Free Write Journal #37


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Free Write Journal #37

Two Burfis

I ate two and they were delicious, made from the milk of Gita-nagari cows. But even as I took the second one, I realized I should have limited myself to one. One was satisfying and enough; two was piggish. It could lead to weight gain. Although I was saved because it was prasadam, by indulging my senses I was engaging in sense gratification. “One should not eat too much or too little.” (Bg. 6.16)

Some devotees are requesting me to give them the original English translation of the prasadam prayer as taught to us by Swamiji in 1966. Nowadays almost everyone says the Bengali version, sarira avidya jal . . . But I persist in saying it the way Prabhupada said it. When the devotees from Oxford visited Viraha Bhavan and observed me chanting the English version, they asked me to record it so they could say it too. They had some doubt about how the actual English version went, but I cleared it up. Now Dhanurdhara Maharaja has asked me to give the English version. He has tried to find it on the Internet, but there is no trace of it. It has gone completely underground. So here I will give it to whoever is interested:

 “This material body is a lump of ignorance, and the senses are paths unto death. Somehow we have fallen into the ocean of material sense enjoyment, and of all the senses the tongue is the most voracious and difficult to control. But Krsna is very kind to us. He has given us this nice prasadam just to control the tongue. Now let us take this prasadam to our full satisfaction and glorify Their Lordships Sri-Sri Radha and Krsna and in love call upon Lord Caitanya and Prabhu Nityananda to please help us.”

Jayadvaita Maharaja wrote in an homage to me on Vyasa-puja that he thought the English version of the prayer was more accurate than the Bengali.

A Letter Exchange about the Krsna Book

I received a wonderful letter from a disciple in Canada. He wrote me as follows:
“I have just finished listening to the VIHE 2015 Krsna Book series. This is a big awakening for me . . . . This Tenth Canto is so real for me now . . . . Thank you!

“However, there is now a side effect in my dealings with the karmi world. I
feel like an actor in a superficial, surreal, mundane drama. I see the city as a corporate-created reality, a complete fabrication, a movie set …  We’re just extras in their agenda. Even family and friends have lost their glow.
“My question is this … Is this vision good for my mental health?”

I wrote him back as follows:

“Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

“I am very impressed with the transformation Krsna Book has made on you. This is very auspicious. Regarding your now viewing the material world, even family and friends, as insignificant, material fabrications, I can make some comments.

“Prabhupada gave a strange example how to deal with this dilemma. Say a woman has a paramour, a man besides her husband. She prosecutes her domestic affairs very proficiently so she won’t be caught in her extramarital affair. But all the time she is thinking of her paramour and when they will meet again. Prabhupada said this is how a devotee should act, performing his material duties but always thinking of Krsna and rendering his devotional service. When Raghunatha (later Raghunatha dasa Gosvami) visited Lord Caitanya, he told Him of his great desire to join with Mahaprabhu in Puri. But Raghunatha’s parents did not want him to leave home. They had married him to a beautiful wife, and they even assigned five men to be his bodyguards, constantly watching over him so that he would not run away. Lord Caitanya said to Raghunatha, “Don’t be a madman.” He told him to discharge his duties as an ideal grhastha and family member, and his parents would not become suspicious of him and they would ease up on their surveillance of him. He told Raghunatha that soon he would get the mercy of Krsna so he could join Mahaprabhu and the devotees at Jagannatha Puri. Raghunatha obeyed these instructions, his parents relaxed their surveillance on him, and eventually he got a chance to run away and join with Mahaprabhu to live with Him as His intimate associate, as a mendicant, in a very renounced way.”

So I told the devotee that he should act in this way, in a detached mood. Deal with material affairs but always be reading the Krsna Book and diving deeper into his attraction for the pastimes of the Lord.

Radha-Govinda Reflections

  1. Pink red with white trim in the new outfit for Radha-Govinda made by Maha-mantra devi dasi. I struggled to dress Them neatly and it didn’t come out perfectly, but that was my best. Whew! It tires you. You old fellow on bony knees, with blood-in-head problems and lack of love, big problems. You think, “I’m not this body,” but the body weighs you down. Srila Prabhupada in saffron wool chadar and bright silk Swami hat. They are all there, the family of Deities and great devotees and murtis and pictures, spread out on the hari-nama chadar I don’t know much about it, but it is a good fortune on me that I’m able to do it.
  2. Red-and-gold Friday. The long gold shiny flute with golden peacock at the end. Krsna’s mild, sweet smile, an innocent boy. Radha shy, and Her beauty chaste for Krsna. Lord Nrsimhadeva ripping apart the demon—may He protect me. All these aesthetic, colorful forms, pictures and murtis on the broad altar plain. At first I didn’t want to look at each one, it seems tedious, but as I do so I get an inkling from the phrase, “Drink in nectar through the eyes.”
  3. My Krsna is golden, holding the flute with Radha beside Him. Yes, Krsna is dark. But the murti is golden (brass). So am I not satisfied? Want a blue one? O Krsna, be gold as Lord Caitanya and be dark too—come through to me. Please come through for me. I can’t even pray, but I can write it down. I worship You in this way. Be real, be kind, let me dress You and feed You and pray the prayers, and hear about You and Radharani with faith.
  4. How lovely is Radha and Govinda this morning with dark-brown-and-gold- trimmed dresses. And black woolen shawls. I would like Them to wear smaller crowns, please. And more like Vraja in my mind. With turbans. I’m hearing a lot about Vrndavana on the tapes of Srila Prabhupada lecturing on The Nectar of Devotion there and other references. We hear both—that living in Vrndavana is very advantageous, and also that you can do it in essence by thinking of Vrndavana.
  5. Radha and Govinda in Their purple dress with silver trim. They are fetching, I’m glad to say. Come and see how beautiful They are while we hear Rupa Gosvami’s play of Their first meeting. Krsna hears Her name, Radha, and loses His composure. Radha hears the flute and is struck at heart. Paurnamasi and others make arrangements that Radha and Krsna should meet. Hear this nectar, unworthy one, and be transported away from the quibbling mind and the detractors, the agnostics. Be transformed into a person who can relish rasa, at least for a little while. Be careful where you put your mind and hearing. Hare Krsna, they will never be able to understand unless they come under the shelter of guru and Krsna by submissive aural reception. Bhakti works like that.

Poetry from Complete Poems/From Every Day, Just Write

Visnu-smaranam

Krsna science socks it to them, I’m
writing rather than sleeping, doing math
on grids, attending the arati,
talking in the kitchen, worrying the
brow, fixing the yoke for the
oxen, making political strategy
with bros and followers, thinking of a girl,
looking at my computer
walking in forest
watching a hawk
splashing a sink, reading
Thérèse of Lisieux splashing at the sink
or Sharon Olds or
Mary Oliver, not marrying
or divorcing or talking of
the silly little people
not bowing to the giants
kowtow to big guns.

I’m writing of Krsna instead of Bull
Morris, Henry Adams, Punch Judy
Kowo
American Indian and Company
For my Lord
only visnu-smaranam.

No Enjoyer but Purusottama

Please, sirs, be with us and be in étude
be a plain Paris café and
plans for a Ratha-yatra.
He’s a Steve became Sats

But don’t think you are a great elder
say I copped out I didn’t
do great but I keep
reading his books. Yes, I will
come to the temple and lecture
but you see, I am sick
much of the time . . . .

Birds are happy in Goloka
there is no sadness or fear, only rumors sometimes
of demons.
Krsna is feast for all senses and they just want to please Him.

Crossing a Busy Corner

Brilliant corners. He looks both
ways before crossing the busy street.
Swami in Swamicap
You know, the photo with manhole
and looks like Houston Street
or with parking meters he’s
coming forward tough giant champ of hobo-world
a Christ.

A son of God. Me? I’m in
some photos with big Adam’s
apple and danda, hanging out to
get some status nectar and
anxiety.

Hashish. None. A “guru”
took it and we kicked him out.
Full ecstasies on drug high.
Kick him in the ass for
that. What was I
saying?
Look both ways
corner across street quick
as he did
recall him.

Cross street to go preach on
His behalf. Assert it’s
music mine a minstrel for
him. Let him “get off”
of anxiety when he feels better
we’ll talk Krsna consciousness in our way.

Now, watch your step in crossing.
Those cars could crush.
Keep Names on lips
before you go. Hare Krsna now
or never, now and never
forget my Lord.

A Random Look at Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary (11th Ed.)

fairly (adv.) 1. :in a handsome manner; 2. :in a gentle manner; 3 :in a courteous manner; 4 :b. without bias or distortion: IMPARTIALLY.

[A story told ~ and objectively]

Prabhupada spoke in a handsome, courteous manner. He spoke without bias or distortion. Whether Prabhupada was reprimanding or praising, everyone thought he was “fair.” If, reprimanded by him, a person may have initially felt pinched in his false ego, after a while, with reflection, he understood that Prabhupada had dealt with him fairly. Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, is fair to all. He is especially inclined to His devotees, bhakta-vatsala, but even demons who are killed by Krsna receive liberation. So He is always fair.

extricate (v.) : To free or remove from an entanglement or difficulty.

“I was born in the darkest ignorance, and my spiritual master opened my eyes with the torch of knowledge. I offer my respectful obeisances unto him.” The guru extricates his disciple from material life, which is beset with miseries of birth, death, disease and old age. For this act, the disciple is eternally indebted. But he acts to pay back the debt by following the rules of the spiritual master and trying to preach to spread Krsna consciousness so that others may be extricated from the illusory energy.

expatriate (v.) : to leave one’s own country; to withdraw oneself from residence in or allegiance to one’s native country.

The devotees of the Lord are transcendental, and they do not worship the land in which they were born. The Bhagavatam says that if one worships the land in which he was born, he is no better than a cow or ass. As missionaries, some preachers leave their homeland and travel to foreign countries in order to preach Krsna consciousness. To do this, they have to be detached from national feelings. Even devotees who remain in their home country do not live in a spirit of nationalism. Nationalism is another illusion. One is born in a particular land due to karma, and when he leaves the land, he doesn’t know what body he will take next, but it may be in a different country. So nationalism is a kind of illusion.

initiation (n.) : the rites, ceremonies, ordeals or instructions with which one is made a member of a sect or a society, or is invested with a particular function or status; the condition of being initiated into some experience or sphere of activity

By initiation into Krsna consciousness, one takes a vow to avoid four sinful activities and to chant sixteen rounds minimum quota. The guru gives initiation after testing the disciple for a year. Upon being initiated, the devotee is freed from his or her karmic sinful reactions. Upon being initiated, the devotee gives the guru a contribution. This is called guru-daksine. If one thinks that one can pay back the spiritual master for the gift of initiation, he is considered a jokester. One cannot repay the debt, but one acts under the order of the guru and tries to spread Krsna consciousness to fallen souls. The initiation is usually performed before a fire sacrifice, and the devotee speaks aloud the vows he is undertaking, and this is witnessed by the guru, by the devotees and by the Deity. To break the vows of initiation is a serious offense.

Vaishnava (n.) [Skt.] : A member of a major Hindu sect devoted to the cult of Visnu.

To become a Vaisnava is not to join one of many sects of Hinduism. There are many demigods, and one may be a follower of one of them, but Visnu is the source of all the demigods, and His worship is transcendental to all sectarian movements. Becoming a Vaisnava is not a cheap thing; one cannot be rubber-stamped as a Vaisnava. It is an elevated state of spiritual advancement. The true Vaisnavas respect all the demigods, but they reserve their worship and allegiance for Lord Visnu. And Visnu is an emanation from Krsna, the original Supreme Personality of Godhead.

Free Writes

Book Order by Rama-Raya’s Party

Rama-Raya’s party combines harinama with book distribution. All the devotees wear devotional dress, some sing in the continual kirtana for hours, and some circulate the crowd and sell books. They have been very successful at selling many books at a time. They take out seven of Prabhupada’s books and tie them up in gift wrapping. Then, separately, they take a seven-volume set of the Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta and wrap that up also. The book distributors are very enthusiastic and fearless. They have been selling so many books that they just recently made the biggest order in the Northeast from the BBT since 1981. They ordered 731 cases of books. They make videos, photographs and verbal descriptions of sales, posing with the customer and the books he’s buying. These episodes can be viewed on Rama-Raya’s website www.nycharinam.org. All glories to the Harinama Book Distribution Party of New York City!

What is Happy? Are You Happy? — Why or Why Not?

Happy means one is taking shelter at the feet of the spiritual master and Krsna. He firmly believes that they have freed him from the bonds of the material world and that his future is brilliant—he won’t die at the time of bodily demise but will go on to the spiritual world and continue serving the Vaisnavas. Without service there can’t be happiness.

Am I happy? Why or why not? I can honestly say that I am peaceful and content as I reach my 80th birthday. I have been fortunate to have served Prabhupada’s Movement in many ways for over 50 years. I am free from sense gratification and sinful life, and I have initial attraction and devotion to guru and Gauranga. My main service is writing and this fully satisfies me, as I reach many devotees with a weekly Journal on the Internet. I am at peace with my demons.

Me and the Zig-Zag Path

It was Bhaktivinode Thakura who defined the term “zig-zag path.” He wrote, “As one attempts to progress in spiritual life, he may be forced to change his straight progressive path. When this happens, he should not stop moving and go back to the beginning. He should make a ‘zig’ to the left or a ‘zag’ to the right, adjust himself, and then go forward again on the straight path.” I used to write a lot about the zig-zag path and say I traveled that way, experimenting and having to change course to redirect myself to the right path. But in recent years, since I have moved to the ashram which Saci-suta has given to me and since I have settled in here with my assistants, I no longer think so much that I am traversing the zig-zag path. I am more on the straight and narrow path going forward consistently. One sannyasi asked me if I were bored with my life. I told him no; although my life is mostly quiet, I am busy writing for devotees, corresponding, and frequently hearing out-loud readings of Prabhupada’s books. I am also deeply involved in Deity worship, taking the darsana of Radha-Govinda. For hours a day I gaze on Their forms, which are just a few feet from my chair. I am on a steady course, and aspiring to be like the Bhagavad-gita describes, a lamp in a windless place.

Die in Vrndavana

In his last days, while in Vrndavana, Prabhupada was told that a young girl had recently passed away in Vrndavana. They asked Prabhupada what was her destination. He said that if she died in Vrndavana, then she would go back to Godhead. That is the great advantage of leaving the body in Vrndavana. But not everyone can pass his or her life in Vrndavana. For reasons of service, visa, eligibility, and inclination, many devotees don’t live in Vrndavana. Those who do are most fortunate. But what about the devotees who live and die outside of Vrndavana? Rupa Gosvami has said that one should live in Vrndavana, but if he cannot physically reside there, he should live in Vrndavana in his mind. Some years ago in Back to Godhead magazine there was a reassuring article about dying outside of Vrndavana. Bir Krsna Goswami said he wanted to die near his beloved ishta-devas, the Radha-Krsna Deities in the temple he was responsible for in North Carolina. In the same article Gopiparanadhana pointed out that in the Eighth Chapter of Bhagavad-gita Krsna said if one thinks of Him at the time of death he attains to Him. So it’s the state of consciousness, not only the geographic location that one is in, which determines whether you can go back to Godhead. In the Bhagavad-gita Krsna simply says that if one thinks of Him at the time of death, he will attain to Him. There is a saying about a saintly person, “Wherever you live, there is Vrndavana.” So the all-important point is one’s consciousness at the time of death. If one can attain Vrndavana consciousness while living outside Bhauma Vrndavana, one can attain Goloka Vrndavana. Chanting Hare Krsna is the best recommended practice for attaining success in going home, back to Godhead. If you are living outside of Vrndavana, how do you mold your life so that you are always thinking of Vrndavana? In my case, I have called my ashram residence “Viraha Bhavan,” the place of feeling separation [from Vrndavana]. I intimately worship Radha-Govinda, the Lords of Vraja, and I hear of the Vrndavana pastimes in the Krsna Book and the books of the Six Gosvamis. I listen to Prabhupada’s bhajanas sung in separation. The mood of separation is considered even higher than the state of physical union. Prabhupada has said that his ISKCON centers are not actually located in cities like New York, London, Paris, etc., but they are in “Vaikuntha,” or the spiritual world. Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja was too handicapped with cancer to travel to Vrndavana. He prepared to spend his last days and pass away at Gita-nagari, the spiritual farm community which he was responsible for. Everyone thinks Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja had an auspicious passing away.

Rice/Capatis

In the Caitanya-caritamrta, Krsnadasa Kaviraja relates that the Bengali devotees of Lord Caitanya ate rice with their vegetables, but they couldn’t digest heavy capatis. When they visited Lord Caitanya in Vrndavana, the devotees there were eating capatis. But the Vrndavana devotees considerately provided rice for the devotees from Bengal because they couldn’t digest capatis. (They also provided mustard oil for massages for the Bengali devotees.) When he was in good health, Prabhupada had a strong appetite. He ate both rice and capatis along with subjis and dal for his main meal.

Radha-Govinda Reflections

  1. Radha-Govinda in peacock-patterned dress and mukut on Sunday. Pink and green and golden trim. A chadar of peach, a chadar of pink. Radha causes Krsna to become bewildered. He and Madhumangala have gone to a hill to pick roses (to use as ink in a love-letter). They meet Radha and Visakha there. He overhears Her great love for Him. Jatila comes and interrupts the scene. Hearing this, I lose my sense of time and place—go to where Rupa Gosvami describes these events.
  2. White outfits with blue trim and other colors not identical for Radha and Krsna. Made by Maha-mantra dasi for my Radha-Govinda. Now, They are in bed. Such a simple transcendental function each night. It is training for the spiritual world. May I also do it in this world. At last, almost despite myself, I’m a pujari of Radha and Krsna. Greedy for more sets of clothes, the right kind. Dress Them without torturing blops of glue-tac and façade crowns, but actual turban, actual cape around Her. Oh, I don’t know anything, but I put Them to bed. Now I’ll put this body to bed, as Srila Prabhupada sings Hare Krsna bhajana on CD and Madhu is in the next room. Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.
  3. Well, Radha and Krsna are joking and sporting in the groves of Vrndavana, and I tire of it because I can’t keep up with it. My energy flails. But I continue the puja until They are decorated and dressed nicely in Monday light-green with gold trim. Krsna disguises Himself as a sapphire column, but Radha knows it is Him. She speaks a joke with two meanings. He takes it one way for conjugal humor. I can’t keep up with it. The flood of Their lilas continues for those who are eligible. Lalita blocks Krsna’s way. Madhumangala defends Krsna, and so does the male parrot and Vrnda. They are together, then apart. There seems so little dramatic action in this play by Rupa Gosvami. Unless you are situated in prema, you may not like it.
  4. I get tired out doing the Deity worship, but my mind tells me more things to do: clean the wooden altar surface with wet tissue and then dry it, now clean the pictures, now readjust Govinda’s turban. More and more. Finally, that’s enough. It’s getting late and I’m becoming exhausted. I step away from it although my mind wants me to make more prostrations of the head onto the floor. Enough, I say. Am I doing this for myself? No, Krsna is here, and He is demanding these obeisances and services. I have become His vassal. Very well.
  5. It’s nice to hear Narottama dasa Thakura saying Radha’s form is golden at the same moment I’m beholding Her golden form, and hear him say he wants to be Her maidservant and dress and bathe Her, just as I am doing the same. Then he says in Prema-bhakti-candrika that sadhana-bhakti and prema-bhakti are the same, one leads to the other, and he wishes to take birth as a maidservant of the gopis in Vraja. Pray to maintain these thoughts wherever you are. You are physically tired? But it is nice.

Free Writes

Sankirtana

Sankirtana means congregational chanting of the holy name. It has also come to mean distribution of Prabhupada’s books. An ideal combination is when both of these activities are done together. The party led by Rama-Raya in Union Square Park, New York City, is a wonderful example of sankirtana. The devotees chant with musical instruments for six hours a day. While they are chanting, other devotees dressed in devotional clothes approach passersby and offer them Srila Prabhupada’s books. They make opening greetings by saying things like, “You look like a spiritual person. Do you meditate? Do you like to read?” They find that this gets favorable responses, as many people think themselves spiritual and practice some kind of meditation process or read spiritual books. The devotee then presents a stack of Prabhupada’s books. It is all so nonduplicitous and honestly presented. As the bookselling attempt goes on, the chanting is heard in the background. The chanters are confident that singing the holy names is the only way for God consciousness in the age of Kali, and that by performing it they are purifying the sinful atmosphere of the age of Kali. The book distributors are convinced that reading Prabhupada’s books is the best way to wake up a person and bring him onto the path known as the Bhaktivedanta Swami marga, going back to Godhead. These two activities— simultaneously chanting and distributing books—are very pleasing to Srila Prabhupada and Lord Caitanya.

Prabhupada considered many activities under the umbrella of the word sankirtana. Printing the books, making life members, typing up his dictations and construction of temples was also considered sankirtana, because they brought people together in a sanctified attractive place to chant Hare Krsna, hear krsna-katha and honor prasadam. All these are sankirtana activities. Although many activities come under the umbrella of sankirtana, they must never be done to the exclusion of chanting sixteen attentive rounds of japa and reading Prabhupada’s books.

24-Hour Kirtana

Prabhupada personally instituted 24-hour kirtana in the temples at Mayapur and Vrndavana. Shifts of devotees would take turns in chanting for a few hours and then passing it on to others so that the continuous chanting never stopped. Aindra Prabhu dedicated himself to 24-hour kirtana at the Krsna-Balarama Mandir. He formed a group who looked up to him and chanted with him, not thinking it was drudgery or lacking taste. The 24-hour kirtana goes on in ISKCON in another way. There are hundreds of ISKCON centers located all over the world in different time zones. So somewhere, at every hour, kirtana is being performed—in New York—in London—in India, etc. There is no ceasing of chanting, and the devotees are inspired by Prabhupada to think the chanting of the Hare Krsna mantra is bringing about auspiciousness and staving off the worst possible effects of the age of Kali.

Pasta

Long ago in ISKCON pasta was considered unofferable as prasadam. Anything other than rice, dal and capatis was considered sense gratification. But things have changed. Especially in Italy, where pasta is a main food item, devotees regularly offer many different varieties of pasta, and they are appreciated by all the devotees and guests. Pasta is semolina paste in processed form, such as macaroni or other shapes and forms, or in the form of fresh dough as in ravioli or lasagna.

Is Krsna consciousness an Indian religion or a world religion? It has evolved as a world religion, and menus do not have to be strictly from the Indian menu. In the big ISKCON temples in India, in the dhamas, pizza is regularly served. In the early 1980s a cook from Boston was sent to Puerto Rico to manage the kitchen and cooking there. One of the first things he did was to throw out all the beans because he considered them not offerable to the Deities. But the basic staple food in Puerto Rico is rice and beans. Everyone has it at least once a day. The devotees in Puerto Rico were shocked at the change and underwent withdrawal symptoms. But the Boston cook was adamant. Prabhupada had made a list of offerable items to the Deity; it did not include beans. But after a while, after the reign of the Boston cook was over, the devotees in Puerto Rico returned to offering beans to the Deity and enjoyed their native vegetarian diet. Prabhupada didn’t like to eat these non-Indian foods, but he did not forbid them for all the devotees in different lands. As long as the food is vegetarian and without mushrooms, garlic or onions, it is offerable.

An Update of Our Out-loud Reading of Prabhupada Meditations

After reading the entire Prabhupada-lilamrta, I wanted to hear more about Prabhupada, so I asked the devotees at our out-loud readings to read my Prabhupada Meditations in four volumes. The devotees have been enjoying them, finding them substantial literature in pursuance of the Vedic version. Sometimes I felt the reading was too personal, centered on my own memories and not taking into account that after Prabhupada’s disappearance there are now many ISKCON gurus. Prabhupada Meditations seems to present Prabhupada as the only guru. But as Prabhupada-lilamrta is a book dedicated to him, so is Prabhupada Meditations, and I think there is no harm in it. The memories of Prabhupada are welcome. Prabhupada Meditations, as well as Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, were the first books to exclusively center on Prabhupada. But since then many of his disciples have published their memoirs in which they tell exclusively of their dealings with Srila Prabhupada and don’t discuss the ISKCON parampara of initiating gurus after Prabhupada. We value these memoirs, as written by Srutakirti, Mukunda, Yamuna, Visakha, Bhurijana, Syamasundara, Hari Sauri and many others. Prabhupada Meditations are filled with many of my personal dealings with Prabhupada, but it also explores the very subject of remembering Srila Prabhupada and how this exercise is valid and important. We have just read a section where Prabhupada calls me into his room early in the morning during the Mayapur Gaura-Purnima festival in 1977. He wanted me to hear the dictation he had just made early in the morning: a Bhaktivedanta purport about transmigration. I quoted what he played to me in my book and told how Prabhupada said I should write articles in BTG about this and preach strongly. He said he couldn’t understand why people didn’t accept this simple basic teaching of the sastra. I was thrilled that he had called me in to play the tape, and I was happy that I remembered it almost twenty years later and put it in my Prabhupada Meditations.

Songs of the Vaisnava Acaryas

Amar Jivan (“My Life,” from Saranagati by Bhaktivinoda Thakura)

  1. My life is always engaged in sinful activities, without a trace of pious activities. I am always inclined to give great anxiety and trouble to other living entities.
  2. For my personal sense gratification, I never reject any kind of sinful activity. I am not at all merciful, and I see only to my own personal interest. When others are suffering I become very happy, I am always speaking lies, and if someone is suffering, that is very pleasant to me.
  3. I have lots of material desires within my heart and am always angry and deceitful. I am captivated by subject matters of sense gratification and am almost crazy. My ornaments are malice and false pride.
  4. I am conquered by sleep and laziness and always averse to pious activities, but I am very enthusiastic to perform impious activities. I always cheat others for my prestige, I am conquered by greed, and I am always lusty.
  5. I am so fallen, I have no association with devotees, and I am always an offender. In my life there is not a bit of auspicious activity, and my mind is always attracted by something mischievous. Therefore, at the fag end of my life I have become almost an invalid because of all such sufferings.
  6. Now in my old age, with no alternative, I have by force become very humble and meek. Thus Bhaktivinoda offers this sad statement of his life’s activities at the lotus feet of the Supreme Lord.

In his purport to this song, Prabhupada says it is written in Vaisnava humbleness. A Vaisnava is always meek and humble. So he is describing the life of the people in general, taking himself to be one of them. He delineates his vices and poor-heartedness. It is painful to read. Prabhupada has said these songs of humility are not artificial, but the great acaryas actually feel like this. It is called dainya or feelings of unworthiness. In this song, Bhaktivinoda concludes that he is invalid in old age by such sufferings. “Now in my old age I have no alternative; therefore by force I have become humble and meek. Bhaktivinoda offers this sad statement of his life’s activities t0 the lotus feet of the Supreme Lord.”

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