The alarm clocks went off at 1:00 A.M.,
and our cowbells followed.
Baladeva administered my wake-up rituals.
I went into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace,
taking darsana of Radha-Govinda.
I practiced “just hear,”
the method where you chant and hear
with no other meditation.
I am capable of this,
and comfortable doing it
in the sanctity of my bhajan-kutir.
There are higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that the Name
is nondifferent from Krishna Himself,
and who absorbs himself
in the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare state of japa.
I could not attain that rare state,
but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with a few minutes to spare. Then I
turned to writing in my Japa Report.
I began the second set at a moderate pace.
Baladeva’s vocal chanting from the other room
was nourishing and helped me
to do my mental japa. Although
I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly, with attention
and concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in the next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Names.
So my japa was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation
and brings one gradually to the actual goal –
attainment of love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
(I like to repeat the lines
about the power of the maha-mantra.
They give me confidence
that I am making progress,
even while making mistakes.)
I met my quota after eight rounds
with a few minutes to spare.
As I began the third set
I saw that I was way behind by the clock.
I switched to a brisk pace, emphasizing
speed over quality.
I watched the beads move
quickly through my hand.
But I was not rushing recklessly.
I held on to the bead until
the mantra was finished
before I moved on to the next bead.
There was no question of darsana or
slowing to an inward or prayerful state.
I finished my twelfth round
failing to meet the quota.
Beginning the fourth set
I continued to move speedily.
Although I went fast, I enunciated
the mantras clearly without
mixing or missing them.
I completed my sixteenth round
failing to meet the overall quota
by several minutes.
I considered it a half-decent session
because I finished so late.
But I was alert and awake the whole time
throughout the session. I experienced
no head pain, and I was grateful for that.
I don’t know why I am finishing so late,
perhaps it’s because of all the rounds
chanted at a moderate pace.
But I did chant all my rounds
with external attention.
At least I follow the process
of carrying out a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.