the world. I agree with that. We have to face not only social issues but the personal issues of authenticity, surrender, freedom, creativity—and failure.
You will have to walk down the narrow cement passageway between Prabhupada’s house and the wall of the Krsna-Balaram Mandir. All ISKCON devotees have to pass through. All persons who are in this Gaudiya line. People, too many for me to comprehend. Get away from playing the role of the monk so you can become the monk. You are a person you don’t know. As Sanatana Goswami said, “They think I am learned, but I don’t know who I am—ke ami?”
All hail, the individual versus the mob. Quote Soren Kierkegaard on this. I’m saying everyone in Belfast is a potential devotee, “That Individual.” And you cannot expect to take it as a group but take it for your own reasons. Take it deeply and purely, and then you can preach.
I’ve got my filters and selective memory lapses and all sorts of maladies. Do you want to own someone? You can’t. Just be a friend. Don’t be possessive, jealous. Don’t ask the whole world to say, “You’re the best.” You feel threatened when someone writes like you. You feel anxious when you find something to chew on, chew, chew, chew until you get a headache. Can’t sleep, can’t cheep in the morning, and worst of all, you know what’s worst of all . . .
His sadhana has crawled down into a hole. A deep wormhole and we don’t know how to get him out. It’s terrible. Yet he says, “I’m happy. I like living in Wicklow.” He’s a hypocrite, he’s got his anxiety disorder on the plate with couscous and beans, things he doesn’t like to eat. Here’s some tofu. But I told you a million times I don’t like tofu or pasta, or the way you guys make pancakes. Maybe I just don’t like pancakes period. Someone is thinking of entering a deeper life of sadhana, maybe going to Vrndavana. You hear it and say, “Can I come along? Can I make the mystic journey too?” No, not likely. You’re a twerp and a chewer, and subpar japa. You can’t even confront the monkey hoards without fear down your spine. They grin at you, you smack your bat. I just want to live in heaven with God and His parishads and nice monkeys.
The simple, direct hookup is the intensive care of mantra-chanting. This hookup was supplied by a guru who will never abandon me. Don’t, therefore, be attached to physical pleasure or pain. Tolerate everything. It’s all temporary. Pray that Krsna becomes your all-in-all.
Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī
Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.
Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.
To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.
I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.
First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.
This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.
A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,
This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.
This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.
“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”
The Best I Could DoI want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.
a Hare Krishna ManIt’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.
Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and PrayersO Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.
I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.
Geaglum Free WriteThis edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.