I woke up at 11:00 P.M.
and took a sleeping pill, but
could not sleep past midnight.
I rang my cowbell at 12:45 A.M.
and woke Baladeva up early.
He administered my wake-up rituals.
I walked into the room
where the Deities are and bowed down.
I began my japa at a moderate pace,
looking at Radha-Govinda.
I said my mantras, with
inspiration, in the sanctity
of my bhajana-kutir.
I practiced “just hear,”
the method where you chant and hear
with no other meditation.
I am capable of this
and comfortable doing it.
Prabhupada recommended it.
There are higher stages of perfection in japa,
but “just hear” is elevated in itself.
Anyone who understands that
the Name is not different from
Krishna Himself, and who absorbs himself
in the transcendental sound vibration,
is achieving a rare stage of japa.
I couldn’t attain that rare state,
but I tried.
I met my quota after four rounds
with minutes to spare. Then I
turned to writing in my Japa Report.
I began the second set at a moderate pace.
Baladeva’s clear vocal chanting from the other room
was encouraging and supportive.
I followed his out-loud chanting
with my mental japa.
Although I was chanting silently in the mind
I heard the Names clearly, with attention
and concern to pronounce the words properly.
But I was distracted by planning
what to write in the next Japa Report.
I was committing aparadha:
inattention to the Name.
So my japa was faulty.
But the maha-mantra is so merciful and powerful
that it vanquishes past sinful reactions,
ushers in liberation,
and brings one gradually to the actual goal –
attainment of love of God,
even when chanted with imperfections
as I was doing.
I continued the darsana, but
intermittently, not with a steady gaze,
lest I provoke eyestrain.
So far I felt no head pain,
and I was grateful for that.
I met my quota after eight rounds
with minutes to spare.
I began my third set at a moderate pace.
To avoid mere mechanical chanting,
I cultivated thoughtfulness and devotional feeling.
For thoughtfulness, I adhered to “just hear.”
This enabled me to keep the mantras separately,
without mixing or missing them.
For feeling, I glanced at Radha-Govinda
and imbibed Their sweetness.
I acknowledged that Radha-Krishna are
the heart of the Hare Krishna mantra,
composed exclusively of Their Names
and uttered as a prayer for engagement
in Their service.
I finished my twelfth round
with minutes to spare.
As I began my fourth set, I noted
by the clock that I was running late.
I switched to a brisk pace and emphasized
speed as a priority over quality.
I watched the beads pass quickly
through my fingers. But I didn’t
rush recklessly. I held on to the bead
until the mantra was finished
before moving on to the next bead.
I had no time for adopting
an internal mood or a prayerful state,
but I kept up clear, attentive chanting
of the mantra. I called out to Krishna
for His blessings, because it is
not possible for me to do
good japa on my own endeavor.
My attention was mostly external.
I completed sixteen rounds
with minutes to spare on the overall quota,
but failed to finish the last of the
writing of my Japa Report on time.
I considered it a decent session.
I was alert and wide awake the whole time.
I experienced no head pain.
I didn’t enter a prayerful state,
but kept up attentive chanting of
the mantras for the entire session.
I followed the process of doing
a prescribed number of rounds
in obedience to the order of the spiritual master,
a sacred vow.