Free Write Journal #64


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Free Write Journal #64

Free Writes

Doughnut Plant

A Hare Krsna devotee opened and operates four different Doughnut Plant restaurants in New York City. His latest opening was in Grand Central Station. Nondevotees crowd into the Doughnut Plant and enjoy the delicious varieties of doughnuts, which are made without eggs. Each batch of doughnuts is first offered to a Deity of Lord Jagannatha, so the customers are unknowingly eating krsna-prasadam. The devotee who operates the chain learned how to make doughnuts from his grandfather. He is an artist and creates a great variety of doughnuts. The most popular doughnut (which is patented) is the Crème Brûlée, which is custard-filled with a caramelized sugar coating. The Doughnut Plant chain has franchises in Japan and other countries. There are three general varieties of doughnut-prasadam: doughnuts filled with jelly or cream, the cake doughnuts and the raised doughnuts.

Catching Up on Out-loud Reading

We just finished the chapter where Lord Siva is captivated by Krsna’s incarnation as a beautiful woman, Mohini-murti. Siva comes to Lord Visnu and asks to see the Mohini-murti form who just cheated the demons out of the nectar. Visnu agrees, smiling gravely, implying, “You are responsible for the results.” Mohini-murti appears, bouncing a ball. What follows is one of the most sexually explicit scenes in the Bhagavatam. A breeze uncovers the woman’s clothes, and Lord Siva sees Her beautiful body (“with jug-like breasts”), naked. Siva runs forward to embrace Her. He grabs at Her hair, but She manages to escape his grasp. While following Her in close pursuit, Siva discharges semen. Wherever his semen falls, gold springs up. After his ejaculation, Siva calms down in his lust. He is not ashamed but proud to be a servant of Lord Visnu, who has just conquered him in the form of a most beautiful woman. Lord Visnu gives Siva His blessing, and Siva and his entourage enter their abode.

A Dream

Two days ago I dreamt I was ordered to take up a new “pure reform activity.” Twice a day, in the morning and afternoon, I should

  1. Read fifteen minutes in Srimad-Bhagavatam (I am now up to Chapter 14 in the First Canto);
  2. Read fifteen minutes in Caitanya-caritamrta (I am up to the advent of Lord Caitanya);
  3. Listen fifteen minutes to a Srila Prabhupada lecture (I am currently listening to 1966 lectures);
  4. Read twenty minutes in Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati’s Amrta-vani.

I actually began the “pure reform” yesterday. It was pure nectar! I started it again at 5:00 P.M., but after twenty minutes in the Srimad-Bhagavatam, I contacted a pain in my right eye. This meant a migraine headache, and I had to cancel the rest of the program. I took a pill, and in half an hour the migraine went away. Baladeva encouraged me not to give up this wonderful new program. He said maybe I have to build up my “reading muscles,” and it is worth enduring a few headaches just to keep this steady, ecstatic new reform.

From Srila Prabhupada Samadhi Diary

I claim that this book was written in the two most sacred places in Vrndavana, both within the Krsna-Balarama Mandir. Half of the entries were done in the big marble Samadhi,where the larger-than-life brass murti of Prabhupada sits on the vyasasana. This is a public monument which is trafficked by many pilgrims during the day. It is not so quiet, but it is a glorious tribute to Prabhupada that so many people come and pay their respects to him there, where his sacred body is interred. The other half of the entries were done in Prabhupada’s residential room. There is his bed, his low desk, from which he held darsana to guests. When I visited, it was more quiet than the Samadhi Mandir and conducive to inward thoughts.

Prabhupada’s Room

10:30 A.M.

“Prabhupada, when I came into your room just now, several ISKCON matajis were talking animatedly in the center of your room. I think they were planning arrangements for your service here, but they kindly exited so that I could be alone. It’s a fact it would have been entirely distracting if I tried to sit in a corner while they talked in the middle of the room.

“The letter on your desk is to Makhanlal, 1971. You wrote that you could not attend the San Francisco Ratha-yatra this year. You went there for three years in a row, but, ‘This time I have been fervently requested to attend the London Ratha-yatra where they are expecting fifty thousand … So it is not possible to attend both festivals.’ You said you would visit San Francisco when you went to America. ‘So you should go on with the festival more enthusiastically, even in my absence.’ You wrote this from Bombay, on your way to Moscow and then Paris.

“Our spiritual master—flying all over the world, writing us letters and giving us the hope of seeing you again. You also gave us encouragement and expected us to be answerable. There was no question of other gurus in those days. Our simple desire was to put on a festival or distribute his books or to preach somewhere, and to be accountable. You captured us, whether you were mellow and soft with us or acted like a military general.

“You wear a garland of all roses and another of orange marigolds. Your desk lamp is on. Nothing is known to us of the future, and we know very little of the present. We are still stumbling out of the past. Impurities lurk in our hearts. I repeat this theme to remind myself of what I have to do to become more fit to serve you.

“Srila Prabhupada, here comes one of your brahmacari followers. He is carrying a quilted saffron book bag. He prostrates himself fully before you, then leaves the room. Devotees notice me, an old-timer. Let me notice me like that way. Wake up, Satsvarupa, and live up to your heritage. Be humble, but exult in inner pride and satisfaction that Srila Prabhupada blessed you—not only you, but you too. Now do something with the blessing.”

“Samadhi Mandira

10:00 A.M.

“The pujari is high on an aluminum ladder in the inner sanctum, cleaning. The two hired boys who chase pigeons are sitting in a corner chatting, while their poles rest against the walls. On the stairs I imagined someone asking me, ‘Where are you going?’ And I reply, ‘I have a little ritual where I go to Srila Prabhupada’s Samadhi Mandir.’ Is that what it is, a ritual? Please make it more.

“As I write this, musing on your activities in the West, a group of pilgrims enters the Krishna-Balaram Mandir. Many of the women have shaven heads and wear no blouses under their wrapped saris. Most of these people are thin, and the men have loose turbans—wizened old men and women. Srila Prabhupada, you lived with these people. You knew tyagis and refined Gaudiya Vaisnavas and Delhi wallas and rich men. Still, you came to us and adapted to our Western ways. Or rather, I should say you came West and were untouched by our Western ways. You made everything transcendental wherever you went, whether East or West. I wish to remember you like that.”

From Prabhupada Appreciation

This book was carefully written, with the help of a team of devotees whom I mention on an Acknowledgements page. I gave a series of lectures on Prabhupada appreciation at Gita Nagari, and the transcripts of those lectures were used to form chapters of this book. I then gave a full set of lectures at the Vaisnava Institute of Higher Education in Vrndavana, India, and the transcripts of these talks also appear in the book. So this book had perhaps the most thorough preparation and research of any of my books.

Here is an excerpt from the first chapter,

“How We Can Please Srila Prabhupada:”

“. . . . And Prabhupada seemed to be easily pleased. There are countless letters and statements wherein he expresses his satisfaction with the offerings of his disciples. He was pleased, for example, with book distribution, with preaching, with temples opening, with disciples executing nice Deity worship. He was pleased by the artists,
pleased that a husband and wife were cooperatively preaching, pleased that someone was trying to understand the guru—disciple relationship and pleased that disciples were trying to serve with body, mind and words.

“Srila Prabhupada strongly encouraged special services such as book distribution. But he was pleased by anyone who was fulfilling the spirit of Visvanatha Cakravarti’s statement that the disciple should take the order of his spiritual master as his life and soul. Pleasing Prabhupada is not determined by the type of service one renders but by engaging wholeheartedly in his service. This is the actual conclusion of how to please Srila Prabhupada.”

“Appreciating Srila Prabhupada’s Lectures on Tape”

“Probably many devotees who hear Prabhupada’s tapes regularly have experienced the phenomenon of him suddenly “speaking to you,” as if the devotee had asked a question and he began to personally address that devotee’s problems and concerns. This is a particularly relishable aspect of hearing Prabhupada’s lectures. Devotees who were physically present during his talks often had this feeling, and the medium of the tape recording has preserved that “live” quality with all of Prabhupada’s emphasis and intonations. The recordings are a definite and vital way to connect with the actual preacher, Srila Prabhupada, embodied in sound.”

“Service in Separation”

“Srila Prabhupada disappeared from our vision in 1977. In order to keep our connection with him alive, we have to learn how to serve him in separation. This is necessary for both disciples and grand-disciples. Every devotee in ISKCON has an equal chance to please and serve the Founder-Acarya.

“The spiritual master instructs the disciple in two ways: through vapuh (physical association) and vani (sound vibration). Service in separation is more or less the same thing as associating with the vani of the spiritual master. Because the physical presence of the guru is sometimes approachable and sometimes not, the vani is considered more important because it continues to exist eternally. The Bhagavad-gita is the vani of Lord Krsna. ‘Although Krsna was personally present 5,ooo years ago, and He is no longer physically present from the material point of view, Bhagavad-gita continues.’

“Often devotees ask, ‘How can I serve Prabhupada in separation if I never had his personal association? Isn’t the vapuh needed to make the vani work?’ Not necessarily. Those who were fortunate to get the personal association of Srila Prabhupada can share their experiences by telling others about him; everyone can remember and serve him in parampara. There are many advanced devotees who worshiped and loved Lord Caitanya but never had His personal darsana. Krsnadasa Kaviraja wrote the Caitanya-caritamrta without ever having met Lord Caitanya. The same principle is true for Srila Prabhupada. Our philosophy is actually replete with examples of service in separation. The gopis served Krsna in separation after He left for the forest with His cowherd boys.

“Nothing can compare with spiritual sentiments expressed in separation. Associating with the Lord and His devotees in a mood of separation is not emotionally paralyzing but is the heart of Krsna conscious liberation. After Krsna disappeared, Arjuna was bereft of his powers and could not protect the Queens of Dvaraka from a band of marauders. But upon remembering the words Krsna spoke during the battle of Kuruksetra, Arjuna recovered himself.”

Writing Sessions

I’m collecting free write excerpts from twenty years ago. My intimate friends like them and say they are daring, cutting edge. I like them too, but other readers may think they are too “far-out.” They are often writing about writing and begging Prabhupada and Krsna to accept me. They are truthful and following a path “one person wide.” I have many notebooks filled with them. John Endler sends me excerpts, and I select from them for posting on the Free Write Journal. I don’t do much “spontaneous practice” anymore. They come from a period when I wrote without restraint (almost twenty years ago). I value them, am glad I saved them and can share them today.

The following excerpts of spontaneous writing practice were mostly done in Vrndavana and Wicklow, Ireland, 1993-1994.

Writing Session #1

“May Srimati Radharani know that if I read less of Her pastimes it doesn’t mean I don’t work to attain Her favor and the service of Her associates. But I think it’s best I serve wholly the tangible person who first taught me of service and worship to Radha, that is, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Dearest Mother of Bhakti, I pray You will see this concentration of mine not as alien to my cultivation of service to You, but as the best practical means to achieve it. One may hear of Your intimate pastimes with Syama by opening a rasika book, but if one isn’t qualified it will become a travesty, and You will be displeased.”

(December 21, 1993
Wicklow, Ireland
)

Writing Session #2

“How do you best help yourself to be a bhakti-yoga writer?

“It’s not a virtue to remain in maya or to write in maya and extol forgetfulness of God. Don’t be as you were in P.S. 8 days or in high school, a deliberate rebel, clowning to get the praise of the lower mentality of the kids. They are not present now to bring you down. If mentally they are still present, I say defy them and be who you are. You aspire to be dear to the all-good Supreme in all hearts. Be a follower of Prahlada Maharaja and not Ned Finley and Karl Bartch. Yes, be a follower of your spiritual master now, even when you recall your youth before you met him.

“Pull yourself out by grabbing onto the rope lowered into the well.”

***

“I sing a song to the Almighty, who appeared as Varaha and lifted the earth on His tusks. May He appear in my words. I offer obeisances to the Deliverer of Hiranyaksa, the warlike Lord. I offer obeisances to the Lord as the teasing friend of the girls of Vrndavana. I think of Poland and the ecstasy of making devotees there, and the nitty-gritty of it—anti-cult movements, whimsical devotees, tons of management.

“I worship the freedom of my bhajana. I adore the chances I get to lecture, even though I sometimes complain. May the Lord be kind to us.

“I am grateful to God. He controls all space and creation, mayadhyaksena. He is behind the energy of the world, controls by His glance only, and all His agents carry out His work.”

***

“I can’t do much more physically than I’m already doing, due to old age. Mentally also, I’m not a ‘Richard the Lionhearted’ ksatriya. Want to be left alone. Seek the inner way. There’s a tradition for that among the world’s seekers and contributors, Han Shun, Thoreau, Merton, Vaisnava acaryas, also Jagannatha and Gaura Kisora dasa Babajis. Even the Six Gosvamis in their own way were interested, not involved in trying to give solutions to the Muslim-dominated India . . . They reached bhajana and left records of how we can proceed step by step from sraddha to prema. This is the path I’m inclined toward.

“We may say Srila Prabhupada was different. He was outgoing and wanted to save the fools and rascals in the mood of Prahlada Maharaja’s prayer. He gave us active programs for going door-to-door, exposing the rascals, etc., maintaining temples, cultural weapons in a revolution of consciousness. But even this ‘attack’ on maya is done in presentation of Krsna conscious knowledge as-it-is. It doesn’t involve material solutions to Bosnia, Somalia, etc. We don’t go there to do hospital work or military work or diplomatic work. We are sadhus, preachers, propagandists, if you will. We want to get to the point as soon as possible to give out Krsna prasadam as food, hari-nama as books of transcendental knowledge.”

***

“So, I will stay here and then go somewhere else, burrowing like a groundhog and coming to the surface, speaking cheerfully from a modified vyasasana that every lecturer uses, and say, ‘In this purport Srila Prabhupada states . . .’ and be satisfied with that.”

***

“I’ve gone beyond getting much help from Natalie Goldberg. I’m a big-time private writer now. Got my own reasons and good pens and plenty refills. But here I am like a scared kid, standing on the highway. I’m afraid to stick out my hitchhiking thumb. Go ahead, or you’ll never know.”

Writing Session #3

“New structure or attempt to ‘tell’ stories while at Ballyferriter? I wish some momentum would come and carry me along next week. Oh well, let it happen. Be true, not artificial. That’s the main thing. If life is quiet and yet there are moments sincerely expressed, then that’s the best you can do. You can’t improve your writing in life by false bravado.

“If the natural complexion isn’t bright, that doesn’t mean we should apply rouge. I write a lot. It’s hard to sustain quality. But I’m not a one- or two-book man—a hundred books. I need to write so you can expect to be on the highest pitch of just-right tension and symbol in a group of chapters.

“Writing Session accepts you. So why don’t you accept your stories like that? Is anything to be sought (rather than just accept ‘what comes’)? So think how to express more directly Krsna consciousness in a deep and sincere way. But what’s that?”

(May 7, 1994
Ballyferriter, Ireland
)

Writing Session #4

“You bow before Srila Prabhupada and don’t think out or even say completely the words of his pranams, though it’s an opportunity to actually be grateful and subservient to your spiritual master. And that’s what you want, isn’t it? Remember, recollect and do it better. At least today I placed his Dictaphone before him at the midnight hour. Then turn to this page thinking of him and the uncertainty of whether I can please him. The uncertainty of my own love?

“The bad person I am, the bad person in me. The flowing-out, feeling that I’m a good person—that comes from him. Let us be true and simple to each other. So, I am a writer, and I do a lot to develop myself, allow myself time and these exercises and the process of writing freely and a lot . . . If this is actually a sincere attempt to render service to Krsna, then Prabhupada will accept it. He writes regarding the Pracetas that one should always meditate on the order of the spiritual master and act to carry it out. Don’t even worry whether you should go back to Godhead, but act to satisfy your spiritual master by carrying out his order. Srila Prabhupada ordered us to preach Krsna consciousness; help others. Don’t just take it for ourselves. The world is in ignorance. Help them. Be in the mood of Prahlada Maharaja. He wanted to liberate his father despite the torturing his father gave to him. And he prayed that he wouldn’t go back to Godhead until he could liberate others. Hare Krsna.

“Srila Prabhupada’s order is to chant at least sixteen rounds and follow the four rules. And he wants to work in ISKCON. I am living to carry out those orders in my own life. The writing I do is for that. I practice here, and some of the attempts taken from the total process of the writing life are published and shared with devotees.”

***

“There is not used writing, something just to make it look good or to make it worse than it is. Why write at all? You can say it is a deliberate attempt to render devotional service. It’s almost a penmanship itself, like push-ups, and you say, ‘I do this for God’s glory, to praise Him, to serve Him, to love Him.’ I do it in hopes it will be an acceptable offering and will contribute toward my liberation from birth and death. I wish to achieve the goals of bhakti—elevation to nistha, ruci, asaktih. Writing will help me to do it. I want to do it.”

***

“You could say a writing session is of no consequence, but I don’t agree. It’s not for me, it’s for my devotional service workout—what counts, what matters. We say, ‘to please Lord Krsna and the spiritual master.’ But those are mighty results and ones we are not always directly aware of. We work on faith. So, I try it. I try because I like to. I’ve decided it’s an essential part of my writing service to work out like this. I do also try not to be attached.

“The truth is wavering in the meadow. Gushes of air and summer-breeze day move whole trees like fans. Sunshine and heavy breeze, that combination.”

(July 8, 1994
Chamaret, Southern France
)

Writing Session #5

“Write what you want. Ask Lord Krsna in the heart, ‘Is there some “holy” book I should attempt to write, like a Krsna conscious version of “The Imitation of Christ”?’ But I don’t want to presume anything.

“You are feeling a little good energy here. Be calm, but ride with it. You like your story-writing time, but you are saying you want more per session, just sessions? And in that full time let ‘it’ happen, see where it takes you.

“Yes, and poems. Poem time with the sheets and colored pens. Yes, that’s good too. All right.

“The nervous disorder dropped the sound, he looked up. You have only yourself and your relationship with your guru and Lord Krsna, and with everyone else. You are embarrassed that you write only of yourself, yet it doesn’t seem possible to do anything else.

“If a story wants to come, it can come in here or anywhere.”

***

“This is the first day of the retreat. Rain, rain, coming down, and I’m dry in the tulasi house. Nice clean place. Don’t mess it up here with your dirty soles, or even your thoughts. Lord Caitanya told Haridasa to plant—I mean Narada told the hunter to plant tulasi and chant there. Both Haridasa and the ex-hunter chanted by tulasi, and Srila Prabhupada recommended it. Don’t miss this opportunity. I am happy to write in that mood.

“She is a pure devotee of Krsna, Lord Krsna. I don’t know much about her (Vrnda, one of the gopis). Is she older? I forget their names and whose side they’re on. All the valuable gopi lore is slipping away, but I say, ‘Okay, main thing is adherence to guru, and without that, you can ‘know’ all about manjari duties and groups and Ujjvala-nilamani but not be fit to enter any of it.’

“Too much to do; too much to do.

“Got wet coming here.”

***

“Listen, my friends. There is a sound in the wind. You are on your own with twenty-five minutes left in the morning session. You could entirely forego the writing session where you ramble with your own resources, and instead dive into Lord Krsna’s words of sastra, or at least use them as a springboard. But my question is, is that what we want? Does it satisfy a hankering to be oneself?

“Keep writing here until it’s perfectly clear that the time has come to move on to something next. It should be clear. Do you write as a compulsion, and is that bad? ‘Happily addicted.’ He is alive. Friend said, ‘It’s sweet that you write like that,’ some may also envy. Others not understand at all why I do it. And some see it clearly (for them) as a deviating indulgence in subtle sense gratification.

“I admit to wrong and deficiency in my life. I say, ‘Don’t blame the writing.’ I want to assess things honestly, like Descartes, boiling things down to what he could accept without any question.

“So we come to God and self.”

“But I am still boiling down and asking myself, ‘Do I want to write?’ I keep saying, ‘Yes,’ but that’s all, just yes. And then again I get a question, ‘Why?’ or ‘How?’ or ‘What?’. And again, ‘Yes.’

“Yes, we have no bananas.
we have no bananas today.

“The man in the picture frame, the clown, the comedian, in overalls, writer, worker, give me time, give me time to write honestly in Krsna conscious rhyme.

“I am prone to his service.”

***

“Veil off, he dances as she or he. It doesn’t matter. Ratha-yatra stage. I get my shot. Jean Shepherd on the radio, I’m on the air too.

“Green yard. Krsna consciousness in these books. I go there now no more. No need to shout slogans in the street. I let off my steam in the private retreat, harm’s way is not here, the early road and met no one, from 5:00 to 6:00 is my walk time. See you then with questions on hari-nama. It’s no sin to answer with any knowledge you have. Oh guys and girls, let’s dance and eat and be merry, time is short. Play Lord Krsna. She said the kids take to it real easy. Let’s see what they’re doing after 50 and 55 years. Let’s see what I’m doing then. In thirty seconds, I bow down, but in my heart too, I want to surrender the whole person, happy to please Lord Krsna and forget thy self-comforting.”

(July 22, 1994
Wicklow, Ireland
)

Writing Session #6

“‘Don’t be afraid to write “anything” in Vrndavana,’ says one note. Baladeva encourages that it’s just like the time of death—all thoughts come, and then you just see Vrndavana. Write it all down and keep on moving. Yes, I agree. Right now I want to keep a calm mood since I was so recently in the grip of physical pain. Can’t over-exert. As I grow older, it may be like that more often. You have limited time and energy. That may make you inclined to write differently, perhaps with just Krsna conscious thoughts, since you have no energy for romping in blues and clover and goofing.”

***

“The poor sheep grunt and cry out and complain and cry out for food or sex or shelter or just animal-grunt misery reflex.

“And speed swallows fly with breast thrust forward and to the air and wings propel them.

“Give a nickel for your thoughts.

“I was just wondering about the U.S.S. Kearsage, trying to remember the three girls I worked with in Dorchester, Mass. Welfare office, and that boss . . . embarrassing. I had my niche. Small paycheck. Enough to get by. Hare Krsna storefront president, respectable in suit, nine-to-five karmi life—still the local teenagers terrorized us.

“Tulasi-devi, you are in a clean pot. I hope I’ll be able to write here and be calm about it. I mean don’t keep asking me out loud, ‘Should I do this at all?’ You are doing it, so go ahead. It is your surrender.

“Did I stop justifying and just go ahead and write? When was that? M. talks to me when and where we can go next in Ireland. Some isolated place and keep writing. It’s a strange pursuit. But I’ll be paying my dues nonetheless by the preaching in Inis Rath, and Belfast, and Newcastle. You can do that as a sannyasi. But this—something more. Going deep under it, and it will be a special contribution.”

“When you write, you face the fact that you are alone in this place, and this is what you want. Accept it. Write. But you don’t want fiction or an exciting daily life to write about. Look within. But I do, and don’t like what I see. Look and write anyway. U.S. Navy? Money that vanishes? Dreams you had a headache? O foolish lad, you can’t turn in your head for a new one.

“But soon your life duration is over, and this body gets worn out. You get a new one and continue your devotional service, one life at a time. I am actually in a life of Krsna conscious practices. Don’t think, “I’m a great devotee, but out of humility I don’t admit it to anyone, even myself. After I die . . .”

“Picture of Therese of Lisieux ‘in death,’ lilies in her hand under a picture of Christ. But that dead look, look of the dead. Gone. All over.

“That book is scary.
I read of Ananta,
the many-headed serpent on
whose head the universe is like
a mustardseed.”

***

“Happiness. Strains of it come through. But you don’t act just to taste nectar. That would be hedonism of spirit. Serve as duty, as constitutional nature. Of course, you like to do it—serve Lord Krsna—and that’s why you are doing it. But the goal is not constant, sweet taste on the tongue. The goal is honest submission. To please Him somehow, to come to Him and get ready to die in the best state you can, in Krsna consciousness, so you continue it next life.

“I’m doing what I like to do. Alive in that way. Satisfied, free. Using my time creatively. I want to enter a life of prayer, continue reading Srimad-Bhagavatam but improve it.

“I don’t know how to make leaps forward for improving writing (or reading or japa). So just keep at it. It’s like milking the cows and taking care of all cows, including non-milkers, and the bulls. You do it because they are your dependents. Caring for them is a religious duty. Vaisnavas acting as vaisyas, farmers. That’s needed. Acting also as poet-writer. Who needs it? We do, I say, we do. A society needs writers following Narada and Srila Prabhupada. A devotee should be independent and unbiased.

(August 1, 1994
Wicklow, Ireland
)

Writing Session #7

“You have ammo, just like every debater. You want to think what you are doing is what Krsna wants. The tension or anxiety you feel isn’t a bad thing. You seek not only the Lord’s confirmation that you are on the right path and you have only to proceed on it—you also seek His direction as He may want to give, and you become submissive to it. So you repeat this cry in prayer—no harm in repeating it. Especially in the Writing Session, there’s no audience you have to please.”

***

“Be sincere. Be where you are at without pretense. Pretense is junk, a lie. I am wanting to write as bhajana.”

***

“I would like to write great works, but I must write on my level of realization. Happy to do it and work at it with a pickaxe on a rock. Give it up if it is foolish. But if it is the right work, I want to do it.”

***

“Churning here. See how writing sessions stir up ideas to use. Don’t forget that aspect of things. It is really a journey of the milk ocean.

“Lord
a good day
a good day.

“Zen practices, mild sayings, this and that. I want to hear Krsna without so much mental reference to other thinkers and eras and so on, in the name of broader education, professional studies. Why don’t you write and think out of absorption in Krsna conscious topics?

“Sri krsna caitanya prabhu nityananda.”

***

“Write against the clock. I don’t glance at the clock as I write out of boredom with my task. It’s just to see how much more time I’ve got. In other words, viva to the Writing Session. Now resume today.

“Put them in a collection
put yourself in the museum case
become more serious and
more comic—laugh at
your foibles. And keep cutting
corners at the line-divide.

“There is still time and purpose in bringing to the “world” the clear water you find in your bucket from the mountain wells. The world does need the drink of Krsna consciousness. Some deliver it by delivering Srila Prabhupada’s books and that is the best way, the most potent drink. But . . . this too, why not more? He said bring more, ‘As I have written books, so my disciples will write books and it will expand unlimitedly.’ That is what he said.”

***

“The Hebrides, retreats, Mayapur, accidents, a strike at the airport. Your headaches, suddenly plans destructed. Then you have to see that Providence has her hand in it—Krsna’s in it—Krsna’s will. You turn to Writing Session also and explain it to yourself. Say, “I had this nice plan, but now Krsna has changed it. He is showing me another feature of the material energy, and also He is bringing me closer to Him.’ Sastra says that He is more eager to bring us to Him than we are eager to go back to Godhead. So, to do that He sometimes makes moves that are surprises to us. We thought it was best to progress by smooth increments according to our plans, but He may have a different idea. What Taoists speak of as the flow t0 g0 with naturally is actually the will of Krsna, and in the case of the devotee, it is special handling, so he shouldn’t object or try to resist. ‘You may handle Me roughly or not be present before Me.’”

<< Free Write Journal #63



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