In Verse Seven of “Manah-siksa,” Raghunatha dasa Gosvami says,
“My dear brother mind, the despicable desire for material honor and distinction is compared to a shameless and lowborn prostitute who eats dog meat—yet she is flagrantly dancing in my heart. How, then, can the pristine love of pure devotion to Sri Krishna ever find a place in my heart?”Bhaktivinoda Thakura comments in _Sri Bhajana-darpana_,
“All other unwanted desires may be eradicated, but the hankering for honor and distinction is extremely difficult to uproot.”If one cannot rid his heart of this kind of hypocrisy, then there is no question of a devotee ever attaining pure love of Krishna. And yet that is exactly what Raghunatha dasa Gosvami desires, as he expresses in Verse Eight of “Manah-siksa.” He pleads with his mind, “Please reside in Vraja and earnestly worship Lord Krishna, the lifter of Govardhana Hill, fervently praying to Him with utter humility to please Him.”
The key for release from the desire for honor and all the other deceits is to make humble prayers. Bhaktivinoda Thakura states, “A humble plea indicates a mood of sincere surrender and devotion, particularly when the devotee feels that he is the most wretched person without any shelter to protect him.”
The Thakura further states, ” . . . if that same unfortunate soul realizes that his true position is to feel himself humbler than even the straw in the street, and therefore develops the intelligence to respect others according to their positions, simultaneously taking complete shelter of the holy names of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, then surely he will receive the mercy of Lord Krishna and concomitantly the grace of all the saintly personalities.” (_Manah-siksa_, p. 35)
We will probably always battle with the desire for honor. Out here in our retreat house, we think we are relatively free of it. But then I hear that one of my “admirers” wants me to come and visit their city. I think how when I am finished chanting here, I can impress people at seminars with my realizations on the holy name. I can speak about truthfulness and the inner life of the preacher and the struggle to become sincere. It seems like a vicious trap. One wants to share the results of solitude and chanting so as not to become too introverted, but then when one goes out to preach, immediately the desire for honor and distinction appears. We have to learn how to work around this desire without giving up our preaching.
(_Begging for the Nectar of the Holy Name_)
JAPA POEM
Raghunatha das Goswami compares the desire for fame
to a shameless prostitute
dancing in one’s heart.
How can pure freedom
appear in such a person’s heart?
The secret for release from
the desire for honor
is to make humble prayers,
regarding oneself lower
than the grass in the street.
It is a vicious cycle.
We want to share what
we have learned from
solitude and chanting,
but as soon as we go out to
preach the desire for honor appears.